Author Topic: Inside Pets, Yuk !  (Read 9736 times)

Fishindude

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Inside Pets, Yuk !
« on: August 01, 2016, 09:56:21 AM »
We are empty nesters and haven't had a dog (or cat) in the house for a few years.  We like it that way, no mess, not letting them in / out, no barking, no hair on things, no smell, etc.
My kids have house dogs and are so used to them that they go everywhere with them and they march them into our house without even thinking about it.   Quite frankly, their home smells of dog soon as you walk in the door and I'm glad our home no longer smells that way.

Son and his wife spent the night last night with their two small dogs.  I get up early to prep for work and promptly step barefoot in a turd on bathroom floor, clean it and myself up, then shortly thereafter step barefoot in a puddle of whizz in the hallway.   The dogs were laying on my couch, on my couch blanket pillows, etc. and now all that stuff needs washed.  Pet lovers shrug it off like it's no big deal, but the whole inside pet things is just pretty disgusting to me anymore. 

I don't mind the pets outside and have considered putting up a nice kennel they could stay in, or just insist that they stay in a pet crate when in house?
Ultimately, I'd rather they didn't bring them.

I know these pets are like kids to others, and my spouse will be no help on the matter if it in any way remotely hurts our kids feelings.   
Any suggestions for handling this matter without coming off as too big of a pr!ck about it.

MudDuck

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #1 on: August 01, 2016, 10:01:21 AM »
Have you considered maybe using baby gates or the like to keep them confined to a kitchen or laundry area, with easily cleanable floors and their own beds or cushions or something? They may be less burdensome then.

iris lily

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #2 on: August 01, 2016, 10:38:13 AM »
It s entirely reasonable in your own home ro ask that these dogs be kept confined to kitchen or crate. If this means  they yap and bark non stop, it is time to find a place for the pets to stay when your kids visit.

Dog lover here whose house smells like dog.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2016, 11:01:46 AM by iris lily »

LeRainDrop

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #3 on: August 01, 2016, 10:46:12 AM »
I'm totally a pet lover, but I would never take mine to another person's house unless they were specifically invited or I had special circumstances and had cleared it with the other person ahead of time.  So far, I've only brought mine to my mom's house because she actually wants them to visit her and her rabbit.  I think it's completely reasonable if you ask your son and daughter-in-law either not to bring the dogs, or if that really complicates things, then to at least keep them confined in a crate or in a small area of the home blocked off by a gate.  This is your home and you get to set the boundaries, though it is a kindness to explain them up front so that the visit goes smoothly.
« Last Edit: August 01, 2016, 10:48:27 AM by LeRainDrop »

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #4 on: August 01, 2016, 10:53:06 AM »
I have a cat. I used to have many cats, but they die periodically. I know for a fact that our house doesn't smell of cat because we've had people over that are shocked when the cat comes strolling through "I didn't know you had a cat!" and one friend called us up to ask how we keep our house from smelling like a cat box. (we clean the box every day which takes like 2 minutes, the whole thing gets dumped out and scrubbed once a month with soap and water, and our cat is super awesome about always, always using her box). We do have cat hair, but we have a roomba that we run often and it cuts back on the amount of it, and the cat is black and we mostly have dark clothes and furnishings so it blends. :D



I would not let any pet guests have the run of the house. It's your house and you should be able to say "Hey, it's fine if you want to bring your dogs, but I don't want dog hair on my furniture and I stepped in poo and pee this morning, so from here on out, the dogs need to be confined to the bathroom or in a crate and you'll need to clean up after them if they have an accident and pick up the poo in the yard." Or just saying "I'm sorry, but I can't deal with having animals in my house. Can you please leave them at home next time?"

I think that is actually really, really rude to expect you to be okay with them bringing the animals and I would never do that myself unless I had a sick animal that needed constant care (but I'd probably just cancel the visit to care for them if that was the case). But if you don't tell them you aren't okay with the dogs visiting, they'll not realize that maybe it would be a better idea to leave them at home.




Sibley

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2016, 10:56:54 AM »
Your home, your rules. Just decide what you can stand, and be polite when laying them down.

For me, you don't smoke in my house. And don't bring dogs (but I have cats so that's kinda a no brainer).

