Author Topic: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)  (Read 3692181 times)

nessness

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8850 on: July 26, 2021, 05:39:07 PM »
I have to put actual effort into thinking about making sure I'm getting checks for things when possible so I can move money into savings without additional paperwork and other issues with the bank from depositing too much cash regularly. Right now I have way too much of my money in physical cash due to this issue.

What are you doing that generates so much cash?

Based on the screen name, the early bird is getting the worm
Lol. He's said in other posts that he's a professional gambler.

Sibley

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8851 on: July 27, 2021, 07:34:48 AM »
I have to put actual effort into thinking about making sure I'm getting checks for things when possible so I can move money into savings without additional paperwork and other issues with the bank from depositing too much cash regularly. Right now I have way too much of my money in physical cash due to this issue.

What are you doing that generates so much cash?

Based on the screen name, the early bird is getting the worm
Lol. He's said in other posts that he's a professional gambler.

Oh duh, I think I knew that. I don't always look at usernames!

Well, pay for stuff in cash, that will help. Can you buy money orders with cash and then deposit the money order? Also, ask the casino/etc can send the money electronically rather than paying in cash. If that works some of the time that would help.

dragoncar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8852 on: July 27, 2021, 02:45:22 PM »
I have to put actual effort into thinking about making sure I'm getting checks for things when possible so I can move money into savings without additional paperwork and other issues with the bank from depositing too much cash regularly. Right now I have way too much of my money in physical cash due to this issue.

What are you doing that generates so much cash?

Based on the screen name, the early bird is getting the worm
Lol. He's said in other posts that he's a professional gambler.

Oh duh, I think I knew that. I don't always look at usernames!

Well, pay for stuff in cash, that will help. Can you buy money orders with cash and then deposit the money order? Also, ask the casino/etc can send the money electronically rather than paying in cash. If that works some of the time that would help.

Have you considered opening a business account?  They are far more likely to expect cash deposits and the monthly fee is probably insignificant if you are depositing over $10k regularly

Business accounts are available for sole proprietorships, and you can just use your personal SSN without an ITIN

Fomerly known as something

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8853 on: July 28, 2021, 04:50:05 PM »
Iím moving and downsizing.  My current MPP, getting rid of stuff (namely my guest room furniture aka my bedroom set from when I was 4, and 2 chairs and a sofa).  Itís hard work to give things away/for a nominal fee.  Itís all still in pretty decent shape some ware and tear but dang someone please that my stuff.

Sun Hat

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8854 on: July 31, 2021, 05:35:39 AM »
I recently succumbed to peer pressure and bought a Fitbit only to find that it wouldn't work with my older phone or computer (nor will it work as a standalone device). It had been so long since I bought electronics that I didn't think to consider compatability, since I thought that the thing was just a pedometer. I briefly considered the idea of upgrading my tech to allow me to use the gizmo, but balked at the cost and hassle. Fortunately the store manager took pity on me and allowed me to return it despite a policy against returns on electronics (which I also feel is a win for being nice to retail staff). I'll stick to my tried and true method of tracking my exercise and just stopping when tired.

dcheesi

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8855 on: July 31, 2021, 07:27:27 AM »
I recently succumbed to peer pressure and bought a Fitbit only to find that it wouldn't work with my older phone or computer (nor will it work as a standalone device). It had been so long since I bought electronics that I didn't think to consider compatability, since I thought that the thing was just a pedometer. I briefly considered the idea of upgrading my tech to allow me to use the gizmo, but balked at the cost and hassle. Fortunately the store manager took pity on me and allowed me to return it despite a policy against returns on electronics (which I also feel is a win for being nice to retail staff). I'll stick to my tried and true method of tracking my exercise and just stopping when tired.
IIRC there is at least one model that's designed to be more standalone, but then you're still limited to doing everything on that little tiny screen. So maybe not worth it for you?

I got my fitbit as part of a concerted fitness plan a few years ago. But since then my involvement in that program has waned. TBH I mostly keep mine around as cheap smartwatch; it tells time, and buzzes me when I have a call, alarm, or text message (and displays the latter) --useful if you're prone to losing track of your phone like I am. But if your phone doesn't work with it, then all of that is moot.

Dicey

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8856 on: July 31, 2021, 09:49:04 AM »
I got a FB for Christmas. I have the app, but it's kind of bullshit because they keep bugging me to upgrade/subscribe/whatever. Um, no. I just use it as a daily tracker. Which makes me wonder: if I forget to wear it, did I walk at all? Now that's an MPP.

