Sharing a Vacation Rental with Family

[Captain FIRE]

We are in talks with my husband's family about renting a large house for a week.  It was originally us and one sibling, but has now morphed to all three siblings and one grandparent, kids age 1-8, resulting in a desire for 7 bedroom place, possibly 6.  Not many choices at that size at this late date, so hopefully the process of picking a location won't be too onerous.  However it seems there's a great deal of variance between rooms w/r/t type of bed, quality of finishings, space in room, bathrooms attached etc.

How have you successfully assigned rooms and split the bill?  I'm less worried about assigning the kid rooms, as I think that'll logically fall out with needed beds or proximity to parents.  My current thoughts are:
- people pay by # of bedrooms requested.  It seems unreasonable for the sibling wanting 2-3 bedrooms to pay the same as the couple without kids.
- people either: 1) are randomly assigned the rooms (there must be a random number generator on the internet) or 2) pay a premium for the nicer "master" bedroom.  But how to figure out what that premium is?

Are there any other ways to divide it up?  Any pitfalls to look out for?

[Ron Scott]

I would personally run for the hills before sharing a house with extended family, but you may be closer to yours.

If you do decide to go forward just have the $$ conversation with the few who are organizing it, lay out your issues and comply with the majority view. Arguing over size of shower stalls is going to undo the relationship building the whole affair is set to embrace.

[Captain FIRE]

I would personally run for the hills before sharing a house with extended family, but you may be closer to yours.

If you do decide to go forward just have the $$ conversation with the few who are organizing it, lay out your issues and comply with the majority view. Arguing over size of shower stalls is going to undo the relationship building the whole affair is set to embrace.

Trust me, I'm contemplating running for the hills now that it's morphed.  But there are two pandemic-born kids on different sides of the country that haven't met anyone else from the family so some pressure to not bail, let the cousins hang out, etc.

I don't meant to nitpick rooms and get out a tape measure and divide by square footage.  I can just see that there are some places that have 1 or 2 REALLY GOOD principal rooms (very large, nicely done up, attached private bathroom), and the other siblings will kind of get screwed over with a bed squeezed in a small room, bathroom shared with kids, etc.  I'm trying to figure out in advance something to propose to head off bad feelings.  And it's a boatload of money times two, which doesn't help.  Right now it's me and a sibling-in-law doing the organizing.

I think my folk's approach (renting rooms at an all-inclusive place) works much better...everyone pays for the type of room they want, you get some space while still seeing people, etc.

[beekayworld]

You can draft a plan and run it by the group for feedback.
My thoughts off the top of my head :

Give the grandparent the nicest room with a bathroom attached.

If there are other bedrooms with bathrooms attached, give them to the parents with children still in diapers.

The couple that requested two bedrooms gets two rooms that share a Jack-and-Jill bathroom and pays twice what couples (or singles) with only one room pay.

If there's still decisions to be made, do a random draw.  If two remaining rooms really are quite different, then a draw is simpler than trying to figure out how much more to charge for a fireplace or a view. 

But you may be surprised to find that people value different aspects differently. People with kids may NOT want a fireplace. People who keep odd hours may prefer a room near the kitchen or the front door, regardless of how small the room is. Some people will avoid stairs.  Families with babies probably prefer a bathtub to a shower.

I agree that the children will fall into place naturally. Some will want to stay with their parents; some will pair off with a favorite cousin; some will want on-on-one time wit the grandparent.  The older kids may want to "camp" in the family room or backyard, or some novel area of the the rental (e.g. a loft).

[CodingHare]

I'm with @Ron Scott , this sort of holiday is my worst nightmare.  But honestly, at the point of trying to get 6-7 bedrooms, I'd find a nice low to mid-tier hotel with a kid friendly pool near some public parks over a house.  Makes the cost per room explicit, gives everyone private space to retreat to, and has built in entertainment for the kids.  Seems a lot less prone to headaches than a house to me.

[chemistk]

I've done this a few times now with family and friends.

We always split the bill by the number of people in the house and not number of beds. So if there's 15 of us - 5 in my group, 7 in another, and 3 in a third we'd split the bill roughly along those lines.

There are times when someone might get a 'discount" (they occupy fewer total beds, have lots of little kids, or will not be staying the whole time) but generally even splits have been the most palatable.

When it comes to dividing the rooms, it's usually the person going to the trouble of booking and coordination that gets the 'best room'. Biggest exception is if there's a justifiable need for another person or party to have the best room (aka, grandma needs one-floor living and the master is on the main floor). If it's a jointly shared booking process, then the most senior couple gets the best room.

