Is it unfair to be single?

[Cassie]

Because people live so much longer it’s harder to be happy with the same person. People change so much through the decades.  I definitely married the right person for me the last time and we had many wonderful years. They were some of the happiest of my life. Unfortunately, he started making horrible decisions and blew up his entire life. It lasted 22 years.

At 67 I would never live with anyone again. If I found someone compatible we would definitely maintain our separate living situation. The average age of a widow in the US is 59. Many others are never married or divorced. Most that I know feel the same. I have been happy single and being married. When I have been unhappy married it definitely was worse than being unhappy and single. In general I have always been a upbeat happy person.

Having 3 kids has brought me untold joy as well as incredible pain. I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything in the world.  They range in age from 41-48 and I enjoy their company as well as my DIL. I never interfere in their lives or offer unsolicited advice. It’s something my parents taught me by example.

I have always had my individual friends as well as couple friends.  Some people can be in both areas. While I wouldn’t want to hang out with couples that were openly unhappy or things were tense for my personal friends their marriage is their business and many people’s marriages go through crises at times. Some survive and some don’t.  Such is life. What aging has taught me is to value your family and friends as life is short. 5 of my friends have died in the past 5 years and 2 just went into nursing homes. One is terminal. I visit weekly and have frequent phone calls.  Happiness is a inside job.

[mastrr]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

[ixtap]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

What drivel. Recognizing disadvantages doesn't make one a victim. It makes one realize how they have to do things differently than the norm because the rules are stacked against them.

And that individuals can succeed despite the cards stacked against them doesn't mean we as a society shouldn't address the concerns.

That being said, for high income folks, there are definite advantages to being single. Why is there such a difference in the highest capital gains bracket?!

[NorthernIkigai]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

What drivel. Recognizing disadvantages doesn't make one a victim. It makes one realize how they have to do things differently than the norm because the rules are stacked against them.

And that individuals can succeed despite the cards stacked against them doesn't mean we as a society shouldn't address the concerns.

That being said, for high income folks, there are definite advantages to being single. Why is there such a difference in the highest capital gains bracket?!

Er… I agree with the bit I bolded in other contexts, but come on, we all start out being single. It’s also not a category one can’t move out of, as opposed to many other demographic categories.

[ixtap]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

What drivel. Recognizing disadvantages doesn't make one a victim. It makes one realize how they have to do things differently than the norm because the rules are stacked against them.

And that individuals can succeed despite the cards stacked against them doesn't mean we as a society shouldn't address the concerns.

That being said, for high income folks, there are definite advantages to being single. Why is there such a difference in the highest capital gains bracket?!

Er… I agree with the bit I bolded in other contexts, but come on, we all start out being single. It’s also not a category one can’t move out of, as opposed to many other demographic categories.

And the post I was responding to was using exactly the wording certain folks use to say why we shouldn't talk about/ do anything about racism. They even included "other life circumstances"  That is why I felt it needed a clear response to denounce the drivel.

[American GenX]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

What drivel. Recognizing disadvantages doesn't make one a victim. It makes one realize how they have to do things differently than the norm because the rules are stacked against them.

And that individuals can succeed despite the cards stacked against them doesn't mean we as a society shouldn't address the concerns.

That being said, for high income folks, there are definite advantages to being single. Why is there such a difference in the highest capital gains bracket?!

Er… I agree with the bit I bolded in other contexts, but come on, we all start out being single. It’s also not a category one can’t move out of, as opposed to many other demographic categories.

Mehhh..... the government shouldn't be picking winners and losers and influencing whether people are single or not.  People should be able to remain single without all of the disadvantages imposed on them by the government.

This has nothing to do with racism.  Leave it up to liberals to pull out the race card when it has nothing to do with the topic.

[kenner]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

What drivel. Recognizing disadvantages doesn't make one a victim. It makes one realize how they have to do things differently than the norm because the rules are stacked against them.

And that individuals can succeed despite the cards stacked against them doesn't mean we as a society shouldn't address the concerns.

That being said, for high income folks, there are definite advantages to being single. Why is there such a difference in the highest capital gains bracket?!

Er… I agree with the bit I bolded in other contexts, but come on, we all start out being single. It’s also not a category one can’t move out of, as opposed to many other demographic categories.

Mehhh..... the government shouldn't be picking winners and losers and influencing whether people are single or not.  People should be able to remain single without all of the disadvantages imposed on them by the government.