Mighty Eyebrows

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8857 on: July 31, 2021, 11:05:56 AM »
Fitbit is now owned by Google. Its days are numbered before google gets bored and kills the online services.

https://arstechnica.com/series/google-kills-product/

Fomerly known as something

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8858 on: July 31, 2021, 02:12:44 PM »
Fitbit is now owned by Google. Its days are numbered before google gets bored and kills the online services.

https://arstechnica.com/series/google-kills-product/

Even more reason to keep my loyalty to Garmin.  (Since the basically pioneered the GPS watch and Iím a longtime runner.)

TomTX

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8859 on: August 01, 2021, 06:10:24 PM »

Have you considered opening a business account?  They are far more likely to expect cash deposits and the monthly fee is probably insignificant if you are depositing over $10k regularly

Business accounts are available for sole proprietorships, and you can just use your personal SSN without an ITIN
Better yet, many banks (for example Wells Fargo and Chase) offer a signup bonus for setting up a business account, on the order of $300-$500. You do typically need to deposit something like $10k-$25k for 2-4 months and may need to do some debit card or other transactions. I've done this with just my personal SSN (business name identical to my legal name) and used Amazon virtual gift card reloads at the ~$1 level (each) to execute the transactions. I do increment each one by $0.01 for ready tracking (ie first reload is $1, second is $1.01, etc)

dragoncar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8860 on: August 01, 2021, 08:16:14 PM »

Have you considered opening a business account?  They are far more likely to expect cash deposits and the monthly fee is probably insignificant if you are depositing over $10k regularly

Business accounts are available for sole proprietorships, and you can just use your personal SSN without an ITIN
Better yet, many banks (for example Wells Fargo and Chase) offer a signup bonus for setting up a business account, on the order of $300-$500. You do typically need to deposit something like $10k-$25k for 2-4 months and may need to do some debit card or other transactions. I've done this with just my personal SSN (business name identical to my legal name) and used Amazon virtual gift card reloads at the ~$1 level (each) to execute the transactions. I do increment each one by $0.01 for ready tracking (ie first reload is $1, second is $1.01, etc)

Good point I totally forgot I did that with chase.  Worth it!

Steeze

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8861 on: August 02, 2021, 01:24:43 PM »
MPP: I accidently contributed $850 more to my son's 529 than I can deduct on my state taxes.

frugalnacho

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8862 on: August 02, 2021, 02:08:53 PM »
I got a FB for Christmas. I have the app, but it's kind of bullshit because they keep bugging me to upgrade/subscribe/whatever. Um, no. I just use it as a daily tracker. Which makes me wonder: if I forget to wear it, did I walk at all? Now that's an MPP.

If a tree falls in a forest, but it's not wearing its FB, does it gain any steps?

FireLane

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8863 on: August 09, 2021, 09:13:58 AM »
I got a coupon from my grocery store for $8 off an order of $150. That's a pretty good discount, but I don't usually spend that much on groceries! I'd have to plan a big stockup trip to use it.

By the River

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8864 on: August 09, 2021, 09:33:35 AM »
I have a heavy-duty 75 foot extension cord which would let my weed-eater just get to the far fence corner.  My wife was using the cord to trim hedges but nicked the cord in one spot and cut it in another trying to stop the nick.  I of course, just shortened the cord by 18 inches but now it won't reach the corner.  I alternate between skipping the corner and using two cords now.   Not buying a new cord just for that area. 

dragoncar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8865 on: August 09, 2021, 12:47:38 PM »
I have a heavy-duty 75 foot extension cord which would let my weed-eater just get to the far fence corner.  My wife was using the cord to trim hedges but nicked the cord in one spot and cut it in another trying to stop the nick.  I of course, just shortened the cord by 18 inches but now it won't reach the corner.  I alternate between skipping the corner and using two cords now.   Not buying a new cord just for that area.

If you already spliced it, you could just add another couple feet in the middle.  Just find some scrap wire of the correct gauge

Rural

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8866 on: August 10, 2021, 04:02:42 PM »
Our HR director keeps forgetting to check to see what's going to happen when I get into over-50 catchup territory in my 403b in October.

TomTX

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8867 on: August 10, 2021, 04:47:24 PM »
Our HR director keeps forgetting to check to see what's going to happen when I get into over-50 catchup territory in my 403b in October.

