Mustachian Wedding Registry

[Farmer Dan]

Between the recommendations for must-have alabaster tea cup sets and to-die-for soapstone serving trays, it can be hard as a Mustachian to find good wedding registry advice online (but the recommended lists make for a good laugh!). We have spent the past couple of years paring our lives down so it seems counterproductive to set out asking for a vast quantity of more stuff. On the whole we have what we need. Sharp kitchen knife, check. Decent cutting board, check. Blue tooth speaker to rock out while making delicious home cooked meals, check.

There are a few items where a little bit of lifestyle creep may be nice. Dehydrator? Sounds pretty good - I'm an avid gardener and my fiance grew up on a farm, so we plan on growing numerous chiles, etc... which would be great to preserve for the winter. Slow cooker? We do eat a lot of stews, and dried beans take a long time to cook (our lives revolve around the dinner table).

Since you are a whole lot more experienced and wise in the way of the 'Stache, we thought we would reach out for recommendations.
1. What is the most useful item in your home? What did you ask for on your registry and wish you hadn't?
2. At what point do you draw the line and stop justifying the extra stuff?
3. Any good rules of thumb, i.e. I will definitely use this at least 3x per week so it has to be on the list.

Thank you in advance!
Dan

[prfrazier]

1. The most useful item in my home might be lightbulbs/lamps. I didn’t register for anything.

2. I don’t ever justify “extra” stuff. I hate “one use” items for the most part. Tiny crockpots for heating dip for example. I do allow some, like the vacuum cleaner.

3. There really isn’t a rule of thumb that applies to everyone.

What I would suggest is registering for items you would like to upgrade or duplicate. Its nice you have a sharp knife, but if one of you is standing around waiting to use the knife, a second would be merited. I’m sure you have a blanket for your bed but if its worn or not really doing the job, ask for a nicer one. Then recycle,donate,sell the old one.

Best wishes for your marriage!

[MrsPete]

I had college apartment stuff before I was married.  You know, my parents' old scratched and used stuff, my dead grandmother's ugly brown dishes, mismatched glassware, and Goodwill stuff ... interspersed with a few "nice things" I bought for myself.  My husband and I were young and neither of us had lived on our own all that long. 

What I LOVED about my wedding presents was that they were an upgrade to "nice things".  A full set of dishes which I'd chosen for myself, things that suited my own taste!  A good set of sharp knives.  Two decades later, I am still using those things. 

My thoughts:
- Don't register for too many things; it's better to get one full set of everyday dishes rather than 2-3 place settings each of everyday dishes, fancy china, and Christmas dishes. 
- Consider registering for a couple big ticket items, even if you think no one's going to buy them.  A Kitchen Aide mixer would be a great choice.  Sure, your guests may not pop for the $250 price tag, but you don't know whether a group (your co-workers, your aunt and her children, whomever) will want to go in together for a large item.
- The registry people want you to register for outrageous things ($40 picture frames).  Go ahead and do some of it just to have the task finished; you can go online and alter it as many times as you wish.
- Pay attention to the deals offered by the registry places.  Most of them offer something like, If it's on your registry, you can buy it for X% off within the next two years.  That's why my smart daughter registered for a washer and dryer at an appliance store ... but didn't tell anyone she's registered there; now she can buy those items on sale when she wants.  When I move in a couple years, I'm thinking I might just be getting married too ... 



 

[brute]

We registered for things we needed/wanted anyway, some of them pretty expensive. My father-in-law got us a nice 6 quart mixer. Grandma got us a 9 quart dutch oven. There were a few sets of sheets, some legendary tumblers for sipping whiskey out of. But, almost all of that came from the parents/aunts/uncles.

Our friends (unbeknownst to us) set up a fund to pay for our lodging during the honeymoon. Granted, they collected way too much since we stayed in less expensive places and spent some time in a tent in the woods, but having that extra money to blow on the honeymoon was amazing. There was zero guilt throwing down several hundred dollars on sushi in Chicago or trying a rare lambic beer with schaarbeek cherries. Those experiences, plus the time in the northern michigan wilderness, were amazing,and worth every penny.

Some people probably think it's tacky but we much preferred the extra funds to enjoy the honeymoon to a set of china that we'll never use out of fear of messing it up.

