Serious moral problem with Capitalism (SERIOUS) need help to live in society

[robincanada]

My family became rich to the tune of $10-20 million through outright fraud that is apparently legal.  In Canada.  Much of it is directly tied to members of the current administrations cabinet.  They financially and emotionally abused me after I quit like 7 years ago after helping make them their first millions.  I was so sick working with them, trying to make them act legit. And it was after 30 years of abuse.  I am at the end of 2 straight years of PTSD.  I have had it for 35+ years now.  My family basically are all narcissists (psychopaths) living off my ability to have emotions and empathy. 

I could go on and on.  But I won’t.  Capitalism is evil. MMM folks are pretty much the only people “winning” that are not selfish and predatory evil.

I am not trying to change your minds about Capitalism. 

Now I have a $135K house.  $3 in the bank.  9 months of food.  A 2015 Hatchback.  All the stuff I need.  A full house of stuff.  No job.  No investments.  No debt.  I am not religious but pretty much at this point I feel neither should a borrower or a lender be.

Thing is I have a 138 IQ, I know how everything in the world works.  Too well.  I have expert knowledge of pychology.  I don’t need therapy.  Or I do... but there is no therapist that could deal with this. 

I am at Civil Disobedience, like Henry David Thoreau during slavery.

I am a capitalist at heart.  But not corporations.  I can’t stand lies.  Advertising.  I take the labels off of products or put them in Mason Jars.  I fled my abusive family this spring.  My brother wants me dead, he told a judge I was going to kidnap his kids.  I was on a psych hold 43 hours of the 72 before they let me go, the week I sold my house. 

Deadly serious.  I need to be able to work.  For myself.  I really don’t know if I can pay taxes.  I don’ respect the Canadian or the provincial government.  I would give more to people in abject poverty than I would pay in taxes. 

I absolutely can never hold shares or invest in a bonds or any financial instrument.  Or ever have debt.  Nor can I work online.  Yet I write and edit as a career.  But I will do blue collar work.  I can do anything, but I have not worked in several years now.  I am superficially making my house nicer now. 

My trauma is finally over.  I am healing on all levels.  It is hard for me to even use the internet.  Yet that was my career.

I guess in the spring I plan to get a job on a cash crop farm or start a small landscaping business or something.  I was not always like this.  At all.  I don’t think it is going to change.

I can make $10-20k and now I live cheap and buy used things.  But I need to save, and grow a nest egg.  Maybe keep improving my house and rent part of it?  I could be a landlord if it was in the building I lived in I guess. 

I don’t know if I can even file papers with the government. I do not respect the government whatsoever.  I consider it evil, banks evil.  I “feel” it. It is not an opinion.  I am empathic and emotional from endless abuse.

I need ideas on how to live my life on the outside of the regular financial system, without cheating anyone, and really put $15 or $20 K aside every year.  I could probably employ a few people at some point.  As I get more calm or if the USA and world gets less crazy, I might be able to do normal paperwork.  But the principles I have will remain. 

I am 44.  I don’t to retire soon, nor work doing labour for years.  I was VP of a marketing company.  I supervised a media monitoring branch.  I have done lots of stuff.  I tried to get involved in helping the community and Social Development was legit torturing children in the library while there mom was on meth.  The Food Bank is fucking with their clients heads on purpose because The director here is a sadist living off the misery of these poor people.  I could help some of these people be empowered and work.  But it will be paperwork and they are on welfare.  I can’t help them cheat and the blue tape to start a business here is insane.  Single operator I can just do my books legit.  Donate to charity to a degree I don’t give the government any money to hurt people. 

I need help.  Ideas.  Strategies.  Not to be convinced not to feel this way.  And I am not trying to convince you guys to think like me.  It sucks, it is torture, I don’t wish it on you.  I can’t go live in the woods.  I need to be part of civilization and minimize the damage me living does to other people.  I think lots of us think like that.  But I can’t rationalize it away.  If I start doing something I don’t believe in, I get sick, my muscles tighten, I even dissociate if it gets bad enough. 

I stopped drinking, looking at politics.  The smart phone is going within a week and a half my plan is up.  I have a flip phone and a number and a $28 bill.  So I can start a small business or get a job with a small business. 

Ideas on how to deal with this a very welcome.  I just thought of filing my taxes... in an envelope with the cash I owe in it.  But never sending it in.  Hiding it?  But really I would rather a way to make decent money, and not feel like I am playing this consumerist, corporations game. 