Really, you're only having this issue because they're your adult children and you haven't set expectations.

onlykelsey

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2016, 10:58:29 AM »
Bringing dogs uninvited is a huge no-no.  You could also try confining them to a (non-carpeted) area with a gate, perhaps.  I don't think having pets makes sense if you want to keep them outside (why bother?  plus they're such social creatures), but it is super obnoxious to just show up with one!

I have a huge hypoallergenic dog in my little apartment, but it's all hardwood floors and he's not allowed on any furniture, which definitely cuts down on the dirt.  If I take him to someone else's house, I always ask, bring a long lead, and assume he'll be tied up in the back.  Of course I have a huge, chill and relatively sturdy dog, which helps.

I suspect any barriers you put up to your kids' dogs will decrease the visits from your kids.  Maybe you're fine with that/it's your goal, though?

GizmoTX

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #7 on: August 01, 2016, 11:02:01 AM »
It is totally reasonable & sane to restrict pets to a crate or small room in places that they do not know -- even if they're perfectly housebroken at their home, a new place is guaranteed to be overstimulating & confusing to them. It is not being cruel.

A conversation with your kids is the starting point. As you say, they are so used to their pets at home that they likely have no idea what a new environment means to the pets. It's your home & you set the boundaries there.

Choices

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #8 on: August 01, 2016, 11:16:48 AM »
I had cats as a kid, never a dog, and haven't had pets as an adult, so I was super-nervous to have guests come over with their pets. We gave it a go, though, and we've had three dogs and a cat here (at different times) for as much as a week at a time with absolutely zero problems.

It seems that the issue might be with these particular dogs and their training rather than all pets in general. Could you gift your kids obedience school or a personal pet trainer for a birthday or holiday gift?

If not, then a petsitter at their own home or boarding them is the way to go. Their current behavior is truly not acceptable, and it is not par for the course for most dogs.

onlykelsey

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #9 on: August 01, 2016, 11:25:12 AM »
It seems that the issue might be with these particular dogs and their training rather than all pets in general. Could you gift your kids obedience school or a personal pet trainer for a birthday or holiday gift?

If not, then a petsitter at their own home or boarding them is the way to go. Their current behavior is truly not acceptable, and it is not par for the course for most dogs.

This is a good point. I think my dog is invited to other folks' places in part because he knows he's never allowed on furniture, he's never allowed to jump, and he never has accidents inside (of course he will steal any food in sight, so there is that).  I doubt you're going to get your kids to rework the other 99% of their life (when they're not visiting you) to train their dogs, but it does seem like a great option if they're interested.

Fishindude

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #10 on: August 01, 2016, 12:16:04 PM »
Retraining their dogs is out of the question.
I just need to tactfully lay down some rules and hope it doesn't hurt feelings too bad.

No unattended dogs in the house
No dogs on furniture
If they stink, wash them or don't bring them in house
Overnight they stay in a kennel cage or in the garage with concrete floors and drains.
They clean up all messes

Toughest part will be getting my spouse to support me on this.

hudsoncat

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #11 on: August 01, 2016, 01:45:34 PM »
I agree, just set boundaries (easier said than done I understand). It might be harder since they have already visited, but I would certainly not be offended if a family member asked me not to bring over my dogs. I have two Jack Russell's. They are pretty well behaved for Jack's, but they are still energetic little terrors, er, terriers. And I know they are not everyone's cup of tea. 90% of the time when we are visiting family, we board them anyway. Because while I know that Dad enjoys our dogs, his elderly lab does not. Mother-in-law let us know she wasn't a huge fan of dogs in the house before they ever came to visit, so they don't. On the rare occasion they do for some reason (twice due to weird circumstances), they get a run when we arrive then settle nicely into their crates in the basement.  And so on... it's a conversation we've had with anyone we've visited when deciding on whether to bring the dogs or not. Sometimes it's initiated by us, sometimes it's initiated by the people we are visiting, but I've never been offended/upset by any of the conversations. (well, okay, I might have been a little irritated when mother-in-law asked us to board the dogs when she came to visit our house for a weekend, but we worked that out with a solid exercise schedule and blocking off rooms.)

