Author Topic: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?  (Read 34232 times)

aglassman

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #50 on: January 14, 2014, 09:27:05 AM »
My MIL was in the delivery room the whole time helping out.  It was a life saver.  Also, I'd definitely take up having the parents there the first week. It can be a lot more stressful than you'd imagine.  I know it's cliche to say, but you will really want to sleep.  If someone else is there to watch baby, you can get in a few MUCH NEEDED naps!

prosaic

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #51 on: January 14, 2014, 10:05:18 AM »
Of course the father should express his opinion, but ultimately labor and delivery puts a woman in the single most vulnerable position in her life, raw and flayed, vagina and anus hanging out for the delivery room occupants to see (or cut open with intestines and organs on display), pain and struggle a second-by-second experience of undetermined time (with the exception of a scheduled c-section) and an emotional and physical journey without parallel.

She gets to decide. Period.

TrulyStashin

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #52 on: January 14, 2014, 10:17:14 AM »
i think it is up to the person giving birth.

i personally practically had a party up in there.  my mom, dad, brother, mil, fil, bil, cousin and best friend were in the room until it was time to push.  the hospital had a policy that only two people were allowed in when pushing happened so i picked my boyfriend and my mommy.  everyone else came in like 2 minutes after he was born. and then my mom moved in with me and the boyfriend for 3 weeks to help out afterwords. 
but that's what I wanted.  had i not wanted that it would have been a nightmare.  and i agree with milla just don't tell mom when she's in labor.  especially since she's being unreasonable.

Agreed with all that this is highly personal. 

But I wanted to agree with this post to put a happy note out into this thread.  I had my husband, Mom and Grandmom at my daughter's 1990 birth in a non-hospital birthing center.  They were wonderful, supportive, kind, and understanding.  Having four generations of "Lewis Women" together right from the start was a very special thing.  This is due, in large part, to the kind of people Mom and Grandmom are/ were.  Grandmom is gone now and this is a treasured memory of mine.

For my son's birth at home in 1997, we had a crowd.  In fact, I don't remember how many people were there (I was focused on other things).  My husband supported my semi-standing position (yay, gravity).  My daughter held the flashlight for the Nurse-Midwife and cut the cord.  My best friend was there, with her daughter (age 8).  My dad was there to experience his first actual birth (dads didn't get to do that in '67, '68, and '71 when we were born).

Yeah, I'm not modest at all.  It was a great celebration.  We had fried chicken for dinner.

But I reiterate . . . it's what I WANTED.

Carrie

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #53 on: January 14, 2014, 10:24:49 AM »
If a person is the least bit annoying, judgmental, hard to be around for whatever reason, that person should not, in any circumstance, be in the delivery room.

Labor will go much smoother without any added stressors.

My mother stopped by during my first labor, sat herself down with her knitting needles and regaled me with tales of her 3-4 hour labors and mentioned that I must be doing something wrong to be entering into my sixth hour.  When she left for dinner, I told the nurses not to let her back in --- voila! problem solved and I was able to have the relaxing birth experience I desired.  For the second child, we alerted no one that I was in labor, so there was no issue with pop-ins (also helps that I tend to give birth in the wee hours of the morning).

As far as out-of-town guests... if the person is the least bit annoying, or feels like they are the guest, they do not need to stay over in the first month or so.  If the visitors are willing to take on the role of housekeeper, personal chef and grocery shopper/errand runner --- fabulous.  They still don't need to stay in the house, but a local motel would be fine.  If, however, they will be a drain on finances, emotions, feel like they can insert opinions on baby's eating/sleeping/pooping habits -- they shouldn't be allowed in the door for the first month.  Breastfeeding/no sleep/ bleeding / exhaustion / pain & soreness / living in a night gown.... do not make for good house guest entertainment.

I had a houseguest stop by when my second baby was 6 weeks old.  She expected to hold the baby non stop and didn't offer help with chores.  That was semi-ok because I was back on my feet and able to cook/clean.  It would NOT HAVE BEEN OK in that first week or three.

That first week home is brutal, surreal, etc.  The biggest help is to have someone come and DROP OFF meals, hot meals even better; tell you that you look fabulous, and then quickly leave.

Good luck!  Be strong against the MIL.

Insanity

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #54 on: January 14, 2014, 10:48:46 AM »
If a person is the least bit annoying, judgmental, hard to be around for whatever reason, that person should not, in any circumstance, be in the delivery room.


Sucks if that's the one giving birth ;-)

(sorry, I'm in a VERY sarcastic mood right now)

RetiredAt63

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #55 on: January 14, 2014, 07:13:51 PM »
One more reason to limit visitors - Mom may well be a sleep-deprived zombie for a few weeks, especially if she is breast-feeding and/or the baby and Mom are living in different time zones (one a lark, one an owl).  I was, I broke into tears at the slightest thing for a month afterwards.   And I found the best place for night feedings was in a comfortable chair in the living room, where we would both fall asleep.  I was very glad to have the house just to ourselves.

Dicey

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Re: Should the grandparents be at the hospital for child birth?
« Reply #56 on: June 01, 2018, 07:11:20 AM »
Occasionally, I fat finger an old post. I'm going to ignore the 120 day warning long enough to ponder whatever happened to the OP, spouse and mother. The kid is at least four years old by now. Hmmm...