I started this post... with fewer of the possibilities above, posting this gave me a few options I had not thought of. 

[SwordGuy]

You have a lot of family trauma.

That much is true.    That part is bad.   That part you need to work on.


The rest of it?  Your feelings about capitalism, taxes, the government, etc.?    A fat load of bollocks.   
There's plenty of good in all the things you are railing about.   And, because people are involved in it, there are also evil things.   There is not a single type of human endeavor about which that cannot be said.

Heal from the wounds your family gave you.    But start that healing from the assumption that those feelings you have about the other topics are just foolishness caused by too much stress.

God bless.  I wish you well.

[Panly]

Move to Venezuela,  although of recent they allow capitalism again, I hear.

[Herbert Derp]

My family became rich to the tune of $10-20 million through outright fraud that is apparently legal.  In Canada.  Much of it is directly tied to members of the current administrations cabinet.  They financially and emotionally abused me after I quit like 7 years ago after helping make them their first millions.  I was so sick working with them, trying to make them act legit. And it was after 30 years of abuse.  I am at the end of 2 straight years of PTSD.  I have had it for 35+ years now.  My family basically are all narcissists (psychopaths) living off my ability to have emotions and empathy.

I could go on and on.  But I won’t.  Capitalism is evil. MMM folks are pretty much the only people “winning” that are not selfish and predatory evil.

...

It sounds like you need to get a job and a psychiatrist.

That being said, I agree with you that consumerism is a load of bollocks and resent any corporation or government that tries to manipulate me. Therefore, I choose to be independent and think for myself. Don't drink the Kool-Aid and you'll be fine!

[bigblock440]

You're going to want the mason jars with plastic lids to store your cash in, they should hold up much better to the conditions underground. 

[jim555]

You forgot your meds.

[wageslave23]

You have a lot of family trauma.

That much is true.    That part is bad.   That part you need to work on.


The rest of it?  Your feelings about capitalism, taxes, the government, etc.?    A fat load of bollocks.   
There's plenty of good in all the things you are railing about.   And, because people are involved in it, there are also evil things.   There is not a single type of human endeavor about which that cannot be said.

Heal from the wounds your family gave you.    But start that healing from the assumption that those feelings you have about the other topics are just foolishness caused by too much stress.

God bless.  I wish you well.

+1

[Maenad]

I agree that your family has done a number on you. Severely dysfunctional families leave major scars on anyone with a shred of empathy.

However, I think you're also suffering from some disordered thinking, because I have a lot of the same tendencies myself. Things like "literally torturing children in a library" are so far out of line with what I've seen in life that I'm worried that the damage your family did is affecting how you see others.

Governments and corporations are made up of people, which means both good and bad. I work with some former civil servants who went into the corporate world, and they have strong moral character, wanting to do what's right for others. And most of the people here work for large entities like corporations or governments. Are we evil? If not, what makes us different from the other millions?

And yes, people are weak as well. We bow down to the demands of nasty people because we're afraid, we have bills to pay, we're worried about how standing up for what's right could hurt our families or our futures. These are tendencies to be pitied, and given sympathy for, as well as guidance of how to get out of those situations. And there absolutely are people who are jerks, who are psychopaths, and I think statistically they are more likely at the top of large corporations, which will taint everything under them. The world certainly isn't sunshine and roses, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

I think our "work" as a species is to get better, to expect better of ourselves and each other, to strengthen ourselves while giving each other a helping hand. I think it's going to take an evolutionary change that hasn't happened yet, and I am deeply afraid of what we will do to each other and ourselves before we get there. But I show up every day to try to do that work, because the alternative of existential despair hurts us and doesn't help anyone. 

If you don't change your focus, you're going to spend the rest of your life in abject misery. If you can't see the good, and nourish it in yourself and others, you're not going to make anything better. I'm glad that you've started healing, but I think you have a long way to go. Please resume or continue therapy and medication if needed. People in similar situations to yours have done some amazing good in the world with their empathy and burning drive to help others. You can too.

 

[Vashy]

Thing is I have a 138 IQ, I know how everything in the world works.  Too well.  I have expert knowledge of pychology.  I don’t need therapy.  Or I do... but there is no therapist that could deal with this. 

I'm quite amazed. I'm the same age and general IQ ballpark and I don't know how "everything in the world" works.

[robincanada]

I agree that your family has done a number on you. Severely dysfunctional families leave major scars on anyone with a shred of empathy.

