Kill your lawn

[Arbitrage]

It's not so much the nationwide average of lawn watering that's a concern; it's the usage distribution.  The southwest uses ungodly amounts of water to keep their lawns, while simultaneously having serious problems with water scarcity.  Not to mention the other water hogs in the desert such as swimming pools and golf courses...

Of course, there are other problems related to the lawns - SFH zoning, car dependency, land use, lack of public transit, insufficient public space, etc.  Can't really tease out the lawn part of that problem. 

[Just Joe]

I'm in the midwest and never water or fertilize my lawn. It looks okay as long as we cut the grass. Plenty of clover and  low creeping purple flower plants (I have no idea what they are, but they were there when we moved in) mixed in.

Our hell strips are off limits due to town ordinances, but our alley strips are ours to do as we please! A few years ago several neighbors met up at a local pollinator plant sale and now there are six of us that share an alley that all have pollinators planted.

Sometimes we go outside and count the bees! Our little strip has various blooms from May-September. Two of my neighbors even have yards designated as monarch watch stations.

Our alley is kind of magical :)

What is a hell strip? ;)

[nereo]

The strip of often municipal-owned land between the road and the sidewalk or drainage ditch…

[Telecaster]

The strip of often municipal-owned land between the road and the sidewalk or drainage ditch…

That's the rub.  It is typically owned by the landowner who is required to maintain it, but you can't plant what you want there, in most jurisdictions.   In Seattle they relaxed that rule a lot, but there are still restrictions. 

[GuitarStv]

A gallon of beer takes somewhere between 2-8 gallons of water to make depending on variables (https://www.montana.edu/mmec/news/article.html?id=18735).

This number is off by close to two orders of magnitude. It takes about two pounds of barley to make a gallon of beer [1] and it takes about 200 gallons of water to make a pound of barley [2].

Thank you for the correction!  That would at least put it in the same ballpark as watering a lawn.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

It's not so much the nationwide average of lawn watering that's a concern; it's the usage distribution.  The southwest uses ungodly amounts of water to keep their lawns, while simultaneously having serious problems with water scarcity.  Not to mention the other water hogs in the desert such as swimming pools and golf courses...

Of course, there are other problems related to the lawns - SFH zoning, car dependency, land use, lack of public transit, insufficient public space, etc.  Can't really tease out the lawn part of that problem.

Yes, if I don't water my lawn it turns into a hellscape of spikey four-foot-tall weeds, and my kids use the lawn for playing. Instead I water infrequently but deeply and have been filling in bare patches with clover. I also have a very small yard and am experimenting to find a sprinkler solution that limits sidewalk spray (retrofitting with an irrigation system is apparently somewhere between impossible and prohibitively expensive).

In the backyard (which is even tinier) I am experimenting with turf-type buffalo grass, which supposedly takes much less water and less mowing. We are toying with the idea of a buffalo grass front yard but I dunno about killing off all the clovers, and also having the yard unusable for so long while we are killing the grass and then while the buffalo grass takes over (not to mention how much water it takes to establish the buffalo grass). My youngest is all of 12 months old so we have at least a dozen years left of having kids who play in the yard!

[Kris]

I'm fine with banning certain pesticides and herbicides *if* they are proven to have a meaningful damaging effect with home use.  But otherwise, where are kids who are all becoming obese couch potatoes supposed to runaround and play?

At your local park! There's no reason everyone has to have their own private green space for their exclusive use. We can have well-maintained communal spaces that everyone can use.

Yeah but it’s not a big deal to let my kids who are all under 8 play in the backyard by themselves. I’ve already had idiotic neighbors call CPS for letting my kids play in our front yard “unsupervised”. So sending them off to the park isn’t the solution you may think it is.

Okay, but that’s a chicken vs. egg thing. People freak out about unsupervised kids now when they didn’t use to, because it used to be common for kids to play in parks, neighborhoods, and other public spaces instead of inside their houses or in their fenced-in yards.