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #12 on: August 01, 2016, 04:21:18 PM »
We don't bring our dogs without asking.  Although, if we had to drive to a different town to see parents and weren't allowed to bring the dogs there would probably be a lot less visits.  We crate our dogs in the room we sleep in so as to assure no messes.  We bathe our dogs frequently so they or our house does not smell like dog. WE had 3 little dogs and have stayed at others with them. Now we have inherited a 80lb shedding machine from my son so would not impose unless someone specifically said to bring him too. My little dogs are non-shedding.  One of my friends does not allow the dogs on her furniture so we respect that when visiting. I would set reasonable expectations that will accommodate everyone.  OUtside dogs live a terrible life because they are pack animals and want to be with people. It is better not to have a dog then have it live outside.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #13 on: August 01, 2016, 05:06:53 PM »
I don't think you have to be a prick about it.  Just be honest.  Also, let your son and DIL help you decide on the most "reasonable" solution you can all be happy with. 

I would be pretty mortified if I had a pet that I brought to my parents' house, it messed in the house, and my dad or mom stepped on a turd/in a puddle of pee.  So first thing: if your son and DIL aren't aware that their dogs are messing in your house, they need to know that.  Then you can simply say, "I'm sorry, but we can't have pets messing in the house here.  Do you think it would be easier to leave them at home next time, or would you rather bring a crate to confine them if they come with you?"  Let them decide which of those solutions they prefer, and then it won't seem like you are being a prick by dictating to them how the problem has to be solved.

redbird

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #14 on: August 01, 2016, 08:44:33 PM »
I'd never let anyone bring a pet if they were staying over. It's one thing if it's your own pets. You can train them and you're used to what they'll do. But you can't say the same for others' pets.

I've got an indoor pet, a single cockatiel. Birds don't make the house stink. The only thing they do is make feather dander in their general area and be loud sometimes. The bird is not something we chose to have. It was a gift given to my husband (way before I met him) and he wasn't asked if he wanted a pet. We feel obligated to take care of her until she dies (might be up to another decade) since birds are hard to find good homes for. We like her well enough, but probably won't get a pet again once she's gone. Pets can be annoying to deal with at times, since you always have to make sure they're taken care of if you go traveling, and they add an extra layer of stress when you move to a different house.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #15 on: August 02, 2016, 05:28:22 AM »
It s entirely reasonable in your own home ro ask that these dogs be kept confined to kitchen or crate. If this means  they yap and bark non stop, it is time to find a place for the pets to stay when your kids visit.

Dog lover here whose house smells like dog.

+1 to both (no one else's dogs in my house and I'm probably a dog-smelly house owner)
« Last Edit: August 02, 2016, 10:03:10 AM by Basenji »

Miss Prim

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2016, 06:34:58 AM »
We have a cottage on a lake and it amazes me the number of guest who don't ask, but just bring their dogs out with them!  Since they love their dogs, I guess they assume you should love them too!  I think it is really a rude thing to do.  We haven't banned anyone yet, but I just don't like it. 

We also have a problem of people inviting their friends out too without asking if it is ok.  We wouldn't say no, but at least have the courtesy to ask!  People in general are just ruder than they used to be.  I think you have every right to set rules for visits to your house.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2016, 06:56:43 AM »
I don't like animals in the house either. We had to set this boundary with my in-laws after we first got married because they showed up at our new house with their two dogs without asking. They were miffed when I made them put the dogs in the garage overnight.  I really like animals in general, but I have some some OCD tendencies and their dogs weren't the best behaved so it really stressed me out. I think it is really rude for anyone to show up at someone's house with a pet especially without asking.

lukebuz

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2016, 06:47:20 PM »
No way!  I have a wife whose dad lets there dog shit and piss in the house all day long.  His house is absolutely unlivable.  Filth.  I hate going there, and only do so to be polite.  He is a great guy, but he doesn't even realize we can't stay there with our little one because of it.  So, instead of cleaning up and kicking the dog out, he chooses a filthy animal over his only grandson.  Sad.

ender

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2016, 07:00:21 PM »
No way!  I have a wife whose dad lets there dog shit and piss in the house all day long.  His house is absolutely unlivable.  Filth.  I hate going there, and only do so to be polite.  He is a great guy, but he doesn't even realize we can't stay there with our little one because of it.  So, instead of cleaning up and kicking the dog out, he chooses a filthy animal over his only grandson.  Sad.


He doesn't realize you can't stay there because of it but at the same time is choosing his pet over his grandson?

