Need Help for Mother's Day!

[pstu24]

As the title suggests, I am at a sticking point. Personally, I think it's just another simple day like any other, and the real goal should be to try and show mothers your appreciation all of the time. I get it. The question is do they? And the REAL question is how am I supposed to just ignore my own wife through this holiday when all of her friends and family are obviously getting their gifts / flowers / cards / candy ... (see additional overpriced plastic bought stuff that will just be thrown out or tucked away and forgotten within a few days).

I even just went online to order a bouquet of flowers, because while I don't believe in the stuff, she does and I thought it would be a nice gesture. However ... with shipping, tax, handling, and added charge of delivering on Mother's Day... it came to $79 for flowers! Besides the insanity of thinking it is ok to charge a delivery fee, THEN a delivery fee for mothers day (that's like saying the doctor will charge you to see you, but then charge you an additional fee if you are sick and need to see him or her....), my real question is what are some ideas that can allow me to not only stay true to our budget and economic lifestyle, but also ideas or suggestions that show I do care and do value the women in my life (both wife and mother, mother-in-law as well), arguably more so than just buying paper and plastic crap and throwing it at them as if I put time and effort into their gift other than just standing in line at a drugstore? :P

Not asking for anyone to do my job for me, but just looking for suggestions of things. Different ideas or areas of life where I could help add value and show appreciation?

[PharmaStache]

Gardening stuff is super popular.  Plants, flowers, tools...

Go to a local flower store and order/pick up your own arrangement?  Would save on delivery charges. 

What ever mother of young children wants is to be left alone in a clean house.  Which is free!  Clean it the night before, then take those kids out for the day.

[Milkman666]

At our house, the guest of honour (birthday, mother's day, father's day, whatever) gets to have (almost) anything they want for supper - usually super fancy or difficult to make items that we don't have regularly.

That's it. Special attention, combined with valuable family time - adding value to our existence rather than stressing us out with useless shit.

[Gimesalot]

Not a mom, but still a lady.  I really enjoy having some special time on special days.  For example, on our anniversary, I really like doing a free or cheap activity, local museum, park, etc., we never get to do because of time and then a special meal.  One year the special meal what a charcuterie and cheese plate.  Another, we made grilled flat breads with a bunch of fancy toppings. 

When I was younger, my mother loved sleeping in and getting breakfast in bed.

[Laura33]

Gah.  Honestly, the idea of some generic flowers/card/gift, followed by some generic buffet brunch, just strikes me as "I didn't care enough to figure out what you'd actually enjoy."  [Aside:  what is with the prevalence of the Mother's Day buffet??  "I care about you, but not enough to bother with food that is made to your particular preferences or specifications"?]

What does your wife enjoy?  What is missing from her life right now?  What burdens/chores can you and the kids lift from her shoulders?  It doesn't need to be a "thing"; one of my favorite gifts ever was when DS gave me a small jar of "coupons" for things like a free hug or unloading the dishwasher or not fighting with his sister.  Have the kids make cards.  Take over meal responsibility for the day and make her breakfast in bed or dinner.  Take the kids out all day and give her a free day to do whatever she wants -- or if there is a thing you guys enjoy with the kids, do that as a family.

Our family tradition:  my mother *hates* Mother's Day ("Hallmark holiday"), but secretly likes being appreciated.  So my DH buys her the sappiest, most sentimental card he can find, full of flowers and Jesus [my mom is an athiest] and "special moments" and the like.  She *loves* it.  For us, it's a way to say "I love and appreciate you" with the added safe distance irony provides.  But, you know, we're a family of inveterate smart-asses, so YMMV.

[SilveradoBojangles]

What does she like? What would her perfect day be like? Is it time off from the kids? Is it the whole family doing something together? You might try to figure out what her love language is. If it's words of affirmation something like a letter telling her how much you appreciate her might be the best thing you could give her. If it's an act of service, plan dinner or an outing or something so she doesn't have to do it. It it's touch, give her a massage (happy ending optional, for her, not you). If you think she really wants nothing more than some flowers, well, then get her some flowers (but do they need to be delivered? Just go buy them). It's a small price to pay she show your appreciation for your life partner and the mother of your children.