However, I think you're also suffering from some disordered thinking, because I have a lot of the same tendencies myself. Things like "literally torturing children in a library" are so far out of line with what I've seen in life that I'm worried that the damage your family did is affecting how you see others.

Governments and corporations are made up of people, which means both good and bad. I work with some former civil servants who went into the corporate world, and they have strong moral character, wanting to do what's right for others. And most of the people here work for large entities like corporations or governments. Are we evil? If not, what makes us different from the other millions?

And yes, people are weak as well. We bow down to the demands of nasty people because we're afraid, we have bills to pay, we're worried about how standing up for what's right could hurt our families or our futures. These are tendencies to be pitied, and given sympathy for, as well as guidance of how to get out of those situations. And there absolutely are people who are jerks, who are psychopaths, and I think statistically they are more likely at the top of large corporations, which will taint everything under them. The world certainly isn't sunshine and roses, and I'm not going to pretend otherwise.

I think our "work" as a species is to get better, to expect better of ourselves and each other, to strengthen ourselves while giving each other a helping hand. I think it's going to take an evolutionary change that hasn't happened yet, and I am deeply afraid of what we will do to each other and ourselves before we get there. But I show up every day to try to do that work, because the alternative of existential despair hurts us and doesn't help anyone. 

If you don't change your focus, you're going to spend the rest of your life in abject misery. If you can't see the good, and nourish it in yourself and others, you're not going to make anything better. I'm glad that you've started healing, but I think you have a long way to go. Please resume or continue therapy and medication if needed. People in similar situations to yours have done some amazing good in the world with their empathy and burning drive to help others. You can too.

I agree.  This thread is helping me get over myself some.  Actually realize what I can do.  I off the charts capable.  I am a capitalist at heart so much.  But I don’t care about making money for me at all, beyond 10-15k a year.  I don’t need it. 

I need to start a business to employ and empower marginalized unemployed people to be part of society, feel not like crap.  By literally having a truck and tools and such.  Or something similar. 

I am so focused on fixing at least a small part of the world, and so know PR, I want to make something that spreads, goes viral.  So others can do it too.  But that focus is making me so sick, I have intellectually figured out so much and how to do things, but I am not doing anything.

This is my therapy. I think I have a plan.  I love MMM and this forum.  The focus on “money” in
Part hurts me.  I am alone in a small city.  I need some “virtual” people.  I am sensitive to others.  Different social media groups set me off.  Around too many anarchists, I want to be Robin Hood, politics John Brown or run for office.  Both of which are not me, at all.  I am gentle and I care too much.  I was in so much trauma, I would not go to support groups because I would traumatize the peers there more.  I am so much better now, than I was.

I need to start small.  Heal this winter.  Small plans in spring.  Stop worrying a civil war may happen around the 2020 US election.  I need to use my brain and hands to make beautiful things.  Save myself and help empower 2 or 5 people this summer.  Not plan on
How to start a revolution against Capitalism. 

I feel responsible for everything I do. And everyone around Me.  I am smarter and more competent than almost everyone around me.  I am a natural leader, who was abused and tortured into being a slave.  If I can get happy, I can accomplish a lot.  Maybe find a wife, and not be so focused on literally everyone in the world. 

I feel equal with everyone.  Part of everyone I meet.  I connect on a deep level with everyone. Whether I want to or not.  People make me sick if I am not in a good place. Or I am
Around a mass of unhappy people.  And 2015 and Trump
And social media and smart phones have made the masses really unhappy.  Not just me.

But I only have power over me. 

[partgypsy]

Raise bees, make honey. But you will need to file paperwork...

[SwordGuy]

If you want to start an organization to help people, I suggest you get Joshua Spodek's book, Initiative.   

Doing something useful in your life and helping others will help with all kinds of other issues.

Take care.

[John Galt incarnate!]

I can make $10-20k and now I live cheap and buy used things.  But I need to save, and grow a nest egg.  Maybe keep improving my house and rent part of it?  I could be a landlord if it was in the building I lived in I guess. 

You deserve   a respite from your jumble of unpleasant ruminations.

Improving your house may  provide it as well  as give you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

Renting part of it will yield some income so I advise  you to do both.

"I am so focused on fixing at least a small part of the world."

^

Consider renting    to a  very poor or disabled person at  below-market rent.

If you do you surely deserve a boost in your happiness.



HAPPY NEW YEAR!

[robincanada]

Thing is I have a 138 IQ, I know how everything in the world works.  Too well.  I have expert knowledge of pychology.  I don’t need therapy.  Or I do... but there is no therapist that could deal with this. 