On a related note, I had a FABULOUS conversation with our retirement company where they reminded me about the 457 "special catch up" with no age requirements where you can spend 3 years filling up prior year unused contributions, up to $19.5k extra per year.

Yes, please.

PhrugalPhan

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8868 on: August 10, 2021, 08:21:57 PM »
On a related note, I had a FABULOUS conversation with our retirement company where they reminded me about the 457 "special catch up" with no age requirements where you can spend 3 years filling up prior year unused contributions, up to $19.5k extra per year.

Yes, please.
My related MPP is that 457 "Special Catch Up" provision can be limited if you were extra diligent saving in the past.  They checked my prior 457 plan contribution record and because I contributed so well I am only able to use this provision for two years not three.   I'll finish my second year of special contributions this October.  Then I'll be limited to regular amounts going forward.

Rural

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8869 on: August 11, 2021, 11:14:11 AM »
Our HR director keeps forgetting to check to see what's going to happen when I get into over-50 catchup territory in my 403b in October.

On a related note, I had a FABULOUS conversation with our retirement company where they reminded me about the 457 "special catch up" with no age requirements where you can spend 3 years filling up prior year unused contributions, up to $19.5k extra per year.

Yes, please.


I can't find anything to suggest this is available with no age requirements - the IRS specifies it is only available in the three years before you reach your plan's normal retirement age: https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/how-much-salary-can-you-defer-if-youre-eligible-for-more-than-one-retirement-plan

TomTX

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8870 on: August 11, 2021, 04:33:58 PM »
Perhaps it was just that I met the age requirement then. I did not go look up the IRS rules again - and there are always interpretations over the years which can be hard to find.

I'm 48, under our* pension plan it's nominally possible to retire and start drawing the pension at age 49 with 31 years of service (starting work right out of high school). Younger if you purchase service time, or accumulate leave which is then applied as service time.

I was told by the administrator to list 2024 as normal retirement, meaning my catchup years are 2021, 2022, 2023.

*older version of the plan, which I am under. Not possible for newer employees.

Fomerly known as something

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8871 on: August 13, 2021, 05:18:15 AM »
Todayís MPP, Iím very disappointed I didnít get to finish eating out my fridge before I moved next week.  My power has been out since Tuesday night so yesterday almost everything in the fridge got thrown away.  The freezer stuff is still partially frozen so itís still in there in order so I can cool down the beer from the fridge.

dragoncar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8872 on: August 13, 2021, 05:56:56 AM »
Thatís quite the turn of phrase youíve got there

Adventine

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8873 on: August 13, 2021, 07:03:59 AM »
Thatís quite the turn of phrase youíve got there

Thank you for today's laugh-uncontrollably-loud moment.

Dicey

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8874 on: August 13, 2021, 01:36:16 PM »
Thatís quite the turn of phrase youíve got there

Thank you for today's laugh-uncontrollably-loud moment.

Actually, this one was even funnier. And you wonder how dinosaurs became extinct...

I have a heavy-duty 75 foot extension cord which would let my weed-eater just get to the far fence corner.  My wife was using the cord to trim hedges but nicked the cord in one spot and cut it in another trying to stop the nick.  I of course, just shortened the cord by 18 inches but now it won't reach the corner.  I alternate between skipping the corner and using two cords now.   Not buying a new cord just for that area.

If you already spliced it, you could just add another couple feet in the middle.  Just find some scrap wire of the correct gauge

parkerk

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8875 on: August 16, 2021, 06:21:25 PM »
I've gotten so used to my own homemade curry sauces that I didn't enjoy the jar of store-bought stuff that I got for free.  So now I guess I'm stuck making my own food forever.

dragoncar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8876 on: August 16, 2021, 08:02:42 PM »
I've gotten so used to my own homemade curry sauces that I didn't enjoy the jar of store-bought stuff that I got for free.  So now I guess I'm stuck making my own food forever.

I usually can still enjoy store bought but Iíve ruined my wife for bread and pesto.  She wonít let me buy it, I have to make it myself

LennStar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8877 on: August 17, 2021, 11:01:25 AM »
I've gotten so used to my own homemade curry sauces that I didn't enjoy the jar of store-bought stuff that I got for free.  So now I guess I'm stuck making my own food forever.

I usually can still enjoy store bought but Iíve ruined my wife for bread and pesto.  She wonít let me buy it, I have to make it myself
No good deed gets unpunished.

