My DH brought home an early Christmas present for me last night.

[Giro]

It was a handgun.  I was speechless.  I went to a shooting range with him about 3 years ago, but other than that I have ZERO experience with guns and I'm even a little afraid of them.  I grew up with a gun in every corner, but I never shot them.

I tried not to hurt his feelings, but this is just ridiculous.  I found out a little later that he wanted me to carry it on me for safety when I go Pokemon go hunting. 

just wow.



 

[use2betrix]

Sounds like you and your husband must have more problems than just his choice in presents. I cannot believe you have got to the point in marriage and either A. Never had the conversation about your feelings regarding guns, or B. You did have it, and he wasn't listening.

I am always surprised that so many people here seem to have issues that relate to a lack of communication in their marriage.

[Rogue]

Giro used: Handgun

It's super effective!

[Giro]

Sounds like you and your husband must have more problems than just his choice in presents. I cannot believe you have got to the point in marriage and either A. Never had the conversation about your feelings regarding guns, or B. You did have it, and he wasn't listening.

I am always surprised that so many people here seem to have issues that relate to a lack of communication in their marriage.

I'm not sure we've ever really talked about me carrying around a gun.  We've talked about taking classes to learn to properly use a gun and I'm totally cool with that.  I'm also fine with getting a CCW just in case I need it or whatever.  We have a gun in the house and I know how to load it. 

I guess I just really missed how concerned he was about me being places alone at night.  I am often quite naïve and trusting regarding my surroundings, especially over the past few months playing the game.

[ketchup]

Sounds like you and your husband must have more problems than just his choice in presents. I cannot believe you have got to the point in marriage and either A. Never had the conversation about your feelings regarding guns, or B. You did have it, and he wasn't listening.

I am always surprised that so many people here seem to have issues that relate to a lack of communication in their marriage.

Hey, at least he didn't give her a bowling ball fitted to his fingers and with his name engraved in it.

[robtown]

Maybe you should restrict yourself to hunting the less aggressive Pokemon until you feel move confident with the gun.

[lcerrito]

The advertising for handguns is ridiculous, over-the-top, and plays to people's worst fears. I saw one last week advertising handguns that had what looked to be a teenager on it with the caption "Back to School Safety." Can you imagine???

I'm sure your husband saw an advertisement that played into his desire to protect his family, however misguided that might have been.

My husband bought several guns without my knowledge and hid them from me for a long time. He knew that I strongly opposed keeping a gun in the house due to personal reasons, but bought them anyway. I found the handgun while doing a deep cleaning of our linen drawer. Needless to say, we almost divorced, and a friend now keeps my husband's guns in a safe in his house. When he wants to go to the range he swings by the house and picks them up.

[Slyder22]

Sounds like genuine concern to me and not a bad idea

Sounds like genuine concern to me and not a bad idea to protect yourself if you go out alone at night.  You can always leave it concealed in the car.

.


+1

[SeaEhm]

Did you not tell him that you have a 3000 CP level Dragonite to keep you safe?

[MishMash]

The advertising for handguns is ridiculous, over-the-top, and plays to people's worst fears. I saw one last week advertising handguns that had what looked to be a teenager on it with the caption "Back to School Safety." Can you imagine???

I'm sure your husband saw an advertisement that played into his desire to protect his family, however misguided that might have been.

My husband bought several guns without my knowledge and hid them from me for a long time. He knew that I strongly opposed keeping a gun in the house due to personal reasons, but bought them anyway. I found the handgun while doing a deep cleaning of our linen drawer. Needless to say, we almost divorced, and a friend now keeps my husband's guns in a safe in his house. When he wants to go to the range he swings by the house and picks them up.

Lol sounds like DHs dad...except it wasn't a couple, it was an arsenal of every legal type of weapon imaginable all locked away in foot lockers in the garage, never even shot them, his ex (didn't divorce over that one) was NOT happy when she found out so we graciously opened our arms and welcomed all those unloved, unwanted orphaned weapons to our house across the country.  The extent of what he had shocked even us and we thought WE had a lot of em.

[Slee_stack]

Definitely a weird 'gift'.

Even if a spouse is concerned, one would think picking out something together would be more appropriate.

Here's a magnum 44 honey..make sure you ask others if they're feeling lucky today.

[Greenback Reproduction Specialist]

+1 weird gift.....

Is he over paranoid? Or just hyped up about guns? Or is it possible that you might have put yourself into a position in the past that made him think "woah, if that had gone a little different, X Y or Z could have happened and a gun would have been a really good thing to have"?

I have to comment about the suggestion that you leave it in the car. What good does it do you in the car? It might as well be at home, a bad situation might not play out where it gives you the luxury to get back to your car, and if you could, you should drive out of there. Just something to think about.

