Author Topic: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis  (Read 12735 times)

Astatine

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MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« on: December 09, 2015, 07:13:28 PM »
Hi, I've come across a few posts over the past month or so of people saying they've had a cancer diagnosis and gone through treatment and such.

I'm currently going through cancer treatment for early stage cancer (surgery, chemo and radiotherapy), diagnosed in July. I'm interested in a discussion about how a cancer diagnosis changes your perception of the future, planning (including finances) and even stuff like living with the side effects of treatment and the possibility of recurrence. Do you feel like you are a different person now? Have you changed your spending/saving habits at all since diagnosis? Do you live more for today, or still plan decades in advance? That kind of thing :)



What I don't want from this thread:

- sympathy for my cancer diagnosis (yes, it sucks but it is what it is and life goes on)
- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)
- stories about your friends or family who had a cancer diagnosis (living with it is different to watching someone else go through it)

SwordGuy

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2015, 07:25:33 PM »
What I don't want from this thread:

- sympathy for my cancer diagnosis (yes, it sucks but it is what it is and life goes on)
- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)
- stories about your friends or family who had a cancer diagnosis (living with it is different to watching someone else go through it)

Wow, you really did get hit with MMM's Optimism Gun (TM)!!!

I've never ever seen a request to stay on track ever work before, so I'm waiting with great anticipation to see if it works this time! :)

A few years ago I got diagnosed with a problem on my tongue.   "Pre-cancerous" - whatever the heck that actually means.   It was serious enough that they went in and cut a chunk of my tongue off and stitched it back together.   I got to go thru the "What will the test come back as?" waiting game.

So, not so serious as your situation, but enough for me to take stock of where we are and where we need to be for our mentally handicapped daughter's financial well-being.  It gave me the motivation to learn more about investing rather than just wage-earn my way to financial independence.

I got lucky, I just got the wake-up call and some serious but very temporary discomfort.  Best of luck.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2015, 12:40:11 AM »
What I don't want from this thread:

- sympathy for my cancer diagnosis (yes, it sucks but it is what it is and life goes on)
- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)
- stories about your friends or family who had a cancer diagnosis (living with it is different to watching someone else go through it)

Wow, you really did get hit with MMM's Optimism Gun (TM)!!!

I've never ever seen a request to stay on track ever work before, so I'm waiting with great anticipation to see if it works this time! :)

hahahaha

Well... so far so good, right? ;) The second dot point is the one I'm most keen to avoid.


A few years ago I got diagnosed with a problem on my tongue.   "Pre-cancerous" - whatever the heck that actually means.   It was serious enough that they went in and cut a chunk of my tongue off and stitched it back together.   I got to go thru the "What will the test come back as?" waiting game.

So, not so serious as your situation, but enough for me to take stock of where we are and where we need to be for our mentally handicapped daughter's financial well-being.  It gave me the motivation to learn more about investing rather than just wage-earn my way to financial independence.

I got lucky, I just got the wake-up call and some serious but very temporary discomfort.  Best of luck.

The waiting game is seriously unfun. Because you don't know if it's a) nothing, b)could be something but treatable, c) something that's treatable but treatment is long and arduous, or to be blunt, d) you're a dead man walking. I relaxed a lot more once I knew what I was dealing with (which turned out to be c) in my case but d) was an outside chance).

Did you change how you lived your day to day life?

former player

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2015, 02:48:48 AM »
I got through a diagnosis 20 years ago - first results cancer, retest pre-cancer, nothing further needed after removal.  After the initial panic it sort of settles into the background, and I don't feel it changed who I am, except possibly for an extra layer of gratitude/appreciation for life every now and then and particularly when I hear about people I know who are less fortunate with their diagnoses. So it may have been one of the things which helped me make the leap to early retirement 15 years later, but with such an interval it's difficult to tell.

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2015, 03:11:31 AM »
I used to drive a lot in crazy traffic and felt like I could die any day. It used to nag at me a lot. Not real fear, but just and unsettling feeling that I was not in control. Once I had made some provisions for my wife and kids that feeling went away. Nowadays you have a pretty good chance to live a long life with cancer, so the only thing changed are the odds. But I would say take more financial risk in favor of early retirement. Also make a plan, what to do when bad news comes. For me having a plan means I don't have to keep thinking about it.

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2015, 05:23:29 AM »

The waiting game is seriously unfun. Because you don't know if it's a) nothing, b)could be something but treatable, c) something that's treatable but treatment is long and arduous, or to be blunt, d) you're a dead man walking. I relaxed a lot more once I knew what I was dealing with (which turned out to be c) in my case but d) was an outside chance).

Did you change how you lived your day to day life?

This is where I am right now. It's either a or c. So I have not been diagnosed (if that means I shouldn't post, let me know, and I will delete this).  I initially did a ton of (pointless) research and a good deal of worrying. I've stopped thinking about it since worrying is not going to change the outcome. I have always been a naturally happy and optimistic person. I feel more like that than ever. When I was contemplating if I had d., I realized that I have no regrets. I've lived a full, amazing life, and there is nothing that I'm lacking. This has definitely impacted my mindset. Every day is like a bonus day, a hidden level full of delights and interactions. This is still true even if it's nothing (this time). It's also easier than ever to maintain my perspective when petty annoyances or disagreeable people cross my path (though to be honest that has never really been a problem for me). One significant change has been that I've decided to be myself when I'm at work or with family and friends. I'm no longer hiding how  happy and silly I am, and I don't care what people may or may not think about it (where I live, being unhappy or hyper critical is the norm - sort of a perceived mark of sophistication). Generally, I feel less self-consious and calmer.  Another significant change is my perception of safe withdrawal rates. When researching survival rates for my differential diagnosis, I came across a 30%-70% survival rate. I thought, "boy, 70% is great!" Then I thought how funny it was that a 70% five year survival rate when applied to my life is good, while the same survival rate for my portfolio would be an unacceptable failure. I realize this isn't an apples to apples comparison, but it got me thinking. If I take a risk and FIRE and it doesn't work out, then I get a job. Since my wants are few, I could take a low paying job and be fine. Sometimes we think we know how we're going to feel about something, but until it happens we really have no idea. I always thought that if I had a cancer scare, I would feel anguish over all the things I hadn't done - like living in another country or seeing most of the world. It turns out, that's not the case for me. As enjoyable as they may be, those things are not critical to my life in the way I thought they were. Similarly, I could think that once I FIRE, I'll never want to go back to work, so I better be sure that my portfolio has a 100% success rate. I have no idea how I'll feel once I'm FIREd, but it's probably unlikely that going back to work would be as bad as I think it would be. It's just work after all.

tl;dr Have not been diagnosed with cancer, but while waiting for results, have confirmed how happy I am and feel more willing to take risks.

pbkmaine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2015, 06:37:16 AM »
I had a precancerous lesion (melanoma) removed from my upper lip 10 years ago. There is also a lot of cancer in my family tree. These two things have caused me to slow down and enjoy each day. When I see something beautiful, I stop and drink it in. I try to be fully present with other people. So I would say that the quality of my life has significantly improved as a result.


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protostache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2015, 06:54:08 AM »
- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)

Augh! This is the worst, especially when it comes from people you love. Yes, I know that magical thinking exists and that sometimes it works for some people, but the literature very clearly states that the treatment my doctors have prescribed is the most effective treatment available. So please just shut it.

Hi, I've come across a few posts over the past month or so of people saying they've had a cancer diagnosis and gone through treatment and such.

I'm currently going through cancer treatment for early stage cancer (surgery, chemo and radiotherapy), diagnosed in July. I'm interested in a discussion about how a cancer diagnosis changes your perception of the future, planning (including finances) and even stuff like living with the side effects of treatment and the possibility of recurrence. Do you feel like you are a different person now? Have you changed your spending/saving habits at all since diagnosis? Do you live more for today, or still plan decades in advance? That kind of thing :)

I was diagnosed with stage IIa testicular cancer and had surgery almost exactly three years ago. From the moment my GP said "this is probably nothing to worry about but..." to when my medical oncologist said "you're done, go away" I felt like everything was on hold. The life I had just started building with my (then) girlfriend, the future we were looking at, it was all paused. We waited for diagnosis, we waited for surgery, then we waited for chemo to start, and finally for chemo to work. It was horrible.

I think it took until the clean second follow up for us to really take a breath and start planning for the future again, although due to other family stuff we ended up not being able to plan very far ahead. Thankfully my cancer was one of the easiest to cure, and the treatment worked. Unfortunately my stepfather and mother-in-law were not as lucky, but those are stories about other people.

Looking back, I think I am more optimistic about the future because of the experience. I'm definitely planning on a long life and a long retirement. I'm also much more realistic about my own death. We have quite a bit of life insurance on me, some of which we pay dearly for, because in the event it does come back to get me I don't want my wife to have to make terrible choices after I'm gone. We also pay for very good health insurance.

I radically changed my attitude toward work. Before, work was a thing that I suffered through and that provided me with certain benefits like time off and a 401k. I was willing to take a lot of crap in order to not change jobs, and as a result I was not very happy. After, I quit my very stable, well paying job and struck out on a journey to build a business I love. Right now that business is consulting, but in 10 years it very well could be something entirely different. Whatever it is, I will not suffer fools in exchange for stability.

