In laws get mad at temperature of house

[umterp1999]

So my in laws, are great people.  They live fairly close by and come over regularly to help with childcare and various things around the house.  But they always complain about the temperature of the house.  We keep our A/C set at 75 in the summer with have ceiling fans in most rooms, and 68 in the winter.  More than comfortable in my opinion, but they always make less than subtle digs about it being too hot or cold.  Yesterday my M-I-L texted me to ask to turn up the A/C in preparation for their arrival.  It aggravated me, but complied b/c they were being kind by coming to help with our newborn.  By the way when I go to their house in the summer, I always have to take a jacket, but dont complain.  I imagine other people on the forum have this same issue.  How do you handle?

[parkette]

My parents are the same. For their comfort, since we enjoy their company and they help take care of our kids, sometimes bring over meals etc, we turn the heat up a bit or the air on when hot out. It doesn't make much of a difference in our bills and we find it's worth it to encourage their visits. Help with childcare is so helpful!


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[GrumpyPenguin]

FWIW at 75 inside I'd be dripping in sweat, while I know some others are perfectly comfortable.  Some things I don't mind paying for, and AC is definitely one of those.

[HumblePie]

For a lot of people, the ability to thermo-regulate goes down with age. Their heat tolerance (or cold!) may not be as much of a whim as it seems.

[BuildingFrugalHabits]

75 is very reasonable. They would not like it at my house. 68 winter day / 80 summer. What the heck do they want it set at? One of my pet peeves is needing to bring a fleece around in the summer because some commercial buildings seem to overdo it with the A/C.

[robbyho]

If they're helping with the child care, suck it up and make them happy.  Turning up or down a few degrees a few days a month is going to be the best investment you can make if it makes your inlaws happy. A happy wife is a happy life.

[MrMathMustache]

Seems like a small accommodation to make to me, particularly if they're going to be assisting with child care on occasion, and making sure guests are comfortable is part of being a gracious host anyway.  It also sounds like they got weary of dropping hints and decided to be more direct about it!

[socalteacher]

Free child care and building a relationship between grandparent and grandchild are both great things. Encourage it by bumping up the heat a little or turning down the AC. When any guest comes over to our home in the summer we always ask if it is cold enough. We don't typically have that problem in the winter though as we live in CA! We already pay for the perfect temperature via HCOL!

[obstinate]

If 68 is too low, and 75 is too high, what is their acceptable temperature range? 69-73?

It is very anti-mustachian to only be comfortable in a four degree temperature range. Contrary to what others are saying, I don't believe that any human actually needs to be coddled this way. We evolved to handle much, much worse.

But I suppose as long as they're not living with you, it's fine for you to set it for them when they come over.

[HPstache]

Its probably a little rude, but there is no reason that you should be so stubborn not to comply with their request considering the help they are offering and the relationships that should be building

[Milizard]

If 68 is too low, and 75 is too high, what is their acceptable temperature range? 69-73?

It is very anti-mustachian to only be comfortable in a four degree temperature range. Contrary to what others are saying, I don't believe that any human actually needs to be coddled this way. We evolved to handle much, much worse.

But I suppose as long as they're not living with you, it's fine for you to set it for them when they come over.

I guess I'm anti-mustachian then.  I do keep the air at 76-77 though.  I just can't handle the cold very well.

[undercover]

I would care more about my comfort than the small amount of difference in the bill...which I presume is what you're worried about? How long could they possibly be there either way?

[MilesTeg]

With respect, you are being ridiculous. Free child care and help around the house is vastly more valuable than the small savings you would have for the limited time they are over.

Should cost you less than a couple bucks a day extra to turn it down to 70, assuming you have or have improved your home to be properly energy efficient. Compare that with even an average daycare or babysitter ($35+ bucks a day) and maid service ($20+ an hour).

Also, they are your in laws, don't be adversarial with them...

[okits]

If it's too hot at your house just tell them to come over naked. Leave a spritz bottle of water they can spray on their skin and a piece of paper they can fold and use to fan themselves.

(In all seriousness, adjusting the temperature is trivial compared to the free childcare and free house help your ILs provide.  In the winter you can suggest they come over with an extra sweater, but in the summer there's only so much clothing a person can take off to cool down.  So when you go to their house in the summer bring a jacket, but in the winter ask if they can turn the heat down if it's unbearable, even in a t-shirt and shorts.)

[LivlongnProsper]

A few of our relatives have mentioned it being too cold in the winter (66 day, 60 night). I have considered cranking the furnace up a few degrees but then my kids come in the room in shorts and bare feet and I realize it is warm enough.