[RetiredAt63]

A gallon of beer takes somewhere between 2-8 gallons of water to make depending on variables (https://www.montana.edu/mmec/news/article.html?id=18735).

This number is off by close to two orders of magnitude. It takes about two pounds of barley to make a gallon of beer [1] and it takes about 200 gallons of water to make a pound of barley [2].

But if that is all natural precipitation that water consumption isn't an issue.  A crop is being grown without irrigation.  Low value per acre crops don't get irrigated in wet climates.  The valuable vulnerable crops will when they need it.  My rural house got its water from a well.  My vegetable garden got watered when it needed it.  My flower beds got watered when they were desperate.  My lawn never got watered.

I have to say it shook me when I saw hay fields being irrigated in Alberta.  Here we have enough moisture to grow forests, grasses do fine without any extra.  They can put their roots deeper when the surface dries out.

[Frugal Lizard]

I am rather proud of my killed lawn. Kids didn't like it as the turf disappeared, but the reality was it was too small for them to do anything on originally.

[GilesMM]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

[nereo]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

[GilesMM]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

[ATtiny85]

Yes, if I don't water my lawn it turns into a hellscape of spikey four-foot-tall weeds, and my kids use the lawn for playing. Instead I water infrequently but deeply and have been filling in bare patches with clover. I also have a very small yard and am experimenting to find a sprinkler solution that limits sidewalk spray (retrofitting with an irrigation system is apparently somewhere between impossible and prohibitively expensive).

https://irrigreen.com/

Would take some effort to have it surface mounted, but no reason it wouldn’t work. Have an anchor point in the yard, done. I’ve never had the guts to price one out…no way it’s cheap.

[RetiredAt63]

Just Joe, from a distance our lawns look fine.  And close up we are the ones who walk on them.  I could never see the point of a pristine lawn, that is for golf courses.   And even a lot of golf courses don't use a lot of pesticides.

If I hadn't sold the house, my side yard would have become an orchard by now.  I already had 2 sour cherries, a self-pollinating cold-hardy pear tree and 3 European/American hazelnut crosses.   

Roundup - oh my.  Farmers in my area would use it to kill off a pasture so it could be plowed as part of the rotation.  I only used it for poison ivy, and then I painted it on, instead of spraying.  Nothing else would work, 20% acetic acid was useless.  I was too far north to worry about kudzu.  North of the 45th parallel, actually.


GuitarStv, a lot of places ban lawn watering except for new seeding or sod.  Makes sense.  Grass goes dormant when it is dry, and comes back when the water comes back.  Plus overwatering means super shallow roots, which then means it dies unless it gets watered constantly.  It's poor management.


Generally, what people don't think about is the details of those beautiful English lawns.  Sure, lovely lawns close to the house - but the large expanses were grazed by sheep or cows, and they were kept away from the house area.  So it was more like a closely grazed pasture than a lawn.

Your yard sounds beautiful.

Painting Roundup onto poison ivy - now I like that idea. I saw a YT video where a fellow talked about killing climbing kudzu mechanically by cutting the vines.

Our house's PO was spraying Roundup all over. We pass a house on our commute to work where the owner sprays it on a fence row. Dead grass for 3 ft on both sides of the fence. This is only a yard boundary fence. Posts and barb wire. Would be really easy to mechanically trim (string trimmer). Minutes of work.

An English garden would be beautiful. That is what we have in mind for a portion of our front yard. It'll be a DIY version anyhow, never as manicured as the real thing. DW needs to plan the plants. I'll keep the weeds in check with an electric tiller. Sunflowers are a must though. They are a favorite of mine.

As several people have mentioned - we have the same situation - if we didn't mow we'd be living in the woods in a few years. In fact once a year I work the edges of the woods with my electric chain saw to keep the branches trimmed back. Electric tractor + inverter + 120V electric chainsaw + utility trailer = easy

I sold that house in 2019.  I don't really miss the house that much, being that rural wasn't working for me any more, but I sure miss having a yard and gardens.  I had a 100' perennial low maintenance border - peonies, mostly grown from seed, day-lilies, Siberian Iris, and low perennials in the front.  Asparagus at the back.  Basically all tough plants, almost no watering, and very little weeding.  448 sq. feet of raised beds for vegetables.  A big fenced yard to play frisbee with the dog.