Edit to add: If you ever need to vent or ask questions of someone who has been in a similar situation, please don't hesitate to send me a PM.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2015, 08:15:43 AM by protostache »

use2betrix

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2015, 08:09:10 AM »
I was recently diagnosed with skin cancer right in my eye socket, I am 27. The wait to find out whether it was melanoma or not opened my eyes a LOT. Fortunately, it is just basal cell and very common.

I cannot imagine what you're going through, but I can understand the mindset in general.

The number one thing it opened my eyes to was a better life insurance policy. Once this is behind me I will be taking out a private plan to assure my loved ones are fully taken care of. I have a plan now, but it's petty.

It will also be reassuring my want to leave the south. I have terrible complexion and burn so easily. I hate the south and the climate for this reason and always have. I've longed to move up North, which I have spent most my life up there anyways. This further solidifies my reasoning to move there eventually.

CopperTex

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2015, 08:55:43 AM »

I was diagnosed with stage IIa testicular cancer and had surgery almost exactly three years ago. From the moment my GP said "this is probably nothing to worry about but..." to when my medical oncologist said "you're done, go away" I felt like everything was on hold. The life I had just started building with my (then) girlfriend, the future we were looking at, it was all paused. We waited for diagnosis, we waited for surgery, then we waited for chemo to start, and finally for chemo to work. It was horrible.

Protostache, my husband went through this exact same same cancer and treatment this year. Ended chemo in March and clean CatScan shortly thereafter. He experienced many of the same life changes and outlooks that you did. He is certainly a different man now - for the better.

Astro Camper

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2015, 09:09:20 AM »
Quote
- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)

What many don't realize is that 1.2% of terminal cancer patients have spontaneous remissions. Simply their own immune system one day decided to kill cancer. And this is the biggest problem. If that person was drinking bleach a week ago, or baking soda, or took B17, or, or, or........... it was the cure. And they have CT scans to prove it.

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2015, 09:27:30 AM »
I don't exactly fit into the criteria but both my parents had cancer at a young (<50) age.

It has absolutely changed my perceptions and handling in life, money, and pretty much everything. I work in medicine and see every day how fleeting and spontaneous living  (or not living) can be.

I do not clutch every penny in a very MMM way. I do spend more on experiences and time with my family. And I am thankful every day that I get to make that decision.

protostache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2015, 09:35:38 AM »
Protostache, my husband went through this exact same same cancer and treatment this year. Ended chemo in March and clean CatScan shortly thereafter. He experienced many of the same life changes and outlooks that you did. He is certainly a different man now - for the better.

Glad to hear it! Just make sure y'all maintain the follow up schedule, no matter what.

Guava

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2015, 09:35:51 AM »
I was diagnosed in September and I am halfway done with chemo now and still have radiation to go. I am 25. I had to stop working so I feel pretty useless sitting at home all day. Work defined me in a lot of ways I didn't even realize. I was closer to coworkers than I am alot of family.  My job saved lives indirectly and gave me a lot of purpose and enjoyment.  I had to stop going to school for my masters. I sleep 12 hours a day.  My while life is flipped upside down.

That being said, I see the value of financial planning more than ever. In spite of thousands of dollars in medical bills, my net worth is remaining constant. I can put food on the table and I could adopt a family for the holidays like I always do. I can pay my mortgage and not worry. I have a greater desire now for ER so I can spend my time directly helping people and doing charitable work. Cancer hasn't made my life stop in any way. Just last week my SO proposed after for years together. It's just been a road bump.

The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain. The best part is not having to drive to work in the snow.

protostache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2015, 09:39:16 AM »
The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain.

Ironically, I forgot about chemo fog. It is absolutely a real thing and don't let anyone tell you different. It's the only lasting side effect from my particular treatment and it's dramatically less than what it was while I was getting dosed, but it's still around. It was so incredibly frustrating at the time, but my wife has some funny stories.

Guava

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2015, 10:08:51 AM »
The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain.

Ironically, I forgot about chemo fog. It is absolutely a real thing and don't let anyone tell you different. It's the only lasting side effect from my particular treatment and it's dramatically less than what it was while I was getting dosed, but it's still around. It was so incredibly frustrating at the time, but my wife has some funny stories.

Lol last week I was filling out a paper with my symptoms and forgot to check memory loss. My MIL and I had a good laugh about it. It is very frustrating so far.

oldladystache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2015, 10:17:56 AM »
The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain.

Ironically, I forgot about chemo fog. It is absolutely a real thing and don't let anyone tell you different. It's the only lasting side effect from my particular treatment and it's dramatically less than what it was while I was getting dosed, but it's still around. It was so incredibly frustrating at the time, but my wife has some funny stories.

I'm 4 years past chemo and I think the chemo brain is finally just about cleared up. I'm back to remembering where I left my car, which is really important sometimes. I hardly ever stop in the middle of a sentence because I can't think of the right word.

I never could remember anyone's name, but now I can blame it on chemo brain.

I find I care much less about what other people think. I say what's on my mind. Interestlngly, instead of offending people it seems to please them. Shoulda made that change a long time ago.

jennykay

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2015, 10:36:47 AM »
I was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant with my second child at age 35 (about 8 years ago).  Once I went through treatment, my husband and I reflected on our lives.  We immediately moved to a different part of the country where we wanted to be (cost had been holding us back but now we figured, why wait).  I went back to work for a year and earned a big promotion (kind of to prove to myself I could still do it) and then I permanently resigned from corporate.  We have now sold the expensive house and moved into an rv with plans to tour the country with the kids.   We are having a blast!

I can't say for sure, but I think there is a good chance we would have stayed where we were and not challenged ourselves as much if my illness hadn't shocked us into it.  We are also on track to FIRE next year.  Not much risk of OMY syndrome since we know nothing is guaranteed.


Bateaux

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2015, 12:35:29 PM »
I didnt have cancer it's much worse than that.  My 14 year old son was diagnosed with leukemia in 2008.  He's a survivor but it's been a hard ride for him and all of us.  Our Mustacian ways saved us from bankruptcy when my wife had to quit working for two years as a caregiver.  Numerous surgeries, Bone Marrow Transplant and treatments later he's 22 now.  My OMY will continue till he's 26 for health insurance.   Thanks to Obama Care he still has insurance.

chubbybunny

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #19 on: December 10, 2015, 12:46:37 PM »
I don't know if I have anything new to add (I did post something about this awhile ago; you can search my posts).  I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer in 2012.  It had a huge impact on me.  For about a second I had this urge to quit my job and start living a crazy vagabond life in the time I had left.  Then reality sunk in and I realized I was probably going to survive this and live longer than my money would last.

But it was something about that reality that I might die... It changed everything for me.  It fueled my desire to be FIRE as soon as possible.  We went from a savings rate of 15% to 40%.  I want a chance to retire, but also want to leave something for my special needs child.  Fear of what might happen to her drove a lot of it too.

Now to make sure I go off on a tangent, I have to share this... I was given STRONG advice from two different people.  One told me that cancer hates acid, and I need to consume copious amounts of apple cider vinegar.  I had another person tell me I need to consume large amounts of baking soda, because acid helps cancer grow.  Both of them were SO SERIOUS.  I considered telling them I was trying both to hedge my bets.

zinethstache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2015, 02:50:27 PM »
I have to share my only cancer story. It wasn't me who could have had cancer, but it hit me very hard as I was going through my own physical hell at the time.

First,  I was born with many birth defects. I can only imagine it was a result of my 1960s hippy parents partying while pregnant. I've been through many, many surgeries over the years to fix these abnormalities when they've caused issues. No biggie I can deal with that. In each case the surgeon was confident that surgery would be the fix to the issue, only once was the "C" word mentioned and we found out in 2 days time. So last year I was dealing with a massive disc rupture that would not heal (yes likely caused by two birth defects at that set of vertebrae in my lower lumbar). I am happily married, DH has had NO medical issues in his life except a broken collar bone from football.

So I was going through a series of medical appointments to be "approved" for an ALIF 360 fusion at that bad joint. I was all "woe is me" etc, etc. and out of the blue the big C word comes up with my always healthy husband. ACK!

I'd noticed he would wheeze alot, like when we walk etc. I put this and one other issue on a sticky note for him to take to his annual wellness exam, which up until this point always felt like a waste of time. I was working minimal hours at home waiting for clearance for my surgery and I noticed he'd been at the doctor for a very long time that morning.

Well, he came home and he was pretty vague, but what it amounted to is that his chest xray showed growths, a substantial amount of them, and more in one lung than the other. This was in oh, September. So now here we are with my list of dr. appts. and him making his appts to see various specialists and get more scans done on his lungs. They couldn't make out what it was with the basic scans and at an appt I was not at, he was told they needed to do a biopsy (ok so this is when I started getting nervous). There were three options and he opted for the least invasive, but also the least likely to guarantee a successful result.

