Need some help. Bipolar. FI

[41918]

I知 a 44 yo divorced dad with one 11 year old girl who I will support for another 10 years. I知 FI today. Spent some time in the psychiatric hospital a while back. I知 bipolar I.  I work as an executive for a fortune 50 and recently had to step back. I just can稚 take the stress of the day to day and my life is a wreck. I just hit a wall. I知 going the short term disability route to try to get better and I have good employment counsel. Just nervous right. Came crashing down but have invested well over the years. Worked there for 15 plus years so it痴 a lot of my identity. It痴 been tough. Any advice appreciated.

[tarheeldan]

I don't have any advice beyond making use of your support system, just wanted to say I hope the break helps :) sounds hippie-dippie but sending you good vibes

[Adventine]

Take all the time you need to decompress, seek professional help, and consider this FI period a golden opportunity for personal transformation.

You've been successful, money-wise. Now it's time to be successful with your mental health, which requires a completely different mindset, and for which your metric of success should be how happy, stable and at ease you are with yourself.

Good luck!

[41918]

thanks for the kind words. I grew up lower middle so even though I知 FI I feel uncomfortable. I do have a real estate brokers license I can put to work. Work on my own schedule. I just hate being in limbo. Not my style. I want to keep working but with a much more of a life balance. I did ask for an accommodation of disability but they never offered one.

[hooplady]

Take a little time to look back on your entire life, that 15-yr chunk doesn't come close to defining who you are. Your first 15 take you from birth to teenager, a time when you were making advances and learning something new seemingly every day. Another discrete chunk might have been time spent in school, think of how far you came during that period. Then early adulthood, still figuring out who you are and mastering (or not, in some cases) the basics of being a "grownup". And lastly, 15 years with and artificial construct known as a "company."

You're much more than your illness and much more than just a Company Man. Let yourself know what you've truly become, take the time you need to heal, and come back stronger - and you get to decide what that means.

Kudos for investing well, that puts you ahead of many in your situation. Best of luck coming out the other side!

[TheFrenchCat]

thanks for the kind words. I grew up lower middle so even though I知 FI I feel uncomfortable. I do have a real estate brokers license I can put to work. Work on my own schedule. I just hate being in limbo. Not my style. I want to keep working but with a much more of a life balance. I did ask for an accommodation of disability but they never offered one.

I empathize with feeling uncomfortable feeling in limbo.  I crashed and burned out of grad school due to depression and other things after it having been my goal for over 10 years.  I didn't really feel back on track till I found my current job, almost 3 years later.  But finding something, anything to do in the meantime helped me.  Just having a schedule really helps me, even if it's not a typical 9-5.  And, of course, since your FI that doesn't have to be something that makes money.  Could be volunteering, could be a hobby/sport, etc.

Also, I could certainly be wrong, and maybe someone here knows more than me, but I thought companies were required to provide accommodations for disability?  My employer certainly has be very accommodating without even asking for a doctor's note or anything.  If you liked the work you were doing, maybe there's another company out there that would be better for you and give you that better balance and flexibility.   

I sincerely wish you the best with managing your mental health and hope you'll come out of this stronger and happier.  And even if you weren't FI, I'd be telling you to take your time with this, since it's so important

[LennStar]

I don't know anything about bipolar except the definition, but your posts sound awfully stressed.

My advice would be to get a good psycologist with experience in bipolar and (secular?) meditation. I think meditation could help you a lot, but it isn't something you should start without professional help in your situation.
The reason is that meditation makes everything a lot clearer, and that also applies to your problems. It's a bit like climbing a mountain: To see where you can go, you first have to get up there. And that can be pretty hard.

[MayDay]

Companies do have to provide accommodation for disability, bit at the executive level they can fire you for anything with no reason, from what I've seen. Or the reason is something you can never prove like disagreeing on strategy. Once you are a VP you don't get a performance improvement plan, you just get walked out.

[41918]

It was almost 4 weeks between my request for accommodation and me hitting a wall. Not a word from them after 15 yrs of busting my ass. To the poster above I am medicated and have great doctors. Still trial and erroring meds some and dosages 2 years into my diagnosis. Thanks all. I知 going on disability and managing my portfolio and health for a while.

[SimpleCycle]

I have a (different) major mental illness and the times when I have felt totally worn down by managing difficult periods of my illness while also working have been some of the most difficult of my life.  I think your plan of taking short term disability is a good one, and I would suggest also increasing your treatment intensity to get you through this period.  I'd look into either increasing your therapy frequency or intensive outpatient treatment.

No decision you make right now has to be forever.  Just take care of yourself and your health, and know that you have more options than you can see right now.

[cangelosibrown]

There's quite a bit of bipolar running in my family. I definitely have some tendencies in that direction, which have thankfully never fully erupted. It's been a big factor in my becoming FI. I'm still working but have very intentionally scaled back ambitions. I currently have a very low stress job and resist any temptations I occasionally get to move into something that might be a better "Opportunity", but would likely lead to more stress. The low stress of my job is lowered even further by knowing that I could quit anytime, which allows me to pick and choose what I want to work on and not be pressured into anything.

It sounds like you're working to be on a good path, but are pretty stressed out by the process of that, which is understandable.

My only advice, which works for me, but obviously everyone is different, is to allow yourself to guilt-free work on your own peace and happiness. It's so easy for me to go down the slippery slope of pushing myself to get stuff done, feeling bad about taking me time when my wife is taking care of our son, or feeling like I need to be doing stuff to keep up my end of the bargain (work, relationships, whatever). It took me a long time to fully accept that Priority #1 for me always has to be doing whatever I need to keep my head right. If I don't manage that, nothing else is doable.

Good luck with your progress!

[terran]

Here's a FI blogger who has said he has bipolar disorder: https://earlyretirementdude.com/?s=bipolar. You might find those couple of posts interesting/helpful, and if you want to reach out he'd probably respond to you.