The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Welcome and General Discussion => Topic started by: trailrated on October 24, 2016, 01:44:22 PM
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Background: I have a toddler and am currently engaged to a wonderful woman. The best way I can think of to describe my mother is that she is very loving and generous, pretty right wing when it comes to politics (without the specific knowledge of issues to back it up) and recently kind of quasi religious which I find entertaining and more of a front because I think we went to church maybe twice a year if that while growing up. My fiance on the other hand is not religious in any way (describes herself as more spiritual) and leans pretty left on the political spectrum. Till this point her and my mother have gotten along very well.
I love my mother dearly but she did something incredibly awkward the other day.
My brother had a surprise birthday party at my house and my mom joined the festivities. Most of us were drinking throughout the day having a good time. When my mom went to leave that evening my brother and I walked her to her car and she gave me a bag with some books (I love reading) for myself and my fiance with post its for what was for who. I thought nothing of it and did not open it. When I came back in the house my fiance noticed and we opened it together. Alcohol I am sure enhanced the reaction but she opened it to find a book with her name on it titled.... and I shit you not... Parenthood: by none other than the bastion of altruism, Bill Cosby.
I was slightly intoxicated and laughing at how absurd and tone deaf it was, which I think furthered the response more. My fiance was incredibly offended and asked why I didn't get a book on How to Treat Women with Respect by Donald Trump, or How to be Open, Honest, and Transparent by Hillary Clinton. I have yet to address my mom regarding this "gift" but it has certainly caused more trouble than it was worth.
I am sure it does not have chapters on how to drug and rape women, but still I have to agree it was lacking in empathy at best. Can anyone else top this?
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I'd be curious as to why exactly your fiancee was offended by this. Does she think you mom was trying to send a message by giving her the book? I don't think there's anything in it that talks about either religion or politics...it's just a funny book of anecdotes about raising kids.
That book (btw it's called Fatherhood) was written in 1987, when Bill Cosby and the Cosby Show was at the peak of popularity. At the time Cosby was loved almost universally and seen as a father figure to an entire generation. Maybe your mom wasn't thinking, or maybe she didn't think the current issue was relevant. Is it possible your mom didn't even register that it was Bill Cosby's book, and that she just had it in her bookcase, thought "oh, here's a funny book on parenting, I'll bet trailrated's fiancee will enjoy reading this"?
Just some speculation. Either way, I can't see any good that would come out of mentioning it to your mom.
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I looked it up and you are correct. I do think my mom had good intentions, I just find the context based on recent events made it awkward.
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Background: I have a toddler and am currently engaged to a wonderful woman. The best way I can think of to describe my mother is that she is very loving and generous, pretty right wing when it comes to politics (without the specific knowledge of issues to back it up) and recently kind of quasi religious which I find entertaining and more of a front because I think we went to church maybe twice a year if that while growing up. My fiance on the other hand is not religious in any way (describes herself as more spiritual) and leans pretty left on the political spectrum. Till this point her and my mother have gotten along very well.
I love my mother dearly but she did something incredibly awkward the other day.
My brother had a surprise birthday party at my house and my mom joined the festivities. Most of us were drinking throughout the day having a good time. When my mom went to leave that evening my brother and I walked her to her car and she gave me a bag with some books (I love reading) for myself and my fiance with post its for what was for who. I thought nothing of it and did not open it. When I came back in the house my fiance noticed and we opened it together. Alcohol I am sure enhanced the reaction but she opened it to find a book with her name on it titled.... and I shit you not... Parenthood: by none other than the bastion of altruism, Bill Cosby.
I was slightly intoxicated and laughing at how absurd and tone deaf it was, which I think furthered the response more. My fiance was incredibly offended and asked why I didn't get a book on How to Treat Women with Respect by Donald Trump, or How to be Open, Honest, and Transparent by Hillary Clinton. I have yet to address my mom regarding this "gift" but it has certainly caused more trouble than it was worth.
I am sure it does not have chapters on how to drug and rape women, but still I have to agree it was lacking in empathy at best. Can anyone else top this?
It's actually a pretty funny book. Mostly his stand up written down. Obviously in light of his horrible crimes it is now very ironic, but he was a prolific entertainer and there's an enormous body of work out there that is now pretty much ruined by the person he turned out to be. Oh well. Not the first time a celebrity let us down, won't be the last.
Why be offended? It's just kind of clueless, not offensive.
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I can top that! Yours just seems like an oversight. (I enjoyed this book years ago, and thought you would too...)
My husband bought me an iron for Christmas once. (Not my only present, but significant)..
He even stated that he noticed that I disliked ironing, so thought I would appreciate a top of the line iron to help out.
--Hmmm I think I stopped ironing ANYTHING of his after that.
Two years later, he bought me a car cleaning kit. (So I could wash his car better?!) His thought was that I had just bought a "new to me" car that I liked. Again, I was the one taking time to clean both of our cars back then... it looked like a hint that I should wash his car more.
Then there was the year he purchased and wrapped up a vacuum "for the cat"... well, he was learning... but not the right things. (as He doesn't vacuum, really, either)
:-) He's still around so there must be something I really like about him....
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Kinda sad in the end, but as a 10-12 year old, I got baby clothes from my grandmother.
Since it turned out that she had dementia, we're guessing she got confused about how old I was.
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Kinda sad in the end, but as a 10-12 year old, I got baby clothes from my grandmother.
Since it turned out that she had dementia, we're guessing she got confused about how old I was.
Ah, the relatives....
I used to get hand knit sweaters from my Aunt, that were always at least 2 sizes too small. She, too, could not remember how old I was, yet spent 3 months knitting the darn things each year. I would try to stretch them to make them fit for Christmas dinner / holding down the cuffs with my fingers, etc. trying not to wince (She would visit from out of town).
