Let's have a fun girl's night... and spend money!

[MicroRN]

I'm bitching a bit here, but I am so freaking tired of these "independent consultant" parties.  Military spouses seem to be some of the worst for everyone being involved with one.  I kind of get why - moving around messes with school and jobs, and with deployments you frequently end up as a SAHM, so it seems like an easy way to make money.

We have certain spouses who keep sending out emails of "Let's have a fun girl's night!" I think, ok, might be nice to get out of the house for a bit.  Then I read down the email and find that someone's actually having the party to sell more useless junk to people.  I never actually go to them, but here are the invitations so far this year:
Stella & Dot
Scentsy
Tastefully Simple
Mary Kay
Thirty-One bags (twice)

Actual social meetups so far this year?  One. 

[maustache]

I don't think you'll get many arguments on this forum!

I don't think I could ever have the moxie to invite people over solely to make money off of them, but for some reason it's completely socially acceptable.

[imustachemystash]

I hate those too!  Why can't my friends just have a regular party and not try to sell me things!  I have also been invited to "Facebook" parties where the party is held online and you can shop.  Ugh, what a waste of time!

[Emilyngh]

I'm bitching a bit here, but I am so freaking tired of these "independent consultant" parties.  Military spouses seem to be some of the worst for everyone being involved with one.  I kind of get why - moving around messes with school and jobs, and with deployments you frequently end up as a SAHM, so it seems like an easy way to make money.

A-men.   This is how I would be tempted to reply:

(a) Last time I checked I was about 15 years over the age of "girl"
(b) Not really in the mood to help you financially profit from our friendship at my expense
(c) Besides, I think I've got about all of the use-less crap I'll ever need

But, fuck-you-very much for asking!

[Jamesqf]

I think my basic problem is with the notion that these sorts of things would be fun.

[Briansmama]

Mary Kay still exists? No way!

As for the others, I used to frequently turn them down. We lived in a neighborhood where a mom on every street hosted these monthly. They were definitely not my thing. Pampered Chef is another one that came up often.

I feel it is more polite to turn down the invite altogether than go and not buy anything. So awkward.

[MicroRN]

Mary Kay still exists? No way!

As for the others, I used to frequently turn them down. We lived in a neighborhood where a mom on every street hosted these monthly. They were definitely not my thing. Pampered Chef is another one that came up often.

I feel it is more polite to turn down the invite altogether than go and not buy anything. So awkward.

Yup, MK still exists.  In fact, a spouse on my husband's last boat sold so much Mary Kay/recruited so many other people that she had a pink cadillac.  She was downright predatory in how she'd go up to total strangers and try to get them over for a "free makeover."

[Villanelle]

I never go.  (I'm a military spouse, though I don't notice more MilSOs doing this than other SAHMs.) I'm always busy, or depending on how I feel about the person I might just tell them that sales parties aren't really my thing.  I never find it especially uncomfortable. 

[Briansmama]

[/quote]

Yup, MK still exists.  In fact, a spouse on my husband's last boat sold so much Mary Kay/recruited so many other people that she had a pink cadillac.  She was downright predatory in how she'd go up to total strangers and try to get them over for a "free makeover."
[/quote]

She actually sounds like a phenomenal saleswoman, and could probably make a lot more money selling in a different industry.

[TomTX]

DW was invited to one recently, though it was not any of the above listed companies. It was for um... adult items...

She didn't go, though - so I have no idea whether the items were any good or not. ;)

[Simple Abundant Living]

You know, I don't mind going to some of these. I sometimes set a budget on what I will buy (usually under $10). I used to make jewelry and sell it in home parties like this, which was a lot more successful than craft fairs. But I totally get that in some areas the home party is overdone.

[wtjbatman]

My girlfriend does the Scentsy thing. Overpriced, over done, kinda kitschy maybe... but our house smells fantastic. I'm OK with it, especially since she realizes she doesn't need to spend an entire paycheck on the stuff. Yeah I think she spent a little under $100 on Scentsy, but that was a whole bunch of stuff (a couple standalone warmers, a couple outlet warmers, and tons of the wax). I mean 6 months later and she still has a bunch of wax left. I can live with $100 to keep our house smelling good instead of like our dog.

[Annamal]

Heh, the local (very women friendly) adult shop used to offer f###kerware parties along similar lines but with slightly more interesting plasticware...

[warfreak2]

Just wanted to add to this thread, for those unaware, these things are generally pyramid schemes. If a friend invites you to a "sales party" they are hosting - make it clear that it's an abuse of your friendship, but also check to see if they'll be paying commission to the sales rep who recruited them; they could be caught up in a scam.