I'm quite amazed. I'm the same age and general IQ ballpark and I don't know how "everything in the world" works.

I don’t care about my “IQ”.  I know what happens when you say it.  It actually begins to be a curse and detriment from my research at 130-135.  And with my combined lifetime of cognitive dissonance over emotional abuse, it is awful.  I was clueless about how “everything works” for 3.5 decades.  I read widely and had “Information” as much as any widely read smart person that was very interested in all aspects of the world, a generalist.  From a middle class Ottawa family, with I thought shitty but good enough parents, who drank too much.  At night, to numb the emptiness and depression. 

Then my high school drop out drug dealing brother got onto the Facebook scam.... I got to be around wealth, a taste of it... one year over $100k.  I bought a used Cavalier.  My first car in my 30’s.  But never “poor”.  My family got absurd rich.  My brother bought the former Iraqi Embassy on the Rideau River.  I was around people in AA with nothing.  Around detox’s.  I got really poor. 

And I  realized I had an attachment disorder of some sort.  After I thought I was bipolar.  Emotional deregulation from an attachment disorder because neither of my parents loved me at all.  Ever.  From birth.  Or my brother.  Or each other.  I loved them all, was the scapegoat and parent. 

I attached to the “world”, friends when I was 4-9 years old in the neighbourhood, characters in books and On TV.  I made my abusive dad treat everyone fairly and got punished for it.

Like what “Borderline” is kind of like, but reversed and not hysterical but rational.  And only concerned with “betrayal” consciously in the recent few years.

I was so “dumb” none of this occurred to me.  My brothers scams are directly attached to members of Trump’s cabinet.  I understand “good and evil” and how manipulation works.  Power, hierarchy.  How Britain conquered the world by the elite not loving their boys so they went sociopath and could Malabo the world and sleep at night. 

All my memories got reframed.  I am “smart” and I remember all the stuff I read about everything.  I already made connections between fields of study long before. 

The world breaking as my family did, and the world is now.  I know 1914 and 1939.  I know propaganda.  These were my interests before I was aware my family had to this degree messed with my head. 

I am not even trying to justify myself.   I don’t want to debate the merits of my argument with you. 

If you are as technically “smart” as me... what do you make of the last 5 years?  How did you “feel” about it? 

I am trying to figure out how my empathy works.  I am around people now.  If I get excited by being around them.  Elevated. Even over 15 minutes.  A day or two later, after have been intrigued by them, even attached to them.  I realize they were being entirely deceptive.  Their words and body language and meaning were off.  But “good people” too.  Worse needy people in trauma I want to fix and heal.  Like a mother.

But it is not pathological.  It just “is” now.  I a human lie detector... trailing edge: 48 hours. 

You are probably not like “me”.  But is it my naturally top 1% intellect and the emotional abuse? 

How do you “feel” other people?  Would you say more than an “average” person?  The same? Less?

I BECOME everyone.  In a group or individually.  They become me.  But unlike a narcissist... it is “real”.  There is no therapy for this. Well of course there is.  But not to make it go away.  I have to live with it.  Now it is killing me in trauma... but almost I am through that, because now I am aware of it. 

I NEED to be on this forum.  I am using this thread to FEEL the MMM forums.  Poke reality.  But last night when I made this.  I was not totally in the same head space.  I even u derstand my own actions on delay.  12-48 hours.  Yet I almost never violate my values by staying in my feelings and acting instead thinking it through.  Like this thread is about stopping thinking through a career or job or plan that is ethical under capitalism and ACT and do something.  Because I am out of liquid money. 

I am not trying to call shit on this forums or personally attack anyone, but people always feel attacked whenever I say what so think about anything.  And I always say what I really think.  I thought I was autistic maybe... but it is the exact opposite.  In trauma I appear so disordered to others, while actually I am ordered, or more likely exposing my disorderedness like in this thread.  This thread and being called disordered in just the right way, at just the right time.  Is providing me insight into myself.

I am doing the his meltdown here.  So I can use MMM forums and not act like a crazy person.  Or not use it at all.  This website is about how to live well under Capitalism.  I need that.  That I am against capitalism (knowing every argument for it as well) needs to not matter.  Ultimately this is a personal growth movement.  Environmental, social, personal.  It is not about greed.  But I can “feel” often, but I do everywhere.  I need to “feel” the positive things here.  And ignore what I perceive as “wrong”.  Not call out people I disagree with.  But so much of this is about money.  My sworn enemy at this point.  We need a truce. I have none of my enemy left.  Like $7 now. 