Sigh, so we wait 2 weeks and head to the hospital for his first ever procedure where he will be anesthetized in his life. They made some poor choices and he ended up being a horrid patient. They put a scope down his throat then a little tool to go in to a lung from the side and snatch up some tissue. When he returned all groggy I heard how bad he was to work with. Evidently his gag reflex is strong and he is a big strong man. The anesthesiologist was a little guy and had to wrestle with DHs head the entire time. Well of course a week or so later, the tests came back non-conclusive, they did not get the right tissue type. I cannot tell you how stressful this was for us. I was still whiny and could hardly walk and here now my DH might have cancer and the first attempt to know for sure failed. We were now in October...

We were already well on our way to FI by this time and our Life Insurance was and still is all set in the event either of us die. But I digress.

Back to the Pulponary Dr. we went. I insisted on attending, to make sure that the choice of what biopsy surgery to undergo would be guaranteed a result this time. She was nice, very calm and all that. Gave him his options and he knew he was stuck. He chose the guaranteed to get the tissue option which was a one to two night stay in the hospital. They had to collapse his lung, go in on the side, cut out the tissue and send it off for biopsy. The one to two nights stay was to let that lung recover.

Ironically I was already set to meet the Head of Vascular surgery the day after DHs surgery at 8am at the hospital. My surgery required 2 surgeons. At this point I wasn't driving but DH was now in the hospital and we don't have family close by. So I violated my restrictions to take care of our cat and I was in too bad of shape to try to sleep there. I know, more whining from me.  So, early the next morning I was at the hospital early, early working remotely on my laptop. I finished up two conference calls and then took off on my journey to find the vascular surgeon's section of this huge hospital. By the time I got there I was a physical wreck and very emotional. Again, such a wimp. He actually hugged me in sympathy. I got through me pre-op appt.  In fact that PA who took my blood pressure didn't believe what it read so he took another measurement on the other arm. Both matched. After, I went out to the scheduler and they called my Orthopedic Surgeon so schedule the surgery. The earliest the two had time for me as seven weeks out. 12/10! A year ago today.  In fact had it not been a year today I would not have read you post likely and in turn posted my story… WEIRD.

DH was a trooper, he never complained, never once called the nurse. He diligently used his morphine button every 10 minutes so that helped. He was restricted from driving for one month. Double ACK.  I was in better shape then he so I did what minimal driving was required. It took another two weeks to get the results and VOILA, a minor miracle happened. IT WAS/IS NOT CANCER. However, instead it is a life long chronic disease we don't know much about and you can only treat the symptoms (with a cortisone puffer). It won't in itself kill him, but if he ever gets pneumonia or any other lung problem, this will complicate it and that could kill him. It could decide to go in remission at any time, it can come back. It just is. I saw the scans and his lungs are lit up with so much extra white material it is scary to see. And indeed one is much worse than the other. This disease is called Sarcoidosis.

So in summary, living with the thought of cancer  and not knowing is a totally scary thing. Now that we've both had our share of ailments we are keen to get me to RE asap so we can take care of our bucket list before one of us has more health issues that will keep us from doing what we want. We hit FI in January of this year. But I am having so much fun post surgery working as a healthy person that I am going to keep at it until January 2017.

I look forward to reading more posts here as I still think me and my DH are not in the clear yet on that C word. No one is!

Guava

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #21 on: December 10, 2015, 04:22:33 PM »
This disease is called Sarcoidosis.

As a fellow sarc patient, I can say I would take my cancer over the sarc any day. I have been in remission since February 2014 and didn't have the traditional lung involvement but it manifested in my joints instead. At least my cancer has a defined treatment to make it go away. Sarc is just a guessing game with a little luck.

pdxbator

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2015, 04:29:19 PM »
I work in cancer treatment and on a daily basis see all types of cancer patients. From healthy to very very sick. This career path has led me to several things.

First, RE. I see patients in their 30s or 40s who in their prime of life are facing a very uncertain future and haven't lived out some dreams that they want to see. With working 40 hours a week 48 weeks a year I can't do many things that I wish to. I like to camp, hike, be outdoors. I want to see other countries. Getting 2 to 4 weeks of vacation a year just isn’t sufficient.

Second, have a large buffer of finances. I see patients all the time who are living social security check to check. They have no room for even small changes in their expenses. They don’t have a reliable care, they can’t afford their prescriptions, etc etc etc. It can be rather heart wrenching to hear stories like that. In retiring early I plan to be able to afford these things.

Third, make connections with people. There are patients who have very few people who they can rely on to help get them to appointments or just moral support. Even though I’m an introvert at heart it’s important to have people that you can rely on for important things when you are exhausted and need someone to bring you soup.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2015, 06:35:37 PM »
Loving all the replies, thank you! I will reply in more detail but still have fatigue from last week's chemo infusion. I went out this morning (first time in days) and now I've hit the wall.

BunnyBoi

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #24 on: December 10, 2015, 07:21:02 PM »
Hello!

I finished my chemo a few months ago. Age 20

Perception of the future:
It has changed a lot. I always assumed I would have cancer at 40 instead. So now my future is bit shaky. I find it very hard to commit to anything right now due to the insecurity of a possible recurrence.

Planning (including finances):
I still do the same, budgeting and investing and such. But I focus more on the 'what if I die soon' area. Going to make a Will soon and making sure I choose my charities to donate to when I die.

Side effects:
My surgery on my colon caused me to develope 'short bowel syndrome' meaning anything I eat comes out like diarrhea a few minutes after eating. Not pretty but luckily I have anti diarrhea medication. Thankfully not too many side effects of chemo other than some memory loss and the possibility of sun burning easily. Drugs caused me to have muscle cramping constantly for now. And I think I just recently developed 'gluten sensitivity' not to be mistaken for gluten intolerance. Also on a low fiber diet unless I want diarrhea. Lastly self esteem issues, this is weirdly my biggest problem.

Recurrence:
After surgery my rate of recurrence was 40% (I was stage 2B). After chemo my rate now is 20% within a 5 year period. I am hoping of course that there is no recurrence but due to my young age I will have to accept the possibility that I could just develop another cancer.

Different person now?:
This sounds weird but I don't tolerate any s*** anymore. Haha had to write that. I used to be the type that would stay quiet and let people walk over me but now I just fight back cause I don't really care. Overall my direction in life has changed a bit. I always assumed I would work hard while young and enjoy an early retirement but now I realize there is a possibility I might not even live that long, the answer is moderation. Enjoy a bit now and enjoy a bit later. I am still studying for my degree so hoping to get that over with. And I am excited to work soon. Other than that I am taking my passions a lot more seriously. I used to hate buying books and such cause it was a waste of money but the fact is that these things make me happy so its okay to enjoy a bit.

Spending/saving habits:
Not much has changed but I increase my 'enjoyment' budget a lot. I am willing to pay a little bit for things I might like to eat or for books. Even saving to go on holiday! Before I would freak out over just spending a few dollars but now I just add it to my budget.

Do you live more for today, or still plan decades in advance?:
Mixture of both. Live a little more today, don't be afraid to enjoy moderately. But still plan for the future for a time that you or your family may need you.

I hope you are coping with your treatments and will be done with it once and for all.
I wrote a blog https://thebucketliststory.wordpress.com/ if you are interested in reading my chemo journey.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #25 on: December 10, 2015, 08:41:46 PM »
Thanks for all the awesome replies! (although it sucks that so many of us have had to go through this)

My story is I found a rash on my breast back in June this year. My GP said to put steroid cream on it (I have very sensitive skin and am prone to weird and wonderful reactions). It didn't go away. So he sent me off to have an ultrasound and biopsy because he thought I might have an infection and the biopsy would help work out what antibiotics I should take. I couldn't feel a lump and neither could my GP. The ultrasound didn't show up a classic breast cancer lump - the radiologist quizzed me if I was breastfeeding (nope, I'm childless) and then had I been in a car accident because it looked like a hematoma.

But... the biopsy came back as a ductal carcinoma and I was diagnosed with breast cancer in July. After surgery and scans, the final diagnosis was stage 2b (the cancer had just started to spread into a lymph node), grade 3 and very aggressive, sensitive to hormones but HER-. So far I've had a lumpectomy and sentinel node removal (and I had a port put in. Best Decision Ever because I have shitty shitty veins), 5/6 rounds of chemo and then next year has radiation therapy for a few months, followed by hormone blockers and possible ovarian switch off/removal if chemo hasn't triggered menopause. And of course, intensive follow up for the first 2 years to keep an eye out for recurrence, followed by less intensive check ups for a number of years after that.

I'm not sure how the diagnosis will affect me longer term. I am prone to anxiety and ptsd type reactions from childhood, and often catastrophise. But, I dunno, I'm apparently coping with the diagnosis and fear of mortality better than most so who can say. I've read that up to 40% of women who go through breast cancer treatment end up with ptsd-type reactions afterwards. I'm hoping that I manage to avoid that. I'm also obviously hoping I don't have a recurrence.

I would like to be able to get to FIRE sooner rather than later, but I also don't want to miss out on stuff that I really want to do that costs money. So I'm kind of in flux as to where I'll end up with that next year. I think it will depend if my emotional reaction suddenly changes when I finish radiation therapy and I really have no idea if it will.

