Hammer, I think we are kindred spirits! My oldest just graduated college and is working in a research lab at another university where she will be able to earn her graduate degree. She is off the payroll! Although, are they really ever off the payroll?
My son has 3 semesters left (free tuition), and my youngest is a rising senior, but with her grades and SAT, she will get a full tuition ride, so I am so happy to have the whole college thing figured out. This was a major component of stress for me when I was at my former megacorp. You can also see the conclusion for that as well, and that is a great feeling for sure.
I read some of the other comments about just checking out mentally and not caring, but unfortunately, I was not able to do that. I tried, but it was actually more stressful to me to not care for some weird reason. I think it had a lot to do with many people reporting to me that depended on me. That was the hardest part about leaving was that I knew that the CIO would make an example of many people that worked for me and wreck their careers, which he proceeded to do. They eventually outsourced the entire department, more than 100 people lost their jobs. This weighs on me, but I had to live my life.
I still suffer (3.5 years later) what I deem as some form of PTSD from that company. My physical health is much much better, but I still go through periods of anxiety. This is normal from what I am told.
There is a nexus of pressures that combine on the many heads of household when they are in that 50 year age range, especially for single wage earner households like mine. Here were what I used to call the "weights of the world"
1. College age kids: Yes, I saved, but enough is never enough, and this is a huge weight. My advice to all is to not cave in to your childs desires to go to the name brand private university, and evaluate all offers carefully. The goal is to get in, and more importantly, get out with as little debt as possible. Lastly, if you do pick a private, negotiate, negotiate, negotiate. Never take their first scholarship offer.
2. 50 Year Old Age Discrimination: I really truly believe that especially in technology careers that age discrimination is real. This causes a feeling of "I have to stay", especially if you are in a senior leadership position and your skills are more about people and projects. I am so grateful I wound up at a university, as colleges seem to value age and experience much more so that companies these days. That was my experience, perhaps others would disagree. Being 50 is added stress....
3. The "big push": These years are supposed to be about making the big push to filling the nest egg and that simply adds to the pressure to perform and "make it another year".
4. What I call "the marathon effect": they say that marathoners "hit the wall" around mile 22 or so in a marathon, which aligns nicely with this stage of your career. I felt tired, exhausted and didn't want to set foot another moment in that office. Careers are like marathons, hitting the wall is also normal.
5. The "wildcard": Life always throws you a wildcard. In my case, winding up with a sociopath as a boss was my wildcard.
So, feeling the pressure of kids, continuing to fill the coffers, feeling older and not as competitive in the market and just plain tired combined with my wildcard of a sociopathic boss was a recipe for a stress overload.
My answer was to take a buyout deal and leave and find something both rewarding and economically feasible. I don't regret the decision, and I feel much better about myself.
I am certainly thankful for forums and discussions like this. Its therapeutic to write about it, and through doing so helps to get at the root cause of things.
Best of luck and feel free to message me if you need to bounce something off me.
FDad