Gah, I'm going to talk myself into getting another house instead of my apartment with a balcony garden.  No lawn here.

[nereo]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

[draco44]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

And that's just some of the insecticides that people have mentioned. Remember that the umbrella term "pesticides" also includes other classes like herbicides and fungicides in addition to insecticides. And some people manage turfgrass using some of all of these. I can't speak for other countries but in the US some of the pesticide active ingredients used on grass have included (herbicides first) 2,4-D, Atrazine, Benfluralin, Bensulide, Clopyralid, Dicamba, Diquat Dibromide, Dithiopyr, Fluazipop-p-butyl, Glyphosate, Imazapyr, Isoxaben, MCPA, Mecoprop (MCPP), Oxadiazon, Oxyfluorfen, Pendimethalin, Prodiamine, Sulfentrazone, Triclopyr, and Trifluralin. Your insecticides applied to grass are probably Abamectin/ Avermectin, Acephate, Bifenthrin, Carbaryl, Cyfluthrin, Deltamethrin, Fipronil, Imidacloprid, Malathion, Permethrin, Trichlorfon. Rounding things out are the fungicides; for turf uses some active ingredients would be Azoxystrobin, Chlorothalonil, Metalaxyl, Myclobutanil, Propiconazole,Thiophanate methyl, and Ziram.

Each of these active ingredients can be sold under many different brand names. Glyphosate is the basis of the RoundUp product line, for example. I think Raid products vary a bit but I know piperonyl butoxide and D-phenothrin are the actives in at least some of their products. Sevin is a trade name for Carbaryl-based products. And Scotts' GrubEx line is based on Chlorantraniliprole. If you choose to use any of these products, please do so according to the product labels. But to Nereo's main point, yes, pesticides sold for use on lawns do very much exist.

[GilesMM]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

I think of most of those as outdoor pest killers sprayed on surfaces or in the air, both of which are more likely to affect people via inhaling or skin contact rather than than traveling hundreds of feet underground into their water source.  If lots of people are spraying their lawns for bugs I'm not familiar with that; fertilizer and weed killer are more common.

[RetiredAt63]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

I think of most of those as outdoor pest killers sprayed on surfaces or in the air, both of which are more likely to affect people via inhaling or skin contact rather than than traveling hundreds of feet underground into their water source.  If lots of people are spraying their lawns for bugs I'm not familiar with that; fertilizer and weed killer are more common.

For example
https://www.canadiantire.ca/en/search-results.html?x1=ast-id-level-1&q1=DC0001491&q=Weed%20Control&experience=category  These are for domestic use, not agricultural use.

Weed killer may kill plants but it is also not good for animals.  Since we are all descended from the first eukaryotes, our basic metabolic pathways are surprisingly similar.  And every insecticide will also do damage to vertebrates, they just use chemicals that are relatively more toxic to insects than to us (and fish, and frogs, and birds, and . . . ).

[nereo]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

I think of most of those as outdoor pest killers sprayed on surfaces or in the air, both of which are more likely to affect people via inhaling or skin contact rather than than traveling hundreds of feet underground into their water source.  If lots of people are spraying their lawns for bugs I'm not familiar with that; fertilizer and weed killer are more common.

Oh FFS - where do you think these pest killers go when you spray them on or above your lawn? Either surface runoff or into our groundwater. Excluding heavy deluges, most precipitation on lawns goes into the groundwater.

You are in a discussion about domestic use of toxic chemicals on lawns, and your position is that you are ignorant that such chemicals are widely used.

[Davnasty]

A gallon of beer takes somewhere between 2-8 gallons of water to make depending on variables (https://www.montana.edu/mmec/news/article.html?id=18735).

