-I don't totally agree with his stance on not giving his kids wealth so they can earn their own way. I'd like to give mine a head start while not giving them an entitled/lazy mindset. It's a delicate balance that I still have time to think through.
It is an important question. I struggle with it myself. However, I would note that "divorced man without custody of children refuses to give them or their mother much if any money" is not an unusual scenario, with or without FIRE considerations.
What I've done with my young children is much like the Scott Pape method. To get their pocket money they must do 3 jobs each week - every 3 months we sit down and discuss what they'll do, currently my 9yo son sweeps the driveway (we have trees with leaves), empties the dishwasher and cleans the hallway toilet; my younger daughter (4yo) just puts the kids' plastic dishes away.
The summer before they start school, they get $3 a week, which goes up $1 on each birthday. They have three "jars" of Give, Save and Spend. At least $1 of their pocket money each week goes into each "jar"; I got my son three pirate treasure chests to do it, and later a wallet for the Spend.
So the idea is to teach them to think of working for what they get, to think of others, think of the future, and not neglect today. As well, once it goes from $3 to $4, they have to decide whether to emphasise giving, saving for the future, or spending today. And each time they spend they have to decide: "Do I want this $8 thing, or these two $3 things? I can't have both." A lot of poor spending habits in adults come from an infantile aversion to the idea of having to make choices. "Can't I have both?" But whatever your income level
you have to make choices, even Jeff Bezos couldn't buy Microsoft
and Verizon.
I don't veto any purchase choices, but I do make strong suggestions about quality, etc - but ultimately it's their spending decision. One got into some toy line, bought a cheap Chinese knockoff, and was disappointed to find it didn't fit with the genuine one and broke quickly. A lesson was learned. Spend it all on lollies, cheap crap that breaks, or something good - it's your money, you can spend it well or badly, but once spent it's gone.
As for outright handouts, what I've said is that if that if they have something big they want, whatever they save up by their birthday I'll match it. For my son's eighth birthday he wanted a new bike. The idea was: okay if you save like 50 bucks, you'll get a pretty boring cheap bike, if you save 200, a pretty damned good kid's bike. He saved $150, we found a $400 bike on sale for $288 and got it - and as he walked out of the shop with his bike, he said, "I wish it had been cheaper, then I could have paid for it by myself." It's amazing the lessons they learn that you didn't actually
try to teach them.
I likewise match their Give money to the charity of their choice - my son usually chooses a homeless guy when we go visit the CBD.
Aside from that, each child since their birth I've put away $25 a week. This is for education and health. We have public healthcare here which is pretty good, but sometimes there'll be a wait for elective surgery - my children won't wait, we'll just pay. We also have state education, but of course there are other things like music and sports, maybe they need a tutor in something they're struggling with, or a speech therapist. And of course dental isn't free, and that cost can be ridiculous.
Pocket money stops when they're old enough to do paid work, which is 15yo. If the money isn't spent by then, my thought had been that at this point, I would say, "Each year on your birthday, however much your bank account is higher than last time, I'll match that increase." If a 100% savings interest rate doesn't encourage savings in a kid, nothing will.
Get them used to the idea of having to earn their money, think of how they want to dispose of their money, reflect on whether it was well spent, and amplify the rewards of savings and charity.
I don't know whether we'll fund university. I'd probably encourage a gap year and match the savings from that. Once they've finished high school they start paying their way at home, though.