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I tried for the last few years to ask for just a nice picture in a frame. To date I received none. I still get tacky crap that mostly gets tossed in the closet to "age" for a while before being disposed of. Oh well. It is best to be thankful for the thought and effort, even if the execution and judgement are horrible.
I also really caught my wife off guard with family matters. She asked if I wanted to be excluded from her SIL's monthly photo stream (mostly of my recently born nephew). The way she asked was to make it easy to excuse myself from annoying in-law burdens. My response of "Only if SIL doesn't want me to be part of his life." was not at all what she expected. I look through and enjoy the pictures every month.
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I had a friend once tell me that for Christmas one year her step-mother wrapped up some her dad's outdated clothes and gave them to her husband as a gift. My friend didn't say anything, she just tucked the clothes away, wrapped them up the next Christmas and gave them back to her dad. The step-mother was insulted and made a bit of a stink. What goes around comes around.
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Meh. Does fiancé get easily offended a lot? If so, you might want to rethink the marriage thing. Seems like a drama queen.
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My grandma, rest her soul, was the queen of inappropriate gifts. My favorite was when she gave my fiance (now my husband) a "BOD" cologne gift set. It said "I love your BOD!" on the packaging. Rather than just buy some other cologne (it must have been on super sale--Grandma was quite Mustachian), she put stickers with Bible verses on the box to cover up the offending words. So incredibly awkward to open on Christmas morning!
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
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I was in 3d grade, and clearly reading at 5th+ grade level.
My retired English teacher great Aunt got me The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
At the time I was somewhere between agast and mortally offended.
Now that I have married into having 9 grand kids, I have total sympathy.
I was hoping for an adult toy for grandparent story from the thread title.
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I had a friend once tell me that for Christmas one year her step-mother wrapped up some her dad's outdated clothes and gave them to her husband as a gift. My friend didn't say anything, she just tucked the clothes away, wrapped them up the next Christmas and gave them back to her dad. The step-mother was insulted and made a bit of a stink. What goes around comes around.
Well-played!
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An old boss once received worn/dirty crotchless panties from her mother in law.
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Thong underwear 2 sizes too small from my ex-MIL. In my stocking on Christmas morning so the whole family got to see me receive them.
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
Wow....you were insulted.
Sounds like they went out of their way to do something that they thought was loving.
Amazing how you managed to twist it to be defined as " inappropriate and insulting."
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I would be insulted if a family went out of their way to evangelize to my child as well. Usually this is done by family members who don't have a lot contact otherwise, and it's obvious that the only reason they're there is to "save" your child.
I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
Wow....you were insulted.
Sounds like they went out of their way to do something that they thought was loving.
Amazing how you managed to twist it to be defined as " inappropriate and insulting."
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
Wow....you were insulted.
Sounds like they went out of their way to do something that they thought was loving.
Amazing how you managed to twist it to be defined as " inappropriate and insulting."
I too would be insulted. I am not Christian and all of my close family is aware of that. My brother and his wife did make us a wonderful picture book of maternity photos with Christian poem in the back. They asked before they gave it to us/my child, it was a heart felt poem and not intended to imply that they are going to "save" my child, we gladly accepted the gift and it sits in my daughters nightstand. By implying you are "saving" my child you are implying that I am doing something wrong in the way that I choose to raise my child. If my child chooses to explore the Christian believes when she is older that is her freedom and I will support her choice, I will not support family/friends trying to force Christianity on her at such a young age.
Now for my inappropriate family gift. When I was probably 10 years old I convinced my dad that my mom wanted a new vacuum for Mother's Day and 20+ years later she still gives me a hard time about it. Probably a week before Mother's Day I remember her complaining that she hated that vacuum, so when Dad asked what we should get her for Mother's Day I immediately told him a vacuum. I am sure it probably asked me a couple times if I was sure but I am pretty strong willed so in the end we gave her a vacuum for Mother's Day. I learned, she now gets flowers, massage gift certificates, a mother/daughter lunch date, anything but house keeping type of tools.
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This is fun actually, remembering all the crazy things I've gotten.
My grandfather's wife (we had no contact with either of them and it was probably for the best) picked out presents for my sister and I, when they remembered we existed. One year we got Disney themed umbrellas, but toddler sized while we were 8-10ish. Another year we got matching barrette sets which were shaped like different kinds of bugs. I have an irrational fear of bugs, my mom has a full on phobia, and my sister doesn't much like them either. And it was my MOM's father. Those went straight into the donate pile.
My ex-BF's mother gave me a daily inspirational reading book. Highly religious of course. Wasn't offended, but also didn't read it and didn't keep it.
My friend doesn't give me inappropriate gifts, but she has a talent for getting things that I don't want. Purses, a book (which I already owned and was planning to get rid of), knitted scarves made of yarn I can't wear, etc.
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https://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/inappropriate-gifts-from-family?utm_term=.wjd2BNzq0Z#.oeaqA8O2ny
A friend of mine regularly got Christmas gifts from her parents implying that she needed to lose weight. One year it was a cook book (low cal or low fat or whatever). The next year it was a gift certificate for a hypnotist for weight loss - since the cook book "didn't take."
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My cousin's husband is a photographer, and has done some nice things. But as a hostess gift after a few days when she stayed with me, my cousin gave me one of his photos that was okay, but had absolutely no meaning for me (a moody seascape with a ship and a dark shoreline), and was glued to a cardboard mat in a color that did not enhance the photo at all. I am super-picky about what I display in my house, and all my wall art is chosen carefully and has a lot of personal meaning to me. I just didn't want to display this photo, and in thinking about it, I would never give something as a gift that was meant to be home decor. The exception might be an inexpensive holiday decoration--just for fun, meant to be displayed very short-term if at all, and easy to donate if not wanted.