I think the problem is that, sure, flowers are nice, but they aren't the thing she would most appreciate, and part of you knows that but you are unable to think of a better gesture. But not all women are pining for a flowers and cards and generic shit. But maybe your wife is pining for a really good dinner or a clean house or her favorite beer or a nap or something else (those are things I pine for). You know her better than we do. If you tell us what she likes, we can try and provide low cost suggestions.

[FireHiker]

I would like a nice day with my family, where they have cleaned the house, planned and cooked a meal (and cleaned up) without my input, and time together out hiking. Instead this year I get all of my in-laws at my house...which is better than having to go to their house, but eh. I definitely don't want flowers or some other "standard" mother's day gift/card. Finding out what she REALLY wants, and then doing that, is key. Maybe one of these days...sigh...

[mamagoose]

Breakfast in bed and do all the housework on the actual day. Then Monday go to the grocery store & get a bouquet of flowers & a box of chocolates, and walk it into her office & deliver it yourself to her desk with a big hug & kiss :) Then she can look at them at work instead of at home while she's doing housework lol

[cloudsail]

You realize that buying flowers online is way more expensive than buying them in store, right?

As a mother of young children, all I want for that day is to not have to take care of my family. I don't even need them to take care of me, I just want them to take care of themselves. Unfortunately that's not very likely to happen.

[MsPeacock]

I would like a nice day with my family, where they have cleaned the house, planned and cooked a meal (and cleaned up) without my input, and time together out hiking. Instead this year I get all of my in-laws at my house...which is better than having to go to their house, but eh. I definitely don't want flowers or some other "standard" mother's day gift/card. Finding out what she REALLY wants, and then doing that, is key. Maybe one of these days...sigh...

This!

I saw something online about how the writer on Mother's Day wanted her husband to get up as soon as the kids made a single sound, grab them, run outside, change them in the front yard or car or whatever - and then go away for several hours so she could sleep.   Take the kids to McDonalds for breakfast and then to the mall, a movie, the park, grandparents house WHATEVER.  When my kids were little this is what I would have wanted because I never ever got to sleep in. Even when ex was supposedly "watching" the kids they were banging on the bedroom door and coming in, destroying the house, etc.  and generally making it impossible for me to rest.

[partgypsy]

Breakfast in bed and do all the housework on the actual day. Then Monday go to the grocery store & get a bouquet of flowers & a box of chocolates, and walk it into her office & deliver it yourself to her desk with a big hug & kiss :) Then she can look at them at work instead of at home while she's doing housework lol

yes if she likes flowers, then buy some flowers, arrange them yourself and either have in house or bring to work. Same thing for chocolates, just buy the type of treat she likes even if not expensive. You don't need to buy a card. You can write her a thoughtful note telling her how you feel.

the main thing is thoughtfulness, not buying. Everyone loves a clean house. Most Moms, especially young kids, would like a day off from caregiving. You can give her the option of having the day to herself, or joining you on an outing where you plan and take care of kids. 

[ABC123]

What ever mother of young children wants is to be left alone in a clean house.  Which is free!  Clean it the night before, then take those kids out for the day.

This. So much this.  If only my DH would understand this, and forget "the kids" buying something I have no need of.  Clean the house, and give me a few hours of alone time.

[ABC123]

I would like a nice day with my family, where they have cleaned the house, planned and cooked a meal (and cleaned up) without my input, and time together out hiking. Instead this year I get all of my in-laws at my house...which is better than having to go to their house, but eh. I definitely don't want flowers or some other "standard" mother's day gift/card. Finding out what she REALLY wants, and then doing that, is key. Maybe one of these days...sigh...

And YES, the clean up is the most important part.  Breakfast in bed is not nearly as enjoyable if you have to wash a sink full of dishes once you get up.