Wat.

lukebuz

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #20 on: August 03, 2016, 05:01:06 AM »
Yup, we have to stay 40 miles away at his ex-wifes (my wifes mom) place and travel up to see him when returning home.  We are 550 miles out.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #21 on: August 03, 2016, 05:14:02 AM »
You can ask for it.  The question is, are you okay with the kids visiting less (maybe a lot less) if it comes to that?
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ender

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #22 on: August 03, 2016, 05:39:34 AM »
Yup, we have to stay 40 miles away at his ex-wifes (my wifes mom) place and travel up to see him when returning home.  We are 550 miles out.

My point is there is a dissonance between the fact you say he doesn't realize the pet is the reason you won't stay there, but then you saying that he is choosing the pet over you.

It would be one thing if he knew the pet was the reason and actively decided not to care. But you state this is not the case. And then lament him choosing the pet over your kid.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #23 on: August 03, 2016, 07:06:44 AM »
Retraining their dogs is out of the question.
I just need to tactfully lay down some rules and hope it doesn't hurt feelings too bad.

No unattended dogs in the house
No dogs on furniture
If they stink, wash them or don't bring them in house
Overnight they stay in a kennel cage or in the garage with concrete floors and drains.
They clean up all messes

Toughest part will be getting my spouse to support me on this.

This sounds perfectly reasonable. Obviously I don't know you or your kids, but I wouldn't expect any blowback once your kids understand your opinion on this, as long as you're kind about it. I can understand that they wouldn't intuitively assume that you were opposed to bringing pets your house, since they grew up with pets in the house. If your opinion has changed in the intervening years, then that's something that must be clearly communicated.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #24 on: August 03, 2016, 10:35:31 AM »
I'll play devils advocate here. The dogs and your children are a package deal. If you impose rules the children will come less (added cost of boarding) and feel less welcome. You cannot enforce rules without your children feeling bent out of shape. At one point you child may have a stinky messy child and treating the child poorly is the same thing. I would say for the sake of a good relationship you just wash things after they go.  Requiring they wash the pets before coming is fine and that they pick up after the animal. As far as forcing an indoor/outdoor animal to be an outdoor animal, I find it to be cruel and your children might as well. Some inconveniences you put up with to keep the peace and continue a good relationship with your children. I feel this is one of those inconveniences.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #25 on: August 03, 2016, 10:49:33 AM »
I'll play devils advocate here. The dogs and your children are a package deal. If you impose rules the children will come less (added cost of boarding) and feel less welcome. You cannot enforce rules without your children feeling bent out of shape. At one point you child may have a stinky messy child and treating the child poorly is the same thing. I would say for the sake of a good relationship you just wash things after they go.  Requiring they wash the pets before coming is fine and that they pick up after the animal. As far as forcing an indoor/outdoor animal to be an outdoor animal, I find it to be cruel and your children might as well. Some inconveniences you put up with to keep the peace and continue a good relationship with your children. I feel this is one of those inconveniences.

This sounds so...entitled? I'm not sure whether that's the right word. Pet ownership comes with responsibilities. A pet owner should not expect it to be okay for their pet to make messes in someone else's house, or get on someone else's furniture, etc. Bringing the pets and keeping them in their crates (with ample walks and outdoor time with owners) is a happy medium. No kennel fees, no kennel cough germs, but respectful of the home they are visiting.

Dee18

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2016, 11:13:43 AM »
I don't let any animals in my home, although I grew up its dogs and love them.  originally it was because I began allergy treatments and I followed my doctor's advice to limit the allergens in my home by having no animals and no outside shoes worn in the house.  A wonderful side benefit is that it stays so clean!  The key is to be sure people know well in advance. 

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #27 on: August 03, 2016, 11:17:34 AM »
I'll play devils advocate here. The dogs and your children are a package deal. If you impose rules the children will come less (added cost of boarding) and feel less welcome. You cannot enforce rules without your children feeling bent out of shape. At one point you child may have a stinky messy child and treating the child poorly is the same thing. I would say for the sake of a good relationship you just wash things after they go.  Requiring they wash the pets before coming is fine and that they pick up after the animal. As far as forcing an indoor/outdoor animal to be an outdoor animal, I find it to be cruel and your children might as well. Some inconveniences you put up with to keep the peace and continue a good relationship with your children. I feel this is one of those inconveniences.