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My DH's aunt gave me (and all the nieces) shoulder pads for Christmas. About a decade after that fad faded...
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Kinda sad in the end, but as a 10-12 year old, I got baby clothes from my grandmother.
Since it turned out that she had dementia, we're guessing she got confused about how old I was.
My mother was in the habit of buying the three kids sweats for Christmas. My sister practically lives in them when she gets out of work, so fine. I enjoyed them for a bit too, but since they don't really wear out, two pairs (of sweat shirts and sweat pants) are good for me. Especially after I moved to So. Cal.
Well in my 20's after I got married and got out of the Navy, I gained a bunch of weight. (5'2", topped out at 182 pounds...the only time I beat that weight was max pregnancy weight with kid #2). At age 31-32 I worked on it and lost >50 pounds, and kept it off.
But even years later, my mother couldn't adjust. She would buy me XL sweaters for Christmas. And then, a few years after all the weight loss...she got me a set of sweats. I was pregnant.
The top was a size small...now, I was generally a S or a M. But I was 6 months pregnant. So yeah, that wasn't going to fit. The pants were a large (which was appropriate) but they were also "extra long". I mean, did I mention that I'm 5'2"?
Anyway they got donated.
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
That's so weird and disrespectful. I'm a Christian and I would never do that.
The flip side is where I find I get inappropriate gifts - I'm always being given really sentimental pop-level religious books or mugs or journals -- which don't match either my beliefs or my aesthetic sensibilities.
"Oh, you must LOVE this Chicken Soup for the Religious Soul Pink Gingham Pink Coffee Mug and Bible Cookbook Set"..... haha.
One time I think we fell into this kind of trap as givers was one Christmas.... , we live far away from family and always ask them to tell us what the other family members want for Christmas when we come down for the holidays.
Once my mother-in-law, who's not particularly religious; said my sister-in-law wanted a kids Bible for her daughter. So we got one. But looking back I'm not sure if she really did want one and it was a welcome gift...or she just told my MIL that and we gave a gift that was not actually what they wanted. So awkward.
The next year we bought them Lego. No awkwardness there.
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Background: I have a toddler and am currently engaged to a wonderful woman. The best way I can think of to describe my mother is that she is very loving and generous, pretty right wing when it comes to politics (without the specific knowledge of issues to back it up) and recently kind of quasi religious which I find entertaining and more of a front because I think we went to church maybe twice a year if that while growing up. My fiance on the other hand is not religious in any way (describes herself as more spiritual) and leans pretty left on the political spectrum. Till this point her and my mother have gotten along very well.
I love my mother dearly but she did something incredibly awkward the other day.
My brother had a surprise birthday party at my house and my mom joined the festivities. Most of us were drinking throughout the day having a good time. When my mom went to leave that evening my brother and I walked her to her car and she gave me a bag with some books (I love reading) for myself and my fiance with post its for what was for who. I thought nothing of it and did not open it. When I came back in the house my fiance noticed and we opened it together. Alcohol I am sure enhanced the reaction but she opened it to find a book with her name on it titled.... and I shit you not... Parenthood: by none other than the bastion of altruism, Bill Cosby.
I was slightly intoxicated and laughing at how absurd and tone deaf it was, which I think furthered the response more. My fiance was incredibly offended and asked why I didn't get a book on How to Treat Women with Respect by Donald Trump, or How to be Open, Honest, and Transparent by Hillary Clinton. I have yet to address my mom regarding this "gift" but it has certainly caused more trouble than it was worth.
I am sure it does not have chapters on how to drug and rape women, but still I have to agree it was lacking in empathy at best. Can anyone else top this?
I think you're being a little silly/immature here, and letting politics blind you. Most people who become rich and famous are pretty shitty human beings, regardless of their politics. I haven't read Cosby's book, but given his work on the Cosby show, it's probably pretty funny and contains some useful wisdom, regardless of what he's done in his personal life.
Would you be "incredibly offended" if your mother gave the Autobiography of Malcolm X, given that Malcolm X was a known pimp (in the literal sense of that term), burglar, and was a very public racist and anti-Semite? Or how about True Compass by Ted Kennedy, the Democratic Senator and hero who almost certainly killed a young woman he was hooking up with because he wanted to avoid an adultery scandal? Would that be a "tone deaf" gift?
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(I type this as I'm drinking coffee out of one of the sentimental silly mugs I was given a few years ag... because it may not be my thing, but it's still annoyingly one of the best mugs (in 2-cup capacity and base stability) that I own. Ah well.
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You can put the copy of BC's book on my bookshelf next to my personalized autographed copy of "Touched" by Jerry Sandusky I once got at a book signing exactly a decade before the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke- a story of his lifelong passion to help children from broken homes- while he hid his pedophilia in plane sight. Had pictures of him mud wrestling with teens for charity! And yet hundreds of well trained "child rescue industry" professionals he came into contact with over 35 years never spotted anything peculiar about him.
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You can put the copy of BC's book on my bookshelf next to my personalized autographed copy of "Touched" by Jerry Sandusky
So very, very wrong.
He had everyone snowed, didn't he? Well, both of them did.
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You can put the copy of BC's book on my bookshelf next to my personalized autographed copy of "Touched" by Jerry Sandusky I once got at a book signing exactly a decade before the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke- a story of his lifelong passion to help children from broken homes- while he hid his pedophilia in plane sight. Had pictures of him mud wrestling with teens for charity! And yet hundreds of well trained "child rescue industry" professionals he came into contact with over 35 years never spotted anything peculiar about him.
Jeez, this almost sounds like it's from The Onion. I actually had to look it up just make sure the book was real.
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I have a couple, but one that sticks out, is soon after giving birth to my first child my mother gifts me a semi-sheer blush/nude colored nightgown. Needless to say the last thing I'd feel like wearing at that point in my life.
