Dear Newbie
I learned about the pensions the hard way, with my separation. Not as difficult a situation, but when I graduated and started working, my husband was still working on his thesis and took a part-time job, then turned his pension there into a LIRA when he graduated and had a full time job. Way down the road, the LIRA is tiny compared to the value of my pension at work for the same time. Ouch.
You husband can get a CPP statement any time, go to the Service Canada web site. Another wake-up call for him?
Can you get Gail second-hand? Does he watch "Til Debt do us part"? Or the new "Money Morons"? If it weren't for the age, I would say he is being a male "Princess". Gail's web site is really good too. And she is solid on separating work and personal finances - even if he is being an ostrich, it would probably help just to get the family finances separate from the business. Now that he has this job, is he contributing to the family costs? Or is it all going back into the business?
The IVF - you must have gone through a lot too, probably more than him if I understand the procedure. How can he throw it at you? Apart from the cost, of course - but you have the children.
Re divorce, when I separated I asked our daughter how she felt about it - she replied that she wished we had stayed together, but she could see why I had to leave. Same when, years ago, my Mom told me my uncle and aunt were divorcing (this was when divorce was the D word). She was surprised when I took the news calmly, but it was obvious that things weren't good between them. Children know when things are bad and not getting better. And don't pay attention to the stories about children of divorce doing badly. Children from really conflicted homes do just as badly or worse, the bad marriage is the problem. And your children probably have friends whose parents have separated or divorced, so it would not be an alien idea.
There are lots of books out there, but the one that really helped me decide was "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay" by Mira Kirshenbaum. She walks you through a lot of scenarios. Once you know which it is, you can then focus on the appropriate goals and actions.
You must be so busy with the school year coming to an end, and this. Be kind to yourself.