I literally have under $10... and I returned bottles today.  But $160ishK of things.  Everything owner for a legit purpose.  And 9 months of food.  Paid up hydro and water bills.

I literally am at a truce with money.  Not just Capitalism.  I need to submit and wave the white flag.  Or keep downsizing and stay out of society.  I know where I am at.

This thread helped me see the above... clearly.  I “knew” I was there.  But the analogy I just made to myself makes it have all the clarity.

So any advice on that?

Clearly to me now... MMM forums is where I need to be.  And I need to behave.

I can take being called out... but now is the time I typically get banned.  Threads and posts deleted and such.  In any place on Reddit or real life.  Never question reality and yourself openly.  Even if you need to do it to figure out reality.  If you do you are the crazy one.  You must be suppressed. 

I think that won’t happen here.  I can behave and no moderator will go after me.  As I long as I don’t attack people.  People are so sensitive all over.  If you question any aspect of their world view, you are the enemy and a bad guy.  A series of cults.  Families and everything bigger to countries and languages.  I am a part of, and against.  At the same time.  I need to be “against” it to “exist”.  Because I am myself, and everyone around me.  It is now a fact for me.  Not a disorder.  Not for me. A curse or super power... or how every human being is.  But I won both the genetic and environmental lottery both. 

So... I am 1/1000000 weird.  I am “Jesus”.  Not morally or biblically.  I am everyone.  I am My neighbour.  I am your sins.  And myself too.

Holy fuck.now I get myself so much better.  Using the Socratic method, trying to explain why I made this thread.to you, had brought me closer to a full understanding and my place in the world than I have had so far.  (August to November was Christianity and poking that most of all, so thought I might be the second Jesus for a few weeks. That sentence above is the most clarity I have had about it)

Thanks for reading anyone who bothered to read all of this.  Thank you. 

I hope I don’t get banned here in the next day for this thread.  It would tell me, no one has patience for me to exist intellectually. 

[Kris]

I hope I don’t get banned here in the next day for this thread.  It would tell me, no one has patience for me to exist intellectually.

I cannot imagine you'll get banned -- as long as, as you say, you don't start attacking others. And that doesn't seem to be who you are, at all.

[robincanada]

I hope I don’t get banned here in the next day for this thread.  It would tell me, no one has patience for me to exist intellectually.

I cannot imagine you'll get banned -- as long as, as you say, you don't start attacking others. And that doesn't seem to be who you are, at all.

I actually feel so much better.  I attach to holidays. On Easter Sunday I realized my mother never loved me, and reality is just what you make up in your own head.  Billions of realities on this planet All bullshit.  Even Einstein.  He was so full of it, he could not believe his own grand truths he discovered.

Christmas I decided I was born.  Not again.  For the first time.  My childhood is now.  Growing the fuck up.  Shut up about thinking.  You set yourself up to have no money and no need for it.  For January 1st.  You read MMMs posts last winter and spring.  Moved to a new city.  Failed to thrive because you were in horrible trauma.  And you literally resolved it by continuous exposures therapy.  Acting and failing and being hurt.  Rejected again.  You learned how to kill yourself.  I killed myself, my ego, my stupid beliefs.  This is the end.  Capitalism sucks.  Sorry it is horrific.  But you are one messed up man, clinging to your deep optimism and hope.  I am smart... I can’t change the world’s ideology and system of organization.  EVER! Not just right now. 

Now it is stoic, get your mind body and sole right.  Teach yourself how to do Reno’s you do not know how to do now.  By yourself.  Walk in the woods.  Fuck... heat my house with wood I find on the ground and carry home.  Not forever... but this winter? Yes.

I was a slave and to be free and an adult... I have to submit.  To get over my trauma.  I am doing it right here.  New year.  New me.  Forget all the stupid past, stop trying to save the world.  Stop trying to save yourself.  Live.  Build things with your Hands.  Be an animal, and a man, and a god that can create anything.  And be of the world... NOT THE WORLD itself. 

I am so hurt, I can’t take anyone hurting anyone, anywhere.  But I can’t live.  I have plenty of pain and I take everyone else’s too.  And I dom’t Even need to be in pain. On my own I am happy a. I was a happy kid in utter neglect much of the time. 

The world is pretty dark.  But I am not.  All I have to do is walk in the woods or just be outside and I am ok.