Sibley

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8878 on: September 06, 2021, 06:05:37 PM »
Every month I update my net worth calculation. But that's all I do with it. I don't have a FIRE date goal, I don't have a FIRE number, none of it. Too lazy, and it's too far in the future, right?

Well, today I updated my net worth calculation. It's getting pretty big. I might actually have to come up with a FIRE number at some point in the next year or two.

slackmax

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8879 on: September 21, 2021, 06:45:00 AM »
What "problems" do you have as a result of your mustachian lifestyle?  <snip>.


My problem is pretty simple. I plan on attending an expensive beach rental weekend birthday party, and I'm being charged more to attend because my expenses to get there are low. I am subsidizing those who are flying in for the party.  All relatives. 

The going rate per person is $200 and I''ll be charged $400.

The birthday party is for my mother, in her 90's, so I want to be there.

I feel abused and disresected, frankly. I've talked to two other people who are attending, about it, and they are fine with me being charged more. They both have big expenses to get there.

OK, here's what I want from my fellow mustachians. How do I go to the
party and still have fun? What do I tell myself?

That I am being a good guy by paying more?

That I'm not being a Schmuck with a capital S?

It's only $200. Suck it up and take one for the team? Act like "it's the least I could do. I'm so fortunate to live nearby and not have airfare. Glad to help out. It's so nice to be here at this beautiful beach house with all you guys I haven't seen for so long". Be the big person.

The party is for my mother, and if it weren't, I would just decline the invitation. 

And what I can do, if anything? I already told the organizer (one of the relatives) I don't want to pay more than the other people.

This ever happen to anyone else?

Yes, I know I am cheap. No need to tell me that.   
 
It feels like a matter of personal integrity to me. On the one hand I feel like agreeing to pay more is being morally weak. On the other hand, I could see it as being a good character trait, a trait of generosity, a morally good thing. Especially when the payment is going to your own kin. But to be morally good thing, one has to want to do it freely.   

I'm trying to talk myself into thinking of it as a morally good thing. Trying to be honest with myself about it. Having mixed thoughts currently. 
     

merula

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8880 on: September 21, 2021, 07:08:44 AM »
My problem is pretty simple. I plan on attending an expensive beach rental weekend birthday party, and I'm being charged more to attend because my expenses to get there are low. I am subsidizing those who are flying in for the party.  All relatives. 

The going rate per person is $200 and I''ll be charged $400.

The birthday party is for my mother, in her 90's, so I want to be there.   

Can you consider the extra $200 a birthday gift to your mother? Or think about it as chipping to help get a few family members that you particularly like to attend on her behalf?

I'm with you, I'd be piiiiiiisssssssed if someone asked me to pay more for something because some other expense I control was low, but also, sometimes the cheapest way to pay for something is with money.

If I'm being honest, I would also enjoy feeling morally superior, which would be worth a good chunk of that $200. Can you think of it as buying moral superiority? Like a DIY plenary indulgence.

LaineyAZ

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8881 on: September 21, 2021, 07:09:21 AM »
slackmax,
I would consider it a one-time extra expense for a party with your elderly mother.  I agree that the organizers are taking advantage by allocating more of the expense to you because you are nearby, but it sounds like it's too late to change anything now.  Sorry that your family decided to dump this on you.

If there are future events, I'd be involved in the planning so there are no surprises as to any one person having to pay extra.  For this one, enjoy the beach.

Dicey

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8882 on: September 21, 2021, 07:09:42 AM »
Well, you could keep playing Scrooge and eliminate any possible enjoyment out of the weekend entirely. Complain to a few more people and see if you can taint their experience as well.

Do you know how many card-carrying mustachians would give 10x that just to spend a little more time with their now-deceased parent or grandparent?

You seem a most worthy candidate for a massive face punch. Open your damn wallet. More importantly open your heart and be grateful for what you've got while you still have it.

Also, you're quantifying this milestone in dollars.  Have you given any consideration to the efforts of the organizers of this event? All you have to do is show up and pay a few bucks. For that you get to enjoy the fruits of other people's labor.

If you can't change your attitude enough to enjoy this event without a fairness calculator running in your head, you don't deserve to be there. But that would probably make your mother sad.

LateStarter

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8883 on: September 21, 2021, 07:33:28 AM »
The going rate per person is $200 and I''ll be charged $400.
The birthday party is for my mother, in her 90's, so I want to be there.   
Is it fair ? No.
Is it going to significantly harm you ? No.
So, is it worth making a fuss ? No.