This sounds so...entitled? I'm not sure whether that's the right word. Pet ownership comes with responsibilities. A pet owner should not expect it to be okay for their pet to make messes in someone else's house, or get on someone else's furniture, etc. Bringing the pets and keeping them in their crates (with ample walks and outdoor time with owners) is a happy medium. No kennel fees, no kennel cough germs, but respectful of the home they are visiting.

As if that would not discourage children coming. What you call entitled, I call realism. Here it is a parent and a child with a dog. The child will just not visit as much. This parent seems to have an, it is my house my rules approach, which works fine when children are young. But when children are older they have a choice to interact with parents. The child may exercise that choice more due to the in hospitility of the parents. Entitled is thinking that a guest would subjugate themselves to the rules you propose without ramifications on the relationship.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #28 on: August 03, 2016, 01:42:27 PM »
Is this the first time the dogs have been at your house?  If yes you need to tell the kids about the accidents, some dogs get nervous in new places.  And then suggest the crate, or have the dogs sleep in the same room as the kids, with the door shut, so the dogs feel safe.  Or both.  Crates are good (crate = doggy den where dog feels safe), my dog doesn't get the run of the house when I am gone, she is in her crate.  She is actually often in her crate when I am home, by choice, she like to nap there and use the door lip as a pillow.  When I visit friends who are happy to have her, she is in the crate when we are out.  When I visit where she can't come, I board her.  It is all part of having pets.

If the dogs have visited before and this is the first time for accidents, there could be medical issues - so again you need to tell the kids.

And reinforce grooming - dogs should be bathed or brushed (depending on coat type) and nails should be trimmed.  You should never hear a dog's nails on a hard floor, that means the nails are too long.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #29 on: August 03, 2016, 01:48:05 PM »
My kids grew up with outside dogs, we live on a farm, so the concept is not foreign to them.   They know the outdoors will not harm them.
I also have a heated & air conditioned shop with concrete floor that they can overnight in, in a cage, if temperature is too extreme one way or the other.

My biggest gripes are; leaving them to wander the house freely while sleeping or if the kids choose to leave, the surprise poop and piss on the floors, and dogs on my furniture.
I'd rather they weren't indoors at all, but can tolerate it if the above items were policed.

This nonsense of putting dogs as "or equals" to humans in terms of feelings, how they should be cared for, etc. is ridiculous.   I've been around dogs pretty much since birth, always lived in the country, and we never had an indoor dog until my wife got one a 15 years ago.   I liked that dog, but it's dead now and I'm glad to rid of the hair, poop, smell, barking, boarding, etc. that goes along with indoor dogs.   If we get another, it will be an outdoor dog, they seem to be happier and healthier anyway.

Don't know where it came from, but my kids and their cousins seem to think the "in" thing now is to have indoor dogs that go everywhere with you?
Looks like a total pain in the rear to me, especially when you want to travel and go places.




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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #30 on: August 03, 2016, 06:26:04 PM »
Maybe the dichotomy is that you are thinking "working farm dogs who live where they work" and they are thinking "companion animals"?  This is not new, look at the AKC or CKC breeds.  Working Group, Herding group, Retrievers/Gun dogs, Terriers, Hounds.  Basically dogs with jobs (or used to be dogs with jobs).  Then Non-sporting and Toy.  The Toy group is really the house pet group.

There is also temperament to consider.  Dogs who work closely with people tend to want to be around those people.  When I competed in agility, I saw Siberian Huskies (not generally a stick-close-to-owner breed) who were "velcro dogs" (yes that is an unofficial agility term).  They became focused on their person because of the agility work and that carried over into the rest of life.  Similarly K-9 dogs live with their officer 24 hours/day, to promote the bonding and cooperation that is needed.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #31 on: August 04, 2016, 01:52:42 AM »
Maybe the dichotomy is that you are thinking "working farm dogs who live where they work" and they are thinking "companion animals"?  This is not new, look at the AKC or CKC breeds.  Working Group, Herding group, Retrievers/Gun dogs, Terriers, Hounds.  Basically dogs with jobs (or used to be dogs with jobs).  Then Non-sporting and Toy.  The Toy group is really the house pet group.

