My wife is not happy I bought a commuter bike

[mindaugas]

I've been commuting for a few years now and on average do 3 days a week. My new commute is over a lot of curbs and intersections which my road bike does not handle well, so I started looking for a hybrid/mtb to commute on. Something with front suspension and disc brakes if possible (for snow!). Yesterday I found a Specialized Hardrock with disc brakes for $150. I checked it out and it was in good shape, shifted, brakes worked, just needed a bath bad. I bought it.

My wife was not happy and I cannot justify the purchase with her. I got her hooked on MMM which made her uber cost conscious. Which is awesome, except when I want a new commuter. Combined with spending the money (which isn't an issue, we make plenty just means less towards debt) she sees it more as a toy and I have a habit of buying expensive toys. (PC parts, road bikes, road bike accessories). I've toned it down a lot, but she's right. I get my heart set on something and usually after a couple weeks of toiling I buy it.

Anyway, am I just completely wrong in this purchase despite it's utilitarian purpose as a commuter and money saver? This isn't something I just started doing, I've been commuting for years by bike. Is there anyway I can justify this to her? Advice from women stashes?

[TheDude]

That's a hard to question to answer. I don't necessarily think buying a bike is a bad thing but I believe you can't have enough bikes. The real problem is that you and your wife didn't agree before you spent the money. I think the most important thing in a marriages is that you are on the same pages when it comes to money.

[galaxie]

Can you sell something else you're not using to cover the cost?  Like your road bike, which you're no longer using for the commute, or one of those other "expensive toys?"

My husband and I have given ourselves "personal" budgets for this kind of discretionary spending.  If this kind of thing comes up a lot, maybe you and your wife need to think about making personal budgets for yourselves.  If she's really into saving, she might feel like your new toy is undoing her hard work, and a bit of fairness in the discretionary spending might go a long way toward fixing that.

When I want to get something expensive, I go through these checks:

• Would I actually be happier if I had this thing?
• Can I trade something I own for it?
• Can I sell something I own to pay for it?
• Will my personal budget cover it, or should I wait a few months?

Often it's clothes, and they're on sale RIGHT NOW, and I have to remind myself that there will be other pretty dresses on sale next month, and I won't have to go naked in between.

[LiquidSapphire]

My first gut reaction was you should sell your old commuter and that should make up most of the cost.  Another poster suggested perhaps another expensive "toy" - another good choice.  Or possibly increase your commute to 4-5 days per week - in gas savings/car wear and tear savings, you could make up the money that way as well.  That way it's not an expensive "toy" either - it is saving you even more money because the commute is not as difficult.

It's possible that the issue isn't entirely about the money and is more about lack of communication/fairness in which case the other suggestions should be undertaken as well (discretionary budget, talk about any spending over X $ beforehand, etc.) 

[starbuck]

I think selling your current bike (or one of your bikes since you pluralized it) would be a good way to move forward now that you already purchased the new commuter bike. It doesn't sound like your wife is a bike enthusiast like you - I'm not into bikes either, so from just what you posted I don't really understand the need behind the purchase either. I'd work on offsetting the cost from your bike collection since it seems like your wife's main concern is the financial bottom line.

she sees it more as a toy and I have a habit of buying expensive toys. (PC parts, road bikes, road bike accessories). I've toned it down a lot, but she's right. I get my heart set on something and usually after a couple weeks of toiling I buy it.

I think you're missing a crucial step here - you need to talk these purchases over with your partner first before giving into the impulse buy. Remember Mr. & Mrs. MM ask for the other's okay for purchases over $10.

Oh, and obviously apologize for not consulting her on the purchase if you haven't already. :)

[mindaugas]

Thanks for the feed back. Actually, I thought she was ok with the purchase. I was supposed to look at another the day before but it sold and she was fine with that. I have sold off my other toys and she is generally ok with my cycling fetish. I also went on one recreational ride this year instead of three. Each ride is $60+ just for the entry, then there is bike maintenance, tune up, wear and tear, clothing, etc. So instead I just did my own personal rec rides. yes, I also agree I cannot have enough bikes and all I had were two road bikes. I have been wanting a mtb for a few years and just kept pushing it off.

I think the budget idea is great, I'll bring that up. We're not spitting mad at each other but I don't want to feel heaps of regret when I'd riding into work :)

The real problem is that you and your wife didn't agree before you spent the money.

Couldn't agree more, you hit the nail on the head.

[mindaugas]

Or possibly increase your commute to 4-5 days per week

Planning on doing 5 days a week and the mtb was for winter commuting as well.