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My mother (now age 79) really enjoyed the American Songbook albums that Rod Stewart recorded. So when Rod the Mod was coming to play at the local arena, my brother bought her two tickets to the show. At the last minute, bro got sick, and mom asked me to go to the show. I had seen Rod back in '84 and really enjoyed it.
I think mom was totally overwhelmed by her first and (so far as I know) only rock concert. "Too loud," she said thereafter.
I know my brother meant well, but I think the whole thing was a bit of a non sequitur.
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Background: I have a toddler and am currently engaged to a wonderful woman. The best way I can think of to describe my mother is that she is very loving and generous, pretty right wing when it comes to politics (without the specific knowledge of issues to back it up) and recently kind of quasi religious which I find entertaining and more of a front because I think we went to church maybe twice a year if that while growing up. My fiance on the other hand is not religious in any way (describes herself as more spiritual) and leans pretty left on the political spectrum. Till this point her and my mother have gotten along very well.
I love my mother dearly but she did something incredibly awkward the other day.
My brother had a surprise birthday party at my house and my mom joined the festivities. Most of us were drinking throughout the day having a good time. When my mom went to leave that evening my brother and I walked her to her car and she gave me a bag with some books (I love reading) for myself and my fiance with post its for what was for who. I thought nothing of it and did not open it. When I came back in the house my fiance noticed and we opened it together. Alcohol I am sure enhanced the reaction but she opened it to find a book with her name on it titled.... and I shit you not... Parenthood: by none other than the bastion of altruism, Bill Cosby.
I was slightly intoxicated and laughing at how absurd and tone deaf it was, which I think furthered the response more. My fiance was incredibly offended and asked why I didn't get a book on How to Treat Women with Respect by Donald Trump, or How to be Open, Honest, and Transparent by Hillary Clinton. I have yet to address my mom regarding this "gift" but it has certainly caused more trouble than it was worth.
I am sure it does not have chapters on how to drug and rape women, but still I have to agree it was lacking in empathy at best. Can anyone else top this?
Sounds like your fiancee needs to relax. If this is how she acts all the time, you have a tough road ahead of you my friend. My wife, who is a hard core feminist, would still find the humor in this situation and would also find the humor in all the titles your wife mentioned above.
I would run for the hills
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I have a couple, but one that sticks out, is soon after giving birth to my first child my mother gifts me a semi-sheer blush/nude colored nightgown. Needless to say the last thing I'd feel like wearing at that point in my life.
And even if you had felt like wearing it, what an awkward gift to get from your mother. Anything remotely sexual or sexuality-adjacent should be off the table for mom or MIL gifts.
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
Wow....you were insulted.
Sounds like they went out of their way to do something that they thought was loving.
Amazing how you managed to twist it to be defined as " inappropriate and insulting."
Who do you think you are telling me I'm twisting something? Nothing was twisted this was my Uncle's wife, he's now divorced from her, that thought our whole family was going to hell. She's a bit crazy and fanatical and I suppose convinced him they needed to do it. As someone else stated this occurs due to us not seeing them much. I believe that to be true, but also due to them isolating or at least my uncle was maybe due to being embarrassed by his wife. I don't know, but I do know for sure it's up to me to decide how to raise my child and whether or not it includes religion.
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I would be insulted if a family went out of their way to evangelize to my child as well. Usually this is done by family members who don't have a lot contact otherwise, and it's obvious that the only reason they're there is to "save" your child.
I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
Wow....you were insulted.
Sounds like they went out of their way to do something that they thought was loving.
Amazing how you managed to twist it to be defined as " inappropriate and insulting."
Thanks meg_shannon! Exactly the scenario you stated too.
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
That's so weird and disrespectful. I'm a Christian and I would never do that.
The flip side is where I find I get inappropriate gifts - I'm always being given really sentimental pop-level religious books or mugs or journals -- which don't match either my beliefs or my aesthetic sensibilities.
"Oh, you must LOVE this Chicken Soup for the Religious Soul Pink Gingham Pink Coffee Mug and Bible Cookbook Set"..... haha.
One time I think we fell into this kind of trap as givers was one Christmas.... , we live far away from family and always ask them to tell us what the other family members want for Christmas when we come down for the holidays.
Once my mother-in-law, who's not particularly religious; said my sister-in-law wanted a kids Bible for her daughter. So we got one. But looking back I'm not sure if she really did want one and it was a welcome gift...or she just told my MIL that and we gave a gift that was not actually what they wanted. So awkward.
The next year we bought them Lego. No awkwardness there.
I appreciate your response on this.
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When I was younger I once got lacy thongs and one diamante backed g-string from my boyfriends grandmother.
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
Wow....you were insulted.
Sounds like they went out of their way to do something that they thought was loving.
Amazing how you managed to twist it to be defined as " inappropriate and insulting."
Who do you think you are telling me I'm twisting something? Nothing was twisted this was my Uncle's wife, he's now divorced from her, that thought our whole family was going to hell. She's a bit crazy and fanatical and I suppose convinced him they needed to do it. As someone else stated this occurs due to us not seeing them much. I believe that to be true, but also due to them isolating or at least my uncle was maybe due to being embarrassed by his wife. I don't know, but I do know for sure it's up to me to decide how to raise my child and whether or not it includes religion.
Easy pal...relax.
I agree that you twisted it too.
Bottom line: was what they did intentionally malicious? Probably not.
Also, I think you just may have a different opinion on who should raise a child. I was raised under the philosophy that family, friends, and society raises a child - not just the parents. There are multiple stakeholders of your child. It ain't all 'bout you cuh.
Here is a chill pill and a glass of water.
Down the hatch...
Dwight.