After that, room division occurs so that couples get shared beds in order of length of relationship, and location in the house is dictated by needs. Families with infants -> toddlers always get their own room. Kids get put furthest from adult socializing spaces. Sometimes you need to bring a small air mattress or cot to keep families together, but most of the time it all works out.

We also always try and make sure that the space accommodates everyone's needs properly. Nobody is going to have a good time if some people feel like they're getting the short end of the stick.

Also make sure that there's enough parking space and fridge space for everyone. Not going to be fun if you can only have two card or if you have a small fridge for a large crew.

[reeshau]

I have arranged and been a participant in a number of large family gatherings.  In any case, keep it as simple as possible.  Any kind of formula to come up with a price will have its pitfalls or loose ends.  Whatever the arrangement is, agree to it upfront, before the property is chosen.  You might need to tweak it if there are extremes or quirks to the layout, but the most peaceful outcome would be something all parties can agree to upfront.

I have frequently encountered or suggested:

Most senior is free/subsidized (shared among others) or pays/subsidizes, based on their means and desires

Younger members (singles) might double up to share cost

Pile the kids (minus newborns and toddlers) in one room.  They won't sleep much, but they will remember it for the rest of their lives.  Pretty much the Christmas rule for our family.  They also do pretty well on cots or in sleeping bags on the floor.  If the bed is a big deal, they can rotate.

[Cranky]

How much time will lo people actually spend in their bedrooms? They may not care all that much.

When arranging this kind of trip with my sister and her husband, their primary request was to be as far from the kid noise as possible because they sleep much later than everyone else.

[wageslave23]

I think if you are already worried about this, then it probably isn't the right family dynamic to do a shared house.  When I have done this with family, each family unit just paid my parents (the grandparents) back however they saw fit. Either paying 1/4 of the total cost, or paying for everyone's dinner or groceries or fun outings. The grandparents get the nicest bedroom and everyone just grabs one and doesn't worry about it because that's not the point of sharing a house anyways.

[Captain FIRE]

Giving the (single) grandparent the "best" room likely means that one of the three couples would need to either be on a double bed or twins, depending on which house is chosen, which won't fly.  Someone in all three of the couples is very tall, hanging off any double bed, not to mention that double beds are super tight for a couple.  For the small (large?) fortune this will cost, I want to sleep comfortably.  It also doesn't resolve the question, because it seems to be a trend for the houses to have 2 master bedrooms.

Going by age of relationship in my spouse's family is alas not entirely straightforward:
Second oldest sibling is the oldest couple, but no kids
Oldest sibling is married next by a year, but youngest siblings relationship is slightly longer by a few months (all couples will been married 10+ years)
*Side note I'm also not willing to volunteer and propose a solution based on length of relationship/marriage as I got completely screwed in my own family for 10-15 years by a variant of this "rule", which miraculously changed after I married and would have finally benefited.

The rooms v. persons idea is interesting to do the math on.  It actually doesn't impact two of the siblings much, but shifts some costs from the grandparent to the smaller family.  Although it also makes it much less enticing for people to squish up and share rooms (there are a tad more options if we can do a 6-bed place).

[Chris22]

Here’s how we solved it: find a condo building in the area you like and let everyone rent their own condo if desired size. Someone wants to cram 4 people into a 1BR?  Go for it. Someone else thinks their kids need their own BR and are willing to pony up for a 3BR?  Cool!  Everyone hangs out by the pool or beach or whatever, and has their own space in their respective condos.

[Captain FIRE]

Here’s how we solved it: find a condo building in the area you like and let everyone rent their own condo if desired size. Someone wants to cram 4 people into a 1BR?  Go for it. Someone else thinks their kids need their own BR and are willing to pony up for a 3BR?  Cool!  Everyone hangs out by the pool or beach or whatever, and has their own space in their respective condos.

Interesting.  I'll have to see if I can find condos that still have space.  I was thinking of hotel rooms, but it didn't even occur to me to look for condos.

[starbuck]

With friends we usually calculate price per adult, and ignore who has how many kids. And we aim for 1 bedroom per family, with hopefully a bunk room/rec room for whichever kids want to sleep away from their parents.

Finding a house rental that suits a wide variety of ages is not easy, and people will def have to compromise on some things like not having an ensuite etc. I vastly prefer renting houses instead of staying at hotels, but it's not for everyone.

[wageslave23]

Giving the (single) grandparent the "best" room likely means that one of the three couples would need to either be on a double bed or twins, depending on which house is chosen, which won't fly.  Someone in all three of the couples is very tall, hanging off any double bed, not to mention that double beds are super tight for a couple.  For the small (large?) fortune this will cost, I want to sleep comfortably.  It also doesn't resolve the question, because it seems to be a trend for the houses to have 2 master bedrooms.

