Single and FIRE'd how to approach relationships and $

[pudding]

Hey guys and gals, if you were at the stage where FIRE'd and you're single, just how do you go about navigating relationships?

BY that I mean, you're a person with their stuff together, only a few percent of the country are like that, you also have something to lose financially if you're not careful. And there are some crazy laws out there. Here in Canada after 6 months living together considered common law and entitled to half your stash.

I wouldn't want to be broadcasting that I have enough money to live comfortably without working again?  But realistically as I'm older it gets harder to find someone to love anyway (cue violins)

As a guy here where I live I'm mostly expected to pay for things and there are plenty of gold diggers around, but I also have a friend who is a bit of a gigolo too and loves nothing more than to find older rich women who buy him things (and he does) . So it goes both ways.

How do you handle it?

[Mother Fussbudget]

At first I thought this topic might belong under 'single & mustachian', and that may still be true...  BUT

I've tried a number of unsuccessful things - if you were to use me as an example:  nothing works, we're doomed to an eternity of solitude.
But there may be hope...  I have a scholarly friend in Los Angeles (Burbank) who's done research in this area, and keeps telling me I need to move to LaLa-land.  He claims the % of single women vs single men is the key factor in finding a partner - mustachian or not.  Here in Seattle, ~60% of the single adults are male heterosexual, so if you're a male heterosexual, you have a LOT of competition for the same scarce single adult female heterosexual resource.

I've tried creating a strictly 'mustachian on-line dating profile', but without much success.  I then weaved parts of that profile into another profile, and that seems to be more successful.  But hey, one man's beauty is another man's "stay-away-from-that-spendy-pants-at-all-costs".  Best of luck out there.

[VoteCthulu]

I'm FI, bUT not fired yet, but for what its worth this is what I do.

First, I don't talk much about money until the relationship is pretty far along. I act pretty frugal and have little interest in expensive meals and entertainment anyway, so there's not much expectation built up when it does get that far. Most women my age bail at "I don't want kids", and other life choices at this point, including "You can't really want to live like a college student the rest of your life!"

If I ever contemplate marriage with someone with drastically different income or assets, I expect to have a prenup. The last girl I dated made at least twice as much as me, and I wouldn't feel right taking half of her money if we got that far and it didn't work out. I don't know how Canada handles that, though.

I'm not too worried about finding Ms right quickly, though, since many of my friends rushed into marriages only to end in bitter divorce.

[rachael talcott]

It makes sense to communicate early on about what sort of life you want in the future.  So instead of inviting a woman to a fancy dinner out, you might cook for her at home in the style to which you are accustomed as a FIREd guy.  Some women might be put off, but you don't want them in your life. 

[pudding]

I'm FI, bUT not fired yet, but for what its worth this is what I do.

First, I don't talk much about money until the relationship is pretty far along. I act pretty frugal and have little interest in expensive meals and entertainment anyway, so there's not much expectation built up when it does get that far. Most women my age bail at "I don't want kids", and other life choices at this point, including "You can't really want to live like a college student the rest of your life!"

If I ever contemplate marriage with someone with drastically different income or assets, I expect to have a prenup. The last girl I dated made at least twice as much as me, and I wouldn't feel right taking half of her money if we got that far and it didn't work out. I don't know how Canada handles that, though.

I'm not too worried about finding Ms right quickly, though, since many of my friends rushed into marriages only to end in bitter divorce.

it's certainly the case that theres a good chance marriage will end in divorce and it often is a bitter thing. And in my younger days I did that and got divorced, I didn't really have much in the way of cash or assets back then.

I think the way you do things VoteCthulu sounds about how I should do it.  I can see how if 2 people get together and one takes a back seat to further the others career etc... that there should be some dividing of what you end up with. It's the 6 months and half your stuff is their stuff that worries me.  I guess I'll be learning about the law and pre nup agreements.

[shuffler]

And there are some crazy laws out there.
Here in Canada after 6 months living together considered common law and entitled to half your stash.

That would be crazy, which is why it isn't true.
Pick any link you like from here:  https://www.google.com/search?q=canada+common+law+separation+assets

So the really good news is that you can now date anyone you're attracted to, without worrying that they'll "divorce" you in six months and run off with your gold.
So worry less, and just go out on some dates.  :^)

[pudding]

And there are some crazy laws out there.
Here in Canada after 6 months living together considered common law and entitled to half your stash.