Source:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6w41e9C9FEE
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When I was younger I once got lacy thongs and one diamante backed g-string from my boyfriends grandmother.
Oh my. Not awkward at all.
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At my bridal shower my grandmother gave me lacy bride underwear for the wedding night. They fell out when I pulled something else out of the box. Everyone made me hold them up so everyone could see. Best part? my aunt helped her pick them out and thought it would be appropriate but that a skeleton bride wouldn't be because "you almost died last year" (I didn't).
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When I was younger I once got lacy thongs and one diamante backed g-string from my boyfriends grandmother.
Oh my. Not awkward at all.
lol! She wanted the family line to continue
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Shortly after we cleared out my SO's grandma's hoarder house, his mother gave us all a big box of crap from the hoard. Everybody got their own individual box. Ours included multiple tubes of expired steriod cream, some tape that had lost its stick... you get the idea.
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from my mother in law as a honeymoon gift: books about how to have healthy sexual relations in marriage
not cool
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Christmas at MIL's house every year involves thongs, pasties, nighties...every woman in the family who is married gets something "naughty" from MIL. They all think its funny. I try, I really do, but I just...can't. I'm not offended by the items, but that they are from HER makes me cringe.
Making it really awkward though, is that MIL caught on to me being uncomfortable a couple years ago. She is worried about leaving me out of this grand tradition though, so now I get "toned down" items: panties with a crotch in them, instead of without, for example. Um...thanks?
It feels like such a waste throwing perfectly fine underwear out, but I can't get past the "ick" factor and into the trash they go - every bloody year for 12 years now.
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DW received a "personal massager" from her sister on her birthday. Luckily when she opened it in front of our young children she was able to shut the box before anyone else saw it.
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Christmas at MIL's house every year involves thongs, pasties, nighties...every woman in the family who is married gets something "naughty" from MIL. They all think its funny. I try, I really do, but I just...can't. I'm not offended by the items, but that they are from HER makes me cringe.
Making it really awkward though, is that MIL caught on to me being uncomfortable a couple years ago. She is worried about leaving me out of this grand tradition though, so now I get "toned down" items: panties with a crotch in them, instead of without, for example. Um...thanks?
It feels like such a waste throwing perfectly fine underwear out, but I can't get past the "ick" factor and into the trash they go - every bloody year for 12 years now.
This cracks me up. How about modeling them over a pair of ratty sweatpants and a stained t-shirt (what people actually wear to bed)? Do the other ladies express the intent to use these items, or are they just given to be funny?
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I've done a very good job at resisting the temptation to get my nephews drums and whistles.
You're all welcome.
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My mother would stuff my Xmas stocking with condoms, in long strips like a rap video from the 90s, when I was in college. She thought this was hysterical.
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Not really inappropriate, but my MIL keeps giving me teatowels as gifts. A friend of mine is convinced she's insulting me in a very passive-aggressive way, but aparently I'm not sensitive enough to pick it up, because I just happily use the torchons she sends me.
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As parents we have been successful in creating a lifestyle where our kids read, play board games, ski, bike and run around outside with buddies and the dog. Sure, video games are always on their letters to Santa, but Santa has never delivered and our happy, healthy lifestyle continues.
Until last year... after opening lego and toys from Santa, they opened the gift from my sister and brother in law (who don't have kids). A Playstation with a bunch of games! Screaming, jumping, hugs and happiest kids ever! Parents definitely not as happy.
While they shouldn't have given the kids video games without our permission, it has turned out OK in the end. My husband and I (the bad cops), limit the games to two hours a week, which is enough to give the kids the experience and vocabulary to interact with their gaming friends at school. And it is also a handy tool to enforce good behaviour as the games are a privilege which can be lost. And they think my sister and BIL are super cool, which I like, as long as there are no more surprises!
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Not really inappropriate, but my MIL keeps giving me teatowels as gifts. A friend of mine is convinced she's insulting me in a very passive-aggressive way, but aparently I'm not sensitive enough to pick it up, because I just happily use the torchons she sends me.
I don't think so... maybe she is a bit MMM and notices that you USE the gifts that she gives you? My MIL MADE tea towels to gift to me, and I like them a lot.
The only passive aggressive thing about this is if you think she should be giving you "pretty" gifts or items of higher value, and I bet you like the tea towels better, anyway.
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Not really inappropriate, but my MIL keeps giving me teatowels as gifts. A friend of mine is convinced she's insulting me in a very passive-aggressive way, but aparently I'm not sensitive enough to pick it up, because I just happily use the torchons she sends me.
I don't think so... maybe she is a bit MMM and notices that you USE the gifts that she gives you? My MIL MADE tea towels to gift to me, and I like them a lot.
The only passive aggressive thing about this is if you think she should be giving you "pretty" gifts or items of higher value, and I bet you like the tea towels better, anyway.
Actually yes, because they're useful! I dread receiving presents, and I hate the useless knicks-knacks that some people give, and I hate the idea of them occupying space in my house!
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Not really inappropriate, but my MIL keeps giving me teatowels as gifts. A friend of mine is convinced she's insulting me in a very passive-aggressive way, but aparently I'm not sensitive enough to pick it up, because I just happily use the torchons she sends me.
I don't think so... maybe she is a bit MMM and notices that you USE the gifts that she gives you? My MIL MADE tea towels to gift to me, and I like them a lot.
The only passive aggressive thing about this is if you think she should be giving you "pretty" gifts or items of higher value, and I bet you like the tea towels better, anyway.
Actually yes, because they're useful! I dread receiving presents, and I hate the useless knicks-knacks that some people give, and I hate the idea of them occupying space in my house!
I think the tea towels are thoughtful, but I also might not be a great judge. I love useful gifts!
I had a great aunt who would decorate tea towels to give the family every year. I thought it was a really thoughtful gift, and I still have a few now (she passed a few years ago).