I also feel like I'm wasting time while I'm on chemo. Like, I should be living a more fulfilling and interesting life even when I'm spending half of each cycle in bed and narrowly avoiding hospital admissions for fever. Which sounds silly now that I write it out but it has been playing on my mind this week.

I got through a diagnosis 20 years ago - first results cancer, retest pre-cancer, nothing further needed after removal.  After the initial panic it sort of settles into the background, and I don't feel it changed who I am, except possibly for an extra layer of gratitude/appreciation for life every now and then and particularly when I hear about people I know who are less fortunate with their diagnoses. So it may have been one of the things which helped me make the leap to early retirement 15 years later, but with such an interval it's difficult to tell.

That's great the retest showed it was nothing. And what you said makes perfect sense.


The waiting game is seriously unfun. Because you don't know if it's a) nothing, b)could be something but treatable, c) something that's treatable but treatment is long and arduous, or to be blunt, d) you're a dead man walking. I relaxed a lot more once I knew what I was dealing with (which turned out to be c) in my case but d) was an outside chance).

Did you change how you lived your day to day life?

This is where I am right now. It's either a or c. So I have not been diagnosed (if that means I shouldn't post, let me know, and I will delete this).  I initially did a ton of (pointless) research and a good deal of worrying. I've stopped thinking about it since worrying is not going to change the outcome. I have always been a naturally happy and optimistic person. I feel more like that than ever. When I was contemplating if I had d., I realized that I have no regrets. I've lived a full, amazing life, and there is nothing that I'm lacking. This has definitely impacted my mindset. Every day is like a bonus day, a hidden level full of delights and interactions. This is still true even if it's nothing (this time). It's also easier than ever to maintain my perspective when petty annoyances or disagreeable people cross my path (though to be honest that has never really been a problem for me). One significant change has been that I've decided to be myself when I'm at work or with family and friends. I'm no longer hiding how  happy and silly I am, and I don't care what people may or may not think about it (where I live, being unhappy or hyper critical is the norm - sort of a perceived mark of sophistication). Generally, I feel less self-consious and calmer.  Another significant change is my perception of safe withdrawal rates. When researching survival rates for my differential diagnosis, I came across a 30%-70% survival rate. I thought, "boy, 70% is great!" Then I thought how funny it was that a 70% five year survival rate when applied to my life is good, while the same survival rate for my portfolio would be an unacceptable failure. I realize this isn't an apples to apples comparison, but it got me thinking. If I take a risk and FIRE and it doesn't work out, then I get a job. Since my wants are few, I could take a low paying job and be fine. Sometimes we think we know how we're going to feel about something, but until it happens we really have no idea. I always thought that if I had a cancer scare, I would feel anguish over all the things I hadn't done - like living in another country or seeing most of the world. It turns out, that's not the case for me. As enjoyable as they may be, those things are not critical to my life in the way I thought they were. Similarly, I could think that once I FIRE, I'll never want to go back to work, so I better be sure that my portfolio has a 100% success rate. I have no idea how I'll feel once I'm FIREd, but it's probably unlikely that going back to work would be as bad as I think it would be. It's just work after all.

tl;dr Have not been diagnosed with cancer, but while waiting for results, have confirmed how happy I am and feel more willing to take risks.

Wow. I suspect you're a definite outlier with your reaction to a possible c). That's awesome you've been able to stay so positive despite the uncertainty. I took sedating antihistamines to calm myself down for the first week or two after diagnosis and I was an emotional mess at work til I went on leave for my surgery. I eventually managed to get into the mindset of "worrying won't change the future, all it does is spoil the present" before surgery but yeah, the first couple of weeks were a bit rough. I also calmed down after my surgery when I realised that the surgeon had only taken a few lymph nodes, not all of them, which meant d) was very unlikely.

Best of luck and I hope your answer is a) and not c). c) is not much fun. I mean, it's not the end of the world but it's definitely unfun.

I had a precancerous lesion (melanoma) removed from my upper lip 10 years ago. There is also a lot of cancer in my family tree. These two things have caused me to slow down and enjoy each day. When I see something beautiful, I stop and drink it in. I try to be fully present with other people. So I would say that the quality of my life has significantly improved as a result.

Lovely! I am noticing I am more prone to just stop and look at something if we're out and about and I notice something interesting.

- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)

Augh! This is the worst, especially when it comes from people you love. Yes, I know that magical thinking exists and that sometimes it works for some people, but the literature very clearly states that the treatment my doctors have prescribed is the most effective treatment available. So please just shut it.

Exactly.

I was diagnosed with stage IIa testicular cancer and had surgery almost exactly three years ago. From the moment my GP said "this is probably nothing to worry about but..." to when my medical oncologist said "you're done, go away" I felt like everything was on hold. The life I had just started building with my (then) girlfriend, the future we were looking at, it was all paused. We waited for diagnosis, we waited for surgery, then we waited for chemo to start, and finally for chemo to work. It was horrible.

I think it took until the clean second follow up for us to really take a breath and start planning for the future again, although due to other family stuff we ended up not being able to plan very far ahead. Thankfully my cancer was one of the easiest to cure, and the treatment worked. Unfortunately my stepfather and mother-in-law were not as lucky, but those are stories about other people.

Looking back, I think I am more optimistic about the future because of the experience. I'm definitely planning on a long life and a long retirement. I'm also much more realistic about my own death. We have quite a bit of life insurance on me, some of which we pay dearly for, because in the event it does come back to get me I don't want my wife to have to make terrible choices after I'm gone. We also pay for very good health insurance.

I radically changed my attitude toward work. Before, work was a thing that I suffered through and that provided me with certain benefits like time off and a 401k. I was willing to take a lot of crap in order to not change jobs, and as a result I was not very happy. After, I quit my very stable, well paying job and struck out on a journey to build a business I love. Right now that business is consulting, but in 10 years it very well could be something entirely different. Whatever it is, I will not suffer fools in exchange for stability.

Edit to add: If you ever need to vent or ask questions of someone who has been in a similar situation, please don't hesitate to send me a PM.

The bolded bit, yes! That's what I feel like with going through chemo. I'm now at a higher risk of febrile neutropenia on this current chemo (it's pretty brutal on blood counts) so I don't even particularly want to go out and about and see people, because I really would rather avoid a hospital admission. The forum at least is a reasonably good distraction at the moment (there is a reason my post count doubled since my diagnosis :)).

Your comments about work are really interesting. I won't be back at the office for another 4 months or so (I am working from home a bit, though) and I'll be curious to see what my reactions to being back will be. I do love my current job and manager, but yeah, I kind of feel like I won't know what I'll feel til I've been back for a while.

I was recently diagnosed with skin cancer right in my eye socket, I am 27. The wait to find out whether it was melanoma or not opened my eyes a LOT. Fortunately, it is just basal cell and very common.

I cannot imagine what you're going through, but I can understand the mindset in general.

The number one thing it opened my eyes to was a better life insurance policy. Once this is behind me I will be taking out a private plan to assure my loved ones are fully taken care of. I have a plan now, but it's petty.

It will also be reassuring my want to leave the south. I have terrible complexion and burn so easily. I hate the south and the climate for this reason and always have. I've longed to move up North, which I have spent most my life up there anyways. This further solidifies my reasoning to move there eventually.

Luckily my financial situation is such that I'm not concerned about my DH's financial well being. I've steered us down a good-enough path for the past few years that if the worst were to happen in the next few years, he would survive financially. That's one blessing at least - one thing I don't need to worry about. I also got a will and power of attorney done several months before the diagnosis which I'm so glad I had done before the medical merry go round started.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #26 on: December 10, 2015, 10:40:22 PM »

I was diagnosed with stage IIa testicular cancer and had surgery almost exactly three years ago. From the moment my GP said "this is probably nothing to worry about but..." to when my medical oncologist said "you're done, go away" I felt like everything was on hold. The life I had just started building with my (then) girlfriend, the future we were looking at, it was all paused. We waited for diagnosis, we waited for surgery, then we waited for chemo to start, and finally for chemo to work. It was horrible.

Protostache, my husband went through this exact same same cancer and treatment this year. Ended chemo in March and clean CatScan shortly thereafter. He experienced many of the same life changes and outlooks that you did. He is certainly a different man now - for the better.

That's encouraging to hear. I know that some people end up bitter or quite emotionally damaged, so it's heartening to know there are other possible outcomes.

Quote
- discussion about "alternative" treatments (if you want to discuss that, please start your own thread)

What many don't realize is that 1.2% of terminal cancer patients have spontaneous remissions. Simply their own immune system one day decided to kill cancer. And this is the biggest problem. If that person was drinking bleach a week ago, or baking soda, or took B17, or, or, or........... it was the cure. And they have CT scans to prove it.

Huh. I didn't know that. Do you have a link for the 1.2% remission rate? I did a quick google but couldn't find anything.

I don't exactly fit into the criteria but both my parents had cancer at a young (<50) age.

It has absolutely changed my perceptions and handling in life, money, and pretty much everything. I work in medicine and see every day how fleeting and spontaneous living  (or not living) can be.

I do not clutch every penny in a very MMM way. I do spend more on experiences and time with my family. And I am thankful every day that I get to make that decision.