[Cranky]

It doesn't sound like they actually "got mad" - they just told you they were uncomfortable.

I recently spent a week at my kids' house, helping take care of their baby, and I finally did ask if we could turn the thermostat up a few degrees because I was freezing. It's their electric bill, but I was needing my wool socks in August...

[Sofa King]

FWIW at 75 inside I'd be dripping in sweat, while I know some others are perfectly comfortable.  Some things I don't mind paying for, and AC is definitely one of those.

I concur!

[Songbird]

If we had ever gotten help from my in-laws in watching any of our children, even one time, you can believe we would have happily turned up the heat or air conditioning so they could be comfortable. I would have jumped through hoops to have had help with childcare.  Your in-laws really do sound wonderful! You are very blessed!

Older people cannot regulate their inner thermostat like younger ones, as well.

[Ladychips]

It's your house so you can obviously do what you want there.  My aunt used to irritate me because she always complained about being hot.  I am now the age she was then, and I hate that I was irritated with her.  Because now I am HOT...and it's awful!  It's taught me the painful lesson of compassion...now that it's too late for me to be compassionate to her. 

[Metric Mouse]

With respect, you are being ridiculous. Free child care and help around the house is vastly more valuable than the small savings you would have for the limited time they are over.

Should cost you less than a couple bucks a day extra to turn it down to 70, assuming you have or have improved your home to be properly energy efficient. Compare that with even an average daycare or babysitter ($35+ bucks a day) and maid service ($20+ an hour).

Good cost/benefit analysis.

[Pigeon]

With respect, you are being ridiculous. Free child care and help around the house is vastly more valuable than the small savings you would have for the limited time they are over.

Should cost you less than a couple bucks a day extra to turn it down to 70, assuming you have or have improved your home to be properly energy efficient. Compare that with even an average daycare or babysitter ($35+ bucks a day) and maid service ($20+ an hour).

Also, they are your in laws, don't be adversarial with them...

Seriously.  If this bothers you, you can always pay for your own child care and household help. 

[marty998]

68 (20C) sounds quite a bit below comfortable for me..... their electricity bill must be enormous in summer and their AC must work overtime trying to bring it down to that level...

[obstinate]

I guess I'm anti-mustachian then.  I do keep the air at 76-77 though.  I just can't handle the cold very well.

I'd say your behavior in this space is, and I'm 99% certain that MMM would agree. Which is fine. Your money, you can do what you want. I'd ask that you think of global warming and future generations, but if that's not compelling, there's little else I can say.

[Metric Mouse]

I guess I'm anti-mustachian then.  I do keep the air at 76-77 though.  I just can't handle the cold very well.

I'd say your behavior in this space is, and I'm 99% certain that MMM would agree. Which is fine. Your money, you can do what you want. I'd ask that you think of global warming and future generations, but if that's not compelling, there's little else I can say.

Would you say a yearly trip to South America is better or worse for future generations than keeping a house a comfortable temperature?

[BlueHouse]

When you're overheating, especially due to medications or hormones, it's very difficult to think about anything but how uncomfortable you are.   If you're cold, it's very easy to put another jacket on or use a throw blanket.  But there's only so far you can go with clothing.  Just turn up the air and accommodate other people.  You know if they had to ask it's probably embarrassing for them.

There was about one year when I had to carry ice packs in my purse when I went certain places.  There were times at work functions where I just got so uncomfortable I excused myself to go to the rest room and never returned.  It was just so uncomfortable for me!

[andy85]

seriously, sometimes MMM'ers complain about the dumbest stuff....this is one of those times. No offense of course...they are your in-laws helping you all out with stuff...and at least they aren't sitting there silently uncomfortable, pissed off, and building resentment towards you. They at least know of your frugal ways and want to give you a heads up. Adjusting the A/C a few degrees sometimes isn't going to put a big dent in your FIRE plans

[tthree]

During the height of summer I have to wear a sweater, pants, socks and maybe a toque at both my mother's and MIL's so no I don't turn on the A/C when they come over. 

[iris lily]

 Wait Until  they are 85 years old and you go to visit them and their house is 80° in the dead of winter.

Enjoy it!

[obstinate]

Would you say a yearly trip to South America is better or worse for future generations than keeping a house a comfortable temperature?

Depends on a lot of things. Size of house. Quality of build. Outdoor air temp. Sciency stuff about air travel emissions that I don't know off the top of my head. Possible secondary effects of overseas trip that might encourage others in the direction of conservation (I doubt there are any similar possible effects in the case of keeping the house very warm during the winter). Whether your temperature choices are in substitution for or in addition to regular international air travel. Etc.