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DW received a "personal massager" from her sister on her birthday. Luckily when she opened it in front of our young children she was able to shut the box before anyone else saw it.
My husband bought a female coworker a personal massager as part of an office secret santa. She apparently was always complaining of neck problems. He forgot the office party and an hour before ran across the street to CVS. Saw a massager with a pic of a woman using it on her neck and thought "perfect." Thank god everyone at his work knew he was just painfully naive and not sexually harassing her. Can't blame the guy - it really is marketed for sore necks. We all just know it is used for other purposes.
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Not really inappropriate, but just odd...
One year for Christmas my MIL's mom gave her an emergency glass-breaking hammer kit for her car. Like if your car goes off a bridge and you're trapped underwater, you can use that hammer to break out. Okay... kind of odd but they do live on a peninsula so I guess technically practical in a worst-case scenario.
But then she gave the same exact hammer to MIL for her birthday AGAIN three months later... and again for Christmas that year.
I swear on my life this woman does not have dementia, she is just very, very odd.
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Following to get ideas. So that when I'm old I can give people wildly inappropriate gifts that they'll remember forever, and I'll be laughing over for years.
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I swear on my life this woman does not have dementia, she is just very, very odd.
Er... How sure? Isn't that one of the most classic signs of dementia there is?
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My depression era great grandmother had a room of stuff she found bargains on, that our gifts came from. We'd get things like packages of notebook paper. Not super fun for little kids but I appreciated it later on!
My mil gave me huge turquoise earrings the first year. 1. I don't wear earrings ever. 2. Turquoise???? Ick. 3. Huge.
I made H tell her not to get me jewelry. He phrased it in some kind of polite way of "I liked them but they were kind of big".
So the next year I get another pair of still large but not giant turquoise earrings. Ugh. H again asksvhis mother. She says "but I got mayday little earrings just like you said!".
Luckily that was the last pair of ugly horse show jewelry she bought me and she didn't move on to necklaces. I feel a bit bad for not just graciously accepting and donating, but I couldn't stomach the waste.
Then she moved on to buying both H and I ugly clothes that we returned. Now thank God she just gives money.
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My depression era great grandmother had a room of stuff she found bargains on, that our gifts came from. We'd get things like packages of notebook paper. Not super fun for little kids but I appreciated it later on!
My mil gave me huge turquoise earrings the first year. 1. I don't wear earrings ever. 2. Turquoise???? Ick. 3. Huge.
I made H tell her not to get me jewelry. He phrased it in some kind of polite way of "I liked them but they were kind of big".
So the next year I get another pair of still large but not giant turquoise earrings. Ugh. H again asksvhis mother. She says "but I got mayday little earrings just like you said!".
Luckily that was the last pair of ugly horse show jewelry she bought me and she didn't move on to necklaces. I feel a bit bad for not just graciously accepting and donating, but I couldn't stomach the waste.
Then she moved on to buying both H and I ugly clothes that we returned. Now thank God she just gives money.
Just out of curiosity, are you a horseback rider? My husband and I are and often receive a number of very ugly "horse gifts." The number of cowboy-themed salt and pepper shakers I've received over the years is staggering.
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Our friends' parents got a trampoline for the grandkids. Our friends didn't want it in their backyard. But, of course, their kids saw it, and what are you supposed to say then? I think they kept it for a month, and then moved it to their parents' backyard "so the kids will have something to do when they visit."
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My depression era great grandmother had a room of stuff she found bargains on, that our gifts came from. We'd get things like packages of notebook paper. Not super fun for little kids but I appreciated it later on!
My mil gave me huge turquoise earrings the first year. 1. I don't wear earrings ever. 2. Turquoise???? Ick. 3. Huge.
I made H tell her not to get me jewelry. He phrased it in some kind of polite way of "I liked them but they were kind of big".
So the next year I get another pair of still large but not giant turquoise earrings. Ugh. H again asksvhis mother. She says "but I got mayday little earrings just like you said!".
Luckily that was the last pair of ugly horse show jewelry she bought me and she didn't move on to necklaces. I feel a bit bad for not just graciously accepting and donating, but I couldn't stomach the waste.
Then she moved on to buying both H and I ugly clothes that we returned. Now thank God she just gives money.
Just out of curiosity, are you a horseback rider? My husband and I are and often receive a number of very ugly "horse gifts." The number of cowboy-themed salt and pepper shakers I've received over the years is staggering.
I'm not, but MIL is.
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DW received a "personal massager" from her sister on her birthday. Luckily when she opened it in front of our young children she was able to shut the box before anyone else saw it.
A female teacher I know received one from a colleague.
Through a work Secret Santa.
At a private Christian school.
The male teacher claimed to not know this was inappropriate.
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I bought my mom a sweatshirt with the saying "SHE Who Must Be Obeyed" on it.
Boy, howdy, did that strike a nerve.
(And rightly so.)
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After speciffically stating that I don't own, use or like tablecloths, granny sure as hell got me one for christmas. With reindeers and everything.
I have since used it only one time: To protect a rented car from dirty stuff I drove to the dump.
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I bought my mom a sweatshirt with the saying "SHE Who Must Be Obeyed" on it.
Boy, howdy, did that strike a nerve.
(And rightly so.)
My mum would find that hilarious.
Of course, my mum can usually be found in Springsteen tour t-shirts...
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I have since used it only one time: To protect a rented car from dirty stuff I drove to the dump.
That's a perfect use for it! I did something similar with something similar last week involving six deer carcasses worth of venison and a rental VW Beetle.
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I bought my mom a sweatshirt with the saying "SHE Who Must Be Obeyed" on it.
Boy, howdy, did that strike a nerve.
(And rightly so.)
