My MPP from a few months ago - I had just wrapped up building a camper van and was headed up from Washington state into Canada & Alaska to enjoy the balance of summer traveling through some national parks, checking out the remote lakes of the Yukon, visiting friends, hiking, biking, etc. I had no specific pre-planned route, no specific timeline to get through the area and back down into the Lower 48 - after all, one of the best parts of being a retired mustachian is to follow life as we please and as it comes to us, without too much of that planning ahead stuff. But, with me as a 30-year old single male, the Canadian border patrol agent wasn't so convinced. Conversation went something like this -
Me: *Drives up to border, enjoying the scenery, with an unsuspecting smile plastered on my face*
Canadian Border Agent: "Where are you headed?"
Me: "Oh, I plan to head on up through BC and the into the Yukon, eventually making my way into Alaska"
BA: "Is that right? And how long are you going to be in Canada?"
Me: "Well, probably 2-4 weeks on the way up. Maybe something similar on the way back down after coming back in from Alaska and heading south. Depends a little bit on the weather, and if I meet some cool people along the way who have ideas of other things to see. Maybe a little bit longer if that happens."
BA: *Looks at my $10k, self-converted 2010 Ford Transit Connect van with 145,000 miles on it that gets great mileage for a van but doesn't exactly scream 'normal and well-heeled traveller'* - "And how exactly do you intend to finance these travels? Do you understand that it's expensive to travel through Canada, and you're talking about 2+ months in our country. You do understand that it's illegal to work while you are here, and I'm going to need proof that you are able to finance your travels".
Me: *Realizing that I probably should've shown up a little bit more than 0% prepared for this conversation* - "Um, well, yes, I mean, I understand that. But, I have the money though".
BA: *Suspicion deepening rapidly* - "And what exactly do you do for work that allows you to be gone for months at a time and not work while you're here?"
Me: *Realizing this is not going to go well, but without enough time to think of something that sounds less ridiculous* - "Um, well, I'm.... retired, sir".
BA: "You're what?"
Me: *At this point, the look on BA's face shows clearly what he's thinking - that my story is most ridiculous fake cover-up story of all time and that I have now fully convinced him that I am entering his country primarily to participate in one or multiple illicit activities, for a minimum of 3 months, possibly in perpetuity* - "Well, yeah... you know... I mean... I'm... retired..."
BA: "I'm going to need you to shut off your car right now, and come with me. We'll be searching your vehicle and my colleague over there is going to take down and record all of your answers to our questions....."
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All of this ended up costing me 2+ hours in the interrogation room with them searching every nook and cranny of my vehicle inside and out... I'm convinced they were deeply disappointed when the worst thing they found was that my bear spray wasn't properly secured and fell onto the passenger seat floorboard when they knocked it over.
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Moral of the story - Sometimes it pays to prepare the "off-the-shelf regular person" answer, or something similar to it. I'll keep that in mind next summer when the great white north comes calling once again.