No one wants to think about bad things happening to them, but bad things happen to good people all the time. Its easy to get complacent in the day to day routine and feel a false sense of security. I had an incident happen about a month ago, and it all happened so fast, you don't have a lot of time to think, and looking back I wish I would have been carrying at the time. A guy messed up on drugs tried with his buddy to rob us, in broad daylight, with witnesses around, and it quickly got out of hand. Luckily my dad was a quicker thinker than I was, and happened to be carrying. It didn't require using it, but just showing it caused the guy to think twice and start backing up, it gave us enough time to leave the situation. Its crazy how fast it all happened, one minute we are getting out of the car to get Arbys Roast Beef sandwiches, the next moment these guys are rolling up on us planning to rob us.

[ChipmunkSavings]

Can you mention that it makes you uncomfortable? If he's concerned about safety, perhaps a Pepper spray could reassure him (not sure if legal where you are)?

[Giro]

I guess I can understand why he thought it was acceptable to buy this "for" me, but I still wish we had done it together. 

And now that I think about the past few months and the things that he has been saying, I should have probably seen something like this coming.  One of my favorite spots to hunt is downtown.  It does get a few homeless folks and I've even commented to DH about them.  I'm not afraid of homeless people.  The homeless folks down there seem a little off but certainly not dangerous. 

If I'm going downtown, DH has insisted that I take the dog with me if he cannot go.  I always thought it was because the dog loves to go.  He loves the attention from everyone and likes to be outside.  Well, the dog can really only walk about 2-3 miles before he starts to limp a little on his bad shoulder.  So, I haven't been taking him. 

I guess this is his answer if the dog cannot go. 

He's also not a gun guy really at all.  He can shoot very well because of the military background, but we only have the one gun in the house because my dad gave it to me. 

I told him I was a bit afraid of it and wasn't sure if I wanted to keep it.

[Giro]

Did you not tell him that you have a 3000 CP level Dragonite to keep you safe?

+1

[Cativa]

Seconding the idea of pepper spray/mace/bear spray if you are at all uncomfortable with the gun.  Bonus:  Pepper spray is so much cheaper than a gun! 

Personally I would find a different time/place to "hunt" if he was that worried about me.  He may be overprotective and overreacting, but it comes from a good place, so its hard to argue with :)

[Metric Mouse]

I guess I can understand why he thought it was acceptable to buy this "for" me, but I still wish we had done it together. 

And now that I think about the past few months and the things that he has been saying, I should have probably seen something like this coming.  One of my favorite spots to hunt is downtown.  It does get a few homeless folks and I've even commented to DH about them.  I'm not afraid of homeless people.  The homeless folks down there seem a little off but certainly not dangerous. 

If I'm going downtown, DH has insisted that I take the dog with me if he cannot go.  I always thought it was because the dog loves to go.  He loves the attention from everyone and likes to be outside.  Well, the dog can really only walk about 2-3 miles before he starts to limp a little on his bad shoulder.  So, I haven't been taking him. 

I guess this is his answer if the dog cannot go. 

He's also not a gun guy really at all.  He can shoot very well because of the military background, but we only have the one gun in the house because my dad gave it to me. 

I told him I was a bit afraid of it and wasn't sure if I wanted to keep it.

I think open communication is going to be the answer her. The reasons he thinks you should have one - the reasons you don't - the concerns on both sides should be expressed fully and openly. I'm sure you will both be happier once the decision is made together. Keeping a firearm is serious business that should not be taken lightly.

This thread has some interesting views from both sides. http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/off-topic/firearms-in-the-home/msg993844/#msg993844

[Goldielocks]

Maybe you should restrict yourself to hunting the less aggressive Pokemon until you feel move confident with the gun.

+1000

[scantee]

Agreed that this is a weird gift. Unless you're someone who already collects guns, a gun is just not something that really gives you warm fuzzies from receiving a special something from your special someone. Were this me, I would interpret this gesture as him projecting his fear anxiety onto others.  You've said nothing about being fearful prior to this, so why does he all of a sudden think you need a gun?

You know what makes me feel safe at night? My big ass protective dog. Maybe you can return the gun and get one of those instead.

[cats]

Have you considered maybe not doing Pokemon Go hunting after dark, or not doing it downtown?  Honestly, it does not seem like a super safe game to be playing after dark, aside from concerns about robberies...I have seen people playing in my area and they are often somewhat oblivious to other people, traffic, etc.  If my husband were off hunting Pokemon after dark I'd be worried about him getting hit by a careless driver.

[snogirl]

What is the make model? I was never around guns until I joined the military. In 25 years I got to shoot some pretty awesome weapons! Now retired I own no guns. Unless you practice all the time, using a hand gun for protection is difficult. You also can get over powered or make mistakes. Your adrenaline & heart rate in a critical situation really comes into play. Hornet spray is more effective or pepper spray. If I was going to have something in my house it would be a shotgun loaded with bird shot. Wide spray area & run like hell.

Sent from my DROID RAZR HD using Tapatalk

[Rosbif]

One of my favorite spots to hunt is downtown.  It does get a few homeless folks and I've even commented to DH about them.  I'm not afraid of homeless people.  The homeless folks down there seem a little off but certainly not dangerous. 

