I think I understand better what you guys mean.
For me, in order to aggressively pay my student loans off the MMM way, I had to accept a lifestyle that I wasn't happy with. I ran the numbers, and living on my own wasn't possible unless I stopped paying them off. Please don't get me wrong, I'm glad I paid them off, it's a huge burden lifted. But I also sat on the sidelines of life for 4 years of my prime, and I regret that I had to do that to make it happen.
... your last sentence concerns me. The fact that you feel like you had to sit "on the sidelines of life for 4 years of your prime" makes me think that your approach was deeply flawed. We were broke grad students for a decade (masters than PhD) but neither of us ever felt like we sitting on the sidelines of life. If anything, we had amazing experiences during out PhDs, living on meager stipends and making lots of headway on our loans. We were actually discussing how we felt our lives were more free adn adventerous when we earned half as much and logged 50% more hours in hte lab. We traveled more, too. Of course having a kid really changed that dynamic ;-P
what is it that makes you feel like you missed out on life? I'll go out on a limb here and guess that the underlying problem wasn't money per se, but perhaps the stress it entailed and how you approached your social life.
I say all of these things not to pick on you - i'm just reading what you write and suspect there's some deeper underlying factors at play.
I'ts been tough watching all my peers cultivate a domestic life while I still live with roommates. Even though I was doing it first because I had to, and then because I wanted to pay off my debt, it still feels like an arrested development...
It didn't really hit me until the COVID lockdown: I realized that my life didn't change all that much--the biggest change was not being able to visit my friends and family, which is definitely a big deal, but I only occasionally went out to restaurants or bars, and never traveled or sought out new experiences...
Having run some of the numbers, I should be able to eke out a 10% savings rate if I get my own place and stop being afraid to spend money. Housing is very expensive where I live, and the Mustachian solution is to move to a LCOL. But it's also where I've lived my entire life and where all my friends and family are. I have strong doubts that isolating myself from the people I love (more than I already am, given the virus) to have a better savings rate is a good decision. 10% will have to be enough, because I don't want this to be my life anymore
FWIW, I think you're attacking things from the wrong end... the solution you've targeted is "ditch the roommates and live alone." How does that change your daily happiness? You're still living a life where you're not going anywhere or doing anything; it's just now you have a somewhat nice to sit around in while you're not going anywhere or doing anything.
@Cool Friend, I hope you find a happier path and stay on it, building an excellent life from this day to your last day (hopefully many years from now).
Like most commenters, I am confident that Pete intended even the MMM character to suggest living the fullest and most thriving life possible. He suspects that for most people, to distinguish spending that has high dividends in personal and financial areas from that which does not is a helpful shortcut. Let's get to the nitty-gritty. What is the shortcut for? What do you really want?
I notice that in the excerpts above, you "watch your peers cultivate a domestic life." What does that mean to you?
Is it about relationships? Are there feelings that someone who cultivates a domestic life would feel that you would like to feel? Is the key difference from your current environment that you would have more control, or more peace from intrusions, or more respect from others, or better looking surroundings, or that your dream love would find you marriageable, or you'd feel comfortable inviting a guest for an intimate encounter, or something else? What aspects of a domestic life can be cultivated in your own place that cannot be found in a shared apartment? Is there something specific that you want, or is it a more general FOMO from people's Insta posts and the assumption that they must feel good in their beautiful homes and private apartments? (FOMO is very understandable in my opinion. If you feel bad, and assume that they feel good - that's a very very natural thought process for sure. Some of them no doubt do feel good.)
It's clear there's something in your current life you dislike. I support making changes to fix that. The clearer the plan, the better. As you explain more, you may get useful suggestions from people on this thread - or even think of your own new ideas that maximize the coming era of improved living.
You wrote that in the last four years, you only occasionally went out to restaurants or bars, and never traveled or sought out new experiences. What would you like to find in the restaurants and bars? What new experiences would you like?
One reason I ask is that, if you get your own place and your savings rate drops to 10%, you wouldn't have much money for restaurants and bars and travel even when those things are fully open again. Which would be better: your own place with little money for new experiences, or living with roommates and spending lots of money on new experiences?