Maximising earnings vs time with small child - what would you do?

[Plwmpo]

Long time reader, first time poster here.

So my husband and I are in the UK and are keen on
 FIRE and generally taking back control of our own lives. We have made some good steps I think - our mortgage in Londom is paid off and we aren't yet 40, giving us lots of freedom financially. We're into minimalism and honestly we have pretty simple pleasures - second hand books, hiking, street food, brewing beer, making music (him), sewing and knitting (me).

I am a senior software developer in an in-demand programming language, which means I have been earning good money as a contractor and saving up to 75% of that.

My dilemma is this: I am returning to work after having a baby, who is nearly one. I absolutely LOVE spending time with that little person, and now I am conflicted about earnings. Should I continue maximising my savings now for retirement early? Or, should I do six months on, six months off until my kid starts school in a few years? This time home with my kid feels so precious, and I can work more once they are in school... but tech changes fast, and maybe my earning potential won't be as good then.

What would you do?

[Zette]

For many women, the ideal schedule is working 20-30 hours per week.  I’m a software engineer.  I initially left the workforce to be a SAHM.  After two years at home, I found a part-time contracting job, working from home, and loved my schedule.  I kept mornings for time with my son (no rush to get out the door, and kids are in the best mood in the morning) then had a babysitter/nanny (a community college student) come from 12-5.  She got to deal with some of the less-fun parts of caring for a toddler: making and cleaning up lunch, getting him down for a nap, and the late afternoon “witching hour”.  The nanny also did some household chores like laundry and unpacking the dishwasher during nap times. I’d be done with work in time to have some fun time, feeling glad to see him, then make dinner and deal with the evening tasks like bath and bedtime.

Career wise, the downside was that I was only treading ground, not gaining new skills or climbing the ladder.  I didn’t get the most interesting projects, but it was really enjoyable to focus on something intellectual for hours at a time.  For me the sweet spot was 25 hours a week.  When I did closer to 20, I felt I wasn’t getting enough done, when I did closer to 30 I felt pressed for time on the home front.  I put 25% of my earnings into a SEP-IRA and those contributions are a nice addition to our FIRE savings.

Under 5 years old I wouldn’t recommend six months on/off.  Little kids  change so much during those months and you may feel you are missing out.  You’re basically alternating between the downsides of being a full time working mom (time pressure and and constant juggling) and a full time SAHM (being 24/7 with kids can have stretches of mind numbing boredom and feeling oppressed by household tasks).

After two years working part time, I had twins and then stayed home for 8 years.  My son turned out to have autism so that was my focus instead of my career.  When he was 12 and the twins were 8, I was able to find another part time job, this time during school hours.  This was another ideal schedule, as I could hang out with my kids after school.

Whatever you choose, I’d recommend reading the book “Fair Play” and making an effort to consciously decide all the kid and household responsibilities with you partner.  If you are not vocal and proactive about it, you are likely to end up with an unfairly heavy share of the load.  I’ll admit one of the reasons I chose to be a SAHM in the first place was that I didn’t want the life I was reading about that other working moms described (I had my first in the middle of the “opt out” trend in the media). I was pleasantly surprised by how much my husband stepped up when I returned to work the second time.  If I had explicitly made plans with him to divide things fairly before my first child was born, my career would have looked much different, and we’d be closer to FIRE now.

[Cassie]

I agree that part time is the best of both worlds.

[Metalcat]

There is no right answer here. There's only the answer for you where the trade offs make the most sense.

[Buffaloski Boris]

Not a one size fits all answer. We both continued to work full time once the kids came along. Once they went into school we were able to arrange it so DW drops the kids off to school and I pick them up at the end of the school day. Other than the long term lack of sleep for me, it works out well.

[Trifle]

There is no right answer here. There's only the answer for you where the trade offs make the most sense.

I agree.  There is no one right answer for everyone.  It depends on what you want, and what is possible to do with your employer.   I worked a 4 day schedule when the kids were little, and my husband continued to work FT.  I would have liked to go down to 3 days per week, but it was not possible with my job -- so the 4 day schedule was a good compromise. 

[soccerluvof4]

I agree that there is not a one size fits all answer here but having 4 kids of our own we always put family time before anything else because we wanted to see and be involved with our kids growing up. There are alot of factors that make it different though for each person with the most obvious being $ and moving toward your goals. But as others have suggested the middle ground of going Part-time might be the answer.

[lizzzi]

The workplace will always be there, but your child won't be little very long. Those years when your children are...well...children will fly by so fleetingly that later in life you will look back with wonder that it all went by so fast--and you'll feel a lot of nostalgia.  Some kind of part-time schedule may be the best fit for you--and as others have said--that is something only you can decide. But as a 70-year-old grandmother and long-time juggler of kids versus career (both my own kids and my grandkids)--I'd suggest making time with your child/children/ grandchildren (haha, later) an absolute priority. You won't think of your old jobs with a smile and a tear--but you will when you think back to the old days with the little gremlins.