You know, I suspect the bolded is where I might end up next year. (I'm estranged from my family of origin, but my family of choice is my family today)

I was diagnosed in September and I am halfway done with chemo now and still have radiation to go. I am 25. I had to stop working so I feel pretty useless sitting at home all day. Work defined me in a lot of ways I didn't even realize. I was closer to coworkers than I am alot of family.  My job saved lives indirectly and gave me a lot of purpose and enjoyment.  I had to stop going to school for my masters. I sleep 12 hours a day.  My while life is flipped upside down.

That being said, I see the value of financial planning more than ever. In spite of thousands of dollars in medical bills, my net worth is remaining constant. I can put food on the table and I could adopt a family for the holidays like I always do. I can pay my mortgage and not worry. I have a greater desire now for ER so I can spend my time directly helping people and doing charitable work. Cancer hasn't made my life stop in any way. Just last week my SO proposed after for years together. It's just been a road bump.

The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain. The best part is not having to drive to work in the snow.

Chemo buddy! How many more weeks/months do you have left on chemo? (assuming you don't fail any blood tests, of course) I have one more chemo infusion and then it's onto radiation therapy.

Yep, totally agree on the financial side of things. We're quite a way off from FIRE, but we're definitely financially resilient so the medical bills, while unpleasant, just meant we had to pause in our savings til they were out of the way.

The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain.

Ironically, I forgot about chemo fog. It is absolutely a real thing and don't let anyone tell you different. It's the only lasting side effect from my particular treatment and it's dramatically less than what it was while I was getting dosed, but it's still around. It was so incredibly frustrating at the time, but my wife has some funny stories.

LOL I was thinking to myself as I was going to reply to this that chemo brain hasn't really affected me. Then I realised I was going to look up this research but only after I'd read a whole bunch of other unrelated stuff.

I'm mostly functional, I think. I occasionally type homophones and I have more typos than usual, and it's harder to concentrate on work stuff (I am doing some work from home when I can), and sometimes I forget the right word, but I mostly feel ok brainwise. Maybe? I feel like my short term memory gets reset to zero with each chemo infusion, but I take benzos on the day plus steroids either side, and maybe that's what resets my memory. I kind of have to relearn who I am and what I was thinking after the fatigue hits from each infusion.

The worst parts of chemo for me was the shoot-me-now-nausea from the first type of chemo I was on and in the second type of chemo, it's been the head to toe pain (and unfortunately the painkiller that worked made me vomit so I can't take it any more) and bone crushing fatigue that have bugged me far more than the chemo brain. But, a couple of years ago I had a severe immune reaction to something (it's a tl;dr but involved 2 hospital admissions and a month off work) and I was dosed up to the eyeballs on mega doses of antihistamines and steroids which made me far more mentally dopey than chemo has, so maybe I'm just used to the feeling and can work around it more? I dunno. I'm just wildly guessing here :)

The worst part about all of this is my chemo brain.

Ironically, I forgot about chemo fog. It is absolutely a real thing and don't let anyone tell you different. It's the only lasting side effect from my particular treatment and it's dramatically less than what it was while I was getting dosed, but it's still around. It was so incredibly frustrating at the time, but my wife has some funny stories.

Lol last week I was filling out a paper with my symptoms and forgot to check memory loss. My MIL and I had a good laugh about it. It is very frustrating so far.

LOL That's so beautifully ironic.

I'm 4 years past chemo and I think the chemo brain is finally just about cleared up. I'm back to remembering where I left my car, which is really important sometimes. I hardly ever stop in the middle of a sentence because I can't think of the right word.

I never could remember anyone's name, but now I can blame it on chemo brain.

I find I care much less about what other people think. I say what's on my mind. Interestlngly, instead of offending people it seems to please them. Shoulda made that change a long time ago.

Oh wow, I hope I don't take 4 years for my brain to recover from chemo. Ah well, it's out of my control, other than doing what I can to keep mentally active.

And I hope I can emotionally be in the same place as your last paragraph describes. I have a bunch of comorbidities, one of which is a lot of emotional baggage from a very messed up childhood, and unfortunately caring about what others think = survival reflex. I'd love to turn the volume down on that.

Will get to the other replies later. Quite tired now.

protostache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #27 on: December 11, 2015, 04:49:07 AM »
I had a port put in. Best Decision Ever because I have shitty shitty veins.

Yep, same here. Every time I get stuck I almost pass out, so I had a PICC (basically a dangly hose directly into a central line) put in because my chemo treatment only lasted three months. The problem with a PICC is that you can't wash it, so you have to cover it up. We got a leg gasket bag thing intended for putting over a leg cast and used it to cover my arm, which we affectionally referred to as "the elephant condom."

Quote
I would like to be able to get to FIRE sooner rather than later, but I also don't want to miss out on stuff that I really want to do that costs money. So I'm kind of in flux as to where I'll end up with that next year. I think it will depend if my emotional reaction suddenly changes when I finish radiation therapy and I really have no idea if it will.

Therapy can help a lot with this, either group or one-on-one. I don't know how it works in Australia, but the hospital actually assigned me a social worker. I should have gone, because I think it would have helped me a lot, but I didn't.

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I'm now at a higher risk of febrile neutropenia on this current chemo (it's pretty brutal on blood counts) so I don't even particularly want to go out and about and see people, because I really would rather avoid a hospital admission.

Neutropenia is a bitch. I had it so bad they had to give me two shots of Neulasta ($5k per dose before insurance, for those following along at home), which then caused my bone marrow to get so active I felt like my jaw was going to break from the inside. I basically didn't leave the house except to go to the infusion center. A few weeks after my last round I took the bus to work, and when my five foot nothing medical oncologist heard that she glared at me. It would have been hilarious if she weren't so terrifying.

Guava

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #28 on: December 11, 2015, 10:55:18 AM »
Quote
Chemo buddy! How many more weeks/months do you have left on chemo? (assuming you don't fail any blood tests, of course) I have one more chemo infusion and then it's onto radiation therapy.
I am actually enjoying chemo now, but after today 3 more infusions.  Then 2 months of radiation. I have been pretty lucky with chemo so far and not had many side effects. I am just unbelievably tired all the time. And my counts have been awful, the nurses have never seen them this low. But with my flavor of cancer doc said its better to continue and then be on antibiotics and wear surgical masks everywhere.

How are/did any of you ladies deal with hair loss? I have struggled with it so far, especially now that I have a big bald spot in the back of my head. I know logically it's just hair, but I had 26 inches of beautiful long hair two months ago and I haven't adjusted very well.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2015, 08:43:53 PM »
Chemo fatigue is kicking my arse at the moment. I went for a short, slow walk when I first got up today and then had to go back to bed and have a nap. Supposedly gentle exercise is good for chemo fatigue, but apparently not for me. Anyway, I'm taking far longer than I'd like to reply to everyone. C'est la vie, I guess.

I was diagnosed with cancer while pregnant with my second child at age 35 (about 8 years ago).  Once I went through treatment, my husband and I reflected on our lives.  We immediately moved to a different part of the country where we wanted to be (cost had been holding us back but now we figured, why wait).  I went back to work for a year and earned a big promotion (kind of to prove to myself I could still do it) and then I permanently resigned from corporate.  We have now sold the expensive house and moved into an rv with plans to tour the country with the kids.   We are having a blast!

I can't say for sure, but I think there is a good chance we would have stayed where we were and not challenged ourselves as much if my illness hadn't shocked us into it.  We are also on track to FIRE next year.  Not much risk of OMY syndrome since we know nothing is guaranteed.

Sounds like you've had a very positive experience post-cancer. That's very heartening to hear :)

I didnt have cancer it's much worse than that.  My 14 year old son was diagnosed with leukemia in 2008.  He's a survivor but it's been a hard ride for him and all of us.  Our Mustacian ways saved us from bankruptcy when my wife had to quit working for two years as a caregiver.  Numerous surgeries, Bone Marrow Transplant and treatments later he's 22 now.  My OMY will continue till he's 26 for health insurance.   Thanks to Obama Care he still has insurance.

I hope everything goes as well as possible for you all.

I don't know if I have anything new to add (I did post something about this awhile ago; you can search my posts).  I was diagnosed and treated for breast cancer in 2012.  It had a huge impact on me.  For about a second I had this urge to quit my job and start living a crazy vagabond life in the time I had left.  Then reality sunk in and I realized I was probably going to survive this and live longer than my money would last.

But it was something about that reality that I might die... It changed everything for me.  It fueled my desire to be FIRE as soon as possible.  We went from a savings rate of 15% to 40%.  I want a chance to retire, but also want to leave something for my special needs child.  Fear of what might happen to her drove a lot of it too.

That makes sense. Have you found that your attitude to everyday life has changed as well as the drive to FIRE?

I'm not sure whether the reality I might die or not is different now with the BC diagnosis. I think it's a bit more concrete for me now and I've worked hard over the past few months to reduce my various fears around death so that it doesn't pray on my mind too much post treatment. I'd already faced up to an early sudden death from a different (non-cancer) condition I was diagnosed with a few years ago, but hadn't faced up to my fears of a slow, painful death. So I've read a lot about palliative care and hospice care in the past month or so to take away the fear of the unknown. I think it's helped. I can look at the fear head on now and I expect it will gradually fade into the background.