There is also temperament to consider.  Dogs who work closely with people tend to want to be around those people.  When I competed in agility, I saw Siberian Huskies (not generally a stick-close-to-owner breed) who were "velcro dogs" (yes that is an unofficial agility term).  They became focused on their person because of the agility work and that carried over into the rest of life.  Similarly K-9 dogs live with their officer 24 hours/day, to promote the bonding and cooperation that is needed.
I agree with this.  Outside dogs are fine when their owner is outside all day.  So a farm dog gets a long day with its farmer owner, working or just out and about, and its own cosy kennel at night, and will be happy.  An outside dog for people are inside most of the day is a bad idea.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #32 on: August 04, 2016, 03:57:58 AM »
I would compromise and tell the kids that they need to have the dogs properly potty-trained before they bring them (or deal with crating/kennel), and make sure they are available to take them out at night to do their business. Potty training is a requirement for being a good dog owner.

I am not a fan of inside furry animals myself (or animals that slobber and have hot breath). But I do love dogs and playing with my friends' dogs, even dog-sitting from time to time. And I want border collies when I have the space (they would be kept mostly outdoors with some access in the house during the day/night) and 100% access to a climate controlled space separate from the house. But that's why I have parrots, and they rule the roost. They can be messy, but never stinky.

Metric Mouse

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #33 on: August 04, 2016, 05:27:32 AM »
Yeah, time to tell the kids the dogs need to stay in the shop. Seems like a perfectly acceptable compromise.

Choices

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #34 on: August 04, 2016, 08:28:41 AM »
Just a thought- are the dogs well-cared for at their own home and just act up when they're visiting you?

Maybe it's like some people with kids-at home the parents know they're on parent duty and do a good job, but when visiting grandparents, the parents treat it as a vacation from said parenting duties and expect the grandparents to take over. If this is the case and you didn't get the memo that you were responsible for letting the dogs in and out and taking them on walks, then no one is actually caring for the pets.

stlbrah

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #35 on: August 04, 2016, 08:59:26 AM »
meh
« Last Edit: August 04, 2016, 09:07:55 AM by stlbrah »

clarkfan1979

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #36 on: August 04, 2016, 10:52:34 AM »
We have a small pet crate for our dog and only barks at the sound of door bells. I would ask them to get a crate.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #37 on: August 05, 2016, 09:00:54 AM »
It's completely reasonable to ask your kids to police their pets and to follow the rules of your house. You could say, "dogs inside must be on a leash or in a crate." You could absolutely say, "your dog must be with you, in your room with the door closed, at night."

And you could broach the subject gently, affirming that you care about your kids and their wishes, but that a situation where you step in dog poop and pee is not acceptable, and that pets on your furniture is not acceptable. It's possible that your kids genuinely don't realize they're causing you distress, and that some gentle hints are all it will take. It's also possible you may have to lay down the law.

I love our pets; we've always had indoor dogs and cats. But I would never inflict them on someone I was visiting without invitation, and I would make sure to keep an eagle eye on them for inappropriate behavior.

One thing, though: I don't think it's okay to stick an indoor dog outside all the time, especially if its people aren't there with it. Working dogs aren't the same as pets; they have different jobs. I don't even think it's okay to stick a dog in a garage overnight without its people, unless that's how the dog sleeps at home. But it's fair to insist that the dog be crated at night, or be with its people in a room with the door closed. The dog probably needs to be near its people, but that doesn't mean it gets to roam the house unsupervised.

Basically, it's reasonable to tell your kids they have to be responsible for their pets, and what that looks like in your home, and why.

HipGnosis

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #38 on: August 05, 2016, 12:26:10 PM »
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #39 on: August 07, 2016, 01:15:06 PM »
Though question.

The answer really depends if you (as in: including your husband) would be fine with the children visiting on fewer occasions as a result.

I think the Situation is not comparable with having a friend stay over who brings along his messy dog.

Let's face it: Most parents with adult children would like them visiting more often and most adult children could do with visiting less often (not at all a reflection of a poor relationship, just the course of nature and the fuller and fuller life of 30-40 somethings vs the increasing amounts of spare time of retirees).