[ggmeg]

I think our most used items from our registry are our everyday dishes, a knife set, a 6 qt dutch oven, sheets, bath towels, a nice baking sheet, and a panini press. My husband works from home and that panini press gets used four days a week. Not something I thought we would get much use out of - but worth every penny! Like someone said above, we used our registry as a way to upgrade our mismatched stuff for quality items that would last for a long time.

[Digital Dogma]

My most useful item is the instant pot pressure cooker i got last year as an xmass gift. It fits your 3x per week rule, and also doubles as a slow cooker.

[mskyle]

I am getting married next year and having trouble with this - I am 38 and he is 33 and between us we have an Instant Pot, a slow cooker, a rice cooker, a Vitamix blender, a KitchenAid mixer, a food processor, a Sodastream, a robot vacuum, a waffle iron, two cast iron dutch ovens, good knives... damn near every practical thing you could register for and a good selection of dumb things (it's been a while since I used the waffle iron or the KitchenAid).

I found a "registry checklist" on The Knot which was kind of helpful to sort of jog my memory as to the kinds of things people register for, although mostly just a reminder that we already have almost anything we could conceivably expect to put on a wedding registry (and there are plenty of things on there that we *used* to have but have gotten rid of because we didn't use them, [cough]ice cream machine[/cough]).

We're probably going to register for nicer bedsheets, maybe an extra set of everyday dishes, a new gas grill, new cookie sheets because the ones we have are old and gross, and a handful of kitchen things that we somehow don't have, like a butter dish and serving utensils. Maybe some art that we've had our eye on, and some wholly unnecessary cocktail supplies like Nick and Nora glasses and a stirring glass.

Hopefully people will know they don't *need* to give us anything, and that if they really want to give us something cash always fits. We will probably do a charity registry as well. Hoping to avoid having a bridal shower, which will take away some of the gift-giving pressure.

[MrsPete]

Hopefully people will know they don't *need* to give us anything, and that if they really want to give us something cash always fits.

I was married when I was young and poor, so I didn't have much of anything.  Money was very nice and much appreciated, but it came and went quickly, and I don't remember how it was used.  Gifts, on the other hand, I still have -- and they bring back memories of my wedding day and the person who gave them. 

[MrsDinero]

We did not do a registry, however we have been asked what we want as a wedding gift and we have been given several wedding gifts.

The ones that I have found most practical are:
-nice cereal/soup/chili bowls.  They aren't too big but aren't too small.  We use them at least one a day.
-Everyday cotton napkins
-A vase with our name and wedding date.  Ok this is more decorative but it is handmade pottery that is pretty and sturdy.  So far we have used it for flowers, to hold kitchen utensils, spare change, and prop open a door.
-Gift card for dinner out

[mskyle]

Hopefully people will know they don't *need* to give us anything, and that if they really want to give us something cash always fits.

I was married when I was young and poor, so I didn't have much of anything.  Money was very nice and much appreciated, but it came and went quickly, and I don't remember how it was used.  Gifts, on the other hand, I still have -- and they bring back memories of my wedding day and the person who gave them. 

I definitely get this! As a giver I dislike giving cash, for exactly the reason you say. My current MO is to give a small gift plus cash for a wedding gift - last summer we gave my cousin and her husband mugs and a check. At bridal showers I always give a mesh shower organizer that hangs from your shower curtain rings in addition to something off the registry, because I think it's the best shower organizer in the world!

In our case, though, we have literally everything we need (including *two* shower organizers), and almost everything we want already. I seriously don't know what people could give us that wouldn't take up space in our apartment that is already occupied by things we love. Maybe rugs? We have a fair amount of bare floorboards. But I also want to give people the opportunity to buy us stuff, and I know that there are plenty of people who will give us Stuff whether we ask for it or not (ask the very nice metal serving tray my mother gave us as an engagement present that I have no idea what to do with). Maybe there's a way we can convey the message that no one's allowed to buy more than one or two things off the registry...

[MrsPete]

My husband works from home and that panini press gets used four days a week.

LOVE MINE.  It wasn't a wedding present, but it's a Cuisinart Griddler.  It has iron plates in three forms:  flat, grill marks, and waffle.  I especially love this model because the plates come off /go into the dishwasher.  You can cook sandwiches, burgers or chops, a spatchcock Cornish game hen, or you can open it up as a pancake griddle.

[Bumperpuff]

If you cook a lot, you might consider adding an Instant Pot or a good pressure cooker. They run $100-150 last for years and will save you time and money.  While I don't have a instant pot, I have a pressure cooker and use it at least once a week.

