Many will not relate, but... kinda bummed that I don't want to buy stuff!

[lifejoy]

If you were born naturally rational and anti-materialistic, you are amazing and a beast so different from myself. I grew up in such a way that you buy things to make yourself feel better (retail therapy), you buy things because you need them, you buy things because you're worth it (treat yo' self!), and also to celebrate milestones.

I've come a long way. Through minimalist blogs, MMM, "The Life-changing Magic of Tidying Up", and many psychological and behavioural economics studies, it has finally sunk in: buying stuff won't make me happier. Trips or other experiences could be an exception - so I'm talking about clothes, shoes, purses, gadgets, etc. I've almost reached a personal milestone, and I would normally celebrate with a purchase to mark having reached my goal. But I'm feeling bummed! It's like old me and new me are having a tug 'o war:

Old me: Buy a thing to celebrate! You deserve it! It's pretty and shiny, and people will envy it!
New me: Who cares? I have so much stuff already. If you bought something new, you'd just want a newer better one down the line.

This newfound mindset is amazing, so why do I feel so bummed? Do I need to replace the dopamine rush that buying used to give me? Reward myself with a run or some weightlifting?

Has anyone else experienced this, or am I cray-cray?

[Cookie78]

I can understand that, though I don't experience it much anymore. I think I've replaced that rush with making things and working on productive projects.

[golden1]

You feel bummed because you killed your old habit, but you haven't found anything to replace it.  You need to pick up a new hobby to replace the void left by leaving consumerism. 

I was also a recreational shopper for many years and used to get a real thrill out of the "hunt" for the perfect purse, jeans, vacation etc....  Once you have the knowledge of what that thrill actually costs you, your freedom, it becomes harder to feel good about making purchases.  I still will occasionally succumb to the unnecessary purchase, but I know to much for it to be as exciting as it was when I was mindlessly buying stuff.  At the same time, when I do delay gratification and make a well thought out, reasonable purchase, It feels really good, because I don't have the guilt associated with it. 

[I'm a red panda]

It's not just you. I'm sometimes sad I don't just go out and buy something -or eat out.

Especially in the winter when weather sucks, there just isn't anything we can go out and do. We have lots of fun stuff to do at home, but you sometimes feel trapped. If I can't go shopping, for a nice meal, to the movies- there is just nothing left. (Even bowling is crazy expensive now.)

[HenryDavid]

Could the "new you" actually BE the reward?

I can understand being a bit bummed: looking back over the time and energy invested in something that, as of now, looks like a waste.
It's like people getting out of a bad relationship. It's a positive step, but it's sad to look back at the "lost" time.

Yet without everything that went before, things would not be the way they are now. And you're liking the way they are now. So . . . look ahead and enjoy it, lifejoy?

As for rewards, if they're really needed: a bike ride, a walk, a new book or music CD from the library can all be rewards.
Or just thinking about how damn fortunate it is not to be struggling with terrible poverty, illness or fear. Lots of humans are, right now.

[lifejoy]

It's not just you. I'm sometimes sad I don't just go out and buy something -or eat out.

Especially in the winter when weather sucks, there just isn't anything we can go out and do. We have lots of fun stuff to do at home, but you sometimes feel trapped. If I can't go shopping, for a nice meal, to the movies- there is just nothing left. (Even bowling is crazy expensive now.)

Re: winter, I feel your pain! In my city, the library and the museum are good free options for us. And sometimes we invite friends over to make staying at home feel more like an outing :) Board games, anyone?

[lifejoy]

Could the "new you" actually BE the reward?

I can understand being a bit bummed: looking back over the time and energy invested in something that, as of now, looks like a waste.
It's like people getting out of a bad relationship. It's a positive step, but it's sad to look back at the "lost" time.

Yet without everything that went before, things would not be the way they are now. And you're liking the way they are now. So . . . look ahead and enjoy it, lifejoy?

As for rewards, if they're really needed: a bike ride, a walk, a new book or music CD from the library can all be rewards.
Or just thinking about how damn fortunate it is not to be struggling with terrible poverty, illness or fear. Lots of humans are, right now.

I like the analogy to a bad relationship. The feeling of loss, even though you know that the change is for the better. Food for thought, thanks!

[lifejoy]

You feel bummed because you killed your old habit, but you haven't found anything to replace it.  You need to pick up a new hobby to replace the void left by leaving consumerism. 

I was also a recreational shopper for many years and used to get a real thrill out of the "hunt" for the perfect purse, jeans, vacation etc....  Once you have the knowledge of what that thrill actually costs you, your freedom, it becomes harder to feel good about making purchases.  I still will occasionally succumb to the unnecessary purchase, but I know to much for it to be as exciting as it was when I was mindlessly buying stuff.  At the same time, when I do delay gratification and make a well thought out, reasonable purchase, It feels really good, because I don't have the guilt associated with it.

You're so right - I need to replace that habit. Because right now I just feel the void, and it makes me want to buy stuff just out of habit. So I don't have to deal with this feelings of blah ;)

But that would be the wussy way out!

[TheAnonOne]

Is going out and getting an ice cream or a semi-cheap meal at Applebees going to kill you? I save a ton and have optimized things in my life but I still have some fun occasionally...