This number is off by close to two orders of magnitude. It takes about two pounds of barley to make a gallon of beer [1] and it takes about 200 gallons of water to make a pound of barley [2].

But if that is all natural precipitation that water consumption isn't an issue.  A crop is being grown without irrigation.  Low value per acre crops don't get irrigated in wet climates.  The valuable vulnerable crops will when they need it.  My rural house got its water from a well.  My vegetable garden got watered when it needed it.  My flower beds got watered when they were desperate.  My lawn never got watered.

I have to say it shook me when I saw hay fields being irrigated in Alberta.  Here we have enough moisture to grow forests, grasses do fine without any extra.  They can put their roots deeper when the surface dries out.

Not to mention the water used to water lawns in suburban areas is often treated water whereas crops are generally irrigated direct from some kind of reservoir. The environmental impact of irrigating crops depends on location but in some cases there's essentially no cost at all other than the energy used to pump it from a pond onto the field.

[Davnasty]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

I think of most of those as outdoor pest killers sprayed on surfaces or in the air, both of which are more likely to affect people via inhaling or skin contact rather than than traveling hundreds of feet underground into their water source.  If lots of people are spraying their lawns for bugs I'm not familiar with that; fertilizer and weed killer are more common.

-67,000,000 pounds of synthetic pesticides are used on U.S. lawns.

https://archive.epa.gov/greenacres/web/html/wo8.html#:~:text=67%2C000%2C000%20pounds%20of%20synthetic%20pesticides,gasoline%20are%20used%20for%20lawnmowers.

I think it's worth noting that not all pesticides are created equal. Damage to environment and human health vary greatly, but if you're asking how much is used on lawns, this is the best answer I could find.

Some other interesting figures from that link:

-30 to 60 percent of urban fresh water is used for watering lawns (depending on city).
-580,000,000 gallons of gasoline are used for lawnmowers.
-20,000,000 acres are planted in residential lawns.

[By the River]

I would love to see examples of lawns that were converted from grass to something else (besides xeriscape rocks) which don't look wild and messy.

My neighbor changed his lawn out for native plants and grasses along with keeping the old bamboo pods.  He added a 250 gallon cistern to water this and his fruit and pecan trees in his side yard and added a french drain system into a trough with a permeable fabric to slowly water the front.

(Let's see if I can attach a picture this time)

[Askel]

We don't really "maintain a lawn", so much as "try to keep the forest from taking back what is rightfully theirs."

[GuitarStv]

To be fair . . . flies are pollinators.

[lutorm]

It feels sort of silly to try to make some sweeping argument that lawns are bad regardless of the location they're in. These grasses must be native somewhere, so having a lawn in a location where it's adapted to the local climate and you just need to mow it vs having one in Phoenix or LA isn't exactly the same degree of stupidity...

[NaN]

This is a good video from Mexie, a Canadian YouTuber, making the case for getting rid of lawns:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1iFQX1_Xso

Millions of suburban dwellers think a uniform expanse of manicured grass is normal and aesthetically pleasing. In fact, lawns are ecologically barren and a giant waste of resources. Maintaining them takes gas-guzzling mowers, toxic pesticides, regular application of fertilizer that contaminates rivers and streams, and huge amounts of water - often more than natural rainfall can replenish. That's not even to mention all the time devoted to lawn care.

She talks about how lawns were originally a status symbol of European nobility. They were a way to show off how wealthy you were, that you could afford to devote all that space to useless turf rather than crops.

The middle class adopted lawns for the same reason, but they've come to be seen as an expectation. Some towns and HOAs have ordinances which mandate lawn maintenance, so that people who want to replace grass with native gardens or trees aren't allowed to. In one story from Ohio, a woman's neighbors trespassed on her property to mow her lawn when she tried to let it go wild!