I did mull it over with her, but I admit I never got a definitive "this is ok". I sent her a text with the price and listing and she replied ok, but I think that was an ok to look at it, not buy it. So you're right, I should have just asked. Then again in my defense, I'm an adult, the bread winner, and imo this is not a toy to me.

I won't sell the original commuter, sentimental reasons and I'd like to pass it down to my son.

However, despite a failed sale on CL a week ago I'm going to try again and start rooting through the basement.

Another issue though is that she doesn't have any hobbies like mine, so I end up being the big spender because I love cycling. I haven't upgraded the PC(s) in a while so that really isn't an issue. The main burden is cycling. Maybe that is the root of the issue here. It means hours that I am gone off riding.

[jpo]

Although you probably should have agreed before spending (and it sounds like this was just a miscommunication?)... mustachianism is about spending on what's important to you, and it sounds like you're doing that.

[galaxie]

I'm ...the bread winner

Please, PLEASE do not make this argument to your wife.  If you're the family breadwinner, she depends on you to keep her alive.  If you start saying that you have more right to the family's money because you're the one who brought it home, it's going to get very touchy.  I'm sure it wasn't necessary to remind you, but just throwing that out there.

[MMM]

I think you did a great job finding that commuter bike! Plus, you communicated the purchase in advance, which is great. Hopefully your wife will come to understand the long-term benefits.

Decisions like this should really come down to the numbers. We're talking about a tiny amount of money, relative to the benefits of biking more, because you got the thing for only $150. Even if you use it for years and sell it in good condition, it will cost you nothing to own the extra bike other than the opportunity cost of investing that little bit of money ($10/year or whatever).

Now, if you had done what SOME of my Colorado friends do, and picked up a second $1500 bike just to make your commuting more cushy, your wife would have much more to worry about!

Bikes that you use for commuting are tools, just like bus tickets or replacement parts for your car when it needs maintenance. A thoughtful allocation of $150 for a long-term tool sounds great in my own opinion!

[mindaugas]

I'm ...the bread winner

Please, PLEASE do not make this argument to your wife.  If you're the family breadwinner, she depends on you to keep her alive.  If you start saying that you have more right to the family's money because you're the one who brought it home, it's going to get very touchy.  I'm sure it wasn't necessary to remind you, but just throwing that out there.

You're absolutely right and I don't use that argument. It came out in spite in my reply (I didn't say it to her) because I was thinking, it's my money and I don't spend it on frivolous things so why is this such a big deal? Even that is wrong, because it's not just my money, it's shared between us. or I could be really sexist (?) and think I'm paying her to raise my son. hahaha, I'm jk!

[kisserofsinners]

I'm not sure if this is your problem, but it sounds similar to my wife when we first got started.

She always made good money and until i came along she never really controlled her spending. As soon as she started watching mint she was freaking out about everything, especially if we didn't talk about whatever purchase first. She was deal with guilt over the "lost time" and every dollar out of line was another step backward to her. It has calmed down over time as i continue to demonstrate we're saving over all.

I actually went through it a little when i got started. All of a sudden you make a huge change and the impulse is to swing really hard in the other direction. In my experience it does level out, it's just a mater of time. The more you communicate with your spouse the more likely you are to stay on the same page and reduce surprises. Surprises have a way of rattling trust and that is what you don't want, so talk more and spend some quality time making sure you're being clear.

Good Luck

[gooki]

This is a situation where separate "fun money" accounts with a modest allowances would work very well, and could have avoided the issue entirely.

[Bakari]

So, theres all the relationship stuff that everyone else already covered, but just in terms of justifying the bike, if you use it to commute in winter at all, and you never did before, even if its just one day a week, it will pay for itself in one single season, and then some.  If its 3 days a week (like you currently do the rest of the year), even sooner.  If its 5(!) days a week, it would be unjustifiable to have not bought it.
Riding in the snow on a road bike sucks.  No way you would have wanted to do that 5 days a week in the snow.

But don't sell your original commuter!  For the 8 months of the year it isn't snowing, its going to be a lot faster and/or easier to get to work on a road bike than on a heavy slow knobby tired disk braked suspension mnt bike.

[sol]

means less towards debt

Wait, you still have debt?  Other than a mortgage?

Then I understand why she's upset.  I wouldn't be buying myself much of anything if I didn't have any money.  If you're in debt, you don't have any money.

[mindaugas]

If you're in debt, you don't have any money.

Good point. This is also why I'm so understanding, although her argument had nothing to do with debt.

I have successfully made the money back on the bike by selling some other stuff.