Now to make sure I go off on a tangent, I have to share this... I was given STRONG advice from two different people.  One told me that cancer hates acid, and I need to consume copious amounts of apple cider vinegar.  I had another person tell me I need to consume large amounts of baking soda, because acid helps cancer grow.  Both of them were SO SERIOUS.  I considered telling them I was trying both to hedge my bets.

OMG, that's hilarious. I would have been briefly tempted to tell them both to talk to each other and then sit back and watch. (as a thought experiment only, of course)

I have to share my only cancer story. It wasn't me who could have had cancer, but it hit me very hard as I was going through my own physical hell at the time.

<snip>
DH was a trooper, he never complained, never once called the nurse. He diligently used his morphine button every 10 minutes so that helped. He was restricted from driving for one month. Double ACK.  I was in better shape then he so I did what minimal driving was required. It took another two weeks to get the results and VOILA, a minor miracle happened. IT WAS/IS NOT CANCER. However, instead it is a life long chronic disease we don't know much about and you can only treat the symptoms (with a cortisone puffer). It won't in itself kill him, but if he ever gets pneumonia or any other lung problem, this will complicate it and that could kill him. It could decide to go in remission at any time, it can come back. It just is. I saw the scans and his lungs are lit up with so much extra white material it is scary to see. And indeed one is much worse than the other. This disease is called Sarcoidosis.

So in summary, living with the thought of cancer  and not knowing is a totally scary thing. Now that we've both had our share of ailments we are keen to get me to RE asap so we can take care of our bucket list before one of us has more health issues that will keep us from doing what we want. We hit FI in January of this year. But I am having so much fun post surgery working as a healthy person that I am going to keep at it until January 2017.

I look forward to reading more posts here as I still think me and my DH are not in the clear yet on that C word. No one is!

Wow, last year sounds pretty full on for you both. That reminds me, my DH had a cancer scare a few months before my diagnosis. He'd lost weight without meaning to and so I made him go to his GP. Long story short, they found urine in his blood and he had to have an invasive test to check for various types of cancer. I was so scared and I was a bit of an emotional wreck (probably more so than with my own diagnosis) but luckily everything came back clear. Then 3 months later I got my diagnosis...

This disease is called Sarcoidosis.

As a fellow sarc patient, I can say I would take my cancer over the sarc any day. I have been in remission since February 2014 and didn't have the traditional lung involvement but it manifested in my joints instead. At least my cancer has a defined treatment to make it go away. Sarc is just a guessing game with a little luck.

I don't have sarcoidosis but I do have a couple of autoimmune conditions. Luckily the chemo is likely to put one of them into remission but the other is lifelong and is possibly more likely to disable or kill me than breast cancer (assuming I manage to get through the next 2 years without a recurrence). Plus some other fun immune system stuff my body has thrown at me. So I hear you on the 'sometimes there are worse things than early stage cancer'.


Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #30 on: December 11, 2015, 09:27:04 PM »
I work in cancer treatment and on a daily basis see all types of cancer patients. From healthy to very very sick. This career path has led me to several things.

First, RE. I see patients in their 30s or 40s who in their prime of life are facing a very uncertain future and haven't lived out some dreams that they want to see. With working 40 hours a week 48 weeks a year I can't do many things that I wish to. I like to camp, hike, be outdoors. I want to see other countries. Getting 2 to 4 weeks of vacation a year just isn’t sufficient.

Second, have a large buffer of finances. I see patients all the time who are living social security check to check. They have no room for even small changes in their expenses. They don’t have a reliable care, they can’t afford their prescriptions, etc etc etc. It can be rather heart wrenching to hear stories like that. In retiring early I plan to be able to afford these things.

Third, make connections with people. There are patients who have very few people who they can rely on to help get them to appointments or just moral support. Even though I’m an introvert at heart it’s important to have people that you can rely on for important things when you are exhausted and need someone to bring you soup.

Thanks for sharing what it looks like from the other side of the fence, so to speak. With your second and third points, I agree absolutely. While we're a longish way from FIRE, we are financially resilient and while the medical bills stopped us from being able to save for a while, at least my diagnosis hasn't caused us any financial stress.

And yes, having an extended support network has been really helpful for us. We haven't needed much practical support (DH has been able to do all of the caring stuff for me), but it reduces the stress knowing it's there.  I have one friend who if I text her she will muster whatever support we need, and another small group of friends who could take me to appts if DH was out of action and a bunch of other people who've offered to cook us food (which I've said thanks but no to so far because I'm carefully controlling what I eat to minimise the risk of food aversions while on chemo - I don't want to develop long term aversions to healthy yummy food!).



Sorry, need to go lie down again. At least the joint pain isn't too bad today (gotta find one positive, right?).

oldladystache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #31 on: December 11, 2015, 10:31:27 PM »
How are/did any of you ladies deal with hair loss? I have struggled with it so far, especially now that I have a big bald spot in the back of my head. I know logically it's just hair, but I had 26 inches of beautiful long hair two months ago and I haven't adjusted very well.
I had a good cry when it all fell out, then I put on my knit cap and didn't worry about it. When it finally grew back I learned to love having short hair (it had been really long for many years) and the new texture and curliness was wonderful. Unfortunately it went back to normal before long.

My cousin shaved her head in my honor and went around bald for a while. She carried it off with flair and looked wonderful. Unfortunately she soon developed her own cancer and lost it again, and again looked fine.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #32 on: December 12, 2015, 02:21:08 AM »
OMG, I think I've now answered everyone :D Thanks again for all the amazing replies.

Hello!

I finished my chemo a few months ago. Age 20

Perception of the future:
It has changed a lot. I always assumed I would have cancer at 40 instead. So now my future is bit shaky. I find it very hard to commit to anything right now due to the insecurity of a possible recurrence.

Planning (including finances):
I still do the same, budgeting and investing and such. But I focus more on the 'what if I die soon' area. Going to make a Will soon and making sure I choose my charities to donate to when I die.

Side effects:
My surgery on my colon caused me to develope 'short bowel syndrome' meaning anything I eat comes out like diarrhea a few minutes after eating. Not pretty but luckily I have anti diarrhea medication. Thankfully not too many side effects of chemo other than some memory loss and the possibility of sun burning easily. Drugs caused me to have muscle cramping constantly for now. And I think I just recently developed 'gluten sensitivity' not to be mistaken for gluten intolerance. Also on a low fiber diet unless I want diarrhea. Lastly self esteem issues, this is weirdly my biggest problem.

Recurrence:
After surgery my rate of recurrence was 40% (I was stage 2B). After chemo my rate now is 20% within a 5 year period. I am hoping of course that there is no recurrence but due to my young age I will have to accept the possibility that I could just develop another cancer.

Different person now?:
This sounds weird but I don't tolerate any s*** anymore. Haha had to write that. I used to be the type that would stay quiet and let people walk over me but now I just fight back cause I don't really care. Overall my direction in life has changed a bit. I always assumed I would work hard while young and enjoy an early retirement but now I realize there is a possibility I might not even live that long, the answer is moderation. Enjoy a bit now and enjoy a bit later. I am still studying for my degree so hoping to get that over with. And I am excited to work soon. Other than that I am taking my passions a lot more seriously. I used to hate buying books and such cause it was a waste of money but the fact is that these things make me happy so its okay to enjoy a bit.

Spending/saving habits:
Not much has changed but I increase my 'enjoyment' budget a lot. I am willing to pay a little bit for things I might like to eat or for books. Even saving to go on holiday! Before I would freak out over just spending a few dollars but now I just add it to my budget.

Do you live more for today, or still plan decades in advance?:
Mixture of both. Live a little more today, don't be afraid to enjoy moderately. But still plan for the future for a time that you or your family may need you.

I hope you are coping with your treatments and will be done with it once and for all.
I wrote a blog https://thebucketliststory.wordpress.com/ if you are interested in reading my chemo journey.

My cancer was stage IIb too! I'm not sure what the risk of recurrence for me will be. It was something scarily high if I only had surgery, but I'm having a bunch of other treatments (chemo, radiation therapy, hormone blockers plus maybe some other stuff on top of that) and I'm not sure what the final percentage chance of recurrence will end up being. I suspect the 10 year recurrence rate will be somewhere between 10 and 30% chance (with the greatest chance of it coming back being the first two years).

I read your chemo journey posts on your blog. Wow, you did most of chemo by yourself without much help! That's pretty hardcore, and I'm glad you got through it safely. I do find it comforting reading about other people's experiences on chemo. Makes it feel a bit more normal, if that makes sense.

I particularly like your bolded answer. It resonated with me, so I suspect that's where I will be emotionally when I end treatment. And I hope I can be like you and give less of a shit about things once I'm through chemo. That sounds like a particularly valuable lesson to learn.

I had a port put in. Best Decision Ever because I have shitty shitty veins.

Yep, same here. Every time I get stuck I almost pass out, so I had a PICC (basically a dangly hose directly into a central line) put in because my chemo treatment only lasted three months. The problem with a PICC is that you can't wash it, so you have to cover it up. We got a leg gasket bag thing intended for putting over a leg cast and used it to cover my arm, which we affectionally referred to as "the elephant condom."