I need to not even use MMM except for DIY or ideas.  Like I can’t spend time trying to sort out my thinking.  Maybe I have now.  I have to be alone and not lonely now.  After years of isolation from the trauma... it is still what I have to do to be fully a man this winter.  I am so lonely, and yet Using my phone to talk online, feels more lonely. 

[John Galt incarnate!]

  I thought I was bipolar.

I sense manic energy as I read your loquacious, rambling posts.

[partgypsy]

Robincanada, are you still going to therapy? I am a little worried about you because some of your thoughts are dissociative in nature. It's good to want to do good in the world. That is a good impulse. But take care of yourself first.
I feel that, for you maybe less people (even the less fortunate) and more nature may make you feel more healed. People however you perceive them, seems triggering.

I wish you good luck on your journey. It is not possible to both make money and not interact with society; you will need to pick your battles. 

[John Galt incarnate!]

I hope I don’t get banned here in the next day for this thread.  It would tell me, no one has patience for me to exist intellectually.

I cannot imagine you'll get banned -- as long as, as you say, you don't start attacking others. And that doesn't seem to be who you are, at all.

I actually feel so much better.

I'm glad you feel much better.

[jim555]

Double the dose, please.

[MaaS]

My honest feedback is the issue can probably be traced back to this paragraph:

"Thing is I have a 138 IQ, I know how everything in the world works.  Too well.  I have expert knowledge of pychology."

Seriously? Perhaps cut the arrogance and start looking at things with an open mind. The world is far too complex for anyone to "understand how everything works."

[HBFIRE]

My honest feedback is the issue can probably be traced back to this paragraph:

"Thing is I have a 138 IQ, I know how everything in the world works.  Too well.  I have expert knowledge of pychology."

Seriously? Perhaps cut the arrogance and start looking at things with an open mind. The world is far too complex for anyone to "understand how everything works."

Agree.  In my experience, the most intelligent are more acutely aware of how much they don't know.  Dunning Kruger Effect.

[OtherJen]

Thing is I have a 138 IQ, I know how everything in the world works.  Too well. 

Yeah, so do I. I also have a Ph.D. I am humbled daily by how much I DON'T know, given the vast amount of information in the world. I guarantee that you don't know how everything works. Maybe try a little humility. 

[John Galt incarnate!]

OP declared "I know how everything in the world works."

When I read his declaration I must say I got a whiff of grandiosity that is sometimes symptomatic of schizophrenia.

[wageslave23]

I would also recommend rethinking your "uniqueness".  Your IQ puts you around the top 1% of the population.  That's high, but with 300 million people in the US, that means there are about 3 million other people in the US alone that are at least as intelligent if not more intelligent than you.  When you control for authors, philosophical bloggers, personal finance forum members, etc, you are probably looking at being in the top 10% when reading that content.  You haven't come up with any unique ideas - knowledge and learning increase in civilization very incrementally over time, building on the works and ideas of 1,000s of other people.  You are not Einstein and certainly not Jesus.   

"A delusion of grandeur is a false or unusual belief about one's greatness. A person may believe, for instance, that they are famous, can end world wars, or that they are immortal.  Delusions of grandeur, also called grandiose delusions, often accompany other mental health symptoms, including other delusions. The may be related to mental or physical health conditions, including schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, or some types of dementia."  Medical News Today

Maybe your trauma has triggered a mental health condition, if you are as intelligent as you think you are, hopefully you are self aware enough to consider this.

[GuitarStv]

I would also recommend rethinking your "uniqueness".  Your IQ puts you around the top 1% of the population.  That's high, but with 300 million people in the US, that means there are about 3 million other people in the US alone that are at least as intelligent if not more intelligent than you.  When you control for authors, philosophical bloggers, personal finance forum members, etc, you are probably looking at being in the top 10% when reading that content.  You haven't come up with any unique ideas - knowledge and learning increase in civilization very incrementally over time, building on the works and ideas of 1,000s of other people.  You are not Einstein and certainly not Jesus.

Did Jesus produce anything in his lifetime?

(Not talking about what other people wrote about him that was then carefully re-written, translated, and selectively curated for thousands of years by hundreds of thousands of people in various sects with competing interpretations.)

[wageslave23]

I would also recommend rethinking your "uniqueness".  Your IQ puts you around the top 1% of the population.  That's high, but with 300 million people in the US, that means there are about 3 million other people in the US alone that are at least as intelligent if not more intelligent than you.  When you control for authors, philosophical bloggers, personal finance forum members, etc, you are probably looking at being in the top 10% when reading that content.  You haven't come up with any unique ideas - knowledge and learning increase in civilization very incrementally over time, building on the works and ideas of 1,000s of other people.  You are not Einstein and certainly not Jesus.

