So I was that girlfriend with 100k in student debt, a job that paid pennies, and a future husband who had his financial house in order (great paying job, saving for retirement, etc). I also was not materialistic at all but I was not very financially savvy (I didn’t even have a credit card when I met my husband and then moved in with him). We manage our finances as a joint endeavor, which is why only 5 years after they went into repayment, my loans were gone. Here is what worked for us:
1. My husband HELPED me – He told me I needed to start earning credit. He helped me pick a credit card to apply for and was clear that it had to be paid off in full every month. He explained why (interest!). He encouraged me to tell him immediately if I thought I couldn’t pay off the balance so he could help me to avoid interest. He encouraged me to save 2% in my employer retirement plan to get the match and explained why. He did this all without being a jerk or acting like I was an idiot for not knowing this stuff.
2. We managed my loans like they were a joint responsibility – When we moved in, my husband willingly and without complaint took over the bulk of our living expenses (the rent, etc). I helped by paying utilities and for some groceries, but he covered 2/3 of it. This was done so I could throw everything I had at the loans to try to get them down. I kept up my end of the deal and put as much as I could towards my loans every month.
3. We set goals and talk about them ALOT – To this day my husband and I set joint financial goals for our family. At first it was goals like “pay down LBD’s loan to X, pay for wedding without cc debt, save 10k in efund.” Now that the loans are gone, our goals revolve around maxing retirement accounts, saving for kids’ college funds, and taxable investing. But every year in January we sit down and set goals (write them out), and we routinely discuss their progress. We set up expectations for how to achieve them in advance (“we’ll use your bonus to max the IRAs, and the tax refund for the baby’s 592”) so we are both on the same page on how money should be spent. If we hit all our goals before years end, we add new ones.
4. We foster complete transparency with expenses – We talk about money and expenses all the time as a matter of habit. Very few things are purchased without the input from the other. If I want to buy some new kitchen stuff from amazon, I tell him. If he needs to go get an oil change for his car, he tells me. It’s not like we are reporting expenses and looking for permission – it’s just a very casual exchange. As a result, we are both always up to date on who is spending what.
Ironically, my experience paying off my loans and seeing how awesome it made me feel turned me into the financial buff in the family. I am now even more financially savvy than my husband and I am the one who tends to take the lead directing our investing decisions and financial goals. I was the one who introduced my husband to FIRE and got him excited about the concept. So, the moral of the story is, you absolutely can have joint finances and a very healthy and successful relationship with someone who has debt and is financially naïve. The key pieces are whether or not she really wants to get her finances under control, and how you two go about it (with transparency, respect, and mutual assistance).