Instant Pot discussion:
http://forum.mrmoneymustache.com/ask-a-mustachian/instant-pot-yay-or-nay/

I'm un-married, but I like to entertain, so take that into account as you consider the following. While I understand the draw of matching place settings and glasses, I prefer to having one or two of each place set so I never have to worry about finding a match should something break, and this allows you to easily add place settings if you find yourself needing more.  Having all different glassware is fun for parties and allows everyone to know which glass is theirs.

*Edited for grammar

[SilveradoBojangles]

I really love my dehydrator. I'm also interested in a pressure cooker, but I've never had one. We really love our lodge griddle. Its cast iron and flat on one side, ridged on the other. We make everything from pancakes and eggs to fish tacos to grilled cheese to kabobs. It's very versatile. I also love my dutch oven, which I make bread (and soups and stews and risottos other delicious things) in, and our cast iron pans (I like that they can go in the oven as well as on top - perfect for crispy cornbread or a perfectly browned frittata). I'm also a fan of really good knives (we have wustoff, henkel, and shun, all are great). Boyjangles uses his kitchen aid mixer constantly, so that was a good investment. He bought it used on craigslist, and it's 30 years old, so it was made by Hobart and has metal gears that will last forever (unlike the plastic ones they come with now). I would say those are our most vital kitchen things.

We had a tiny wedding (just family, very low key) so we didn't register. The few people who gave us gifts gave us cash, which we used to buy a new mattress (It's a casper, and I love it so, so much). Had we had a larger wedding I would have asked for bottles of wine to help us create a wine cellar (we love wine), because we really didn't need more stuff. Also, I had a friend get married recently and she asked her guests to support a teacher through donorschoose.org in lieu of gifts, which I thought was really nice. So you might consider that.

[Farmer Dan]

Wow! Great suggestions - thanks so much. We are trying to be as pragmatic and savvy as possible and go for upgrades on our ragged college / year or two out of college items which will get us through the next few decades. We plan on keeping the registry small and politely suggesting cash is welcome. We've looked into the honeymoon fund websites and weren't super pleased with the 2.5% or more they charge.

But we will keep this all in mind as we fill out the registry. We hadn't thought of the pressure cooker / slow cooker combo so we'll look into that.

[MrsTuxedocat]

I was married last year and I asked for cash. It's not a big deal in my group of friends and family. I think 90% of my friends wanted to money to help pay for the wedding/honeymoon.

Beyond that, I received a nice cutting board for our wedding. How about a cast iron pot? They will last forever and I love the ease of cooking in mine.

[Guesl982374]

We had a similar experience with baby stuff. We got a lot of freebies from friends of friends and didn't want most of the crap luxury, rarely used items that go along with a baby. We ended up registering for a good amount of stuff that we knew we were going to return for gift cards and use for diaper/wipe money. We just had to buy our first box of diapers with our own money at 14.5 months.

Can you register at a store that you know you'll eventually spend money in? Think like Target where you could feasibly grocery shop with anything you'd return.

I also second asking for cash but make sure people know that its going towards something (down payment on a house, honeymoon, help with the wedding, etc.)

[MsPeacock]

The things I still frequently use from my registry:

1. Plain white every day dishes
2. Silverware (nothing fancy)
3. Set of 4 big pasta bowls
4. Big white plain napkins.

I still have some of the serving pieces and such, but they are very rarely used -  like less than once per year. The marriage is long gone too (thank goodness) and along with it the fancy dishes, fancy silverware, wine glasses, etc.

Anyhow - my advice would be register for a fair amount of stuff in the $20-50 range and make sure wherever you register has a good return policy. E.g. Target - take the stuff back that is "extra" and just get a store credit to use towards whatever it is that you need. I found that many people either want to get you something off your registry, or will pick something wedding-ish for you, rather than cash. It is preferable to get something you can return rather than random picture frames and vases that you can't return. I had to go back several times to add stuff to the registry, that I had no desire for, so that people had 'something to buy.' It was all returned for a food processor - which I am also still using.

[Lucky Recardito]

We just got married this year, and I initially rebelled against a registry -- but in the end, I'm glad we set one up. People want to give you gifts, and not making a registry is actually making it HARDER for them (and you!). My favorite item from our registry has been some nice, large, linen napkins -- far more expensive than I would have spent on napkins myself (and they replaced perfectly serviceable but much lower-quality ones), and they make every meal feel weirdly luxurious.