Going by age of relationship in my spouse's family is alas not entirely straightforward:
Second oldest sibling is the oldest couple, but no kids
Oldest sibling is married next by a year, but youngest siblings relationship is slightly longer by a few months (all couples will been married 10+ years)
*Side note I'm also not willing to volunteer and propose a solution based on length of relationship/marriage as I got completely screwed in my own family for 10-15 years by a variant of this "rule", which miraculously changed after I married and would have finally benefited.

The rooms v. persons idea is interesting to do the math on.  It actually doesn't impact two of the siblings much, but shifts some costs from the grandparent to the smaller family.  Although it also makes it much less enticing for people to squish up and share rooms (there are a tad more options if we can do a 6-bed place).

Ok, I would modify my original answer by saying every adult couple should get at least a queen bed. If there are one or two bigger bedrooms those should go to families that are willing to share a room with their kids on cots or sleeping bags. But still, the whole thing sounds like a nightmare to me. Can a few people share a house and a few people stay somewhere else nearby? And then you all hangout at the bigger place?

[lucenzo11]

Personally I think simple is better unless your family is willing to have long discussions/negotiations about it. In the past when my family has done it, it's just been split equally among each family. So yes, those without kids are going to pay more per person, but the kids are going to go into bunk rooms anyways, it's not like they are going to get a nice room. As for picking who gets which room, this is very house dependent and sometimes there is a logical solution. If not, determine a random order to who gets to pick first, second, and so on. Or you could give those without kids first pick since they will be paying more per person.

Or if this was just your family and one sibling, then maybe those two families get first pick since it was originally your idea. You organized it so you should get rewarded for it. All other families can work out the rest on their own. But some caution with this approach as it could make some families upset, depending on their view of the situation.

Slightly off topic, but still related: make sure to set expectations on food. Is everyone making their own food? Do you share cooking responsibilities? Are you going to be eating out at all? Are their any special diets that need to be accommodated? In my family trips, each family is responsible for one dinner. There's four families so the first night is usually pizza pickup and we pick one other night to go out to a restaurant. Any remaining nights are leftovers, and it's bring your own food for lunch and breakfast. One year everyone was on a different diet so it broke down a bit and ended up being a little more fend for yourself. Similarly, what are the expectations for activities for each family when you are there. Will everyone do everything together? Will people just go off and do whatever they want? There's no wrong answer here as long as every family understands. In my family, it's do whatever you want, but be home for dinner together. We hit problems in the first few years when X family member thought that everyone was going to go to the beach and then half the family went hiking instead. Wouldn't have been a problem if it was discussed up front.

[MayDay]

My experience with this is not good for the reasons everyone has mentioned. The combos of beds and rooms are never right and certain people will get the short end of the stick.

I got nothing!

[clarkfan1979]

I've done this a few times now with family and friends.

We always split the bill by the number of people in the house and not number of beds. So if there's 15 of us - 5 in my group, 7 in another, and 3 in a third we'd split the bill roughly along those lines.

There are times when someone might get a 'discount" (they occupy fewer total beds, have lots of little kids, or will not be staying the whole time) but generally even splits have been the most palatable.

When it comes to dividing the rooms, it's usually the person going to the trouble of booking and coordination that gets the 'best room'. Biggest exception is if there's a justifiable need for another person or party to have the best room (aka, grandma needs one-floor living and the master is on the main floor). If it's a jointly shared booking process, then the most senior couple gets the best room.

After that, room division occurs so that couples get shared beds in order of length of relationship, and location in the house is dictated by needs. Families with infants -> toddlers always get their own room. Kids get put furthest from adult socializing spaces. Sometimes you need to bring a small air mattress or cot to keep families together, but most of the time it all works out.

We also always try and make sure that the space accommodates everyone's needs properly. Nobody is going to have a good time if some people feel like they're getting the short end of the stick.

Also make sure that there's enough parking space and fridge space for everyone. Not going to be fun if you can only have two card or if you have a small fridge for a large crew.

As a basis, you split based on the number of people. Then you might offer discounts based on people getting their own room vs. splitting a room.

I have never split a vacation rental. However, I have split long-term rentals with various roommates for about 10 years in which people had to share rooms. When I lived in San Diego, it was very common for a 3 people to share a two bedroom house/condo. If the rent was $1000/month, two people would share the master bedroom at $300 each and the person with their own room would pay $400. All utilities were split three ways.