I have one of these! It was put in when I was having the surgery to remove the tumour and lymph nodes. It's placed under the skin and can stay there for years if needed. So I don't need to do anything special with washing and can do whatever excercise or movement I want without having to worry about (and my cats can't get at it with their paws). My oncologist said they'll leave it in for 1 or 2 years after my treatment finishes, but I love mine so much that I hope I get to keep mine for longer (I'm down to 2 small veins in my hand and veins in my feet for blood tests if they don't use my port). Ports do need flushing once a month (not something I have to worry about on chemo because I have blood tests every 3 weeks plus chemo every 3 weeks) so I will need to go to the chemo ward monthly once I stop having chemo. A PICC line would have driven me nuts I'm sure (plus the infection risk for PICC lines are higher than ports).

I could go on forever how much I love my port but I'll stop here :)

Quote
I would like to be able to get to FIRE sooner rather than later, but I also don't want to miss out on stuff that I really want to do that costs money. So I'm kind of in flux as to where I'll end up with that next year. I think it will depend if my emotional reaction suddenly changes when I finish radiation therapy and I really have no idea if it will.

Therapy can help a lot with this, either group or one-on-one. I don't know how it works in Australia, but the hospital actually assigned me a social worker. I should have gone, because I think it would have helped me a lot, but I didn't.

Yeah, I've gone to a couple of cancer counselling sessions but I generally don't do particularly well in therapy. I tend to work things out by thinking through stuff, reading about other people's experiences and then writing about it to work what I'm actually feeling about it. I suspect I'll do the same post-treatment unless I happen to completely go to pieces.

Quote
I'm now at a higher risk of febrile neutropenia on this current chemo (it's pretty brutal on blood counts) so I don't even particularly want to go out and about and see people, because I really would rather avoid a hospital admission.

Neutropenia is a bitch. I had it so bad they had to give me two shots of Neulasta ($5k per dose before insurance, for those following along at home), which then caused my bone marrow to get so active I felt like my jaw was going to break from the inside. I basically didn't leave the house except to go to the infusion center. A few weeks after my last round I took the bus to work, and when my five foot nothing medical oncologist heard that she glared at me. It would have been hilarious if she weren't so terrifying.

I'm hoping to avoid Neulasta injections. The community nurse who visited me earlier in the week said it doesn't have side effects but all of my reading says there is a risk of quite severe pain (which I already have from my current chemo). Also, your comment about the cost of Neulasta prompted me to look up whether it's covered on my country's Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme and it is. Phew. So if I do need it, it will cost me out of pocket $37.70 per injection, although I've actually hit the safety net limit for once (thanks, chemo!) so if it happens before the end of the year it will cost me $6.10 per injection. $5k upfront payment sounds crazy, even if you do get most or all of it refunded. And lol @ your last 2 sentences!

I've had 2 trips to emergency so far with a fever >38C (the magic number for possible febrile neutropenia). I've luckily been sent home after a few hours once the blood tests showed my immune system was still intact enough. But, it was touch and go on the last visit (a week ago) whether I was going to be admitted or not even though my blood tests were ok enough. So I strongly suspect if I have to go again before chemo is done, I will be admitted for at least a few days. Hoping to avoid that!!!

How are/did any of you ladies deal with hair loss? I have struggled with it so far, especially now that I have a big bald spot in the back of my head. I know logically it's just hair, but I had 26 inches of beautiful long hair two months ago and I haven't adjusted very well.
I had a good cry when it all fell out, then I put on my knit cap and didn't worry about it. When it finally grew back I learned to love having short hair (it had been really long for many years) and the new texture and curliness was wonderful. Unfortunately it went back to normal before long.

My cousin shaved her head in my honor and went around bald for a while. She carried it off with flair and looked wonderful. Unfortunately she soon developed her own cancer and lost it again, and again looked fine.

I've coped pretty well with it so far, but I did have a bit of an emotional meltdown after my oncologist told me up to 6% of women on my current chemo (Docetaxel - it's one of the taxanes) never get their hair back. That was after the 1st dose of docetaxel. Argh. All I can do is cross my fingers and hope that it comes back eventually.

Anyway, once I knew I was having chemo, I knew I would lose my hair because breast cancer chemos cause hair loss (not all chemos cause hair loss though). I also knew I wouldn't be back at work til after chemo finished, so I took the opportunity to shave my hair in interesting ways over the space of a month or so. It was a lot of fun! I posted pics on social media too. I now know what types of short hair styles I'll love to have when (if?) my hair does grow back and I would never have had the courage to try them otherwise. Then when my hair started falling out, I shaved it all off and took more photos for social media and got a lot of love from my friends.

I  bought a lot of scarves and hats before I had surgery thinking that I'd want to cover up once I lost my hair. But actually, I usually don't. Obviously I need to out in the sun (our sun is harsh and we're going into summer now) but usually I just go bald at the shops or if we eat out or whatever. I figure if some of my male friends can have bald or close to bald heads, then it's a double standard if I can't. Plus I hate the feeling of things on my head.
« Last Edit: December 12, 2015, 02:26:08 AM by Astatine »

mancityfan

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #33 on: December 12, 2015, 03:22:24 AM »
Fascinating post. I am a cancer survivor x 7 years out from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. What I can relate is that people have an amazing capacity to move on and put bad experiences behind them. So on a positive note, after your therapies you will see your diagnosis get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. That being said, my own experience has led me to take more risks with my own life, principally in terms of travel. I have spent more on keeping in touch with hobby friends, friends, and distant relatives. I have realized that my friends are very valuable and central to my well being, and that I need to work on developing and maintaining my relationships, as this leads to a happier life for me. Good luck to you.

BunnyBoi

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #34 on: December 12, 2015, 07:01:51 PM »
OMG, I think I've now answered everyone :D Thanks again for all the amazing replies.

My cancer was stage IIb too! I'm not sure what the risk of recurrence for me will be. It was something scarily high if I only had surgery, but I'm having a bunch of other treatments (chemo, radiation therapy, hormone blockers plus maybe some other stuff on top of that) and I'm not sure what the final percentage chance of recurrence will end up being. I suspect the 10 year recurrence rate will be somewhere between 10 and 30% chance (with the greatest chance of it coming back being the first two years).

I read your chemo journey posts on your blog. Wow, you did most of chemo by yourself without much help! That's pretty hardcore, and I'm glad you got through it safely. I do find it comforting reading about other people's experiences on chemo. Makes it feel a bit more normal, if that makes sense.

I particularly like your bolded answer. It resonated with me, so I suspect that's where I will be emotionally when I end treatment. And I hope I can be like you and give less of a shit about things once I'm through chemo. That sounds like a particularly valuable lesson to learn.


I hope fatigue hasn't been too hard on you.

Have faith in your medical team, the reason why we have the follow up check ups is that if there were to be a recurrence it would be detected early enough. So once you are over that 2 year key period, you are pretty safe and even if there were a recurrence it should be in the early stages so not to worry.

I am glad you enjoyed my blog! I felt that sharing my journey with others might help them with their own journey.

Haha definitely learning to give less s*** about any c**p that happens in life. I could get into a car crash and not give a damn anymore except getting back home safely.

Btw glad you have a PICC line, I had to do chemo with my hands, and it's not fun being poked so many times per cycle haha. I think upkeep of the line must be hard though but hopefully should be no problem.

Fascinating post. I am a cancer survivor x 7 years out from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. What I can relate is that people have an amazing capacity to move on and put bad experiences behind them. So on a positive note, after your therapies you will see your diagnosis get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. That being said, my own experience has led me to take more risks with my own life, principally in terms of travel. I have spent more on keeping in touch with hobby friends, friends, and distant relatives. I have realized that my friends are very valuable and central to my well being, and that I need to work on developing and maintaining my relationships, as this leads to a happier life for me. Good luck to you.

This is a little off topic but can I ask about your travel experience. Did you do a tour, solo, backpack? I am just done with my chemo and really excited to travel but I can't decide to go at it alone or with friends. AirBnb or hostels, do you have any special diet needs? Sorry I am just pretty excited.

Astatine

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #35 on: December 12, 2015, 07:20:14 PM »
Fascinating post. I am a cancer survivor x 7 years out from Non Hodgkins Lymphoma. What I can relate is that people have an amazing capacity to move on and put bad experiences behind them. So on a positive note, after your therapies you will see your diagnosis get smaller and smaller in the rear view mirror. That being said, my own experience has led me to take more risks with my own life, principally in terms of travel. I have spent more on keeping in touch with hobby friends, friends, and distant relatives. I have realized that my friends are very valuable and central to my well being, and that I need to work on developing and maintaining my relationships, as this leads to a happier life for me. Good luck to you.

Thank you very much for your post. This is very heartening to hear. I have been reading a whole bunch of breast cancer blogs and forums and such and there seemed to be quite a few people who can't move forward from the diagnosis and treatment and seem to have ended up with some long lasting mental scars from it all. But I guess those are the people who feel the need to write about their experience, so hopefully they are in the minority and I too will come out feeling at least no worse emotionally than before the diagnosis, and hopefully better.


I hope fatigue hasn't been too hard on you.