Regarding asking for cash -- we used the Thankful Registry. It's a paid service ($30 for a year, I think), which I know seems weird, but you can add "big-ticket" stuff (for us, a general-purpose "we bought a house and have so much to dooooo" and "we're planning a big trip next year") with photos & descriptions, and people can give you cash toward those goals right alongside you asking for spoons or whatever. Because of the up-front fee, Thankful don't take a cut of guests' cash gifts (which I didn't like about other "contribute to our honeymoon" sites) -- they support contributions via PayPal, or just give folks instructions for sending a check. The site also made it really easy for us to put a nicely-worded "please don't feel obligated to give us a gift" note right up front, which was important to me.

[MakingSenseofCents]

Since we had already lived together for around 7-8 years at the time that we got married, we already had a lot of stuff. It was all super cheap, low quality things though. Due to that, we asked for a lot of replacements instead - new towels, new plates, camping gear (we got flack for it because people said it wasn't wedding related - but we registered at REI, haha!), and so on.

[LouLou]

Keep in mind that people really, really want to buy you household stuff.

My favorites from my wedding:

• clothes steamer - never use an iron again!
• cast iron pots and pans - they last forever
• nice bedsheets - we registered for king size even though we didn't have a king size bed.  three years later we bought bedroom furniture and they were waiting for us
• glass/purex tupperware type bowls with lids - you can bake, serve, fridge, freeze, and microwave with them.  I can serve dinner in them, throw a lid on to put it in the fridge, and then throw it in my bag the next morning for lunch, and microwave at work.
• set of knives - I use these everyday
• nice picture frames - I would never spend money on nice picture frames, but they look really nice in my house

I wish I didn't register for china though!  I will never use it.  I've hosted Thanksgiving twice and used paper plates.

[intirb]

I use my slow cookers a lot, especially for dried beans.  It makes beans a million times easier if you don't have to watch the pot.  Edit: in terms of things you'll get a lot of use out of, you might also want to consider nice linens and wool blankets.  You'll use them every day!

As an FYI, you might want to check out this registry: http://www.sokindregistry.org/ for more mustachian gifts.

[Livingthedream55]

And remember:

Wedding & Gift Registry Returns
WE LOVE YOUR CHOICES (BUT WE WON'T HOLD YOU TO THEM)

Registered for it, but don't love it?  That's OK.  We've all been there.

You'll have 365 days after your wedding date to return almost any Bloomingdale's purchase for a refund or store credit, as long as your purchase is still in saleable condition.

You can always return items and get store credit to be used for a major appliance or some stores have travel agencies or you could you your store credit to buy gifts for birthday or christmas presents for others.

[Livingthedream55]

Can you register at a store that you know you'll eventually spend money in? Think like Target where you could feasibly grocery shop with anything you'd return.

Ah - didn't see this - what Liberty Stache said!!

[Goldielocks]

Hopefully people will know they don't *need* to give us anything, and that if they really want to give us something cash always fits.

I was married when I was young and poor, so I didn't have much of anything.  Money was very nice and much appreciated, but it came and went quickly, and I don't remember how it was used.  Gifts, on the other hand, I still have -- and they bring back memories of my wedding day and the person who gave them.

+1

I especially appreciate the decorative and functional  items as I still use them 20 yrs later and would not have bought them myself. Even now.

Cut glass vase, glass serving dish, ceramic plant pots( for house plants).

Useful items- excellent to get...white Corelle dish set, sewing machine, set of German knives, good cutting board, new sheets, a tablecloth, duvet for bed.  Op may have these already but I was only 4 months out of university and poor. ( but happy). I would have bought these myself eventually, so less meaning.

Items I do not use well - fancy wine glasses. Idk but I use basic ones instead or they break, out of style?  Artwork or pure decorative items I did not select. Eg knick knacks and decor.

[FireHiker]

I recommend registering at an unusual place like REI (if you are outdoorsy). We didn't because I didn't realize it was an option, but we got a lot of gift cards to REI (from the people who really knew us), which was fantastic!

My friend did a registry through the travel company she used for her honeymoon, so people could gift towards the honeymoon. It was several years ago now so I'm not sure which one.