This has nothing to do with racism.  Leave it up to liberals to pull out the race card when it has nothing to do with the topic.

I'll be charitable and assume you missed the dog whistle....

[SwordGuy]

Mehhh..... the government shouldn't be picking winners and losers and influencing whether people are single or not.  People should be able to remain single without all of the disadvantages imposed on them by the government.

Part of government's task is to help steer our society towards prosperity and stability.   

It has a number of levers it can pull.   Prison and fines are one lever.   Tax breaks and Tax credits are another.

It is in the overall, general best interest of society that we have sufficient births to provide an adequate number of people in our society.    It is in the overall, general best interest of society that those children are raised in a stable environment -- that would be a dependable, predictable one in which the child is likely to grow into a capable and responsible adult -- as opposed to an actual stable with sheep, goats and horses.  (This being Christmas Eve as I write this... :) )

Government actions that help meet those needs will tend to be better for society long term than actions that hinder those needs.

That's the valid justification for picking "winners" and "losers" on various topics, marriage included.

The other one, of course, being political donations, which often contravene the public interest for some private interests.

 

[mastrr]

Believing that being single (or other life circumstance) is unfair can be detrimental.  It trains you to always be a victim and gives you an excuse to do nothing because you think the system is rigged against you.

Single or married we should go out and WIN no matter the disadvantages that we individually may have.  It's our job to hold ourselves accountable for our successes and failures and no put the blame on other factors.  We are not victims as we all have the opportunity to succeed.

What drivel. Recognizing disadvantages doesn't make one a victim. It makes one realize how they have to do things differently than the norm because the rules are stacked against them.

And that individuals can succeed despite the cards stacked against them doesn't mean we as a society shouldn't address the concerns.

That being said, for high income folks, there are definite advantages to being single. Why is there such a difference in the highest capital gains bracket?!

Er… I agree with the bit I bolded in other contexts, but come on, we all start out being single. It’s also not a category one can’t move out of, as opposed to many other demographic categories.

And the post I was responding to was using exactly the wording certain folks use to say why we shouldn't talk about/ do anything about racism. They even included "other life circumstances"  That is why I felt it needed a clear response to denounce the drivel.

We should seek to improve society (big picture) and our individual situations (small picture) at the same time.  It's not an either/or type of thing and of course society should work discriminating less.  I feel that in most cases taking action fixing our own situation is going to be a more effective use of our time and energy opposed to just waiting on others to fix it for us (such as the government).

I'm just calling BS on someone if they think they are severely disadvantaged and cant succeed due to the sole fact that they are single.

[ender]

Someone needs to find that thread talking about how divorce was the weapon of mass destruction against Mustachians thread from a few years ago and link it here.

[Plina]

The tax code gives breaks to married couples because marriage is good for society as it provides a stable home in which to procreate and raise children in a stable environment, and so it is encouraged by the government. Ten years ago anyone would have thought the question was ludicrous, of course society should encourage people to get married.

If marriage is a clear good for society, we should get rid of no fault divorce.

But Ronald Reagan started no fault divorce in California when he was governor, and every single state has since followed suit.

It strikes me as strange that we've gotten rid of the major barrier to divorce while maintaining the tax incentive for marriage if indeed marriage is a compelling public good.  Wouldn't it be cheaper just to restore the requirement for fault in a divorce while getting rid of the marriage tax advantages?

It seems like something more than protecting marriage might be going on here.

Wait...where is it proven that marriage is a clear good for society?

I just read a book comparing Nordic systems to the US and in places like Finland, there is basically no bonus for being married, and yet there is a much lower rate of single parents.

Is "marriage" actually a proven good for society or is stable partnership? Because making marriages harder to get out of actually makes stable partnerships less possible. Many, many, many marriages are unstable and bad for everyone involved and the people in them would be better off moving on and finding more compatible partners to be stable with.

I say this as a second wife and child of very happily remarried parents who have been in stable, healthy marriages for decades after making poor choices the first time around when they were young and dumb.

You don’t get any advantages today for being married in Sweden either. Unless you count that you automatically inherit your spouse if you are married. We have individual taxation. Parents get the same benefits if they are married or not. Actually, you get penalized for being married if you have a low pension as the amount will be less if you are married.

[Hall11235]

This thread was way more interesting when we were deciding how much sex a married couple should have...