Mustachianism and mindset changes

[intellectsucks]

Before my wife and I had kids, we used to take trip to NYC once per year to attend a “Jazz Age Lawn Party”.  It’s a prohibition themed picnic/festival with food, drink, dance performances, live music and lots more.  We always had an absolute blast and I was really looking forward to going again with our 2 year old daughter and 6 month old babies.
But then I read a news story in my local paper.  Our neighborhood has been getting worse and worse since we moved in.  When we take the kids out for a walk we see way more drug baggies lying on street and sidewalk.  More beer cans left on our retaining wall in the back yard.  More late night fights.  More stoned, loser young men hanging around all hours of the day and night.  It’s been a concern, but more of something along the lines of “we really need to get out of this house in the next few years”; this wasn’t our “forever” house anyway.  Our house is underwater, and we’ve been prioritizing other things for the last few years, including some consumer suckaism.
So the news story detailed how at 10pm, two blocks from my house, a gang of young men (7-8) start harassing a woman walking down the street.  She ignores them and walks by.  Two of them follow her, pull her into a nearby alley and rape her.
An hour after reading this story, my wife sends me an e-mail ad for an all inclusive deal to the Jazz Age Lawn Party.  Ordinarily I’d tell her to buy it without question.  But now my mindset has changed.  Will the $200-$300 we spend on this trip mean the difference between my family’s safety and danger?  No matter how much I will enjoy it, it’s not worth the chance that it will put my wife and children in harm’s way.
This might sound like a depressing post, but I really don’t think of it that way.  See, before MMM, I might have thought “our situation is hopeless, might as well live it up while we can and hope we win the lottery”.  Now I understand that it’s not hopeless.  I understand that things like the NYC trip are CHOICES, choices which I have control over.  I understand that little things add up to big things.  I understand that your life situation and your level of wealth are directly related to the things you choose to prioritize.  Small things like choosing to bike to work a couple times a week (or more!!); or not buying lunch out, even if it means using a “pre-installed” meal (MMM speak for my beer belly); or getting my entertainment from the library, all these things add up and turn hopeless situations into the seeds of future success.

[steviesterno]

I don't think there's really one thing you can do to ruin everything about your life (save for like a heroin OD or banging someone not your wife). At least that's my situation.

but the little stuff adds up. is that $300 a week's rent? A chunk of the down payment on the next place? A way to pay of on being underwater?

We're thinking about and working towards a big move over the next few years. So for me on most purchases I'm asking myself "will this help me with my move". Most of the time the answer is no, so I don't do that thing (usually).

Is that $300 better spent on security lighting, an alarm, some Mace, or some training on self defense? That seems more like a reasonable investment to me.

[inline five]

I'm extremely cheap and frugal but housing is where I draw the line. You must live in a safe environment free of dangers. The fact that you have a family...WTF are you still doing there.

[intellectsucks]

I'm extremely cheap and frugal but housing is where I draw the line. You must live in a safe environment free of dangers. The fact that you have a family...WTF are you still doing there.

We bought our house in 2010, when I knew a lot less about real estate and almost nothing about frugality.  That time was the bottom (or very close to it) of the real estate market for Philadelphia as a whole, but turned out to be the top of the market for our small part of Philadelphia.  We put the bare minimum down, then accumulated some debt furnishing the house, doing some travel and living stupidly.  We knew the house was in a middle to lower middle class neighborhood, but didn’t anticipate it to change for the worse (which it has).  We’re currently almost $20k underwater, so we need $40k+ to move to a better area.  Rents in our area are barely enough to cover our mortgage, which means that with maintenance and vacancy, renting would add expenses not income.
Now that I’ve been on the frugality train for the last couple of years, we’ve paid off about $20k of credit card debt and reduced expenses enough that we can survive on one income (my wife has been out of work for almost two years), while still paying down the remaining credit card debt and putting some towards savings.  If my wife goes back to work, our situation will change in a big hurry, but until then we’re clawing out progress through our tight budget, my bonuses, tax returns and other windfalls.

[Rosy]

I'm extremely cheap and frugal but housing is where I draw the line. You must live in a safe environment free of dangers. The fact that you have a family...WTF are you still doing there.

My thoughts exactly ^^^

Nothing is as important to me as my/our safety and a home and garden that I can enjoy, without fear of strangers walking in my yard and threatening me or doing me harm or damaging my parked car.
We were edging into a similar situation about two years ago - a fair number of small bungalows suddenly for rent, instead of for sale as a home. Too many for sale signs...
When I trolled the local police reports, I noted increased crime and theft in the area. No druggies yet, although there was a raid in one of the condos a mile down the street which turned into a big drug bust.

I kept an eye on the situation and was just about to have the talk with Mr. R. which would have meant a move - non-negotiable. I held off a couple of months only because it is the only home he ever lived in and a home he inherited from his dad. I was beyond relief when all the homes became homes again, not rentals and a couple of bad lots were turned into upscale condominiums.
Everyone started sprucing up their place with new roofs and paint and pretty white vinyl fencing - huge sigh of relief, not to mention property values have spiked.
 
We live in a unique neighborhood with a mix of 1-2million dollar homes and horse ranches next to trailer parks next to small bungalows and condos and apartments. So the decline wasn't quite as obvious to spot as in a "normal" residental neighborhood.

We benefitted from our entire region becoming truly expensive living. Our area is one of the last pockets with good size lots and quick, easy access to anything from airports to beaches to shopping and entertainment. We have a double lot on a corner which I hope will one day pay off handsomely.

Bottomline, I was ready to give up my beloved garden and move, rather than becoming another statistic, i.e. old lady accosted in her own home.

OP - I understand that you are in a tough situation, but it is time to cut your losses and move on. It would not be smart to follow up one bad decision with another. If something happened to your wife and kids you would never forgive yourself - this has absolutely nothing to do with frugality, you are endangering your family and yourself.
Edited to add that Real Estate is a tricky business and even the pros don't know what may happen, you couldn't know that this would turn out a bad decision - neighborhoods can turn quick for any number of reasons, sometimes simply due to a major employer picking up stakes like I saw in Illinois.

It may temporarily create a big financial mess, but maybe by moving your wife might have a better chance at a job?
Start thinking and talking about possibilities - this may be a blessing in disguise.

[Morning Glory]

Is there anything you can do to make your neighborhood better? Get to know your neighbors and local community leaders. I am sure there are other nice people with families who feel the same way you do. Get together and help clean things up.  You could help organize a "take back the night " event or similar. Or volunteer with Habitat for Humanity to help older people fix up their homes. Meet with local landlords about maintenance issues that are dragging down the values of surrounding properties. Talk to law enforcement about your concerns.

These days drugs are a scourge in small towns too, so moving might not make you "safe".