That would be crazy, which is why it isn't true.
Pick any link you like from here:  https://www.google.com/search?q=canada+common+law+separation+assets

So the really good news is that you can now date anyone you're attracted to, without worrying that they'll "divorce" you in six months and run off with your gold.
So worry less, and just go out on some dates.  :^)

Wow, I went checking and what you say is right! Isn't that something!  It was only 2 days ago that a friend visited me from England and he was saying that its 6 months over there too.  Where did that one come from??  I've heard it from a lot of people.

Anyway as you say its good news. I went looking around on the internet and I can see I have to have a good read and see just where things are at as far as that kind of thing.

[marty998]

Today I learned...

The relevant law in Australia is governed by the Family Court. And the court can order a division of assets if the burden of proof of de facto relationships is met by an applicant

http://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/BrochuresandPublications/Pages/propertydivisionwhendefactorelationshipsbreakdown.aspx

A de facto relationship is a relationship that two people who are not married or related by family have as a couple living together on a 'genuine domestic basis'.

It can exist between 2 people of the opposite sex, or between 2 people of the same sex.

All the circumstances of the relationship will determine whether a couple have a de facto relationship. These include:

the duration of their relationship
the nature and extent of their common residence
whether a sexual relationship exists
the degree of financial dependence or interdependence, and any arrangements for financial support, between them
the ownership, use and acquisition of their property
their degree of mutual commitment to a shared life
whether the relationship has been registered, in a State or Territory with laws for the registration of relationships
the care and support of children, and
the reputation and public aspects of their relationship.

The Family Law Courts can make these orders if satisfied of one of the following:

the period (or the total of the periods) of the de facto relationship is at least 2 years
there is a child of the de facto relationship
one of the partners made substantial financial or non-financial contributions to their property or as a homemaker or parent and serious injustice to that partner would result if the order was not made, or
the de facto relationship has been registered in a State or Territory with laws for the registration of relationships.

[Playing with Fire UK]

And there are some crazy laws out there.
Here in Canada after 6 months living together considered common law and entitled to half your stash.

That would be crazy, which is why it isn't true.
Pick any link you like from here:  https://www.google.com/search?q=canada+common+law+separation+assets

So the really good news is that you can now date anyone you're attracted to, without worrying that they'll "divorce" you in six months and run off with your gold.
So worry less, and just go out on some dates.  :^)

Wow, I went checking and what you say is right! Isn't that something!  It was only 2 days ago that a friend visited me from England and he was saying that its 6 months over there too.  Where did that one come from??  I've heard it from a lot of people.

Anyway as you say its good news. I went looking around on the internet and I can see I have to have a good read and see just where things are at as far as that kind of thing.

This is not the law in England. There is a law about supporting children of a relationship but that is the same if the relationship is 10 years or 10 minutes. There are laws against making suddenly making someone homeless (so you can't dump your partner from a shared home if they will live on the street).

There is talk of laws about letting de facto style relationships have similar inheritance rights as married relationships if someone hasn't made a will, this is not the current law.

[mbl]

ETA I let guts know I'm FIREd right away and tell them about the frugal but fun life I lead. I think its important to get that out in the open asap so they can decide if its something acceptable to them since I'm not willing to change my lifestyle too much.

That seems to be a good idea and helps someone else to understand how you live.

The most glaring issue I often observe when people here(and IRL) discuss their interest in meeting someone to be in a relationship with is that they limit their considerations to whether someone would fit into their life.   
 
Think about how someone else might perceive you?
How do you appear...not just physically but more often than not the first impression has a great deal of bearing.

Have you ever asked the question if you would be good for someone else?
They may or may not be the "right" person for you but are you the right person for them?

Also, and the issue of protecting what's "mine" is a good thing and being as this is a money forum, is often one of the very first things that are brought up.

Realize also that many people, are best left on their own.
Dating and socializing are good but resisting the urge to co-habit-ate when your priority is your money and assets might be the better choice.

There is ALWAYS some element of risk when entering into a romance with someone else.
You can't bullet proof yourself(fiscally) unless you remain separate in your living and monetary endeavors.