Cough up for the greater good, and be happy that you don't have to bother with this kind of trivia.
One of the benefits of having a stash is that you can easily rise above this sort of crap and just do the right thing.

PMG

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8884 on: September 21, 2021, 07:35:42 AM »
I just changed jobs within my organization and got a 97% salary increase.  I am swamped with learning the new job and now I need to do a whole of of research and rearrange our retirement saving plan right when I am so busy I donít have personal time.  Gah! We already have a big emergency fund. I donít need more cash sitting around and Iíve got to worry about tax optimization on a whole new level. I really need to get changes made before that first paycheck is cut but Iím so busy and I had a good plan now Iíve got to rearrange everything. Ugh! Lol.


SwordGuy

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8885 on: September 21, 2021, 07:48:36 AM »
I just changed jobs within my organization and got a 97% salary increase.  I am swamped with learning the new job and now I need to do a whole of of research and rearrange our retirement saving plan right when I am so busy I donít have personal time.  Gah! We already have a big emergency fund. I donít need more cash sitting around and Iíve got to worry about tax optimization on a whole new level. I really need to get changes made before that first paycheck is cut but Iím so busy and I had a good plan now Iíve got to rearrange everything. Ugh! Lol.

A 97% raise messing up your carefully crafted plans to save money is TRULY an MPP.

slackmax

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8886 on: September 21, 2021, 09:01:36 AM »
slackmax,
I would consider it a one-time extra expense for a party with your elderly mother.  I agree that the organizers are taking advantage by allocating more of the expense to you because you are nearby, but it sounds like it's too late to change anything now.  Sorry that your family decided to dump this on you.

If there are future events, I'd be involved in the planning so there are no surprises as to any one person having to pay extra.  For this one, enjoy the beach.

Lainey, Thanks.  I was involved in the original plan, which would have cost me only $10 in gas. Local event.

Then I get an email out of nowhere from my sister "Hey, we found a great beach house. Are you in?" I said I might be in depending on the cost. The domineering sister in law, who is making the arrangements, hemmed and hawed about the cost. Finally I figured out the plan to charge me double, buried in the pricing mechanism. I really had to drag it out of her. 

So I resent being left out of Phase 2 planning, and resent the sneaky way she overcharged me, and the way I had to drag it out of her.   

Yeah, people will say I ought to be happy for this reason or that, the overbearing sister in law is a saint for taking the time to plan things, etc.  I'm just venting, I guess.

sui generis

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8887 on: September 21, 2021, 09:10:34 AM »
slackmax,
I would consider it a one-time extra expense for a party with your elderly mother.  I agree that the organizers are taking advantage by allocating more of the expense to you because you are nearby, but it sounds like it's too late to change anything now.  Sorry that your family decided to dump this on you.

If there are future events, I'd be involved in the planning so there are no surprises as to any one person having to pay extra.  For this one, enjoy the beach.

Lainey, Thanks.  I was involved in the original plan, which would have cost me only $10 in gas. Local event.

Then I get an email out of nowhere from my sister "Hey, we found a great beach house. Are you in?" I said I might be in depending on the cost. The domineering sister in law, who is making the arrangements, hemmed and hawed about the cost. Finally I figured out the plan to charge me double, buried in the pricing mechanism. I really had to drag it out of her. 

So I resent being left out of Phase 2 planning, and resent the sneaky way she overcharged me, and the way I had to drag it out of her.   

Yeah, people will say I ought to be happy for this reason or that, the overbearing sister in law is a saint for taking the time to plan things, etc.  I'm just venting, I guess.

The SIL sneaking that in is a problem.  As tough as it is to be confrontational with people, I definitely would tell SIL that I wish she had had the courage to be honest with me about wanting me to pay double, paired with something about how I'm so happy to do so for this lovely celebration for mom.  But they should have been upfront with you that they were asking you to pay more and why.  If they felt like it was the right thing to do, they should have felt they could be honest about it, too. 

BicycleB

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8888 on: September 21, 2021, 10:02:51 AM »
slackmax,
I would consider it a one-time extra expense for a party with your elderly mother.  I agree that the organizers are taking advantage by allocating more of the expense to you because you are nearby, but it sounds like it's too late to change anything now.  Sorry that your family decided to dump this on you.