My parents would like to have me to stay at their place as often as possible for as long as possible and they are aware that allowing my two cats in is increasing the time they can spend with me. They would never get cats of their own so they are somewhat indifferent and put up with them as a side effect of me visiting(however, by now if I tell them I won't bring the kitties they inquire who's caring for them and how often :-) ).

What I find strange is that your children do not seem to mind dogs' piss and poo inside the house? My cats have never had so much as a single accident and that's how I like it not only in my parents' but especially in my house...

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #40 on: August 07, 2016, 01:22:59 PM »
Let's face it: Most parents with adult children would like them visiting more often and most adult children could do with visiting less often (not at all a reflection of a poor relationship, just the course of nature and the fuller and fuller life of 30-40 somethings vs the increasing amounts of spare time of retirees).

+1

I think this is ultimately the "reason" why so many parents bend over backwards to accommodate their children.

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #41 on: August 08, 2016, 09:50:26 AM »
Many dogs are "housetrained" to their own house, but can still have accidents in new places, especially if they're not accustomed to stay away from home. Dogs tend to be poor at generalising concepts, at least the way we'd like them to. Some dogs seem to get the concept "I can't go potty inside our home, but everywhere else is fine", others might have learned "I can only go potty on grass". Both can be problematic in new places.. Our puppy is housetrained to our downstairs home, but not the garage or upstairs yet. Anyways, my point is that you should definitely tell your kids about the accidents you accidentally stepped in (teehee). They might not know, and might want to crate the dogs during visits (to housetrain) when they find out?

As a dog enthusiast, I kinda have to say that if I had to board my dog with strangers in order to visit the in-laws (my own parents would always welcome dogs) I just would not visit. If I could have my pup stay with good friends, then of course it would be different, but I just don't like the idea of dog boarding. There are so many misconceptions out there about how to treat dogs, that I don't like the idea of leaving her with strangers. Keeping the dog outside in a kennel in a new environment would also be a no-no for me, unless she was with another dogs she already knew (and still, I might not want it). Our puppy is very well-trained, and what we do for shorter visits, is to bring her doggy bed and have her stay (on command, with lots of treats) in it when we visit others. For longer stays a crate would be used, and I'd be fine with having my dog leashed in the house.

sunnyca

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Re: Inside Pets, Yuk !
« Reply #42 on: August 08, 2016, 01:07:04 PM »

I'll play devils advocate here. The dogs and your children are a package deal. If you impose rules the children will come less (added cost of boarding) and feel less welcome. You cannot enforce rules without your children feeling bent out of shape. At one point you child may have a stinky messy child and treating the child poorly is the same thing. I would say for the sake of a good relationship you just wash things after they go.  Requiring they wash the pets before coming is fine and that they pick up after the animal. As far as forcing an indoor/outdoor animal to be an outdoor animal, I find it to be cruel and your children might as well. Some inconveniences you put up with to keep the peace and continue a good relationship with your children. I feel this is one of those inconveniences.

This sounds so...entitled? I'm not sure whether that's the right word. Pet ownership comes with responsibilities. A pet owner should not expect it to be okay for their pet to make messes in someone else's house, or get on someone else's furniture, etc. Bringing the pets and keeping them in their crates (with ample walks and outdoor time with owners) is a happy medium. No kennel fees, no kennel cough germs, but respectful of the home they are visiting.

As if that would not discourage children coming. What you call entitled, I call realism. Here it is a parent and a child with a dog. The child will just not visit as much. This parent seems to have an, it is my house my rules approach, which works fine when children are young. But when children are older they have a choice to interact with parents. The child may exercise that choice more due to the in hospitility of the parents. Entitled is thinking that a guest would subjugate themselves to the rules you propose without ramifications on the relationship.


I'll be fair and say that it's also a pet owner's responsibility to make sure that their pets are trained and reasonably well-behaved before taking them anywhere.  My dog goes to my mom's house all the time, but she's also well house-trained (she goes on the furniture, but my mother doesn't mind and actually encourages it, now). 

I have to admit that although I'm a dog lover, I dislike it when people bring their dogs to places before they're properly socialized.  A couple examples I can think of are:

- bringing a dog to a pet-friendly mall and then having the dog pee/mark in a store (not a pet shop, which is kind of understandable, but a clothing store or something like that)
- bringing your dog to the dog park before it's socialized and have it attack other dogs, then leaving them alone to "work it out."