[KBecks]

I hate them too, and sitting through sales presentations is like torture. 

[Khan]

Just wanted to add to this thread, for those unaware, these things are generally pyramid schemes. If a friend invites you to a "sales party" they are hosting - make it clear that it's an abuse of your friendship, but also check to see if they'll be paying commission to the sales rep who recruited them; they are caught up in a scam.

FTFY, MLM schemes(multi-level marketing) are simply disguised pyramid schemes.  By selling a "product", they skirt most of the pyramid scam rules, but they still are complete and total bullshit. See Herbalife and Bill Ackman's presentation on it.

Speaking of Bullshit, Bullshit covered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep3pO7X7fEQ

[warfreak2]

FTFY, MLM schemes(multi-level marketing) are simply disguised pyramid schemes.  By selling a "product", they skirt most of the pyramid scam rules, but they still are complete and total bullshit. See Herbalife and Bill Ackman's presentation on it.

Speaking of Bullshit, Bullshit covered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep3pO7X7fEQ

I agree with you - but I wrote "could be" because it's not necessarily multi-level marketing. Some of your more Mustachian friends might be looking for a group of people to share a bulk discount (e.g. wholesale pricing) with, on things they were going to buy anyway. For example, I heard that some people buy catering-size bags of spices, everyone brings their own containers, they spend an evening dividing the spices up, and everyone gets a full spice rack for a fraction of the supermarket prices.

[pipercat]

I don't mind going to these every now and then, but it sort of seems that if you attend one person's party, you are now on the list to go to everyone's party.  Then I find myself turning down invitations to hang with people that I would otherwise want to be with.

Maybe the OP should offer to host a Ladies' Night herself, without the purchase expectation.  I have always wanted to host a Jewelry Swap party.  I figure we all have jewelry and accessories that we no longer use.  I could put out some snacks and tell everyone to bring nice items that they want to swap.

[lexie2000]

I've never heard of anything on the list besides Mary Kay and I've never been to a Mary Kay party.

Over 20 years ago, I wanted to get some tupperware (no such thing as Ziploc containers or Rubbermaid Take-alongs in those days) so I had a catalog party.  I handed out catalogs to the gals in my babysitting co-op, letting them know that there was absolutely no pressure.  If they wanted/needed something great; if not, no problem.  I still have and use the tupperware that I got from that party.

In general, however, I must admit that I don't like them. 

[Simple Abundant Living]

I don't mind going to these every now and then, but it sort of seems that if you attend one person's party, you are now on the list to go to everyone's party.  Then I find myself turning down invitations to hang with people that I would otherwise want to be with.

Maybe the OP should offer to host a Ladies' Night herself, without the purchase expectation.  I have always wanted to host a Jewelry Swap party.  I figure we all have jewelry and accessories that we no longer use.  I could put out some snacks and tell everyone to bring nice items that they want to swap.

I love the jewelry swap idea!

[MicroRN]

I don't mind going to these every now and then, but it sort of seems that if you attend one person's party, you are now on the list to go to everyone's party.  Then I find myself turning down invitations to hang with people that I would otherwise want to be with.

Maybe the OP should offer to host a Ladies' Night herself, without the purchase expectation.  I have always wanted to host a Jewelry Swap party.  I figure we all have jewelry and accessories that we no longer use.  I could put out some snacks and tell everyone to bring nice items that they want to swap.

I'm hoping to do a get-together soon.  I keep planning to do one, but then my calendar piles up and I lose motivation to do cleaning and prep.  Those of us with small kids make it out for playdates occasionally, but I'd love some non-childcentric conversation.  The jewelry swap is a neat idea, not quite my thing, but maybe a recipe swap. 

[homehandymum]

Depending who the friend is, or how desperate I am for some socialisation, I'll either answer "no, thanks, I just can't make it that night"  (I have kids, no-one ever argues with that one), or "sure I'll come for the socialising, but I'll need to leave my credit card at home I'm afraid".  The two times I've used the second line, the hostess has answered "no problem!  I'm only in it for the free gift!"

None of my friends in this town are doing it, though.  It was rife in our last city.  I wonder what the difference was.

[pipercat]

Depending who the friend is, or how desperate I am for some socialisation, I'll either answer "no, thanks, I just can't make it that night"  (I have kids, no-one ever argues with that one), or "sure I'll come for the socialising, but I'll need to leave my credit card at home I'm afraid".  The two times I've used the second line, the hostess has answered "no problem!  I'm only in it for the free gift!"