If there are future events, I'd be involved in the planning so there are no surprises as to any one person having to pay extra.  For this one, enjoy the beach.

Lainey, Thanks.  I was involved in the original plan, which would have cost me only $10 in gas. Local event.

Then I get an email out of nowhere from my sister "Hey, we found a great beach house. Are you in?" I said I might be in depending on the cost. The domineering sister in law, who is making the arrangements, hemmed and hawed about the cost. Finally I figured out the plan to charge me double, buried in the pricing mechanism. I really had to drag it out of her. 

So I resent being left out of Phase 2 planning, and resent the sneaky way she overcharged me, and the way I had to drag it out of her.   

Yeah, people will say I ought to be happy for this reason or that, the overbearing sister in law is a saint for taking the time to plan things, etc.  I'm just venting, I guess.

The SIL sneaking that in is a problem.  As tough as it is to be confrontational with people, I definitely would tell SIL that I wish she had had the courage to be honest with me about wanting me to pay double, paired with something about how I'm so happy to do so for this lovely celebration for mom.  But they should have been upfront with you that they were asking you to pay more and why.  If they felt like it was the right thing to do, they should have felt they could be honest about it, too. 

Use all this to create a plan. In future, lend her some money and then let her avoid you in order to avoid repayment. You'll never see her again! :)


dragoncar

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8889 on: September 21, 2021, 11:40:32 AM »
What are they taking the full cost including flights and food and dividing it by all attendees?  Are you getting reimbursed for gas money out of this fund?

I agree you should suck it up and go, and not make a fuss that would ruin it for your mother (assuming you have a good relationship with your mother) but..

Try to make your money back by eating all the chips and dip.  Like just $200 of bean dip

Weisass

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8890 on: September 21, 2021, 02:18:54 PM »
What are they taking the full cost including flights and food and dividing it by all attendees?  Are you getting reimbursed for gas money out of this fund?

I agree you should suck it up and go, and not make a fuss that would ruin it for your mother (assuming you have a good relationship with your mother) but..

Try to make your money back by eating all the chips and dip.  Like just $200 of bean dip

I mean, that really would be the gift that keeps on giving, especially if you make sure to share a bathroom with your SIL....

zolotiyeruki

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8891 on: September 21, 2021, 02:42:35 PM »
And make sure to snag any leftover food to take home with you.  If they start giving you dirty looks, just ask "well, were you planning pack it in your suitcase?"

slackmax

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8892 on: September 22, 2021, 07:54:36 AM »
And make sure to snag any leftover food to take home with you.  If they start giving you dirty looks, just ask "well, were you planning pack it in your suitcase?"

Oh, I like that!

Warning: this post is sort of self-therapy for me. Lots of self-involved psychobabble. You
have been warned, lol.

Thanks for the replies, especially the ones that offered a positive way to view things.

I'm still in limbo. I haven't been given my final price by the sister in law yet,
 but the momentum is leaning toward double price.

Here's the clever pricing scheme. She is charging per room, not per person. 5 rooms. $2,000
for the weekend total. So that's $400 per room.  People can share a room and the cost of the room.
I rarely see these relatives so I am uneasy asking them to share my room, and no one has offered.
There are natural pairings like husband and wife, brother and brother, etc to share rooms. But it
looks like the sister in law will be saying "Gee, Bob, nobody wanted to share your room with you, so
unfortunately, sob, sob, you will have to pay the whole $400 for your room, What a darn shame"

I have already told the sister in law I want to share a room, but I haven't said that I would
refuse to pay $400 for a room if no one shares with me.

Maybe I ought to find some non-relative who wants to go to the shore, and invite him/her to
go with me, to share the cost, lol.     

My plan right now is to do nothing, with the expectation that I'll be charged $400. I'll try to fell
like a nice, generous guy, and not like a played victim. I was definitely a played victim in
my divorce, and I think whenever that victim theme pops up I overreact and start obsessing. Never again.
Never again. Never again. ptsd? lol. Not looking for sympathy, just adding it to the thread. Maybe
this is therapeutic for me. I don't have anyone to talk to about it.

This really wore me down yesterday. I'm surprised by how much it wrecked me, emotionally. As bad as a bad day at w*rk.
I hope I won't obsess over it as much today. I'll stay busy doing stuff.

But I think this maybe is going to be a big weight on me from now until a few days after the whole
thing is over, which is a month away.

This is one of those things that can have a silver lining, but I'm never clever enough to see it.
I know there's a silver lining here somewhere somehow.