There are huge benefits to replacing lawns with native plants. They attract pollinators like bees and butterflies. Caterpillars that feed on the plants are vital food for birds. The berries and seeds feed voles and mice, which in turn feed hawks, owls and foxes. If enough people did this, we could restore vanished habitat, rebuild ecosystems, and give a helping hand to species that are being squeezed by climate change.

I don't know, I think this is mostly a matter of personal taste, or philosophy.

Just because some youtube rando says it, doesn't make it true, even if she's quoting studies. It's just personal preference.

I happen to think "a uniform expanse of manicured grass" is VERY aesthetically pleasing. I spend a lot of time and money to make it beautiful, and I think the whole "contaminating our rivers" argument is bullshit. And letting my 500 square feet go native would do exactly squat to restore vanished habitat, etc.

Is it just a matter of personal taste or philosophy? I think the whole point of the topic, even if anyone thinks is pleasing, can its existence be appreciated when knowing it has a significant ecosystem impact? I think the point is to encourage people to reconsider their taste or philosophy when presented with this information.

[Telecaster]

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

This is not really correct.  While wells are supposed to have a top seal that prevents direct infiltration, fertilizer can and does enter the groundwater by simply infiltrating through the soil, carried by surface water.  Contaminated groundwater then enters the well through the screened interval of the well casing.

Nitrate from fertilizers contaminating groundwater is a non-trivial public health problem.   Once a well is contaminated with nitrate, it is a big expensive headache to fix.   The biggest source of nitrate in groundwater is from agriculture.  But regular lawns absolutely contribute to the problem, and nitrate is elevated in many municipal wells. 

A big contributor is many people waaaaaaay over fertilize their lawn.   The manufacturers recommend using much less fertilizer than most people realize. 

My take is lawn is great if you use it.   If you want a place to toss the ball around, knock yourself out.   Just don't over fertilize.   If you don't need a lawn, then lawns suck.   There are much better options for yards. 

Source: I was an environmental consultant before I retired. 

[jeninco]

Back onto the original topic, we've replaced our front lawn with half native flowering things and about half our lovely state grass, blue gramma grass. It's super-pretty, doesn't really need watering (after getting it established) and the only problem is that I need to weed out the non-blue-gramma grass from that section every spring (and probably also in the fall) while it's growing back.

That's a pretty small section of yard: the back is a dwarf fescue that looks more like "lawn", and still hardly needs watering (maybe 12 times/year, if we're having a dry year), and we pretty much don't fertilize it. It's also slow-growing, so it only really needs mowing about once every couple weeks (it was once/week in the spring, when it was raining every day).  I'm slowly planting out the rest of the property with something resembling a food forest (in places that will support it) and/or native Xeric plants (in places where that's needed). It feels like a reasonable compromise! (The "and" is for things like the two elderberry plants I just put in, that are at least related to native elderberries, but we can use the berries and flowers in years when we're organized and leave them to the birds in years when we're not.)

[GuitarStv]

Around here lawns don't ever need watering.  If it gets really hot and dry for a few weeks they'll turn yellow, but the next major rainfall they all wake back up and are green again.  If I lived somewhere where a lawn needed watering to survive, I don't like the odds of the lawn making it.

[Kris]

Seems appropriate to share this article here:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/interactive/2023/water-scarcity-map-solutions/

[RetiredAt63]

Around here lawns don't ever need watering.  If it gets really hot and dry for a few weeks they'll turn yellow, but the next major rainfall they all wake back up and are green again.  If I lived somewhere where a lawn needed watering to survive, I don't like the odds of the lawn making it.

Basically here one of the functions of mowing is to keep the trees down.  And the goldenrod.  I know of a field that has been mostly goldenrod for over 20 ears.  The trees can't get a foothold.

[Stable]

Around here (Perth, Western Australia) there's some interesting things happening with lawns and getting rid of them.

Firstly, the new advice for new lawns is to add clay and compost before your grass to increase water/fertiliser retention (we're on sand around Perth), then consider using sieved compost instead of fertiliser once per year or so. I did this when I replaced paving bricks with lawn for my kids to have somewhere to go.