[kanga1622]

Ask your wife! Our tradition for Mother's Day is that I don't have to cook. So we typically order pizza and have a picnic in our yard for one meal and have leftovers for the other. My kids often draw me a card or two.

This year I went all out and asked for a yoga mat too! I'm talking a $10 deal from Walmart.

Mother's Day doesn't have to be expensive but it does need to reflect the mother in question. I love just not having to do my usual on that day and having it be more relaxing for me (which means more work for my hubby).

[Rosy]

A clean house - a supper I didn't have to cook, serve and clean up all by myself for once!:) Take the kid(s) somewhere and let me spend some time alone or with a friend ...
Everyone loves a day off work - you do right?!:)

When my son was little he loved to do the homemade card and breakfast in bed - which was always torture for me:) whispering now - I hated the messed up kitchen below-which I ended up cleaning, the spillage mess in the bed and maybe I'm weird, but I much prefer to eat a grown up brunch at eleven with my favorite beverage.
Sleeping in is a wonderful thing, when you are a busy mom - it just never happens.

On the subject of flowers:
As a passionate gardener - I'm easy - if you don't know, get me a gift certificate to my favorite garden center or for Lowes. I love flowers, period, but I do not need an extravagant bouquet of roses that cost the earth. I'd be happy with one of those mini roses in a pot you can get at the grocery store's flower dept. They are easy to tend or plant in the garden and bring pleasure for years. 

Here are a few ideas:
 $10 orchid - looks impressive and blooms a long time - long enough to keep telling everyone that "HE" got that for me on Mother's Day:) I still have the set of three orchids he got for $20 at a local garden center 3 years ago - a nice reminder how sweet he is.
 $12 - gets you 3 bunches of flowers from Publix to mix and match - good for a week. I can display a single flower in the kitchen window above the sink, make a bouquet for the dining table and decide if I want to put the remaining blooms in the bathroom, study or living room.
 $15 hanging planter with blooming trailing flowers for the entry - an uplifting, welcoming sight when you come home from work.
OR
Get a mixed planter of herbs for a sunny windowsill - saves money in the future (organic herbs are expensive) and you always have fresh cilantro, garlic chives or a variety of basils for your salads and sauces. A gift that keeps on giving and you benefit from it as well.

Besides that, I love a Barnes and Noble gift card, because it means I get to spend an afternoon or evening browsing for books and sipping my favorite latte in their coffee shop - guilt free. No thinking about, "I really shouldn't have bought that cup of coffee". I hate to wait for weeks for a new title at the library and it is simply a pleasure for me to hold a book and enjoy the visual treat of the newest books on display.

Having said that, I will chime in with, "I spent $54 to send flowers to my mom in Germany", along with a small box of chocolates to be delivered to her Nursing Home. She'll be happy to know I thought of her and that is really all that counts.

Bottomline, it's not about the money, but I'd like a flower - so go find a park or a meadow or a neighbor's garden and beg or steal me one, if you really can't stand to part with $3.99 for a simple  bouquet from the grocery store. Then get to work cleaning up the place and cook me a fine dinner:)
 
Oh and OP ... sounds like all the girls at work get flowers and I can tell you from experience what a high it is to be the one to be called to get her bouquet from the receptionist, with everyone watching ....
You get over that after a few years and maybe a different culture at work. Treat the mother of your children well, because, really, it is not about the money:) - sometimes just being a good sport about something goes a long way toward having a happy relationship.

[Penny Lane]

Yes, do ask her what would be meaningful for her.  A good letter from you and ones from your kids is an awesome thing.  I still have all the ones my kids wrote to me, engineered by DH.  A "surprise' breakfast in bed from kids is fun, with some help if needed; I was proudly served things like canned mandarin oranges and toast with cinnamon, etc.  Time is great, too.  I would get to have a couple of hours in the garden without having to clean up to tend to little people--joy!   

[mm1970]

I would like a nice day with my family, where they have cleaned the house, planned and cooked a meal (and cleaned up) without my input, and time together out hiking. Instead this year I get all of my in-laws at my house...which is better than having to go to their house, but eh. I definitely don't want flowers or some other "standard" mother's day gift/card. Finding out what she REALLY wants, and then doing that, is key. Maybe one of these days...sigh...

