Mentality on goals/achievements - satisfaction

[Ricky]

I'm not sure where else to post this but I just wanted to get it out there and get opinions.

I always try to turn something negative and spin it around and think positively but sometimes it just seems so obviously negative.

On goals and achievement...we're always working towards something. It could be to save $1k, get a girl/guy to like you, get a new job, start a business, learn a new skill, etc. For me personally, I'm now interested in learning new skills which will hopefully eventually turn into new businesses or even much better employment.

We always seemed to be disillusioned as to how much accomplishing something will change our lives though. We accomplish thing after thing, yet it never actually feels like we're getting anything done. The longer the goal takes, the more this is actually true. If it takes you a year to learn something, the novelty of wanting to learn it fades and then you suddenly know or have done something that you didn't before.

Even with things you love - you aren't going to love doing them everyday. We don't even realize we are good at the things we're good at. We're very bad it at since it feels so normal. Thus, we look for the "next big thing". The thought of really wanting to do the thing you're doing is now a distant memory that can't even be understood, unless you relate to the NEXT thing that you want to do.

Becoming FI is just a goal. It doesn't end there. Maybe you don't need a 9-5, but you're still human and you need to keep your brain occupied. It just all seems like a lot of work for nothing sometimes.

And it seems that I'll never accomplish anything that great in my life. I'll probably just end up doing things that billions of people are doing and have already done. I don't mean to have such a defeatist attitude - but it's statistically very true.

So how do you and I deal with this never-ending path of dissatisfaction?

[arebelspy]

There's lots of different (and good) books on this topic.

One popular one is "Learned Optimism."

Another is "The Antidote: Happiness for People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking."

So how do you and I deal with this never-ending path of dissatisfaction?

This question only occurs to one who isn't there yet--after the mindset is set in, your sentence becomes "How do you and I deal with this never-ending path of satisfaction?"

And the answers, for me, so far include: Humbly. Gratefully. And by trying to help as many others as possible.

Good luck! :)

[chemistk]

I agree very much that at times, it can quickly seem like something you wanted to do is not really worth doing. Even when on paper, pushing through is a no-brainer, you can still second-guess yourself and really entertain the idea of giving up. It happens with me frequently when I want to start working out on a regular basis. I'm in pretty good shape to start with, but after a week or two it feels like it's consuming my life and I'll start to drift away from it. About a month later, I realize that I need to get back on the horse and thus the cycle continues.

Lately, I've really been trying to put a positive spin on my negative thoughts. For example - the other day I missed an opportunity to make $250. I was a little frustrated at first and then I remembered that all my bills for the month were paid, I have a full fridge, and I'm in good health. Given those circumstances, what reason did I have to get upset about missing a little extra cash?

It's too easy to beat ourselves up over the little things, and we tend forget what we already have or have accomplished. When you put whatever it is you're trying to achieve in the context of your life (past, present, and future), it's very easy to get excited again about the goal you're trying for. Even if you fail to meet your own expectations when you're done, you're still better off than when you started. The rewards only become apparent when you stop focusing on what you didn't do and start focusing on what were able to do. Trying to learn a language? You might not ever be conversational, but now you can get around in another country.

As far as the "never-ending path of dissatisfaction" goes, if you can break down your day into little goals you can start to see the benefits earlier. Maybe you saved yourself $20 by not buying something. Maybe you finished your work early. Or, you can look at your goals in progress in the context of the larger scope of things. You're learning how to brew beer - you've got a batch that you can crack open next week. It may not be the greatest beer you ever tried, but it's still beer and you didn't even know where to start 6 months ago, so you're that much closer to besting Sam Adams himself.

Just remember, everything is about context. If you can take a step back, look at things from a different perspective, or through a different lens, you can start to see how much better your life is today and how much better it will be tomorrow.

[Ricky]

I agree with the sense of context. It definitely helps. It's difficult to always remember that things are amazing no matter what - because they are.

I'm not sure that I want to feel satisfied. I just want to manage being dissatisfied better. Because I don't truly believe we are ever satisfied. Physically - you can't deny that we're ever physically satisfied. Our bodily functions don't run once and then stop. They need constant attention. I believe the same is true for our mental state - even if you've found a way to be content with who you are, your brain will need constantly reminded somehow that you are content and will inevitably doubt that you are content.