Whatever you do, make an agreement before arrival. Different people have very different perceptions about "what is fair"

I went on a ski trip with a friend in high school with his family of 4 and slept on a fold-out couch in the living room. The parents and kids were both in their own bedroom and bed. After the trip, my friends dad sent my mom an invoice and my cost was 1/5 of everything (condo, car rental, gas and food). My mom was pretty upset. If that's how you want to do it, that's fine. However, that should be talked about before the trip. I never went on another trip with his family again.

[OtherJen]

We solved that by simply reserving adjoining state park campsites for my husband and I and my SIL and her family. SIL reimburses us for her family's campsite, and each family brings the sleeping and other gear it needs and food and games to share across both campsites.

Of course, that won't work for everyone. The suggestion to all get rooms at a family-friendly hotel near tourist attractions may be the easiest solution.

[gooki]

Or if you're well on your way to FI, have high salaries, pony up and cover the whole bill, choose your room and sit back and let everyone else fight for the other rooms. Free entertainment that'll be better than many TV dramas.

[chemistk]

My experience with this is not good for the reasons everyone has mentioned. The combos of beds and rooms are never right and certain people will get the short end of the stick.

I got nothing!

It really all depends on your family/friends dynamic. Personally, I've done this now many different times - more with family than friends. Twice I was the 'buyer' in charge of booking and making all the auxiliary arrangements. My friend group is very relaxed and most of us are willing to accommodate each other, so that's never been a problem. My family (both sides - wife's and mine) gets along extraordinarily well so as long as we account for a few specific needs, it usually ends up being a great time.

To all the naysayers, if your group doesn't hate each other, it's easily the best way to spend a vacation (so long as everyone's needs are reasonably met). Being able to share the cost of meals, limiting transportation, and being able to socialize whenever is convenient can make for an excellent vacation. For us, hands down, the best has been having plenty of extra people around to keep and eye on our kids. Very easy to split responsibilities too, so nobody ever feels like they're the ones that have to do the cleaning or cooking constantly.

I am fully aware this is not for everyone, and if that's the situation you're in, I totally understand how a shared vacation could seem unpalatable.

[Dee18]

LOL Just reading this thread stressed me out! 

[bacchi]

Here’s how we solved it: find a condo building in the area you like and let everyone rent their own condo if desired size. Someone wants to cram 4 people into a 1BR?  Go for it. Someone else thinks their kids need their own BR and are willing to pony up for a 3BR?  Cool!  Everyone hangs out by the pool or beach or whatever, and has their own space in their respective condos.

Interesting.  I'll have to see if I can find condos that still have space.  I was thinking of hotel rooms, but it didn't even occur to me to look for condos.

Similarly, we've rented 2 or more houses near each other. Sometimes they've been next door, sometimes they're down the street, but they're always withing walking distance.

[Blackeagle]

Or if you're well on your way to FI, have high salaries, pony up and cover the whole bill

The one time we did something like this in my family, this is basically how it worked.  There was a bit of pushback from my dad, but my mom basically said, “This is something special I am doing for my siblings,” and foot the entire bill.

As for who gets which rooms, at least in my experience, it didn’t really matter much.  The house was primarily rented as a place to socialize.  Aside from sleeping, people hardly spent any time in their rooms.  Some family members stayed in the house, some had hotel rooms, it didn’t really matter.  The house was a place for the family to gather and only secondarily as a place for family members to sleep.

[ixtap]

We have done it a few different ways. As mentioned above, the easiest is when someone wants to foot the bill. The end result depends on what you rent

One bedroom per family, based on family size. This often leaves kids sleeping on the floor in the master.

Many large houses have a bunk room. All of the potty trained kids could go in there.

Some have ADUs or mother in law suites. If space permits, we put the most anti social in there.

We worry about how many it sleeps, not how many rooms it has. Then we figure it out.

Remember to work out an eating plan, as well. The first time we did this, I was cooking and cleaning for everyone else's vacation.

[Weathering]

Have dealt with the idea of some people arriving late and some leaving early? That can certainly play into the financials.

Consider separate rentals that are next to or near each other. One prime house for dinners, hanging out, then a few smaller houses to match the number of people.

[10SNE1]

I have done this with family and tbh it sucked. Someone will always feel like the housekeeper. Food expectations need to be written out so nobody is forced to make food all the time or buy all of it. If you try to split a grocery bill, those without kids will feel screwed over bc they'll be paying for everyone's kids' snacks/whole milk/whatever.

Separate lodging is ideal if you're easily overwhelmed and worried about splitting costs fairly. It will be very chaotic with everyone in the same house. Especially with young kids - lots of noise, crying, arguing, shrieking, feet pounding on the floors from running/jumping.

If one big house is a must, I recommend not nit-picking payment by rooms. Split the total 3 or 4 ways. Yes, it will make those who only have one room feel short-changed, but being too concerned with price per room is going to add stress. You'll all mainly be together in the main living areas anyway most of the time.