TL;DR: I don't know. Doesn't really matter, because what other people do doesn't make your behavior  better or worse.

[ahoy]

I agree with all the others that say turn it up or now down as the in-laws are helping you out.

However, it REALLY bugs me when we have visitors and they will say its cold in our house.   Far as I'm concerned, do not come over and complain about the temp in my house.  It's my house. I do not go over to their homes and complain as I would consider myself being rude.   

[use2betrix]

They are helping you out. Show a little gratitude...

My parents keep it way hotter than I like when I go visit. While I can handle it somewhat, if it's too hot at night I'll start sweating profusely and it makes for some very miserable sleep. I usually crank the fan on high and open a window at night as it cools down faster.

[iris lily]

They are helping you out. Show a little gratitude...

My parents keep it way hotter than I like when I go visit. While I can handle it somewhat, if it's too hot at night I'll start sweating profusely and it makes for some very miserable sleep. I usually crank the fan on high and open a window at night as it cools down faster.

Yes, I used to open a window at nght in
Januaruary, in northern iowa, when staying with my elderly mother.Her house was a hot box.

[erutio]

Yes, as others have said, turning down the AC for your ILs to come help with the newborn and kids, food, and cleaning around the house is a money saving proposition.  Remember, you aren't simply entertaining guests.   Free help with childcare is invaluable.  As is fostering your kids' relationships with their grandparents. 

[ender]

I guess I'm anti-mustachian then.  I do keep the air at 76-77 though.  I just can't handle the cold very well.

I'd say your behavior in this space is, and I'm 99% certain that MMM would agree. Which is fine. Your money, you can do what you want. I'd ask that you think of global warming and future generations, but if that's not compelling, there's little else I can say.

Would you say a yearly trip to South America is better or worse for future generations than keeping a house a comfortable temperature?

Nooo don't include logic into the picture.

You're going to ruin the ability of people to pat themselves on their backs for biking to work when they travel for free as being more environmentally conscious than us gas-burning monsters driving to work.

San Francisco to London is about 5400 air miles one way, so a round trip is close to 11,000 miles. Most airliners are close to 75 MPG per seat, so each trip there and back is about 150 gallons of fuel. So if you make that trip once a year, it translates to about 4400 miles worth of driving at 30MPG, though I believe jet fuel is actually more refined than regular gasoline so it's probably more than 4400 driving miles equivalent.

[Metric Mouse]

Sorry. Sometimes I'm Debbie Downer...

[Dancin'Dog]

Of course I've got to agree with keeping the in-laws comfortable.

But, 75f should be fine for most old people, unless they are extra heavy.  Most old folks tend to prefer their homes too warm for my comfort level.  We keep the A/C between 77-80, liking it on the cool side for sleeping.  I'd much rather be to cool than too warm. 

If you want to discuss uncomfortable, let's talk about riding in the car with old drivers!  It can be nerve-wrecking, as a passenger watching them creep along under the speed limit or arguing in parking lots at the oncoming traffic trying to get by them.  Oh, and the erratic brake foot!   

I realize that we're all "getting older everyday", and I hope I will try hard to be considerate when I get into my golden years.  I'm sure it's easier said than done. 

[RedmondStash]

Is the problem the actual temperature or the way they're communicating what they want?

If it's the temperature, I agree with those who've said that if they're helping you out, it's courteous (and a wise investment) to keep them physically comfortable. Your experience of temperature really does change as you age, and what's comfortable for one person can be excruciating for another.

If it's their approach, you could open a dialog with them about it and say something like, "Can you let me know what temperature range you're comfortable with? We don't mind accommodating you, but it would be easier for us if you asked us directly instead of using vague hints."

[golfreak12]

In your situation, obviously you need to adjust the temperature for the inlays cause they're helping you out but I do underrated the situation.
I hate having to adjust the temp to accommodate people visiting the house.
We never use out central heat during the winter(just portable heater cause its Florida). My younger sister family always visit us in Feb and I have to turn on the heat to accommodate them since they have 3 young kids.

[yuka]

I have to think the right answer, as everyone else has said, is appeasement.

On another note, 68 in the winter?!?  I'm more of a 60 winter / 78 summer person, myself.

[stashing_it]

Before living with my in-laws we had the house at   66 in winter (lower at night),  no AC in summer   (Puget sound region).   