And it's just $200! 


Things I will tell myself:

It's only $200.

I get my own private room!

I can rest assured I paid more than "my fair share" and be guilt-free.

The relatives will treat me better. (possibly)
   
You're doing this for your mom, not the relatives.

Don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

I will give myself permission to just let it go, allow myself to feel good about life anyway.

You haven't violated your principles.   

It's not fair but so what? You are not condoning it.

You do not need to feel awful about it. You can get over it, and you will. 

You did your best, so you lived up to that principle.

This is what it has come to, and it's time to 'let it go', 'move on', etc. 

The fight is over. Time to rest and recover. Even George Foreman lost now and then.

Your mind will tell you every few hours that you have been ripped off. Just ignore it.

No one will think of you as a played victim ( I hope) But if they do, I may get some
sympathy, lol.     

If you agree to pay the $400, you are not opening the flood gates for more abuse to follow.
 
You can feel morally superior (thanks, merula)

There may be a silver lining here if you are open to it.

Sibley

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8893 on: September 22, 2021, 08:20:36 AM »
Um, Slackmax, I think I just totally changed my opinion on the situation. You 1000% should be paying for the room. If you rent a hotel room, then you pay for that hotel room. If you share a hotel room with someone, then you split that hotel room. If the room is $400, then you pay $400. If you split with someone, then you pay $200 and they pay $200.

You DO NOT get people in other hotel rooms to pay for your hotel room. Your sister in law is completely correct to charge you for the room that you, singular, occupy. You're being a cheapass and you're wrong.

If the family collectively decides to pay for your mother's room, then you would pay for your room + your share of your mother's room.

To change the example, if you go out to dinner with 10 people and you buy the $40 steak and everyone else gets the $10 chicken, then you pay $40 for your steak and everyone else pays $10 for their chicken.

Sugaree

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8894 on: September 22, 2021, 08:47:00 AM »
I heard back from a job I applied for last April.  It would only mean about an 8% increase in pay, but in the long term would mean ~20% higher salary higher than the grade I'm currently sitting on.  However, it's not something that I'm all that interested in doing.  It basically is comprised of the least favorite parts of my job and combines it with a lot of reading and writing technical documentation.

sui generis

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8895 on: September 22, 2021, 09:15:40 AM »
Um, Slackmax, I think I just totally changed my opinion on the situation. You 1000% should be paying for the room. If you rent a hotel room, then you pay for that hotel room. If you share a hotel room with someone, then you split that hotel room. If the room is $400, then you pay $400. If you split with someone, then you pay $200 and they pay $200.

You DO NOT get people in other hotel rooms to pay for your hotel room. Your sister in law is completely correct to charge you for the room that you, singular, occupy. You're being a cheapass and you're wrong.

If the family collectively decides to pay for your mother's room, then you would pay for your room + your share of your mother's room.

To change the example, if you go out to dinner with 10 people and you buy the $40 steak and everyone else gets the $10 chicken, then you pay $40 for your steak and everyone else pays $10 for their chicken.

I have to say the new information presented completely changes my perspective as well, though maybe doesn't change my answer as completely. I guess you got new info, slackmax, that this is now about "per room" rather than the fact that other people have to pay for air travel and you don't?  I could understand a bit more if you felt like that latter was still the true reason, but they were backing into a different, more palatable "excuse" about per-room-basis as a way to make you in particular pay more....but that doesn't sound like what it is.  It sounds like it's just honestly that they are dividing this per-room.

Which is a totally legitimate way to go.

I don't go quite as far as Sibley, perhaps, but as I read your post, I absolutely did think of the hotel room analogy.  I personally still think they *could* have chosen to do it differently.  This summer, my husband and all his best friends from high school planned a trip where we rented a giant lodge in MT.  There were 5 couples and one single guy.  They chose to split the total cost of the lodge per person rather than per room because they were sensitive about not wanting to "penalize" the one single guy.  And I think that's legitimate, and no one person was being disadvantaged.  The disadvantage was spread out over many more people.  But, I also can't say that the reverse, charging on a per-room basis and one of the 11 people taking all the "disadvantage" is wrong per se.

It's just a different approach.  You could talk to the organizers about this different approach, if you really wanted.  But for $200 I would not bother. 

talltexan

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8896 on: September 22, 2021, 09:57:48 AM »
For the record, organizing a gathering such that the single person is local, and all of the couples have to buy plane tickets is obviously inefficient.