[Captain FIRE]

Oh no, we are not footing the bill.  It's in a high vacation spot.  Think of a ludicrously expensive vacation, double or triple it, and that's likely to be just our portion, not the full cost.  One sibling just did a huge renovation of the $3 million house they bought.  They can pay for the 3 bedrooms they want.

Remember to work out an eating plan, as well. The first time we did this, I was cooking and cleaning for everyone else's vacation.

Yeah I've been thinking about this.  Not sure if it's better to propose that we each take a night and do takeout/pizza for the remainder nights, or just plan that everyone does it separately or what.  I do know that one set is finicky about what they will eat, and I don't remember all of their rules. 

[Captain FIRE]

It will be very chaotic with everyone in the same house. Especially with young kids - lots of noise, crying, arguing, shrieking, feet pounding on the floors from running/jumping.
[snip]
You'll all mainly be together in the main living areas anyway most of the time.

Hmm, if it's that noisy I will most definitely be hiding out in my room and pretending I've landed on an alien planet.

[Captain FIRE]

Have dealt with the idea of some people arriving late and some leaving early? That can certainly play into the financials.

Consider separate rentals that are next to or near each other. One prime house for dinners, hanging out, then a few smaller houses to match the number of people.

3 sets will be there the entire time, I dunno about the fourth.  Not going to worry about that, I have enough to worry about already.

Yeah, 95% of rentals are already gone.  There is absolutely zero chance of finding places within an even 5-10 minute walk of each other for this season.  Maybe next year, but I'm not booking next year without know how this one went.

[iluvzbeach]

We did this several years ago for a large family gathering of about 30 people, including kids. We looked for a place that had a sufficient number of bedrooms for each group that needed their own and a bunk room for kids who didn’t need to sleep in their parent’s room. We made sure each bedroom had its own bathroom. We charged by the person, one figure for adults and another figure (amounting to food costs) for each child 12 & under.

We assigned meal prep & clean-up duties by meal and created our meal plans in advance. We had a shopping committee that was responsible for buying all the groceries - each day had a theme, such as Mexican food day, Italian day, American food day, etc. Each family brought any alcohol they wanted.

It was actually a lot of fun and worked out great. A lot of prep in advance, which made it all run really smoothly. The place we rented accommodated large parties really well and allowed people to do things on their own or as a large group.

[Captain FIRE]

@iluvzbeach I might need to hire you

[charis]

It will be very chaotic with everyone in the same house. Especially with young kids - lots of noise, crying, arguing, shrieking, feet pounding on the floors from running/jumping.
[snip]
You'll all mainly be together in the main living areas anyway most of the time.

Hmm, if it's that noisy I will most definitely be hiding out in my room and pretending I've landed on an alien planet.

That's a vacation with kids, minus 8-10 hours of sleeping. If you can't enjoy yourself with the sounds of running, jumping, shrieking, arguing, and occasional crying, do NOT vacation with a group of young kids.

[Captain FIRE]

It will be very chaotic with everyone in the same house. Especially with young kids - lots of noise, crying, arguing, shrieking, feet pounding on the floors from running/jumping.
[snip]
You'll all mainly be together in the main living areas anyway most of the time.

Hmm, if it's that noisy I will most definitely be hiding out in my room and pretending I've landed on an alien planet.

That's a vacation with kids, minus 8-10 hours of sleeping. If you can't enjoy yourself with the sounds of running, jumping, shrieking, arguing, and occasional crying, do NOT vacation with a group of young kids.

Alas I think child protective services might be unhappy if I vacationed without mine.

[ixtap]

@iluvzbeach I might need to hire you

In my experience, someone does need to take charge like that unless the group is really good at keeping itself moving forward. Think about how your family Thanksgiving goes. Now do that for a week straight.

[charis]

It will be very chaotic with everyone in the same house. Especially with young kids - lots of noise, crying, arguing, shrieking, feet pounding on the floors from running/jumping.
[snip]
You'll all mainly be together in the main living areas anyway most of the time.

Hmm, if it's that noisy I will most definitely be hiding out in my room and pretending I've landed on an alien planet.

That's a vacation with kids, minus 8-10 hours of sleeping. If you can't enjoy yourself with the sounds of running, jumping, shrieking, arguing, and occasional crying, do NOT vacation with a group of young kids.

Alas I think child protective services might be unhappy if I vacationed without mine.

Eh, it sounds like there'll be plenty of adults around 😉

[iluvzbeach]

@iluvzbeach I might need to hire you

At $500 an hour, you probably don’t want to hire me. However, I would gladly send you some sample communication, spreadsheets, etc. that we used. Price = FREE.

