Parents ordered to pay college tuition

[GizmoTX]

Wow. I can't imagine this happening.

https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/dad-speaks-out-after-21-year-old-sues-him-to-pay-104864515872.html

[gimp]

Bullshit. There are more sides to this story. I guarantee you we're only getting one side, and a pretty bad one at that without any facts or details.

This should be a matter of public record - where are the court filings?

[arebelspy]

Previous threads and discussion have shown that this isn't a black/white issue, and the parents aren't as innocent as that article makes them out to be.

[Bob W]

Feel bad for the parents.  As a divorced parent of adult children who were negatively influenced by their mother,  I know that it is a very frustrating situation for all involved.   My kids still think the reason their adult lives are screwed up is because of me (the unwillingly estranged parent) and not their crazy mom.

I hope the father and mother can get past us.  The daughter is obviously a piece of work but it would be nice for them to at least have a conversation with her at some point in life.

Be warned MMers.  Your life may not turn out how you imagine and forces beyond your control will occasionally screw with you in a very significant way.   

[Kaspian]

I would love to see a new headline on this story:  "Retrial Judge Orders Long Overdue Spanking of 21-year Old".

[Jags4186]

I don't know what the actual circumstances of this are, but generally, when parents get divorced and there are kids involved in NJ, there is a child support arrangement and some sort of agreement is come to regarding college. 

For example, if you have two parents, father makes 200k a yr, mom makes 40k a year,  They get divorced and the kids live with the mother.  The father will end up with some sort of child support, alimony, and an agreement will be reached regarding the children's education.  Once that happens--the father can't decide later on he doesn't want to pay for the kids college.  My guess is that that is what happened here.

My mother had a very very wealthy client once...in the property settlement agreement the wealthy husband agreed to pay 150k each towards the 3 children's weddings.  Well if they go and get married and the father all of a sudden says I'm not paying for the wedding...they're going to sue him.   Around here we would say a 150k wedding is ridiculous...nevermind 3 of them...but that's what they agreed to.

[clarkfan1979]

This seems to be only one side of the story. It sucks when a child refuses to speak with their parents, but sometimes it is justified. I wish we knew all the details.

[sleepyguy]

Does that make her pretty MMM?  pretty efficient little gal there, staying at the Grandparents, school paid for... sweet life.

On a serious note, I agree... there are things leading up to this and it all depends on how the divorce settlement was laid out.  Still the daughter is pretty unreal to sue your parents.  Drop out if you can't afford, make it on your own... what a selfish little brat.

[greaper007]

I think it's fantastic (if it's true).   My dad made over $300,000 a year and wouldn't pay for my college.    My parents had recently divorced and he was using it as a grudge against my mom.   She paid all she could, but didn't have access to a lot of the funding that he did while they were working everything out.

Here's the problem with that situation.    When your parents are in the top 1% a lot of avenues for college funding get cut off.   I didn't qualify for pell grants, needs based scholarships or most federal student loans.    I also wanted to work in college, and since my school was in a very small town, the only option was work study.  But I didn't qualify for that so it took me over a year to find a minimum wage job.

In that situation, and considering my dad's extremely high salary (this was 15 years ago by the way), I think he owed it to me to pay for my school.    He didn't and I ended up using thing like private loans and credit cards to complete school.    I went to a fairly inexpensive state school but it still took me years to pay that stuff off.   This was par for the course for my  narcissistic parents (don't get me started).

Why shouldn't education be included in the package of basic needs that you have to give to a child when YOU decide to have them?    21 is hardly that old anymore, 25 is really the new 18.   I think a parent with means should have to provide something towards their child's education.   Whether it be a college or trade school.   I have 2 children and I'll be paying everything I can when they go to school.    Of course a parent that couldn't provide shouldn't be forced to pay, but if a parent has money they should be providing something.

[RetiredAt63]

I'm with greaper 007 - as part of our financial agreement some financial support for our university student child was built in - for both of us.  Too often in cases like this the Bank of Mom stays open but the Bank of Dad closes.

And for a more positive story of parental support, read Tom Naughton's December 4 (2014) post about his Dad.
http://www.fathead-movie.com/

[Professor Ecks]

21 is hardly that old anymore, 25 is really the new 18.

I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around this one. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you are getting at, but for me, with all the privilege and advantages today's youth have over prior generations, I feel like we should expect MORE from 18-25 year-olds than in the past, not less.

[Jack]

Here's the problem with that situation.    When your parents are in the top 1% a lot of avenues for college funding get cut off.   I didn't qualify for pell grants, needs based scholarships or most federal student loans.    I also wanted to work in college, and since my school was in a very small town, the only option was work study.  But I didn't qualify for that so it took me over a year to find a minimum wage job.

This. The college funding system gives a huge "fuck you" to students whose parents theoretically "could" pay for their college, but for whatever reason, won't.