It's just when you really want something, and then finally get it, it just feels empty. Actually, you don't even realize immediately that "you've got it". There's no bell that sounds or pat on the back. It's like you never really got it. It's like you can never really "get" anything. It's just the idea of something and things that keep you going. It's never really the thing itself. I think that is proof in itself that you can never be satisfied.

But how to handle it...obviously people who have changed the world have and never will be satisfied. Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Einstein, etc. Sometimes I think that the only way to live is to live with the purpose of changing the world and accomplishing something great. But that still won't satisfy us. I don't think there goal was to ever BE satisfied. Maybe it's OK to be dissatisfied. It just feels so damn empty sometimes.

[Dances With Fire]

Interesting post. Some good stuff here.

For years I was climbing the corporate ladder to "get somewhere" while I feel I accomplished a great deal during those years both professionally and personally, I found myself becoming more disappointed with the whole process. The corporate politics and back-stabbing became unbearable at times.

What did I do? How did I cope? By focusing more and more on my personal life, hobbies, family and friends. Travel and all the other things that we discuss here. Instead of "goals" focus on good habits. Hope that helps a little. Good luck.

[arebelspy]

I agree with the sense of context. It definitely helps. It's difficult to always remember that things are amazing no matter what - because they are.

I'm not sure that I want to feel satisfied. I just want to manage being dissatisfied better. Because I don't truly believe we are ever satisfied. Physically - you can't deny that we're ever physically satisfied. Our bodily functions don't run once and then stop. They need constant attention.

"Being satisfied" doesn't mean you hit that point and then stop and are perpetually "there" until you die. Just because your state changes doesn't mean you can't get there.

That'd be like saying you can't ever get full, because you'll be hungry tomorrow.  That's ridiculous.

Being satisfied is in the moment. Live in the moment.

Be satisfied, content and at peace with the way things are, in the moment.

I believe the same is true for our mental state - even if you've found a way to be content with who you are, your brain will need constantly reminded somehow that you are content and will inevitably doubt that you are content.

That doesn't have to be the case.

It's just when you really want something, and then finally get it, it just feels empty. Actually, you don't even realize immediately that "you've got it". There's no bell that sounds or pat on the back. It's like you never really got it. It's like you can never really "get" anything. It's just the idea of something and things that keep you going. It's never really the thing itself.

That doesn't have to be the case.

I think that is proof in itself that you can never be satisfied.

Or it's proof that you haven't learned how to be satisfied, yet.

You may be putting emphasis on the wrong things, which aren't bringing you satisfaction. It may be worth looking into things that do.

But how to handle it...obviously people who have changed the world have and never will be satisfied. Steve Jobs, Elon Musk, Einstein, etc. Sometimes I think that the only way to live is to live with the purpose of changing the world and accomplishing something great. But that still won't satisfy us. I don't think there goal was to ever BE satisfied. Maybe it's OK to be dissatisfied. It just feels so damn empty sometimes.

Certainly one can utilize a dissatisfaction to try and improve things. I'm not satisfied with the way the world is, for certain people. I want to help them, because of this.

But I'm still content, in the moment.

Being grateful and satisfied with how life is isn't an impossible dream.  Your "proofs" that it is impossible are just evidences of you not understanding it yet, or of changing the wrong things.

Certainly dissatisfaction isn't all bad, as you mentioned.  But most of your post I disagree with. I think your mentality around it is holding you back from reaching it. Being at peace is something worth striving for, IMO.

Good luck!

[Eowyn_MI]

So how do you and I deal with this never-ending path of dissatisfaction?

This is a really good question Ricky.  Obviously, it is something that each person can only answer for themselves.  Like you, I do make an effort to always think positively about a situation but that can only take you so far.  Eventually, you run into the questions: Why am I here? or (from Wendell Berry) What are people for?

For me, the answer to these questions comes from my faith.  I believe that that humans are not satisfied with this world because they were created for another world.  Here is a quote from one of my favorite authors:

Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for these desires exists. A baby feels hunger; well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim; well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire; well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. (Mere Christianity, Bk. III, chap. 10, "Hope")

Here is a is a link to further discussion of this quote: http://www.peterkreeft.com/topics/desire.htm

Philosophy and the idea of other worlds are great food for thought but ultimately we are living in this world, right now.  For that I have another quote:

We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.