Have faith in your medical team, the reason why we have the follow up check ups is that if there were to be a recurrence it would be detected early enough. So once you are over that 2 year key period, you are pretty safe and even if there were a recurrence it should be in the early stages so not to worry.

I am glad you enjoyed my blog! I felt that sharing my journey with others might help them with their own journey.

Haha definitely learning to give less s*** about any c**p that happens in life. I could get into a car crash and not give a damn anymore except getting back home safely.

Btw glad you have a PICC line, I had to do chemo with my hands, and it's not fun being poked so many times per cycle haha. I think upkeep of the line must be hard though but hopefully should be no problem.

Huh, it's funny than both you and mancityfan say you both take more risks now. I can see myself taking more social risks once I join the Real World (TM) again, but I like a life of safety and normalcy. (my childhood was very messed up with too many life threatening incidents, so I now I crave a calm, boring life)

Yeah, I wouldn't have been able to have chemo without a port inserted. I have almost no veins that work. I needed to have a blood test before I started chemo and my port wasn't returning blood (it can happen at the beginning before any chemo has gone through it). It took 3 chemo nurses (who are all much better than average at finding a vein!) and an hour before one of them found a vein in my inner wrist and was able to get a tiny tube of blood out of me. My port (which is implanted under the skin) is so much better for me and the nurses!


Lynski

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #36 on: December 12, 2015, 08:28:21 PM »
Interesting topic! Good luck with your treatment, Astatine. Dealing with fatigue isn't fun, but I honestly think lots of sleep is one of the best things to help with recovery. I remember sleeping 16+ hours a day during chemo, especially during hospital stays. Plus with sleeping so much, I find that I don't have strong memories of that time of my life and I think it's helped minimize some of the PTSD related feelings some patients have after treatment.

I celebrated 14 years cancer free just yesterday from Ewing's sarcoma. I was diagnosed with cancer as a teenager, so my response may be a little different as I didn't have much established in my life yet and had the cushion of having my family around to take care of me. I do think that having cancer at a formative age did a lot to change the type of person I am today.

I have had friends comment that cancer changed my personality. Going through high school as the bald kid, I really got over what other people think very quickly. I got over my shyness and started speaking up more. The drama of who was dating/dumping who really didn't matter any more. I think this directly correlates to my feelings about not needing to keep up with the Jones's in terms of living a frugal lifestyle as well.

I started out on the path to mustachianism by saving to cover any potential medical related expenses. Knowing I will need significant additional medical care throughout my life, I started a savings account with money set aside to cover any out-of-pocket medical costs for the year. I had to use it just last year for a maintenance surgery, so it's definitely reinforced how important it is to have an emergency fund. An unexpected medical expense could have caused significant hardship to some of my friends, but I was able to pay it off immediately and focus on my recovery.

When pursuing further education, I decided to take a risk and pursue an art related field. Art was very therapeutic to me during treatment and brought me a lot of joy. I couldn't imagine spending every day of my working life doing something that I didn't enjoy doing. However, when pursuing jobs after college with my art degree, I looked for stability and have been working at the same company for the past 5 years. While the work I do every day isn't as exciting as some of my peers that jump from contract job to contract job, having benefits like medical was important to me. Pursuing art may have limited my earning potential, but I enjoy what I do every day and wouldn't have it any other way. That said, I do look forward to the day I can cut back my working hours, and I find that early retirement has become increasingly important to me over the past few years as I want even more freedom to spend my time doing what I want to be doing.

I don't think that living post-cancer has made me more open to risk; I think instead it has provided a different lens to look at life through. There are still a lot of unknowns and I struggle with defining myself and what's important to me like a lot of young people my age, but I don't have patience for things that aren't making my life better or happier. I evaluate things mostly in terms of the happiness it will bring to my life, so finding mustachianism has seemed like a completely normal frame of mind.

Embok

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #37 on: December 14, 2015, 01:10:55 PM »
 Interesting topic, and great to hear so many cancer survivors doing well.   I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2012, after finding a lump under my armpit while on vacation.  My breast cancer was estrogen positive; the doctors were initially freaked out (though they tried not to show it) as an armpit lump apparently usually means one has a big ass tumor in the breast which has spread to the armpit. However, l was apparently "lucky" as no tumors were found other then the one in the armpit.  (Apparently only 2  - 5 percent of breast tumors start there. ). Mammograms don't / can't show armpit tumors, so if you ever feel a lump there, get in right away for evaluation.

I was terrified.  I'd been terribly run down after years of overwork and over stress primarily due to a high stress, no exercise, bad food regimen while working as a high powered partner at a big national US law firm (one of very few women equity partners.). Had recently left to start my own small firm in an effort to have a healthier and more sustainable life. 

After investigating 3 cancer surgeons, I had a couple of lymph nodes removed, which showed no sign of the cancer spreading.

Then I had a lumpectomy followed IORT, then a new procedure.  IORT essentially blasts the interior of the tumor removal site with radiation immediately after the tumor is removed, before the wound is closed.  The purpose is to catch any remaining cancer cells missed in the surgery and kill them immediately.

My tumor ended up being bigger than initially thought (about 2.9 cm, if memory is accurate), so about a month later, I started a two month course of external radiation.  My tumor was tested to see if chemo was indicated, and unfortunately was on the borderline where it was not clear if chemo would help or not (stage 2a; grade 3 cells - bad; apparently very slow growing - good).  After a lot of research by me and by DH, probing questions asked of my oncologist, etc., and thought about likely side effects (I tend to react very strongly to drugs) vs. benefits,  I elected not to put myself through chemo since it was not clear the benefits would outweigh the risks, and since I was in crap physical shape at the time.

The external radiation, which only takes a few minutes a day, was ok at first (it does not hurt), then really exhausting.  I slept and slept.  I worked from my home, but usually could only manage a few hours per day.  I kinda crashed towards the end; slept so much I don't remember much.  I felt absolutely exhausted for about a year.

I has my ovaries removed (no cancer found) so I could go on an aromatase inhibitor as Tamoxifen was out dip use to a prior pulmonary embolism.  I've been able to handle the side effects (mostly muscular aches and pains).

Now, it's been 3 1/2 years.  I feel pretty good most of the time now.  It seems like every 6 months, I feel a little better.  At first I could not even walk around the block; now I am working out regularly with weights with a trainer, doing some biking, swimming and some walking. I have changed my diet so I now eat my own cooking, which is pretty healthy and includes lots of veggies, grass fed meat and some fruit.  I sleep more then I did pre-cancer.  I'm still overweight, but working on that - but if I push too hard, I can get exhausted so it is a marathon effort, not a sprint.  I take my own emotional needs for downtime and a quiet life, and for pleasant purely social (non work) interactions more seriously now.  I'm making more time for family and friends and less for working all the time.  I try to plan as if I'm going to live forever, but live as if I may die next week - and try to keep a rough balance, which is difficult for me. 

Having cancer has pushed me to move towards financial independence more quickly; am currently working to get our over large house ready to sell next year, which involves disposing of a lot of objects, including many that belonged to my mother, who lived with us for the last 10 years of her life, plus the detritus of 2 people's 25 years professional careers and book collecting habits.  It has also pushed me to spend time with far flung family members and friends now, rather than assuming I will be able to do so later.

I wish I could join the ranks of folks who see a cancer diagnosis as a blessing; but I cannot summon that sort of gratitude for a scary and painful illness.  The lack of information is frustrating at every point:  although I chose doctors who would level with me (many seem to want to shield the patient from the unpleasant to grim realities of the disease and treatment), the doctors really don't know enough to give decent predictions in all cases.  As a patient, one is pretty passive, which is not my preferred mode of being, and one must be patient as the medical stuff takes endless time.  But I am grateful for modern medical technology, and for being able to access good doctors, as, at 55, there's still a lot I want to accomplish.  Now, however, I have to accept that any accomplishments must be done at a slower pace, and am getting a bit better at enjoying that slower pace, and resting when (or before) I run out of energy.

Embok

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #38 on: December 14, 2015, 01:15:04 PM »
One more thing:  I don't know if the fear of recurrence will ever go away.  I'm anxious anyway, and every time anything goes wrong, I am afraid the cancer has come back.  However, I just have to keep going through the routine follow up appointments, and am able to discuss with my very patient husband and my oncologist when that fear is overwhelming.  Wish I could turn down the panic level, but so far have not been able to do so.  (Not great at emotions.)

protostache

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Re: MMM and living with a cancer diagnosis
« Reply #39 on: December 14, 2015, 01:20:25 PM »
One more thing:  I don't know if the fear of recurrence will ever go away.  I'm anxious anyway, and every time anything goes wrong, I am afraid the cancer has come back.  However, I just have to keep going through the routine follow up appointments, and am able to discuss with my very patient husband and my oncologist when that fear is overwhelming.  Wish I could turn down the panic level, but so far have not been able to do so.  (Not great at emotions.)

For me it's lessened with time, but it has never gone away. I have small pains occasionally that I have to reassure myself come from a known benign cyst, because if I don't remind myself I start getting anxious. I have pain occasionally that I have to physically reassure myself is just phantom "limb" syndrome.

Follow-ups and talking. Lots of talking.