Did Jesus produce anything in his lifetime?

(Not talking about what other people wrote about him that was then carefully re-written, translated, and selectively curated for thousands of years by hundreds of thousands of people in various sects with competing interpretations.)

Take it easy, no one is talking about what Jesus did or didn't do.  Just that this guy is not him. 

[partgypsy]

OP declared "I know how everything in the world works."

When I read his declaration I must say I got a whiff of grandiosity that is sometimes symptomatic of schizophrenia.

or bipolar

[Frankies Girl]

The OP sounds like they're having a serious mental breakdown. Delusions of grandeur, extreme paranoia, manic behavior, standard societal norms are seen as evil/isolating themselves from normal interactions, diagnosing others as being narcissistic/abusive... this is all very concerning.

While I get they could be a troll and some of this is humorous to the more cynical on here, if this is a person in crisis, they need to be encouraged to seek professional help ASAP.

OP - please seek out a mental health professional NOW, today even, because you sound like you could become a danger to others or yourself, or both. You can be a healthy, unplugged, socially responsible person without all this baggage. You sound like you've been hurt so badly that your perspective is terribly tangled up and you yourself are not capable of undoing this mare's nest this alone.

[BTDretire]

I need to start a business to employ and empower marginalized unemployed people to be part of society, feel not like crap.  By literally having a truck and tools and such.  Or something similar. 

I am so focused on fixing at least a small part of the world, and so know PR, I want to make something that spreads, goes viral.  So others can do it too.  But that focus is making me so sick, I have intellectually figured out so much and how to do things, but I am not doing anything.

You may be disappointed that almost everyone you hire wants to improve their position is life, and a lot of those even understand that the capitalist system gives them that chance.

[damnedbee]

As others have mentioned, you do seem to be exhibiting behaviors and thought patterns consistent with a mental illness or disordered thinking. You are not alone, and there are many resources to help. Perhaps start with just a call to the NAMI HelpLine to explore some options. https://nami.org/help.

[robincanada]

  I thought I was bipolar.

I sense manic energy as I read your loquacious, rambling posts.

So did I, it is why I thought I was bipolar a dozen years ago.

This is me the calmest I have been in 2 years since my reality and total world view broke.

[matchewed]

You need professional help for your mental health.

[MilesTeg]

OP. In all seriousness I think you should consult a mental health professional. Not trying to judge or poke fun, I am seriously concerned. My mother is bipolar and you are exhibiting very similar symptoms.

[Metalcat]

This person is not well.

OP, please find the help you need.

[Kris]

There are quite a few responses here that read to me as unnecessarily unkind.

However, OP, I agree that you read as exhibiting symptoms of being severely bipolar or schizophrenic. Please do get some help for yourself.

[Villanelle]

Your frustration and unhappiness is quite evident in your posts and I'm sorry you are struggling.

Despite your skepticism, I think that a mental health professional could significantly help you.  I suspect that you feel fairly confident that you don't have a mental illness, but that's not all therapy/counseling addresses. 

Find a counselor, and if, after 4-5 visits it doesn't seem to be a good fit, find another one.  Sometimes it takes a while to find the one with whom you click.  Don't give up. 

[Bernard]

I agree with you that Capitalism is evil, so I made a list of countries that have flourished under Socialism:

1)
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)

[MissNancyPryor]

IDK, I got burned with Cactus Pants and am cynical.  I knew he was a fraud right away- as many did and told him so- but it took 5 pages of posted bullshittery before he finally admitted he was trolling with a stupid "gotcha" post and got himself banned.  (That was on the topic of having his kids panhandling as a side hustle for those who have been around a while).   

Honestly though, if this is genuine the group has already correctly assessed this as being serious and that OP needs help.  This not about IQ or capitalism or the evil Trump administration or Mason jars. 

If genuine, there is enormous sorrow and dismay here and it must be addressed.     

[Metalcat]

IDK, I got burned with Cactus Pants and am cynical.  I knew he was a fraud right away- as many did and told him so- but it took 5 pages of posted bullshittery before he finally admitted he was trolling with a stupid "gotcha" post and got himself banned.  (That was on the topic of having his kids panhandling as a side hustle for those who have been around a while).   

