Author Topic: Loaning money situation  (Read 3428 times)

Notasoccermom

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Loaning money situation
« on: March 24, 2017, 08:56:15 AM »
So about a month ago, my child's babysitter said that they had some financial difficulties, and asked if I could give her an extra $120 because her rent was due and she had to take some time off from her full time job because she was sick. She asked if she could somehow work it off by doing housework around my home. I usually don't hire anyone for cleaning my house, but since she was in dire need, I agreed.

Well the day her rent was due, she calls me in a panic. She said her husband who doesn't let her see the budget or handle any of the financials said they needed an extra 320 not 120. Her husband said it was her responsibility to find the money because she had to take a few days off being sick. She said they already took out payday loans, owe the IRS and maxed out CC. Her adult kids refuse to lend them more money. She's had 2 forclosues and a bankruptcy so their credit is in the crapper. They can't find a cheaper appartment because of their credit issues, and they've been late a few times on rent, too. I didn't want her to be out on the streets, plus I don't want to find another sitter, so I gave her the money.

So I've asked her if her husband can take on a part time job because they are in financial need all the time. She says "He thinks about it, but he really doesn't want to. He wants his nights and weekends free" and he expects her to be the one to get an additional job. She has a disabled daughter that she takes care of on top of babysitting and having a full time job.

Anyways, so she owes me $200. Here's my problem. So I really don't need it back, so if I don't get paid back it's not going to be a big deal. I'd just forgive her of the loan, but her husband really needs to get off his lazy ass and get a second job. I feel like if I don't get the money back, I'm just enabling him, and if I insist on getting the money back, they will be out on the streets...ugh so what would you do?

Polish_Hammer

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #1 on: March 24, 2017, 09:00:12 AM »
Never loan money only give it, that stops hard feelings.   Cut them off as this was a one-time "gift"

rothwem

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #2 on: March 24, 2017, 09:00:53 AM »
...ugh so what would you do?

Fire the babysitter and let them keep the $200.  You don't need that shit.  They're asking you for money because they see you as a neverending supply of it and they don't respect you.  Sorry for the harsh words, but its the truth. 

swick

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #3 on: March 24, 2017, 09:03:42 AM »
Never loan money only give it, that stops hard feelings.   Cut them off as this was a one-time "gift"

I would say this, maybe with the exception that if she wanted to leave the dead-beat asshat you could hook her up with some resources and teach her how to manage her money herself when she is ready.

maizefolk

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #4 on: March 24, 2017, 09:26:29 AM »
I agree with the previous posters, call it a gift, call it charity.

If they did pay you back, and then a week later asked for another $320/loan, I think it'd actually be more awkward to decline (though obviously you still should) than if you you've just given them a gift and now they're asking for a second one.

It's hard watching marriages with unhealthy dynamics, particularly when you care about one of the members. My personal experience was an old friend from school who is saddled with a husband who is 8+ years into an (unpaid) PhD program, stays home all day, but insists they pay for the kids to be in daycare half the week because she doesn't do her fair share of childcare (since she, you know, has a full time job she goes to during the work week to keep them from sinking into debt faster).

Notasoccermom

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #5 on: March 24, 2017, 10:19:07 AM »
You leave this person in your house alone with your kid?

Serious question: Do things regularly go "lost" or "missing" in your house?  Even if its just old clothes or something?

No, I send my kid over to her appartment. I do trust her, she's always been very honest with me.

Livingthedream55

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #6 on: March 24, 2017, 10:31:28 AM »
So about a month ago, my child's babysitter said that they had some financial difficulties, and asked if I could give her an extra $120 because her rent was due and she had to take some time off from her full time job because she was sick. She asked if she could somehow work it off by doing housework around my home. I usually don't hire anyone for cleaning my house, but since she was in dire need, I agreed.

Well the day her rent was due, she calls me in a panic. She said her husband who doesn't let her see the budget or handle any of the financials said they needed an extra 320 not 120. Her husband said it was her responsibility to find the money because she had to take a few days off being sick. She said they already took out payday loans, owe the IRS and maxed out CC. Her adult kids refuse to lend them more money. She's had 2 forclosues and a bankruptcy so their credit is in the crapper. They can't find a cheaper appartment because of their credit issues, and they've been late a few times on rent, too. I didn't want her to be out on the streets, plus I don't want to find another sitter, so I gave her the money.

So I've asked her if her husband can take on a part time job because they are in financial need all the time. She says "He thinks about it, but he really doesn't want to. He wants his nights and weekends free" and he expects her to be the one to get an additional job. She has a disabled daughter that she takes care of on top of babysitting and having a full time job.

Anyways, so she owes me $200. Here's my problem. So I really don't need it back, so if I don't get paid back it's not going to be a big deal. I'd just forgive her of the loan, but her husband really needs to get off his lazy ass and get a second job. I feel like if I don't get the money back, I'm just enabling him, and if I insist on getting the money back, they will be out on the streets...ugh so what would you do?

I think you create a hard and fast "rule"/boundary right now because you have opened up the emergency rescue pipleline and YOU WILL BE ASKED FOR MONEY AGAIN. In fact, we could set up a pool right now to guess how soon.

So rule # 1 - Clearly stated to babysitter now,  without drama and without apology: ' I was glad to help you out in your emergency with the rent and have decided to withhold $10 a week from your pay weekly until the $200 is paid back" (heck you could even say $5 a week if you think she's on a financial tightrope.) ... "but I need to tell you now that I won't do that ever again so please don't ask me again."   "Same with paying you extra to do chores around the house."

Rule # 2 - if she cannot accept rule #1, hire another babysitter ASAP.

