Lesson learned, feeling stupid for godundme donation

[Guses]

The horse is long out of  the barn. The average American belives that medical treatmrnt should be at no cost to them. They think a copay of $1,000 is outrageous for a major surgery.

To the average American dental visits should be subsidized and nearly free. " i cant visit the dentist because I don't have dental insurance, waaahhhhhhh!" Even though  a simpe cleaning and exam is around $120, they cant fathom their own responsibility of saving up and payng themselves..

We are raising a populace of dependant infants..

OMG, don't get me started, some even claim that water should be a basic human right. Bunch of lazy bums!

[frugalnacho]

If you are going to give money, you have to do it out of the goodness of your heart with no expectations. To judge them from that point on with what they spend their money on is not fair to them.  If that is how you are going to approach it, you are better to never give money to anyone.  If you do give money to someone, then your conscience should be clean.  Now what they do next, they are accountable for.

That is a total load of shit.  This should be true for unrequested gifts - ie you just decide to give someone a couple thousand dollars as a gift out of the goodness of your heart for no specific reason other than you want to gift them something.  This was a solicited donation for a specific purpose though.  I'd be pissed if I donated to charitable organization with a specific goal, and then found out the organization was misusing funds and the charity owner suddenly started driving around an f150.

So you think that when you give someone money for something, you have a right to micromanage their lifestyle from that point forwarddemand the money is used for it's intended purpose.

How is it micromanaging to demand the money you donated for a specific purpose is actually used for that purpose?

I think your attitude is correct if you are talking about a gift, not a donation for a specific purpose.

First, in your opening comments you state that they did not raise all the money.  Am I missing something?  I would think if they did not raise all the money, it could be assumed that they used what you donated for the intended purpose?  Seems now you are just watching what they spend on other things.

Beyond that, why are spending time worrying about it?  What is it going to accomplish?  You did the right thing, let it go.

I'm not the OP, I just had an issue with your bolded statement.  I think it's true if you are giving a gift that once it's given it's theirs and they can do what they please.  However this wasn't a gift, it was a charitable donation for a specific cause.  I think he has a valid point.  If they had the means to purchase a $40k car then begging for money to fund a surgery is a gross misrepresentation of their finances and is fraudulent IMO.

[BoonDogle]

So they don't raise all the money but a fair but, got the surgery etc. Little while later I see that they are flying across the country for some "traditional medicine", witch-doctor bullshit. How much did those tickets cost? Probably 3x$500! Ran into them and see them driving a pretty nice, new looking german car! How much more does this cost vs same size/year/milage Honda? At least $2k I'm sure! So in effect our donation did nothing as they spent the "difference" we (supposedly) made on other things. I could have spend that money on beer and their child would have gotten the same amount of medical care, only difference being perhaps they'd have to drive a slightly less fancy german automobile. So what the fuck did I give to?! Nothing at all if you ask me! My donation was totally inconsequential for the child's medical care. After I learned of the quack doctor visit I was annoyed, but now I feel borderline scammed. I even wondered for a second whether they made up the whole thing to get money. Thankfully we don't see them much because I'd rather not be around them.

Looks a lot to me like they raised some of the money but not all, spent it on the treatment, and now the OP wants to have a say in what car they drive and what treatments they get next.

How are you going to "demand that they spend it on the intended purpose"?  Ask for an accounting of the dollars spent?  Contract?

The reality is that if you are giving cash to a friend, it is a gift.  If you are going to do it, you had better be OK with the scenario above because you cannot get it back, nor can you dictate how it is spent.  Things that should be thought through before giving.

[Scandium]

So they don't raise all the money but a fair but, got the surgery etc. Little while later I see that they are flying across the country for some "traditional medicine", witch-doctor bullshit. How much did those tickets cost? Probably 3x$500! Ran into them and see them driving a pretty nice, new looking german car! How much more does this cost vs same size/year/milage Honda? At least $2k I'm sure! So in effect our donation did nothing as they spent the "difference" we (supposedly) made on other things. I could have spend that money on beer and their child would have gotten the same amount of medical care, only difference being perhaps they'd have to drive a slightly less fancy german automobile. So what the fuck did I give to?! Nothing at all if you ask me! My donation was totally inconsequential for the child's medical care. After I learned of the quack doctor visit I was annoyed, but now I feel borderline scammed. I even wondered for a second whether they made up the whole thing to get money. Thankfully we don't see them much because I'd rather not be around them.

Looks a lot to me like they raised some of the money but not all, spent it on the treatment, and now the OP wants to have a say in what car they drive and what treatments they get next.

How are you going to "demand that they spend it on the intended purpose"?  Ask for an accounting of the dollars spent?  Contract?

The reality is that if you are giving cash to a friend, it is a gift.  If you are going to do it, you had better be OK with the scenario above because you cannot get it back, nor can you dictate how it is spent.  Things that should be thought through before giving.

No, I don't want to have a say in what they do. Due to being enraged perhaps I haven't thought fully through it, but I guess my objection is that this was an act of faith, I trusted them. As frugalnacho said they presented a need (sick child) that they had trouble paying for treatment for. I made a sacrifice by giving them (to me) a pretty substantial sum of money. I expect them to spend it on treatment, which they did so that fine. But this was not that long ago, so I also expect them to make some sacrifice and not live larger than I do a few months later! To me it seems their donation drive wasn't about whether or not the child gets treatment, that was always going to happen. It was whether or not they get to buy a luxury car after!

I disagree, it was not a gift. It as a donation for a purpose. And it was (more or less) spent on that, but I still feel they misrepresented the situation in some way if they can afford such luxuries some months after $10ks spent on medical care, even after donations.

But yes I cannot dictate anything, and I have to be ok with how it played out. And I am, I not going to say or do anything about it. But I'm still annoyed and as the treat title says I'll think twice next time, especially with these people and also others.

[iris lily]

This s exactly why legitimate non profits watch their own expenses, includng employee compensation.

When I give a donation to a dog rescue in town,  it makes,a difference if their CEO makes $60,000 or $260,000. . They are asking me to,sacrifice something in my life, they should,be,  too.