[Dreamer40]

I would keep it as simple as possible, just divide the entire bill equally among the 4 families. The two organizers figure out the bedroom assignments together based on what makes sense.

Some people will end up paying more per person if they have more kids or get a crappier bedroom. But this shouldn’t be a big deal if it’s a trip everyone can afford anyway and amongst a family who shares. If your family has moochers or it costs too much for some people, then it probably needs to be held at a cheaper location or in the off season so there won’t be resentment.

I would personally never do this with my family. We’ve done smaller things with only a few couples and it was still a nightmare. Just coordinating Christmas dinner is stressful enough. But I’ve had a lot of fun sharing vacation houses this with friends.

The only way I’ll travel with family is to book spots in a tour group like GAdventures. Whoever wants to attends books their own spots and shows up. The tour company handles the hotels and transportation. I’ve done this several times with in-laws and cousins. You can even book tours for only your family group if you want to.

[SailingOnASmallSailboat]

We do this almost every year, though it's at a family home on a lake. We've also rented houses together (2 families, plus parents/in laws). Generally split by number of people in the family. Food is done separately, with a rotation of assignments for lunch and dinner, with breakfast being on your own. If you're on the meal, you're responsible for it all - shopping, prep, clean up. Food receipts are pooled and someone is the accountant to figure out who owes what to whom. Alcohol is separate. Any allergies/requirements need to be stated clearly and taken into account.

Kids can easily be on the food rotation, even little ones. They love to be useful.

We love it. I do think it takes someone to be in charge (can you tell that in our family it's usually me hah).

Have fun!

[shureShote]

@iluvzbeach I might need to hire you

In my experience, someone does need to take charge like that unless the group is really good at keeping itself moving forward. Think about how your family Thanksgiving goes. Now do that for a week straight.

Works until multiple people want to take charge…

We do something like this for a three day weekend each Labor Day. One couple no kids, one single guy no kids, one couple two kids ( maybe 7 and 8? Not mine). Three+ days it is fine, would not enjoy a week. The kids and their “baggage “ definitely drag down our experience, but so it goes.

We each take one night for dinner, cooked on the campfire normally by me. We don’t worry much about the daily operational expenses, those tend to rotate around and feels fair. We split the rental per adult. The single guy gets a tad screwed, but he rolls with it, and we never look at him expecting him to pull his wallet for much else, though he still does.

Definitely find that cultures clash, but we spend most waking hours out and about.

Good luck, roll with it.

[Blue Skies]

Have done this with smaller houses - 3 or 4 bedrooms.  Always split cost per room, but always had two people per room, so it would have ended up exactly the same charging per person anyway.

My big requirement is one bathroom per bedroom (or 1 per 2 people).  The last time we did this we ended up squishing into a smaller house that had 5 of us sharing 1 bathroom and it wasn't fun.  I swear everyone always wants to shower at the same time.  And waiting for 1 other person to finish isn't a big deal, but when you are 4th...

Planner writes up a full meal plan and gets approval from everyone else before the trip.  Groceries are split per person with one couple buying them based on the approved menu. 

I love sharing a house.  You get to visit with everyone else even if the kids are sleeping.  You don't end up stuck in a hotel room with no kitchen.  You don't end up reading in the dark so the kids can sleep in the same room.

That said - the next shared trip we are doing is an all inclusive where everyone books their own rooms.  I am looking forward to that too.  I will miss having a living room though.

[shureShote]

My big requirement is one bathroom per bedroom (or 1 per 2 people).  The last time we did this we ended up squishing into a smaller house that had 5 of us sharing 1 bathroom and it wasn't fun.  I swear everyone always wants to shower at the same time.  And waiting for 1 other person to finish isn't a big deal, but when you are 4th...

Yeah, been there. And what’s baffling is how clueless some folks can be and not make adjustments so they can get through their routine quickly.

[ixtap]

Funny the different reactions to kids. We love doing this precisely because it is such a great way to spend time with our nieces and nephews and actually get to know their personalities, not just what we see in 1-2 day visits.

[Just Joe]

Or if you're well on your way to FI, have high salaries, pony up and cover the whole bill, choose your room and sit back and let everyone else fight for the other rooms. Free entertainment that'll be better than many TV dramas.

Our elder relative always paid for the condo as a gift to everyone b/c part of our group was paycheck to paycheck. Some of the group still struggling.

The rest of us covered the groceries.

It was always fun.

DW and I were conservative spenders b/c we had to be. We'd take the kids and go off to explore on our bikes or see some state monument for free. Others were more YOLO about it. Probably put it all on their CC. We didn't ask but it was educational for DW and I.