Honestly though, if this is genuine the group has already correctly assessed this as being serious and that OP needs help.  This not about IQ or capitalism or the evil Trump administration or Mason jars. 

If genuine, there is enormous sorrow and dismay here and it must be addressed.   

It's the preponderance of extremely short sentences that gives away that this is not likely a farce and that this person is in serious need of care. I doubt a troll would write so distinctly.

[MissNancyPryor]

That is interesting.  @Malkynn, do you think Skyhigh has trolled us?  He goes on with the never ending list of unsolvable problems and confusion on FIRE as either legit or a great evil, peppered with lots of despair and career malaise and it gets us all responding to help, only to be rebuffed in various ways.  Then he starts a new thread to do more of the same.

I appreciate your insight.  I don't want to hijack but maybe a few words of advice on approaching such community members with real issues but difficult deliveries is timely.   

[Metalcat]

That is interesting.  @Malkynn, do you think Skyhigh has trolled us?  He goes on with the never ending list of unsolvable problems and confusion on FIRE as either legit or a great evil, peppered with lots of despair and career malaise and it gets us all responding to help, only to be rebuffed in various ways.  Then he starts a new thread to do more of the same.

I appreciate your insight.  I don't want to hijack but maybe a few words of advice on approaching such community members with real issues but difficult deliveries is timely.   

Skyhigh might be a troll, but again, his particular writing style suggests more pathology than troll, but I'm not totally certain. In this case, I am not uncertain.

[shuffler]

If genuine, there is enormous sorrow and dismay here and it must be addressed.   

It's the preponderance of extremely short sentences that gives away that this is not likely a farce and that this person is in serious need of care. I doubt a troll would write so distinctly.

OP is also not a new account.  I recall similar posts several months ago.

[Villanelle]

If I spend 60 seconds of my time writing a response to a troll, I've lost essentially nothing.

If I mock or alienate someone seriously struggling, both that person and I have lost something significant.

Sometimes, I'm skeptical, but I rarely post that because if I'm wrong, it's a big deal and if I'm right, so what?  Some pathetic soul gets his jollies thinking, somewhat incorrectly, that he's fooled me?  Okay.  That means nothing to me.

[shuffler]

@jim555 , you once said:

A saved person does have changed behaviour and deeds are seen as a result.
Someone can claim to be saved, yet has no evidences of it, and most likely they are not saved.

... maybe you should think about which group you profess to belong to, the next time you decide to mock someone so plainly in need of help.

[Cassie]

I am sorry you are in emotional pain. Please seek mental health services. I wish you all the best.

[OtherJen]

OP, I am sorry for being flippant earlier. Please seek help.

[Kris]

@jim555 , you once said:

A saved person does have changed behaviour and deeds are seen as a result.
Someone can claim to be saved, yet has no evidences of it, and most likely they are not saved.

... maybe you should think about which group you profess to belong to, the next time you decide to mock someone so plainly in need of help.

+ 1.

[jim555]

Oh no..  I failed the test.
 
Not everyone is taken in by troll postings like OPs. 

[Dancin'Dog]

OP,


I read what you've written and as a whole it appears chaotic, but it when I mentally organize it I see that you're just trying to express too many sides of yourself in a hurried, disorganized fashion.


I mainly see that you're frustrated with your past.  You are frustrated with the pressures of our capitalistic society.  You realize that you are intelligent and "understand" so many things, yet you also realize that either you aren't quite smart enough or the issues are just too complex or too big for you to fix (alone). 


I see you considering a simpler lifestyle.  You're wanting to relieve yourself of the guilt you feel from the greedy past that you have experienced.  You want to escape the stress of the rat race.  You'd like to be "successfully simple", so you can help others do it too.


I hear you say that you just need to take it easy and get yourself in a better mindset first.  Realizing this is the most important thing you've said. 




That sums up what I see as the substance of what you're trying to convey.  The rest is the "noise" which is all the frustrations & emotions that you're struggling with.  You needed to get it out because it's in your head, but it's not who you really are.  You may need to work though some of these thoughts, but you are intelligent enough to sort through the mental clutter and learn to keep your "emotional distractions safely organized". 


Therapy has been suggested.  I believe you mentioned being interested in creative expression.  Creating art is a wonderful way to express, examine, and embrace your feelings.  Your quest for the simple life will also lead towards all kinds of interesting projects that you will find fulfilling.   


You have found a good forum here.  Even if you're a troll the words and advice given may help someone else that needs to hear them. 


Peace,