And for those who don't get the reference...Rumpold (from Rumpold of the Bailey books and BBC/PBS show) referred to his wife that way. I bought myself that tee shirt ~15 years ago when the show was popular.
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Our friends' parents got a trampoline for the grandkids. Our friends didn't want it in their backyard. But, of course, their kids saw it, and what are you supposed to say then? I think they kept it for a month, and then moved it to their parents' backyard "so the kids will have something to do when they visit."
My trampoline for the kids is the best thing ever. We've had it 4 years or so and it is great. Only one trip to the ER due to it - for me - tore my hip labrum on it. But it is great at wearing the kiddies out!
These posts are killing me. I find them hilarious and I don't have any inappropriate gifts to add to the stories. What is with the men who allegedly don't know what "personal massages" are actually for?
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I bought my mom a sweatshirt with the saying "SHE Who Must Be Obeyed" on it.
Boy, howdy, did that strike a nerve.
(And rightly so.)
And for those who don't get the reference...Rumpold (from Rumpold of the Bailey books and BBC/PBS show) referred to his wife that way. I bought myself that tee shirt ~15 years ago when the show was popular.
And Rumpole, a fictional character, is making references to the actual (but equally fictional) "SHE-who-must-be-obeyed" character in an H. Rider Haggard novel titled She. :) Great adventure stories, by the way.
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Meh. Does fiancé get easily offended a lot? If so, you might want to rethink the marriage thing. Seems like a drama queen.
Couldn't agree more!! I think your Fiance is kind of clueless and insensitive if she couldn't see that it was probably an oversight. The book may have been written by someone who later fell from grace for what turned out to be really horrible accusations but doesn't mean the book itself is not worth reading. I would run for the hills. This Fiance sounds like a peace of work. If she gets upset at your mother for something so innocuous, how will she handle a real slight?
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I had my aunt and uncle come visit us once in order to bring a bible to my child. Found that highly inappropriate and insulting. They didn't ask first, which I did not like. They lived quite far away at the time and made a special trip just for this purpose. I suppose they decided he was young enough to save still as he was maybe 4 at the time. LOL
OMG, people can be so easily offended getting themselves worked up over trivial matters. How about just letting things go. Isn't it easier just to take the bible and throw it in the trash after graciously thanking them for their effort? Sometimes you have to look at life from other's perspective. This people are most likely very religious people who believe that a biblical guidance is good for children.
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Huh. Not Christian but I never would have considered getting a bible given to my kids as something to get so concerned over. Lots of worse things in life to sweat the stuff like that imo.
Anyway SIL was in a car crash and broke her neck. Other SIL asked first SILs boy friend (who she's met like 4 times) if he needs anything from Pure Romance to keep himself entertained while she's in her halo. Very awkward
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Huh. Not Christian but I never would have considered getting a bible given to my kids as something to get so concerned over. Lots of worse things in life to sweat the stuff like that imo.
Anyway SIL was in a car crash and broke her neck. Other SIL asked first SILs boy friend (who she's met like 4 times) if he needs anything from Pure Romance to keep himself entertained while she's in her halo. Very awkward
I ... she ... what???
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My grandparents-in-law owned a junkyard many years ago and were always sure to curate a selection of great future Xmas gifts from it, which they stored in a shed (sometimes for decades).
And so, when I married into this family, I was introduced to a family tradition called Junkyard Christmas.
First - you receive a gift specially chosen for you. For example, I received a wooden decorative item that was designed to contain your kleenex box - for my bathroom (because that's what every bathroom needs) - clearly created by a child in a woodworking class. Or the strange cookpot shaped like a green chicken.
Next - the true fun of Junkyard Christmas begins. All of the great items that grandma no longer thinks are worth space in her shed are placed in a pile and you have to take turns picking what you want from the pile. Don't want anything from the pile? Too bad! You must take a turn until every single item is gone. If you refuse, Grandma gets extremely upset.
50% of the pile is dated glassware and broken kitchen appliances from the 70s. The pile is salted with dirty toys and games. The rest is tacky decorative items. Remember, every last item has to be chosen!
Alas, grandpa died and grandma moved into an apartment and had to clean out her shed, so the tradition of Junkyard Christmas ended last year. Instead I got an Off-Brand Hickory Farms Summer Sausage box - despite being a vegetarian. Yum-o.
On the subject of bibles - I have about a dozen of them stacked in a closet. Not only did my grandparents give them to us repeatedly growing up, but I also somehow inherited bibles when various members of our families died. Because no one wants to throw out the bibles. So not only did I get a bunch of them, my dad got a bunch of them when he was growing up, and my granddad had at least three favorites, and we got bibles at our wedding and bibles at our 1st anniversary and bibles at our 10th anniversary. Some of them are really nice bibles. Only problem with all these bibles is that I'm not religious. But do you throw out the bibles that are engraved with your name, or your dead dad's name, or your granddad's favorite bibles with his handwritten notes? See, I feel guilty about that, despite not putting a whole lot of faith in the bible. So, instead, I have this box full of bibles. I should leave them to someone in my will for fun... "And to Uncle Jimmy... MY BOX FULL OF BIBLES!"
And finally... Grandmas with dementia. When I was very young, my grandma sent my 8 year old brother a £5 note with a card telling him it was for school books, because she knew that my mother wasted all of her money and didn't support him properly. Also, it was a secret and don't tell anyone. My brother was confused... because in Canada, you don't purchase your own elementary school books... and he wanted to give it our mom because apparently she was broke and he was concerned about that. My mom had to carefully explain that grandma is a little bit crazy... and then explain to me why grandma didn't care enough about my schoolbooks to send me money.
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Growing up one of my dad's uncles would always give us weird gifts. For a couple of years he would give me VHS video's with poor quality pirated movies on them. My sister would get the shampoo's and lotions you get for staying at hotels.
