...handing your museum ticket to a ticket taker doesn't constitute much social interaction.
I agree. I don't know any HS communities that are largely limited to this + their families.
I'm very curious about these isolated, distressed, unfortunate situations some of you are running into. It's such a very different one than any I've run into, from a very involved position with hundreds of families. We're not the exception in any environment we've been in -we're the norm. Is there something extra weird in certain locations? Are these locations exceptionally absent in opportunities? Is the local culture one in which people shy away from each other?
...they simply aren't learning how to move in the world in ways that are expected of them.
This is true of some folks with specific disabilities, and some folks without disabilities (diagnosed or undiagnosed, homeschooling or B&M schooling). I've never seen any of these people learn this in a B&M school, either.
Some people don't have these skills naturally and are able to learn them enough to "pass" socially for some minutes. Some seem unable to learn them. Simple exposure to a random group doesn't suffice for some of us to learn the stuff -we can be in large groups for 12 years and still have no idea why things are going poorly for us socially. We can hang with people who don't mind our ways or (my preference for me and my kid) we can move to a therapeutic environment and learn the stuff others learn intuitively. But simply being in a B&M school doesn't make us normal.
Personally, I don't highly value "expected social norms." I value kindness, honesty, friendliness...but not just social norms in general. I'm friends with mostly "weird" adults who don't manage social norms, but are solidly good people who create, produce, connect... Good enough for me! I've known a handful of people that were socially awkward in the way of being belligerent jerks -some were eventually diagnosed with neuro stuff, some declined to be assessed. It's important to me that my kid learn how to not do those behaviours, but I don't need anyone to live out all norms.
Cultivating originality is wonderful, as is teaching kids to resist pressures to conform. But there's a point at which it becomes a disservice.
I agree on both counts.
But I'm not going to close my eyes to the very real issues that do exist in the homeschool community.
Me neither. Nor those in any other system/community.
I'd say 98% of the homeschool kids I know are part of the overseas military community. I don't think they are isolated or that there are no opportunities. Our community os nearly overflowing with kids. There are sports programs around base, lots of play groups, etc. I'd say they spend more time in the "going to a museum" pursuits, or at home studying, than most other things. Thus, when their kiddos come to larger group events (a summer picnic with a bunch of families, for example), the kids are ill prepared.
You say that you don't value social norms. I'm not sure what that means to you, exactly. When I say that I'm talking about just walking up to a person, entering what is generally considered personal space (within 18 inches of another person), and literally standing motionless and staring, as one example. It's, well... weird. And not in a good way. And it's the kind of thing that is clearly overlooked in the family because it's just Timmy being Timmy. But Timmy, who is apparently a generally neuro-typical child, has been ill-served because no one has told him that outside the family, that makes people--both adults and kids-- very uncomfortable. It's incredibly unnerving. It's hard to tell, but I think he kind of thinks it's funny because it makes people uncomfortable. Admittedly, that's just a guess, but his motivation doesn't matter much. I've seen his parents observe the behavior, not correct Timmy, and laugh about it. "Timmy is such an original!" Maybe we just disagree on whether this kind of thing is okay and whether it serves Timmy to allow it to continue. But I worry greatly for Timmy's future. I have no doubt he's bright and his academics are incredibly advanced and he's a smart kid. I have no reason to think he's not a generally decent human being to that he's unkind or anything like that. But I also see him struggling greatly at whatever point he actually leaves the nest. Maybe that's high school if he's not always home schooled, or maybe it is when he wants to start dating, or when he goes off to college or when he tried to get a job, or what he's attempting to interact with coworkers or constituents or clients.
Interesting, I see what I consider a related but different dynamic of families who send their young kids to the Japanese schools. (I'm an American living in Japan.) What a wonderful opportunity! And it truly is, when done thoughtfully. I can't imagine what a leg up it is for a 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 year old to be conversational in Japanese! And many families do this and get all the advantages and none of the disadvantages. Unfortunately, some families are not mindful of the fact that eventually, their children are going to return to the US and presumably go to US schools. That means that things like reading and American vocabulary need to be supplemented at home, or the kids are going to struggle terribly when they get back to the US. Another issue is that Japanese teachers are unlikely to notice things like speech impediments in their English students. One child I know in particular (about 6 years old) has a very clear speech issue. This is the kind of thing that is generally noticed by a teacher in a public school, so that the parents who either aren't aware of it or think it's just something Timmy will outgrow are made aware that is should be addressed. Some parents are going to notice it and address it on their own, but others aren't, and those kids are at a disadvantage because there's no early intervention. Again, that doesn't mean there's a problem with the practice of sending kids to local schools. But it is a downside that does need to be address or the kids are going to pay a pretty high price.
But that doesn't mean I don't think sending kids to the Japanese schools can be absolutely wonderful! I just think that like with homeschooling (and public schooling, but that's not really what we are discussing), there are also possible pitfalls, and one needs to be aware of those and open to hearing about them, rather than being defensive, so that one can account for and address them.