None of my friends in this town are doing it, though.  It was rife in our last city.  I wonder what the difference was.

I've done the same thing.  Sometimes, the hostess gets some sort of discount or gift for having a certain number of attendees, even if they don't buy anything.  My friends who host hardly ever ask me to buy anything, which lets me off the hook if the saleslady is sort of pushy.

[stevesteve]

Mary Kay still exists? No way!

As for the others, I used to frequently turn them down. We lived in a neighborhood where a mom on every street hosted these monthly. They were definitely not my thing. Pampered Chef is another one that came up often.

I feel it is more polite to turn down the invite altogether than go and not buy anything. So awkward.

Yup, MK still exists.  In fact, a spouse on my husband's last boat sold so much Mary Kay/recruited so many other people that she had a pink cadillac.  She was downright predatory in how she'd go up to total strangers and try to get them over for a "free makeover."

Predatory?  I mean, a lot of sales is about pressure be it house parties or walking into furniture stores or even Best Buy.  I actually don't have any problem with these things as long as people have no problem with me saying no.  I have an aunt with lots of friends who do things like this and I've heard her complain about feeling "forced".  I never understood how she had friendships where she couldn't just say no.

I've kind of thought of it as part of the regular "pressure to spend" continuum that we all have to varying degrees with our friends.  In many ways it's easier to avoid a Mary Kay party than it is to say "let's cook at my house" instead of going out for dinner.

[mikaty]

We've been lured to a MLM Sales party before and felt very uneasy with the whole thing...  There was no warning in the invite and we felt a little ambushed.  The poor guy was given a really hard time and I don't think he managed to convince anyone despite putting in a monumental effort.

This weekend we hosted a birthday party for my 30th and my sister brought a white board and markers for playing pictionary.  When the pizza arrived DH made a show of "selling" them a MLM thing for about 5 mins before everyone burst out laughing and started the game. 

[Gin1984]

FTFY, MLM schemes(multi-level marketing) are simply disguised pyramid schemes.  By selling a "product", they skirt most of the pyramid scam rules, but they still are complete and total bullshit. See Herbalife and Bill Ackman's presentation on it.

Speaking of Bullshit, Bullshit covered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep3pO7X7fEQ

I agree with you - but I wrote "could be" because it's not necessarily multi-level marketing. Some of your more Mustachian friends might be looking for a group of people to share a bulk discount (e.g. wholesale pricing) with, on things they were going to buy anyway. For example, I heard that some people buy catering-size bags of spices, everyone brings their own containers, they spend an evening dividing the spices up, and everyone gets a full spice rack for a fraction of the supermarket prices.

Now that sounds like a good idea!

[golden1]

I hate hate hate hate these parties and refuse to go to them anymore.  It makes me feel really uncomfortable.  I feel like if I don't buy something (even if I don't need it) I am letting down a friend.  I got sucked into scrapbooking years ago and no I have a pile of overpriced stickers and stuff just sitting in my basement. 

[Twenty4Me]

Speaking of Bullshit, Bullshit covered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep3pO7X7fEQ

Wow, I can't imagine anyone making money off of that juice that poor guy was trying to sell. $120 for 4 bottles? Ouch!

[TomTX]

Speaking of Bullshit, Bullshit covered them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep3pO7X7fEQ

Wow, I can't imagine anyone making money off of that juice that poor guy was trying to sell. $120 for 4 bottles? Ouch!

There was no evidence he actually tried to sell the juice. It showed him entirely trying to "sell" the program

[Twenty4Me]

There was no evidence he actually tried to sell the juice. It showed him entirely trying to "sell" the program

Granted, there's no evidence of that, but you would hope that he does try to do that otherwise what would be the point? If he isn't, it's like trying to row with one oar, if you ask me. Going no where fast.

[frugalnacho]

There was no evidence he actually tried to sell the juice. It showed him entirely trying to "sell" the program

Granted, there's no evidence of that, but you would hope that he does try to do that otherwise what would be the point? If he isn't, it's like trying to row with one oar, if you ask me. Going no where fast.

The point is that it is a pyramid scheme.  Instead of selling the product, you sell the program and get someone to sign up under you, then THEY sell the product and the program to others.  Every product they sell you get a cut of, and every person they recruit to sell you also get a cut of, and so on.  So you are better off recruiting a bunch of people who recruit a bunch of people, and so on.  Then you can sit back and just take a small cut of all the work they all do - or so the story goes. 