Catbert

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8897 on: September 22, 2021, 10:17:04 AM »
Um, Slackmax, I think I just totally changed my opinion on the situation. You 1000% should be paying for the room. If you rent a hotel room, then you pay for that hotel room. If you share a hotel room with someone, then you split that hotel room. If the room is $400, then you pay $400. If you split with someone, then you pay $200 and they pay $200.

You DO NOT get people in other hotel rooms to pay for your hotel room. Your sister in law is completely correct to charge you for the room that you, singular, occupy. You're being a cheapass and you're wrong.

If the family collectively decides to pay for your mother's room, then you would pay for your room + your share of your mother's room.

To change the example, if you go out to dinner with 10 people and you buy the $40 steak and everyone else gets the $10 chicken, then you pay $40 for your steak and everyone else pays $10 for their chicken.

I have to say the new information presented completely changes my perspective as well, though maybe doesn't change my answer as completely. I guess you got new info, slackmax, that this is now about "per room" rather than the fact that other people have to pay for air travel and you don't?  I could understand a bit more if you felt like that latter was still the true reason, but they were backing into a different, more palatable "excuse" about per-room-basis as a way to make you in particular pay more....but that doesn't sound like what it is.  It sounds like it's just honestly that they are dividing this per-room.

Which is a totally legitimate way to go.

I don't go quite as far as Sibley, perhaps, but as I read your post, I absolutely did think of the hotel room analogy.  I personally still think they *could* have chosen to do it differently.  This summer, my husband and all his best friends from high school planned a trip where we rented a giant lodge in MT.  There were 5 couples and one single guy.  They chose to split the total cost of the lodge per person rather than per room because they were sensitive about not wanting to "penalize" the one single guy.  And I think that's legitimate, and no one person was being disadvantaged.  The disadvantage was spread out over many more people.  But, I also can't say that the reverse, charging on a per-room basis and one of the 11 people taking all the "disadvantage" is wrong per se.

It's just a different approach.  You could talk to the organizers about this different approach, if you really wanted.  But for $200 I would not bother.

I think it's fair that the house cost is split by room although I'm betting that Slackmax will get the smallest crappiest room bc they're single.  However, I read the $400 as covering the entire cost of the vacation/family reunion which I assume includes food and various sorts of entertainment as well.  That's no fair.

Pricing these kind of events is always a quagmire.  Flat cost per room for housing is okay (as long as there's a lottery for the best/worst room).  However, food and other things need to be priced per person.  Even this isn't perfect...are kids cheaper bc they eat less?  Only before a certain age?  What age?  What if I'm on a diet and *mostly* don't eat group food?  What if I don't want to contribute to the group gift?  Don't want the group picture?  It goes on and on.

NorthernIkigai

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8898 on: September 22, 2021, 10:22:16 AM »
For the record, organizing a gathering such that the single person is local, and all of the couples have to buy plane tickets is obviously inefficient.

That depends on whether those couples are all flying in from the same area or from several different ones. I hope this event is arranged to be as nice and comfortable possible for the elderly person they are celebrating, regardless of whether itís technically inefficient.

slackmax

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Re: Mustachian People Problems (just for fun)
« Reply #8899 on: September 23, 2021, 06:28:53 AM »
Um, Slackmax, I think I just totally changed my opinion on the situation. You 1000% should be paying for the room. If you rent a hotel room, then you pay for that hotel room. If you share a hotel room with someone, then you split that hotel room. If the room is $400, then you pay $400. If you split with someone, then you pay $200 and they pay $200.

You DO NOT get people in other hotel rooms to pay for your hotel room. Your sister in law is completely correct to charge you for the room that you, singular, occupy. You're being a cheapass and you're wrong.

If the family collectively decides to pay for your mother's room, then you would pay for your room + your share of your mother's room.

To change the example, if you go out to dinner with 10 people and you buy the $40 steak and everyone else gets the $10 chicken, then you pay $40 for your steak and everyone else pays $10 for their chicken.

I don't know how you can get this so backwards, Sibley. The cheapass is the sister in law. She's going to put her 4 person family, all adults,  into one room, so she is paying only $100 per person.   

I would love to be the cheapass here, but I cannot.

It's so simple.  I *want* to share my room, and the cost of it, but cannot.   I am paying full price for my room. Other folks are getting big discounts. 

 Why am  I the bad guy here?