As an uncle now, I try and get my nephews the loudest toys possible or toy weapons. Swords that make noises were my favorite.
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This wasn't for Christmas, but my grandfather used to give each of his kids 50 cents per "A" on their report card, and he kept it up for a while with the grandkids before there were too many of us. I guess when you have 9 kids, and it's 1950-something, that's not a ridiculously low number.
Fast forward to the '80s, when my brother and I were kids. My brother's teacher went through a phase during which she wasn't giving grades, but just commenting on how the student was doing. My grandfather mailed my brother a check for $0.50 because his name contains an "A." (I think it would have been only fair to count the "a"s in whatever the teacher wrote, but what do I know?)
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Oh, I do have a couple of Christmas ones.
First, the kitchen timer that my dad gave my mom one year. That obviously did not go over well.
Another year, my mom was lamenting the fact that she needed to spend money on new clothes for work. This was in August. My dad told her to go look in her Christmas stocking. So she got it out of the box of Christmas stuff and reached deep into the toe, where there was a $100 bill she had missed on Christmas Day. He still won't say why he didn't just tell her she'd missed it that day. Maybe he was hoping to just leave it there for the following year. She must have thought Christmas seemed a little thin that year!
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I bought my mom a sweatshirt with the saying "SHE Who Must Be Obeyed" on it.
Boy, howdy, did that strike a nerve.
(And rightly so.)
I would love this! But then, I am a Rumpole fan.
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Shortly after we cleared out my SO's grandma's hoarder house, his mother gave us all a big box of crap from the hoard. Everybody got their own individual box. Ours included multiple tubes of expired steriod cream, some tape that had lost its stick... you get the idea.
Oh my goodness, I almost forgot... Same woman gave us both a book and CD of financial tips. Okay... not too bad... but the book was from her MLM that sells self help products(so maybe they shouldn't be giving financial advice?). I read the book and it wasn't too bad but focused a lot on buying gold for some reason. I read it and threw it out without another thought.
The crazy part,though, was that a month later she ASKED FOR IT BACK because she was going to re-sell it. MERRY CHRISTMAS!
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My grandparents-in-law owned a junkyard many years ago and were always sure to curate a selection of great future Xmas gifts from it, which they stored in a shed (sometimes for decades).
And so, when I married into this family, I was introduced to a family tradition called Junkyard Christmas.
First - you receive a gift specially chosen for you. For example, I received a wooden decorative item that was designed to contain your kleenex box - for my bathroom (because that's what every bathroom needs) - clearly created by a child in a woodworking class. Or the strange cookpot shaped like a green chicken.
Uh,oh, What does it mean that I, too, have a home made kleenex box cover and a strange cook pot shaped like a chicken and they did not come from a junkyard pile!
-- the kleenex cover is one made out of quilting materials and lace to look like a small house with "smoke" out the chimney, a wedding gift, of course...
-- my chicken pot is actually brown glazed and it is more of a two part casserole dish, that I grabbed up when a relative was downsizing (voluntarily. acquired, too).
But for the record, although I am somewhat "religious" I only own one bible, that I received when I was 14 in bible class, and it does not have notes in the margin. I have no trouble throwing away bibles, or quickly passing them on, at least.
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As parents we have been successful in creating a lifestyle where our kids read, play board games, ski, bike and run around outside with buddies and the dog. Sure, video games are always on their letters to Santa, but Santa has never delivered and our happy, healthy lifestyle continues.
Until last year... after opening lego and toys from Santa, they opened the gift from my sister and brother in law (who don't have kids). A Playstation with a bunch of games! Screaming, jumping, hugs and happiest kids ever! Parents definitely not as happy.
While they shouldn't have given the kids video games without our permission, it has turned out OK in the end. My husband and I (the bad cops), limit the games to two hours a week, which is enough to give the kids the experience and vocabulary to interact with their gaming friends at school. And it is also a handy tool to enforce good behaviour as the games are a privilege which can be lost. And they think my sister and BIL are super cool, which I like, as long as there are no more surprises!
When my kids are bigger, I want to hook an exercise bike to a motor to charge a big battery. They can watch movies or play video games as much as they want... but they can only use pedal power to do it. :D (The only way this could backfire is if my wife decides the same rule applies to me!)
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Our friends' parents got a trampoline for the grandkids. Our friends didn't want it in their backyard. But, of course, their kids saw it, and what are you supposed to say then? I think they kept it for a month, and then moved it to their parents' backyard "so the kids will have something to do when they visit."
My lawyer DH nixed the trampoline due to liability issues with other kids. He thinks it's all fun and games until someone breaks their neck. Also, our homeowner's insurance specifically asked about trampolines (in addition to pit bulls and swimming pools).
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We were gifted stuff from someone's garage sale one year from one pair of relatives that will go nameless. I got a winter coat that was not warm nor did it fit. I don't want to sound ungrateful but these were gifts from the wealthiest people in the family. They were TIGHT and squeaked a little when they walked.
In a different part of the family were modest-income relatives that spent too much on everyone. Too much like we couldn't get it all into the family car to go home too much. Finally that situation checked itself in time.
Relatives bought our kids a big toy last year that we can't store now. Small house. Thing displaces furniture. Will likely store it in the garage this week so we can bring out the dining room furniture again. How long do we have to keep it before we quietly give it away? Kids aren't that interested anymore.
In the end as DW and I have gotten older we like Christmas in moderation. Mostly want time together and a nice meal. Don't need a gift(s). I don't well buying gifts either thus my happiness when gifts aren't the focus of the gathering. ;) Don't mind to spend the money, just don't like shopping.
I also learned not to buy appliances for the family women unless they ask for them... Currently trying to figure out what to buy everyone this year.