Councils are also encouraging replacing your hellstrip (love that term for the verge) with native plants, so I smothered my verge lawn with cardboard and mulch for a few months and now I'm planting a cool native garden. I've got some fun groundcovers, flowers and shrubs, and a lemon myrtle (which isn't locally native, but you can eat the leaves). Should look good when it's settled in.

[GilesMM]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

I think of most of those as outdoor pest killers sprayed on surfaces or in the air, both of which are more likely to affect people via inhaling or skin contact rather than than traveling hundreds of feet underground into their water source.  If lots of people are spraying their lawns for bugs I'm not familiar with that; fertilizer and weed killer are more common.

-67,000,000 pounds of synthetic pesticides are used on U.S. lawns.
...

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

[Metalcat]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

It depends on what impact you ate looking at.

A lot of research lumps then together because they all have similar negative impact. For example, I've cited a lot of obesity research that lumps them together because they have similar endocrine disruption effects.

[draco44]

...
4. Be extra careful about using fertilizer and pesticides on your lawn if you or your neighbors use well water. https://agwt.org/content/lawns-safe-wells
...

If your lawn fertilizer is contaminating a water well, the well has a casing integrity problem which should be addressed as all sorts of bacteria will be entering the well.

"Before the mid-1970s, it was thought that soil acted as a protective filter that stopped pesticides from reaching groundwater. Studies have now shown that this is not the case.  Pesticides can reach water-bearing aquifers below ground from applications onto crop fields, seepage of contaminated surface water, accidental spills and leaks, improper disposal, and even through injection waste material into wells."  - https://www.usgs.gov/special-topics/water-science-school/science/pesticides-groundwater

According to the NIH, there is a 98% chance your local groundwater is NOT contaminated with pesticides.  So while it is possible, it's not very likely.  Just the same, those on private well water (which you apparently are not) know to test their water regularly for contaminants.

The point is to not be the source of groundwater contamination.

I'm sure we're all for that, but pesticides are not used so much on lawns as on crops.  I mean, what pests/weevils are devouring your fescue or rye grass?

Um, what??  There’s literally a half dozen lawn pesticides for sale at the big chain home improvement store near me.  Promises to kill ants, ticks, spiders, mosquitos and more. There’s foggers, sprays, granules and more. Ortho, Off! Sevin, Raid are all big brands that offer lawn pesticides….
Just take a look in your local Ace, Home Depot, Lowes, AgWay or whatever.

I think of most of those as outdoor pest killers sprayed on surfaces or in the air, both of which are more likely to affect people via inhaling or skin contact rather than than traveling hundreds of feet underground into their water source.  If lots of people are spraying their lawns for bugs I'm not familiar with that; fertilizer and weed killer are more common.

-67,000,000 pounds of synthetic pesticides are used on U.S. lawns.
...

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

[Much Fishing to Do]

I can't even tell what I'm supposed to do.  There's ordinances to keep your grass below 4 inches, and then flyers from the town to go no mow.....I dont know what that even means unless I'm supposed to install astroturf....

[Davnasty]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

[GodlessCommie]

At some point, 10 to 12 years ago, we started replacing the lawn. Our mistake was that we replaced it with a more or less formal garden, which ended up being way more work that mowing - and pretty expensive, too. It's now harder to switch to native plants, since so much effort was invested in non-native ones; and they look really nice. We have a replaced a section with the natives, though, and plan to do more.

As for the remaining lawn, we don't water it; mow rarely with an electric mower on a highest setting; don't use pesticides, but fertilize once a year. It has a fair share of clover, which manages to bloom in between the mows.

Even with the less than ideal space allocated to native plants, we have a ton of wildlife. We are 1 specie away from that Audibon designation, and we weren't even trying.

If I can only figure out now what to do with the damn stiltgrass - it may kill the lawn before I do, and with no environmental benefit.

[RetiredAt63]

In ecotoxicology the term pesticide covers all the -cides - herbicides, insecticides, fungicides, rodenticides, etc.  If it is toss and used to kill a pest, any pest, it is a pesticide.