You are not responsible for keeping a roof over their heads and believe me, this is not the first time they have been in crisis and it won't be the last. They will simply move on to the next person or strategy to survive. Husband is not willing to be an adult and support his family. There is addiction and/or mental health issues that are bigger than you are. Disengage.



« Last Edit: March 24, 2017, 10:35:19 AM by Livingthedream55 »

Catbert

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #7 on: March 24, 2017, 10:41:26 AM »

+1 to what livingthedream said.

marielle

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #8 on: March 24, 2017, 10:45:49 AM »
Don't feel sorry for people who aren't willing to help themselves. If she ends up leaving the husband because of his laziness then provide her resources to get her life figured out, but other than that you don't owe them anything.

HAPPYINAZ

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #9 on: March 24, 2017, 10:50:08 AM »
Consider it a gift but tell her it was a one time thing and not to ask again.  And then work on finding another sitter you like because it's likely she will have to ask you to bail her out again.

BabyShark

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #10 on: March 24, 2017, 11:39:08 AM »
The husband sounds absolutely terrible. Yikes.

But yea, definitely don't expect to get that money back.  I guess you could offer to help both of them with their budget but I'm guessing the husband won't want anything to do with that.  I agree with directing her to some resources to help if she leaves, something like the Purple Purse because this just does not sound healthy, but I wouldn't expect her to take you up on it.

Slee_stack

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #11 on: March 24, 2017, 11:48:10 AM »
At least the payday loans and credit card maxxing is a sign this is sure to resolve itself any day now.

smh

If they owe the IRS, they likely are making a reasonable amount of money, otherwise, they would be paying next to zero taxes if they were truly low income.

That means they are living above their means and unnecessarily so.  It might be the husband's fault, it might be both their faults.  Either way they will likely be evicted soon since they obviously can't afford their apartment (given whatever else they are spending money on).  The OP will likely need to make other babysitter arrangements anyhow.

I agree with others that the OP can decide to help point this lady in the right direction if the husband is the root of all the problems.
« Last Edit: March 24, 2017, 11:49:52 AM by Slee_stack »

Notasoccermom

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #12 on: March 24, 2017, 11:52:04 AM »
The husband sounds absolutely terrible. Yikes.

But yea, definitely don't expect to get that money back.  I guess you could offer to help both of them with their budget but I'm guessing the husband won't want anything to do with that.  I agree with directing her to some resources to help if she leaves, something like the Purple Purse because this just does not sound healthy, but I wouldn't expect her to take you up on it.

He won't even let his wife see the budget let alone anyone else. She has to ask him for money (even if it's just a couple dollars) if she wants to spend any. But he has bought new cars behind her back. When they got foreclosed on, it's because he would skip paying the mortgage for vacations and Christmas, all with telling her they got plenty of money and not to worry about it.

Dicey

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #13 on: March 24, 2017, 12:01:53 PM »
I would absolutely NOT deduct it from her pay. If you didn't set the terms of the loan in advance, you can discuss them with her now, but it's wrong to arbitrarily enact them after the fact.

Call it a gift, write a formal gift letter to her and her husband and tell them you will not be able to lend or give them money again.

And then I'd seriously look for a better situation for your child.

Their life is not yours to fix. Sounds harsh, but do you really want to open your self and your family up to this can of worms?

FIRE Artist

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #14 on: March 24, 2017, 12:15:02 PM »
I agree with the comments about finding another sitter for your child.  This woman is in an abusive relationship, and you are sending your child to stay in her home, you cannot control when the husband is home in the house with your child being there.  The relationship may not be physically abusive, but why expose your child to experiencing an emotionally abusive environment?

I would not be asking for the money back, I would be calling it severance. 

Notasoccermom

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #15 on: March 24, 2017, 01:58:09 PM »
Well, I think I'm going to deduct $50 per month for 4 months. Her husband isn't ever around when my kid is over, since I just need her on tues during the day. By mid-August we won't need a sitter anymore since both my kids will be at school.

BabyShark

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #16 on: March 24, 2017, 02:19:12 PM »
The husband sounds absolutely terrible. Yikes.

But yea, definitely don't expect to get that money back.  I guess you could offer to help both of them with their budget but I'm guessing the husband won't want anything to do with that.  I agree with directing her to some resources to help if she leaves, something like the Purple Purse because this just does not sound healthy, but I wouldn't expect her to take you up on it.

He won't even let his wife see the budget let alone anyone else. She has to ask him for money (even if it's just a couple dollars) if she wants to spend any. But he has bought new cars behind her back. When they got foreclosed on, it's because he would skip paying the mortgage for vacations and Christmas, all with telling her they got plenty of money and not to worry about it.

What FIRE Artist said. This is financial abuse.  He may not be physically abusive towards her but the fact that she has to ask him for money to spend even when she's making her own money is a major, major red flag.  I hope she can get help, but it definitely isn't your responsibility.

Rosy

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #17 on: March 24, 2017, 02:35:58 PM »
I'd call it a one time gift aka severance pay and find another sitter.

moof

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #18 on: March 24, 2017, 02:45:51 PM »
Cut your losses, look for a new baby sitter, call the $200 a gift.  It sounds like she might get evicted at any time, so your ability to drop your kid off is likely in peril already.  Remember that this is a business situation first and foremost.  It sounds like they are well into a financial death spiral, your $200 just delays the day of reckoning.

Pam

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Re: Loaning money situation
« Reply #19 on: March 24, 2017, 03:01:46 PM »
Call it a gift and find another sitter immediately!  You do not want your kids around this type of drama.  I have seen issues like this get worse and worse...  do not hesitate...  find another sitter!