[GizmoTX]

I believe a person who is 18 & graduated from HS should be able to be emancipated from parents in order to obtain financial aid for college or trade school on their own. This ban was put into place so high worth parents couldn't game the system, but this is one of those "unintended consequences" that arbitrarily hurts students. The emancipation process should weed out any fakers. OTOH, I don't believe any parent should be forced to pay.

[sleepyguy]

Doesn't matter if your dad makes $10mil a year.  His job as a parent is to raise you to be a responsible adult and do well in society.  Not bankroll you through college/university or whatever you decide to do after highschool.  Post secondary education is choice, if you can't afford it don't go... if your parents decide to lend a hand, cool.  Too many kids think they are entitled to go just because it's what everyone else does.

I think it's fantastic (if it's true).   My dad made over $300,000 a year and wouldn't pay for my college.    My parents had recently divorced and he was using it as a grudge against my mom.   She paid all she could, but didn't have access to a lot of the funding that he did while they were working everything out.

Here's the problem with that situation.    When your parents are in the top 1% a lot of avenues for college funding get cut off.   I didn't qualify for pell grants, needs based scholarships or most federal student loans.    I also wanted to work in college, and since my school was in a very small town, the only option was work study.  But I didn't qualify for that so it took me over a year to find a minimum wage job.

In that situation, and considering my dad's extremely high salary (this was 15 years ago by the way), I think he owed it to me to pay for my school.    He didn't and I ended up using thing like private loans and credit cards to complete school.    I went to a fairly inexpensive state school but it still took me years to pay that stuff off.   This was par for the course for my  narcissistic parents (don't get me started).

Why shouldn't education be included in the package of basic needs that you have to give to a child when YOU decide to have them?    21 is hardly that old anymore, 25 is really the new 18.   I think a parent with means should have to provide something towards their child's education.   Whether it be a college or trade school.   I have 2 children and I'll be paying everything I can when they go to school.    Of course a parent that couldn't provide shouldn't be forced to pay, but if a parent has money they should be providing something.

[gimp]

So here's the problem, sleepyguy. If your parents make a lot of money, you get no financial aid. Fine. You also don't qualify for federal loans. Nor work study. Nor many scholarships or any need-based scholarships. Even private loans might be a serious issue.

If you have absolutely none of those things available to you, even state school will generally be financially out of reach.

The emancipation process, for this purpose, is nearly impossible. You basically have to prove that your parents and anyone else who can give you money are dead, in jail, or both. I looked into it, because I was financially independent at 20 and paying for school, but it was a no-go.

So while I don't think that one has an obligation to pay for their kids to go to school... if they have the means, they may well be effectively completely shutting them out of going to school on their own as well.

[GizmoTX]

The emancipation process, for this purpose, is nearly impossible. You basically have to prove that your parents and anyone else who can give you money are dead, in jail, or both. I looked into it, because I was financially independent at 20 and paying for school, but it was a no-go.

This could be why the judge ruled that the parents have to pay. The rules need to change.

[Rage]

Why shouldn't education be included in the package of basic needs that you have to give to a child when YOU decide to have them?    21 is hardly that old anymore, 25 is really the new 18.   I think a parent with means should have to provide something towards their child's education.   Whether it be a college or trade school.   I have 2 children and I'll be paying everything I can when they go to school.    Of course a parent that couldn't provide shouldn't be forced to pay, but if a parent has money they should be providing something.

Have you read the main web site?  MMM himself has said repeatedly that he has no intention of bankrolling his son's college, barring some extreme circumstances.  Note that since MMM has significant financial resources this probably means his son will not have access to financial aid.

I think all of this is just thinking too small.  First of all, college isn't crucial to a happy, healthy, fulfilling life.  It is generally crucial to getting a good cubicle job, that's true.   MMM has a series of posts listing about 100 jobs you can take on that don't require a college degree.  Having your rich parents pay for college is also not crucial to going to college.  One example MMM has given is that his son might start a business that makes him enough money to pay for college before he even gets there.  But without the driver of "you're going to have to save for college or get scholarships", what is the motivation to start such a business?

[Professor Ecks]

Here's the problem with that situation.    When your parents are in the top 1% a lot of avenues for college funding get cut off.   I didn't qualify for pell grants, needs based scholarships or most federal student loans.    I also wanted to work in college, and since my school was in a very small town, the only option was work study.  But I didn't qualify for that so it took me over a year to find a minimum wage job.

I had a similar experience, but from the other side of the tracks. Unlike your situation, my parents were actually quite poor. They were intimidated (I guess) by the tax filing process (this was before online filing) and couldn't afford to pay someone to prepare their taxes, so they just never filed tax returns. No tax returns means no way to complete the FAFSA, which meant while I probably would have qualified for Pell grants and most certainly would have qualified for federal loans, I got neither.  So, like many here, I too think that the rules governing how aid is determined should be changed, just for a different reason. Allowing financial emancipation seems to be the best option so far.