Meals at the rental were shared and lots of fun. Back then there was a gaggle of cousins running around. Here, have a beer and watch the kids swim. And the siblings (not I) could visit and catch up on each other's lives.

It all changed as the kids grew up and couldn't get time off from their jobs as easily.

None of this would ever work on my side of the family so we don't even try. We functional better as daytrip visitors and as smaller groups.

[Villanelle]

It sounds like maybe some families could fit into 1 or 2 rooms but are requesting 2 or 3 instead.  Based on that, I'd split per room requested, in order to keep it simple.  It's not fair that a "nice to have" for them becomes an expense for everyone else. 

As a person with no kids, if I had to pay more because all of the Smith kids won't bunk together, I'd be pretty annoyed. Kids can sleep pretty much anywhere. 

I think most fair is probably some combination of rooms/persons/families, where having 2 rooms costs more, but perhaps not twice as much.  But that would get super complicated and harder to explain to everyone. 

[leftcoastenvy]

When I did this a couple years ago. We just split it by family. It was me and my 2 brothers, and my mom. We split it 4 ways. It was me (+husband + 3 kids), brother (husband + 1 kid), brother (wife + 2 kids), and mom (+ boyfriend). My brother and I with the most kids also happen to be the "poorest." I think there will always be resentment if you try to split by rooms or square footage or whatever. Everyone is chipping in to have the family vacation. I tried to look at it that way. We are all contributing a set amount towards the house for the mutual experience. Each group also took a night preparing dinner which was nice.

If it is going to cause stress with the money or resentment, it might be better to rent 1-2 bedroom condos in a complex, or hotel rooms.

[LiveLean]

We have a small four-bedroom (but only 1300 square foot) beach house that we rent out and I often wonder how this gets divvied up. We're surrounded by much larger homes -- we're one of the increasingly few homes that hasn't been torn down and replaced with a mini-hotel -- so I have no doubt people are looking at our price point and four bedrooms and thinking, "Great. What a bargain!"

It's managed by a rental agency, but since we have a Facebook page, we get questions from people trying to fit too many people. Sure, it technically sleeps 10 due to a bunk room, but it's ideal for a family of 4-5 that's also bringing the grandparents. It never works out that way and, not surprisingly, there's a lot of wear and tear, adults sleeping in bunk beds, etc.

I'll put it this way: We're the owners and when we're there I don't like having more than 4 additional guests (two of which should be kids)
and even then three-day max. I would never want to do what some of you folks are proposing no matter how big the house is.

[Villanelle]

When I did this a couple years ago. We just split it by family. It was me and my 2 brothers, and my mom. We split it 4 ways. It was me (+husband + 3 kids), brother (husband + 1 kid), brother (wife + 2 kids), and mom (+ boyfriend). My brother and I with the most kids also happen to be the "poorest." I think there will always be resentment if you try to split by rooms or square footage or whatever. Everyone is chipping in to have the family vacation. I tried to look at it that way. We are all contributing a set amount towards the house for the mutual experience. Each group also took a night preparing dinner which was nice.

If it is going to cause stress with the money or resentment, it might be better to rent 1-2 bedroom condos in a complex, or hotel rooms.

I agree with the bolded, but I think that splitting by family will also potentially cause resentment, just as much as any other method.  That's the problem with the entire premise of sharing a house with groups that have uneven needs and uneven resources.  If I were single (I'm not), I don't think I'd feel great about paying for 1/3 of a 6 bedroom house because one family wants 3 bedrooms for them and their three kids, and another family wants/needs 2 for their two kids.  It was probably easier for you to look at the "everyone chipping in for a shared experience" when ultimately you had the lowest cost per person and room (or bed/room size) than it would be for a single person or even a couple, since they are the ones who "lose" in that arrangement.   And that's even more the case when families that could share a room don't want to because it will be tight quarters.  So that requires a larger/more expensive home and that single person or couple pays more so that 3 kids don't have to share a room.   It sounds like for the OP, there is one family that is requiring more rooms than they could get by with.  I'm not sure why others should pay to supplement that.  (But again, I don't think there really is a fair way to do it.)

[kenner]

We do this every couple years for one side of my family (arranged by parent's generation which is 5 surviving siblings, invitees are my generation and my generations' kids--there's no one older still alive and thus far no one younger who exists although that may change soon).  For me as a single person with no kids, I much prefer the 'everyone gets their own place, and we have a common meeting place' solution, but the families with kids seem to prefer the 'cram everyone into one place' option.  That's starting to change as my cousins' kids get older and it's not as easy to put them in a pack-and-play in the same room as the parents or jam half a dozen of them into a bunkbed room, but the way we've broken down shared housing before is that we split the cost per adult (adult meaning >18, or any teenagers who want their own beds/bedrooms), and the kids who are bunking with parents or in the game room/bunkbed room come free.  Most of the time it's been all right, especially since we're usually only there 3-4 days, but once or twice I've had to make it clear that I'm an adult paying my full share and I will not be bunking on a couch in the common area just because I'm single/without kids.