[Guava]

I didn't want to have a bridal shower and felt I already had the things I needed. That being said, I registered for towels, rugs, a comforter to replace my worn one, and all sorts of practical things no one wanted to buy such as LED light bulbs. You have to know your audience too because when the "fun" things were bought and light bulbs were left, I got useless crap. With that said, I also asked for Home Depot gift cards since my house always needs something. Asking for gift cards for future expenses is really great. Then again, so is asking for something out want but would never buy too (for me that was a new kitchen table).

[Cativa]

Even with registering, you may well end up with a pile of stuff off-registry.  I don't know why our guests thought that we needed a truck full of vases and picture frames, especially since we didn't register for a single one :p  Some we kept, most we donated.

Good things to register for:

-You can never have too many towels (remember beach towels and dish towels too), sheets with extra pillow cases, and pot holders.  If you have the space to store them, they come in handy when your current ones wear out.

-Blankets and throws.  On the bed (obviously), on the couch, in the car to protect the seats/carpet from messy items (think bringing plants home from the nursery), in the closet for when guests come over.

-Nice cookware.  Upgrade what you have to nicer, tougher items.  I'm thinking cast iron pans, heavy ceramic cookware (Le Creuset and the like), anything that looks like it will last you the next 50+ years rather than the next 10.

-Disposable cookware.  Rubber scrapers, wooden spoons, plastic spatulas, pastry brushes, vegetable scrubbers, sheet pans, cooling racks, tongs - those little things that may last you 5-10 years or so, but will wear out eventually.  Either upgrade your almost worn out items, or put some aside for when your current ones finally kick the bucket.  I've seen lots of gift baskets given filled with these little items, a couple dishtowels and maybe a cookbook.

-Sports & camping gear.  We registered for, and got, kayaking gear and sleeping bags - some of our favorite gifts!  We also received a National Parks Pass which we were able to register for through REI.  Replace camping gear that is wearing out or upgrade to something better designed than what you are currently using.  Tents, sleeping bags, camping chairs - they are all so much nicer now than they were 10 years ago.  Definitely worth looking at.

-Tools.  Nothing wrong with borrowing from friends and neighbors, but if you don't have the basics it is really nice sometimes to have your own.


Things I (or friends) regretted registering for:
-Looks like fun, but you've never owned one before, appliances:  Fondue set, ice cream maker, juicer, fancy mixers/processors, Panini press, deep fat fryer, etc.  Unless you KNOW you will use it a million times, don't bother.  It just clutters your house and honestly makes you feel a little bad that you asked for it.  I feel guilt over our deep fryer.  We used it twice in over 10 years :p  My friend got a Cuisinart mixer that she had no room for so it sits in the garage.  It is so heavy to move, its too much bother to go get, so she just uses her little hand mixer that she had pre-wedding.

-China/Crystal/Silver:  It only gets used a few times a year, its a huge pain because it can't go in the dishwasher, shouldn't be stacked, shouldn't have acid foods left on it for any length of time, etc..  Oh - and of course they discontinued my patterns so if anything gets broken I can't replace it.  Oh - and if you really get off your rocker (like I did) you feel like you need the complete set and buy DUMB pieces.  My family is not, never has been, the "coffee after dinner" crowd.  Guess who has a creamer and sugar set that has been rotting in boxes for over 10 years?!?  Yep.  Dumb.

-If you do a honeymoon registry, be very careful with it.  A friend of mine got a few excursions partially paid for, but not entirely.  If she hadn't already been prepared to pay for those excursions regardless, she couldn't get that money back.  With mine, a person very kindly paid to have a bottle of champagne waiting in our room on arrival.  With the type of room we had, however, we had a free in-room bar already there.  The resort didn't change the registry depending on the type of room booked.

[Del Griffith]

Anyhow - my advice would be register for a fair amount of stuff in the $20-50 range and make sure wherever you register has a good return policy.

This is exactly what we did and we are still reaping the benefits over a year later. When we got a food processor, a blender and a magic bullet smoothie maker, we returned all 3 and instead got a 3-in-1 gadget. We got smaller gifts were knew guests would be more comfortable getting and were able to return them for the $50 salt and pepper shakers we actually wanted but knew no one would get, not to mention we use those things daily. We registered for the $100 steam mop and then returned that and some fancy picture frames for the more expensive mop we really wanted. I could give 10 more examples of this, but in a nutshell -- find a place with a very forgiving return policy. Then, you can take months to decide if what you got is really what you want, and if it isn't, exchange it. My DH and I joke we are on the most 'wanted list' for the amount of exchanging/returning we have done.