Fertilizer by itself is a different issues.  Too much fertilizer goes into the ground water and into streams, where it promotes algal blooms.  Look up dead zones sometime.
Phosphorus used to be the worst culprit, which is why it is no longer in detergents.

[GilesMM]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes, I like to distinguish between herbicides and insecticides.  That's just me!

[RetiredAt63]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes, I like to distinguish between herbicides and insecticides.  That's just me!

When you actually need one it's nice to buy the right thing.   ;-)

They all affect ecosystems and human health, so they do get lumped in  to one collective category.  But when you start analyzing effects, it is more than just herbicide versus insecticide.  It is things like how biodegradable they are (or are not, think DDT/DDD/DDE, half life of 30 years or more), what are the effects of the breakdown products (again think DDT -> DDD -> DDE), how water/fat soluble they are, what are their effects on reproduction and behaviour (think neonicitinoids and bees), are they carcinogenic or teratogenic or both, are they xenoestrogens, and on and on.

[nereo]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes, I like to distinguish between herbicides and insecticides.  That's just me!

And as we’ve established here, there are a great number of insecticides marketed for residential lawns, and they are used extensively. We can also draw a straight line between their application and how they migrate into the groundwater. What exactly are you disagreeing with now?

[Telecaster]

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes it was.   Threads get awful tedious when people start arguing about definitions.   Bottom line is that "stuff" you put on your lawn can and often does enter groundwater.   So it is good policy to minimize the amount of "stuff" you put on your lawn.   Maybe even get rid of some lawn if you don't use it. 

[GilesMM]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes, I like to distinguish between herbicides and insecticides.  That's just me!

And as we’ve established here, there are a great number of insecticides marketed for residential lawns, and they are used extensively. We can also draw a straight line between their application and how they migrate into the groundwater. What exactly are you disagreeing with now?

I saw there are insecticides available but not aware how much they are used on lawns.  Not much I suspect. And I saw that up to 2% of groundwater may have some sort of contamination, most likely from agricultural chemicals.

[monarda]

We have too much shade for a lawn. We planted "shady" grass seed and it still doesn't grow. I think the trees take all the water they can and the dry/shade combination is better for non-grassy plants. We've got a nice variety of shade plants, mostly woodland-type, and less and less lawn over time. We have a good selection of native shade tolerant plants that we're just letting seed themselves. They'll move to their favorite spots.

When I first moved into this place, 27 years ago, the trees were smaller, so more light came through and grass was possible. No longer. Shade is fine. Our house stays really cool in summer. We haven't had to turn on our AC yet this year, if you can believe it. We just run the dehumidifier on warmer days.

[Villanelle]

I wish. 

We are in a rental (and the home is under an HOA) so we have no say in the matter.  it is also a massive pain to water, due to the terrible location of the hose bibs and the shape of the yard, meaning we have to run about 8 different sprinkler placements, one at a time, plus do one small section standing there spraking with a hoze nozzle.  (We could buy a longer hose and do a sprinkler, but it is a long, very thin--~2.5 feet--section so we'd be doing more watering of street and sidewalk than lawn.  It's a mess.

Thankfully, this year has been rainier, or more specifically the rain has been more spread out, so we've only done a full water twice, and a few supplemental waterings where I just did the main sections. 

The owners also pay for a lawn service (not mowing) to come--I think quarterly.  They dose us with chemicals based on the season and condition of the lawn.   It's ridiculous, for what amounts to a dog bathroom and canine play area for us. 

[Davnasty]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes, I like to distinguish between herbicides and insecticides.  That's just me!

Why would you distinguish between them in the context of this discussion? As RetiredAt63 pointed out, they all can impact ecosystems and that's what matters. It would make more sense to categorize them by how harmful they are, but measuring harm gets pretty complicated.

[GuitarStv]

I wish. 