ETA:  Final bedroom/bathroom breakdown comes down to whoever is doing the arranging, but I don't think we've ever had any major issues short of my requirement that I get a bed above...cousins with kids still in diapers generally get the in-unit bathrooms, but we've never stayed anywhere where there weren't plenty of bathrooms in general and I don't think anyone has ever complained about having to walk across the hall or anything like that.

I can't say it's a perfect solution and things are starting to change as second cousins get older (if nothing else, it's gotten much harder to find large enough properties as cousins multiply), but if we didn't do it that way a fair number of my cousins and their families wouldn't have been able to come given the costs involved and I consider it worth it to see everyone since there's no other time that happens.

Food wise we generally do a sign up so we don't end up with 200 eggs and no butter or anything like that for breakfasts, lunches are individual, and every family/group of families take one night, and no one cares if they want to cook or order in pizza or whatever...just have enough food to feed everyone and we're happy.  Again I suspect I come off a little worse as a single person, but not by enough to matter to me.

[Moonwaves]

TL:DR - Moonwaves reminisces about the good old days :-)

When I was a kid (like, back in the olden days, early 80s) we spent at least a week every summer visiting my mum's oldest brother, who lived on the family farm. It was generally timed so that we were visiting at the same time as several other siblings with their kids. So, maybe 8-10 adults and at least 15 kids at any one time. I always thought their house was huge but looking at it now as an adult, it's actually just a pretty modest bungalow. Four bedrooms, one "good parlour", one sitting room, and a kitchen/dining room. My aunt and uncle who owned the farm slept alone in their bedroom. Their kids were unceremoniously booted out of their bedrooms and the other adults usually got a room per couple. Kids mostly slept on the floor in their parents' room, or the oldest kids (teenagers) slept in the sitting room, which meant two on the fold out couch and the rest on the floor. Since my dad often only came for a day or two, and we were the youngest of the cousins, one or two of us generally got to sleep in the bed with mum. Small double beds all round. The biggest bedroom had two double beds in it and today has a build-in wardrobe and a slightly bigger double bed and not much space otherwise. So I think the double beds at the time really were very small. I'm fairly sure I remember arguing about why I had to sleep on the floor, though - who'd want to sleep in a bed when a sleeping bag on the floor was possible. Thinking about it now, I'm mystified at how we all managed to have pillows. My aunt must have had a special stash somewhere.

There was one summer where we knew that everyone was going to be there at the same time, so we hired a small caravan and my mum and brother and sisters and I slept in that. I do remember the tiny toilet/shower in the caravan being full of boxes of supplies - we never hooked it up to the water. There was one bathroom in the house and everyone just used that. Definitely challenging when it came to toilet use but not insurmountable. We were definitely in the time of children have a bath once a week, though, usually with two kids in the bath before two more got in after them before the water was cold.

We always stopped in the last village before arriving and bought a big box of groceries ('presents' were ok but offering money for food was not) and between my mum and the other visitor siblings they'd organise to go grocery shopping and pay so that the aunt and uncle we were visiting weren't bankrupted by having to feed a horde.

Anyway, as an adult we haven't ever done anything like the OP is describing but I've done similar with friends and we always go with dviding by number of people. If a cottage sleeps six and there are five of us, the cost is divided by five. Who sleeps where is just sorted out on arrival and usually whoever has actually found and booked the place, gets the nicest/master room. For food, it seems to be different every time but always works out. I quite like the variation where one person takes care of breakfasts every day, one person takes care of lunches every day and one person takes care of dinner on one evening. We're generally only away for a long weekend at most, though, so it works out easily.

[PoutineLover]

I've done group cottages but not with family, usually with friends. We generally divide the cost by number of people, although kids haven't been involved. Maybe a .5 for children would make sense. For food we either divvy up meals (each couple is responsible for one breakfast, one dinner, etc.) or make a meal plan and grocery list and divide the cost of the food between ourselves.
I guess it really depends on the group, but unless the rooms are significantly different, I can't see it being a huge problem that some are "better". I wouldn't want twin beds as a couple if someone else got a king size bed though, so for something like that I think the relative share could be adjusted.
I would also only do this if you actually like everyone enough that you won't be miserable, and would be willing to let some things go even if it's not ideal or completely "fair" because otherwise it's just a recipe for resentment.