Why anyone would ever buy an over priced product with a chain of parasitic middlemen is beyond me, but people do it all the time.  The people at the top will profit at the expense of the people at the bottom (and the customers).  That guy selling juice (or rather the juice program) in the bullshit episode was the bottom level of the pyramid.

By the way, have you heard of Deepak Chopra?

[AllChoptUp]

I hate these with a passion.  The last one I got suckered into was hosted by a Milspouse...but we were in a fleet concentration area half my neighbors were mil families.  Weeknight, presentation took two hours.  I was getting up at 0500 at the time. So. pissed. 

Never again.

[GreenAcres]

I hate those parties.  I especially hate how friends who haven't talked to me in years suddenly want to invite me to everything.  Good for them if they are actually making money at it.

[frugalnacho]

I hate those parties.  I especially hate how friends who haven't talked to me in years suddenly want to invite me to everything.  Good for them if they are actually making money at it.

Good for them that they are sponging off of greed and stupidity without adding anything productive to society?

[Twenty4Me]

By the way, have you heard of Deepak Chopra?

I've heard the name before, but I haven't read any of his things or know what he's about. I'll be honest and say that I'm not too fussed to find out anymore about him either.

[mxer54]

My wife is a military spouse, she doesn't go to those types of events.  She does plan her own though....Why don't you get the wives together for a ladies night out but plan something yourself.  Thats what she has done.  When I was deployed, she would plan a night once a month.  You could even plan something that could influence the wives to be more financially responsible...such as planning an event at a place where you've gotten a great Groupon or something that can be handled out to them to promote SAVING.  Or maybe you can do one at the house, some wine and learning how to bake...conversation can quickly turn into how to save in areas (rags instead of paper towels, etc). 

Be part of the solution :)

[gobius]

We've been lured to a MLM Sales party before and felt very uneasy with the whole thing...  There was no warning in the invite and we felt a little ambushed. 

I was lured to one under the pretenses of going to get sushi (at the time I had never eaten sushi and wanted to try it).  My roommate invited me and had his recruiter there.  I remember the guy asking me, "How's it going?"  I said, "Fine, how about you?"  He said, "Man, I'm great.  I don't have to work more than 15 hours a week and I make [ridiculous sum of money] per month, all because of..."  The guy was probably 30. 

This was 7 years ago and they almost convinced me but then I did some research and read about MLM's.  I'm glad I turned my roommate down.

[homehandymum]

For myself, there's a big difference between the 'parties' (tupperware, mary kay etc) and the 'ambush sales pitch' - where you think you've just been invited to a nice dinner out but instead are in for an evening of high pressure sales, bar graphs and saying 'no' while feeling like a sucker for thinking people were wanting to be your friend (some amway strands etc).

I just feel betrayed by the second approach, whereas the first approach is at least honest (to the party-goers, anyway, if not entirely to the sellers).

[pipercat]

We've been lured to a MLM Sales party before and felt very uneasy with the whole thing...  There was no warning in the invite and we felt a little ambushed. 

I was lured to one under the pretenses of going to get sushi (at the time I had never eaten sushi and wanted to try it).  My roommate invited me and had his recruiter there.  I remember the guy asking me, "How's it going?"  I said, "Fine, how about you?"  He said, "Man, I'm great.  I don't have to work more than 15 hours a week and I make [ridiculous sum of money] per month, all because of..."  The guy was probably 30. 

This was 7 years ago and they almost convinced me but then I did some research and read about MLM's.  I'm glad I turned my roommate down.

I think that's pretty slimy, and I'm a very tolerant person!

[happyfeet]

Cannot stand those parties.  Overpriced jewelry ones seem to be all the rage lately. I was invited to an email party - so just look over the stuff online and you know - drop $60 on metal crappy jewelry.  No thanks.

Yea and the person who I volunteer with - who I really do not know at all - asks me  "you have any friends and could you host a party for me?" Ummm "no".

I love to get together with girls.  This winter,  I put together a craft night teaching neighbor ladies how to do some wired wine glasses.  It was a big hit - charged them for materials only like $5 and they learned to make something.  We drank wine of course ;). It was fun, inexpensive and they learned how to do something. 


Also, hosted a pie baking class.  My mom never taught me how to make a pie but my friend makes a killer apple pie with the most amazing crust EVER.  I had the ladies bring the pie supplies to my house and we learned how to make this amazing crust and apple pie filling.  I know how to make a pie!

You don't have to spend a lot of money to have fun but MMM peeps know this.