We are in a rental (and the home is under an HOA) so we have no say in the matter.  it is also a massive pain to water, due to the terrible location of the hose bibs and the shape of the yard, meaning we have to run about 8 different sprinkler placements, one at a time, plus do one small section standing there spraking with a hoze nozzle.  (We could buy a longer hose and do a sprinkler, but it is a long, very thin--~2.5 feet--section so we'd be doing more watering of street and sidewalk than lawn.  It's a mess.

Thankfully, this year has been rainier, or more specifically the rain has been more spread out, so we've only done a full water twice, and a few supplemental waterings where I just did the main sections. 

The owners also pay for a lawn service (not mowing) to come--I think quarterly.  They dose us with chemicals based on the season and condition of the lawn.   It's ridiculous, for what amounts to a dog bathroom and canine play area for us.

Are the chemicals even dog safe?

[Davnasty]

But most of that is weed killer, not ant/spider, etc.   I don't lump herbicides and pesticides together. I know some do.  Splitter vs lumper.

I get that there is a definition between weeds and other types of pests, but for your reference, in the United States at least, herbicides are legally a sub-category of the umbrella term "pesticide."

For purposes of the Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act (FIFRA), a pesticide is defined as “any substance or mixture of substances intended for preventing, destroying, repelling, or mitigating any pest.” FIFRA defines a “pest” broadly to include “(1) any insect, rodent, nematode, fungus, weed, or (2) any other form of terrestrial or aquatic plant or animal life or virus, bacteria, or other micro-organism (except viruses, bacteria, or other micro-organisms on or in living man or other animals).”

Not sure what the law may be in other locations.

And just in case this sounds like a technicality thing, I'd add that I've worked in the agricultural industry, research and production, and everyone uses pesticide as the umbrella term for all the other "-cides" including herbicides and insecticides.

It sounds like GilesMM is trying to say they distinguish between insecticides and herbicides. But wasn't the original argument that fertilizer doesn't get into well water?

Yes, I like to distinguish between herbicides and insecticides.  That's just me!

And as we’ve established here, there are a great number of insecticides marketed for residential lawns, and they are used extensively. We can also draw a straight line between their application and how they migrate into the groundwater. What exactly are you disagreeing with now?

I saw there are insecticides available but not aware how much they are used on lawns.  Not much I suspect. And I saw that up to 2% of groundwater may have some sort of contamination, most likely from agricultural chemicals.

Why do you suspect this? There are lots of things that damage grass other than weeds.

Why is contamination most likely from agriculture? fertilizer and pesticides are expensive so farmers tend to be careful how they use them but on the small scale of lawns, homeowners are much more likely to use chemicals irresponsibly because the cost of overuse or poor application is much smaller. I'm not sure where well water contamination comes from either, but I wouldn't just assume it's agriculture.

[Villanelle]

I wish. 

We are in a rental (and the home is under an HOA) so we have no say in the matter.  it is also a massive pain to water, due to the terrible location of the hose bibs and the shape of the yard, meaning we have to run about 8 different sprinkler placements, one at a time, plus do one small section standing there spraking with a hoze nozzle.  (We could buy a longer hose and do a sprinkler, but it is a long, very thin--~2.5 feet--section so we'd be doing more watering of street and sidewalk than lawn.  It's a mess.

Thankfully, this year has been rainier, or more specifically the rain has been more spread out, so we've only done a full water twice, and a few supplemental waterings where I just did the main sections. 

The owners also pay for a lawn service (not mowing) to come--I think quarterly.  They dose us with chemicals based on the season and condition of the lawn.   It's ridiculous, for what amounts to a dog bathroom and canine play area for us.

Are the chemicals even dog safe?

Supposedly (according to the company, so...) it's "perfectly safe" as long as we wait an hour (til they are dry, I guess?) after application.  But I definitely don't like it and try to keep the dogs off the lawn entirely for as long as possible (usually 8 hours+, if I let them out in the back right as the guy starts in the front) and as much as possible for at least a day, other than quick potty breaks right outside the door, when possible.