Pretty much this!  I think I actually got close to this last year, and the year before.

One year (two years ago?) I requested that we go blueberry picking on Mother's day (saw a few friends there too!)
Last year... we went on a family hike. With lots of complaining.  We had sandwiches packed in a cooler.  When we got home, my husband and kids cooked dinner.  Often I'm asked "what should I cook?" and honestly, that's worse than just getting "whatever".

In any event, I'm not into flowers.  But if I were, a simple bouquet from a grocery store is fine.  No need to spend $80.

[Slee_stack]

My Mom demands a card.  A silly store-bought one too.  Its ridiculous, but for the sake of serenity, I send one.  (On a side note, a crappy piece of colored cardboard now costs $5 or more?!?!  Unreal!)

I also send a check.  I always try to suggest better uses than just buying 'stuff'  (how about pay down your CC debt and then NOT charge more??) but that never happens.

There are no tricks that will be learned at this stage.

I've fought back enough on other 'holidays'.  Its all about picking battles.

[Rosy]

My Mom demands a card.  A silly store-bought one too.  Its ridiculous, but for the sake of serenity, I send one.  (On a side note, a crappy piece of colored cardboard now costs $5 or more?!?!  Unreal!)

I also send a check.  I always try to suggest better uses than just buying 'stuff'  (how about pay down your CC debt and then NOT charge more??) but that never happens.

There are no tricks that will be learned at this stage.

I've fought back enough on other 'holidays'.  Its all about picking battles.

LOL - yes it is, all about picking your battles and psst, the dollar store has cards - nice cards - for one dollar.

[ltt]

Mother's Day is the one day I don't cook.  My husband/kids will do the cooking on that day, because I don't go near the kitchen. :)  I love it!  One Mother's Day, I stayed in bed all day and read a book.  That day was wonderful also! 

[MsPeacock]

This thread is reminding me of one year with an extremely early Mother's Day breakfast. I think my oldest was about 8 and the youngest 5. The older knew how to make scrambled eggs. They got up and cooked something like six eggs and put them on a plate and got silverware and napkins and set it all up on the coffee table in the basement. Then they woke me up with great excitement  at about 0530. I had part of a plate of cold eggs and expressed enormous enthusiasm and then eventually had to go back to bed to recover from all the excitement. It was sweet. The kitchen was destroyed.

[Drifterrider]

? And the REAL question is how am I supposed to just ignore my own wife through this holiday when all of her friends and family are obviously getting their gifts / flowers / cards / candy ... (see additional overpriced plastic bought stuff that will just be thrown out or tucked away and forgotten within a few days).

I can tell you what my father used to say:  It is mother's day, not wife's day.

Doing something nice and unexpected is far better received (usually) than spending money. 

[Stachetastic]

As a mother with multiple mothers still (thankfully!) with us, Mother's Day is a blessing and somewhat of a curse. It ends up being a marathon of visiting my mom, stepmom, grandma, and mother in law on Saturday just so I can take Sunday to myself. By that point, I don't care what I do that day as long as it doesn't involve visiting anyone else. As a husband, I would suggest you take care of your mother if she is still around, so your wife doesn't have to accommodate everyone else for what is essentially a Hallmark holiday.

That said, I buy hanging baskets at Lowe's that are 2/$10 this week and everyone gets to pick from my selection. I buy a couple extras and keep for myself. Often, I buy a nicer one for my mother in law because she has been such a godsend with watching our son and transporting him to therapies, etc. Plus none of the other recipients will see hers, so they will never know hers is slightly better. :)

[MBot]

On Sunday I'm away for work, so nothing on that day.

My husband usually gets up early while I sleep in on Saturday - because three days a week he has to leave for work earlier than I do. It balances out. So I just asked that this Saturday I can sleep in as usual, and then he can take me to Starbucks which I don't do often. It will be $6 and no guilt. Good enough for me.