Homeless folks can be unpredictable and quite dangerous.  Most homeless are mentally ill, desperate, and their attitude/behavior may change quicker than you expect.  From his point of view you may be a little too trusting/naive (no offense intended).  He's definitely afraid something may happen to you and has taken some action to help resolve that.

Now we have the anti-gun crowd here getting worked up a bit, but really this situation isn't about guns.  Your husband is concerned about what he sees as risk/dangerous situation.  The solution he came up with is a gun, maybe he's over-reacting or ill-informed about the real dangers, but clearly he's worried about you.  I think the best solution is to stop hunting at night and in areas that are at all sketchy.  A game isn't worth risking your safety or causing marital stress.  I wouldn't even go into those situations WITH a gun, it is an unnecessary risk.  I wouldn't want to create a situation where I was forced to harm a mentally ill person so I could play a game.

I would treat the gun issue totally separately.  Decide if you want it for sport (like target shooting) or for self defense in situations you may encounter in unavoidable everyday life (e.g. leaving work at night, long walk to car).  If you don't want the gun for either of those reasons, you probably don't need a gun.

IMBO (in my British opinion) a gun should be a last resort, not a first. Definitely consider self-defense classes!

[UKMustache]

One of my favorite spots to hunt is downtown.  It does get a few homeless folks and I've even commented to DH about them.  I'm not afraid of homeless people.  The homeless folks down there seem a little off but certainly not dangerous. 

Homeless folks can be unpredictable and quite dangerous.  Most homeless are mentally ill, desperate, and their attitude/behavior may change quicker than you expect.  From his point of view you may be a little too trusting/naive (no offense intended).  He's definitely afraid something may happen to you and has taken some action to help resolve that.

Now we have the anti-gun crowd here getting worked up a bit, but really this situation isn't about guns.  Your husband is concerned about what he sees as risk/dangerous situation.  The solution he came up with is a gun, maybe he's over-reacting or ill-informed about the real dangers, but clearly he's worried about you.  I think the best solution is to stop hunting at night and in areas that are at all sketchy.  A game isn't worth risking your safety or causing marital stress.  I wouldn't even go into those situations WITH a gun, it is an unnecessary risk.  I wouldn't want to create a situation where I was forced to harm a mentally ill person so I could play a game.

I would treat the gun issue totally separately.  Decide if you want it for sport (like target shooting) or for self defense in situations you may encounter in unavoidable everyday life (e.g. leaving work at night, long walk to car).  If you don't want the gun for either of those reasons, you probably don't need a gun.

IMBO (in my British opinion) a gun should be a last resort, not a first. Definitely consider self-defense classes!

As a fellow brit, let me just tell you that you're wasting your time if you get involved in this conversation!

[mwulff]

I understand your husband's concern about your safety, I really do. But I would ask how unsafe it really is to play Pokemon downtown.

Personally I have visited about 42 of the lower 48 states. I have been to a significant fraction of the major US cities and I have visited god knows how many small and medium sized towns. Never once have I encountered a situation where my safety was threatened or where I even felt threatened.

My point is that perceived safety is often, if not always, way lower than the actual safety-level of the situation.

I would recommend the book "Beyond fear" by Bruce Schneier as it talks in a very real way about how bad we humans are at judging risk. It might just help your husband a bit.

As for the handgun....

It takes very specialized training to defend yourself effectively with a handgun. Here in Denmark our police officers train often to keep their self-defence skills with guns up, and they train even longer during their time at the academy. But our police officers now carry pepper-spray because it is way more efficient in a self-defence situation and much easier to use.

Chances are that you can not defend yourself effectively with a handgun. Unless you are willing to put serious amounts of time and effort into training with one.

I would recommend carrying a pepper/bear spray. The advantage is that it is way less lethal. If you feel the need for more personal safety take 6 months of Wing Tsun or Eskrima classes. Wing Tsun is also very good in that it teaches you a very up-close fighting style that can be used for self-defence.

[Giro]

I want to thank everyone for taking the time to respond.  I appreciate everyone's feedback.  We cannot return the gun, so we are both going to do some training.  He's going to take me shooting and teach me about the gun.  I'm taking a course to learn more about firearms in general.  I'm probably going to get my concealed carry license, but I haven't decided for sure at this point.  He needs to renew his and will do that next week.  I need more information and to analyze how comfortable I am after a few months of this.

Also to answer a few questions, I'm not playing the game on the street at all. There's no fear of being hit by a car.  Also, downtown is very lit up and safe IMO.  There are no robberies or anything like that.  It's an ice skating park right now and in the summer it's a water park with sprinklers and children.  I think he needs to spend more time there and maybe feel better about the area.  I'm not going to avoid MY town because I might run into a homeless person.  He is coming with me the next few times and hopefully he'll figure this out for himself. 

In the meantime, I've promised to only go with him or the dog at a reasonable time of the day. 

[Metric Mouse]

Sounds like you've jad a productive conversation with yiur oartner and have come to a better understanding of each other's views.  Awesome! Stay safe and good luck hunting, Giro.