Some of you act like not going out to eat is a law. Just don't do it every week, and choose some decently priced places....

[lifejoy]

Is going out and getting an ice cream or a semi-cheap meal at Applebees going to kill you? I save a ton and have optimized things in my life but I still have some fun occasionally...

Some of you act like not going out to eat is a law. Just don't do it every week, and choose some decently priced places....

See, I would qualify that kind of stuff as "experiences" rather than wasteful spending on material possessions that you don't need :D

[TheAnonOne]

Is going out and getting an ice cream or a semi-cheap meal at Applebees going to kill you? I save a ton and have optimized things in my life but I still have some fun occasionally...

Some of you act like not going out to eat is a law. Just don't do it every week, and choose some decently priced places....

See, I would qualify that kind of stuff as "experiences" rather than wasteful spending on material possessions that you don't need :D

Indeed, don't get the coffee every day but if your out with some friends and get one, don't kill yourself over it...

Once you optimize your life, you can stop worrying about small stuff like this...


Take a family who has two car payments and an over-sized house with a long commute. This family earns a high income but is basically house and car 'poor'.
If they were to solve the above things, they could eat out every day of the week on 1 of those lost car payments and still save the other one AND save on the commute AND save with a smaller house.

Eating out once and a while is nothing. People lose more money in their couch over the course of a year.

[Gone Fishing]

I consider myself a "natural saver" but I went through a couple of years where I pretty much just bought whatever I wanted (not without shopping around first though!).  When I decided to go "full mustachian" to knock out the last few years of work, it really made me realize how much of my happiness was being derived from acquiring stuff.  I can't say I have done a perfect time of filling the void, because many of the things that are both inexpensive and fufilling take time that I don't have at the moment.  So for the present, I am just hanging on until the end.  This may work for someone who is only a year or two out, but probably not possible for someone further out.  My best advice would be to fill your schedule with more low budget social activities.  Social interaction seems to fill the void better than anything else, for me at least.   

[I'm a red panda]

Is going out and getting an ice cream or a semi-cheap meal at Applebees going to kill you? I save a ton and have optimized things in my life but I still have some fun occasionally...

Some of you act like not going out to eat is a law. Just don't do it every week, and choose some decently priced places....

My problem is I don't enjoy it.  Paying 10x as much as something we can make at home just frustrates me.
(I go to Panera once a month for meeting with a group of friends that are in a hobby guild. I usually get a "Pick 2"- I realized last night that the small cup of soup was almost $4. That is insanity.  And I use a swagbucks gift card to pay for it so it isn't even real money.)

So part of the problem is that deriving pleasure from these experiences is gone, because all I see is the ridiculous waste.

[odput]

Old habits die hard...just ask anyone who has quit smoking

If new you will guilt trip yourself if you indulge in a one-time celebration, probably best to steer clear and try the replacements listed upthread.  If you can make peace with the fact that it is a one-time thing, and the mindlessness is gone, it's probably not a big deal...just remember to get back on the wagon when you're done celebrating.

[jmusic]

used to get a real thrill out of the "hunt..."

This is exactly what it is.  Once you recognize that it's really just the familiar pathways of the "lizard brain," it's easier to resist. 

Once you optimize your life, you can stop worrying about small stuff like this...


Take a family who has two car payments and an over-sized house with a long commute. This family earns a high income but is basically house and car 'poor'.
If they were to solve the above things, they could eat out every day of the week on 1 of those lost car payments and still save the other one AND save on the commute AND save with a smaller house.

Eating out once and a while is nothing. People lose more money in their couch over the course of a year.

+1.  Once you optimize the "big stuff," a few indulgences on the small things won't be too bad.  That said, a millionaire is made $10 at a time. 

[TheAnonOne]

Is going out and getting an ice cream or a semi-cheap meal at Applebees going to kill you? I save a ton and have optimized things in my life but I still have some fun occasionally...

Some of you act like not going out to eat is a law. Just don't do it every week, and choose some decently priced places....

My problem is I don't enjoy it.  Paying 10x as much as something we can make at home just frustrates me.
(I go to Panera once a month for meeting with a group of friends that are in a hobby guild. I usually get a "Pick 2"- I realized last night that the small cup of soup was almost $4. That is insanity.  And I use a swagbucks gift card to pay for it so it isn't even real money.)

So part of the problem is that deriving pleasure from these experiences is gone, because all I see is the ridiculous waste.

Ten times? Ten is a bit extreme for most items. If I go out, I usually order some sort of meat, be it steak or seafood. A decent steak can be 30-40 bucks but buying that cut of meat (prime, bone in ribeye) can be 15-25 at a good meat shop. I don't eat it very often, but when I do I want some decent quality.

So at least for anything I will order the markup is around 2X.


Now for soup, bread, and noodles? Yea, 10X might be possible, but I try not eat anything too 'Carby' anyway and it solves that issue for me!

[TheAnonOne]

+1.  Once you optimize the "big stuff," a few indulgences on the small things won't be too bad.  That said, a millionaire is made $10 at a time.

Indeed, but most here are putting THOUSANDS(Several) away monthly. If someone is eating out less than once a month (a few a year) I doubt it would even add more than a week of work over a decade.