Now we live with them and the deal is, they pay utility costs so I don't have to be constantly worrying about the heat.   They set it at  74 winter / 72 summer.  (yes hotter in the winter than in the summer)      I am well aware that this is craziness but I bite my tongue as long as I am not the one paying for it

[I'm a red panda]

If you are getting free childcare, you should probably adjust the thermostat for them.  Free childcare always comes with strings attached.

If they are just visiting, they should dress accordingly.  Your house sounds freezing in the summer!  If it gets below 78 (with fans, but I hate fans- I don't like moving air touching me...) I usually end up under a blanket in my house!  We keep our AC on 80 during the day and 78 at night. 

Winter we keep it at 65 and wear a lot of fleece.  Yes, it's cold. But it's winter. It's cold in the winter.

[boarder42]

thats crazy reasonable temps.  we keep ours at 80 in the summer 78 to sleep and 62 in the winter 61 when asleep . we do turn it up some in the winter when my parents come over and down a little in the summer when her family is there. but for the most part we hangout in th basement where temps are way more reasonable.

[Scandium]

68 (20C) sounds quite a bit below comfortable for me..... their electricity bill must be enormous in summer and their AC must work overtime trying to bring it down to that level...

what, 68F/20C is cold? That's at or above OSHA recommended indoor temperature. I kept our heat at 64-66, until we had a baby and I reluctantly upped it to 67-68 in winter. We still get a $300+ electric bill during really cold months (usually <$100 in summer).

[runningthroughFIRE]

I guess I'm anti-mustachian then.  I do keep the air at 76-77 though.  I just can't handle the cold very well.

I'd say your behavior in this space is, and I'm 99% certain that MMM would agree. Which is fine. Your money, you can do what you want. I'd ask that you think of global warming and future generations, but if that's not compelling, there's little else I can say.

Would you say a yearly trip to South America is better or worse for future generations than keeping a house a comfortable temperature?

Nooo don't include logic into the picture.

You're going to ruin the ability of people to pat themselves on their backs for biking to work when they travel for free as being more environmentally conscious than us gas-burning monsters driving to work.

San Francisco to London is about 5400 air miles one way, so a round trip is close to 11,000 miles. Most airliners are close to 75 MPG per seat, so each trip there and back is about 150 gallons of fuel. So if you make that trip once a year, it translates to about 4400 miles worth of driving at 30MPG, though I believe jet fuel is actually more refined than regular gasoline so it's probably more than 4400 driving miles equivalent.

I'm sure they'll be fine.  They can just plant a few extra trees whenever they go on vacation and the world will be right as rain once more!

[Jrr85]

68 (20C) sounds quite a bit below comfortable for me..... their electricity bill must be enormous in summer and their AC must work overtime trying to bring it down to that level...

what, 68F/20C is cold? That's at or above OSHA recommended indoor temperature. I kept our heat at 64-66, until we had a baby and I reluctantly upped it to 67-68 in winter. We still get a $300+ electric bill during really cold months (usually <$100 in summer).

You have to be careful comparing thermostat settings with people.  Depending on the layout of the house, the thermostat setting could be very different from the actual temperatures it provides.  At our house, the temperature setting for AC will be higher than the actual temp, and the temperature setting for heat will be lower than the actual temp.  If we close a few doors, if can be a 7-8 degree difference in the bedrooms. 

[bogart]

I believe you've misunderstood. They're COOLING their house to 68 in the SUMMER. It sounds miserable to me no matter the season. In summer I'd bring a jacket and in winter I'd be bringing shorts and a t shirt.

No they're not.  The OP wrote --
We keep our A/C set at 75 in the summer with have ceiling fans in most rooms, and 68 in the winter. 

As to the OP's question, my DH is sensitive to heat and we keep our house at 74 much of the summer and rarely above 64 in the winter, except that we also use a wood stove so there is often a "warmer" spot in the house and sometimes the house itself is a good bit warmer (but we don't up the thermostat if it's not).

That said, I always yield to the requests of older generations when it comes to temperature settings for the reasons others have mentioned -- my understanding is that the older one gets, the less tolerant one is of temperature "extremes," where what constitutes extreme varies considerably by person/experience, and since mostly the people living in our house are, well, us, adjusting up or down for short periods of time to accommodate guests isn't a big deal, budget- or philosophy-wise.

And ... right. As many others have said, if you're willing to travel to my home to hang out and take care of my kid, I'll set the thermostat anywhere you want it.  When my mom used to take care of my son our routine was that I'd meet her at a restaurant, treat her to breakfast, and then she'd take my son to her home so she could carry on with her usual routines ((as much as feasible while caring for him), and I'd come to her house to pick him up.  Believe me, it was still a phenomenal bargain.  Now that I'm providing care for another family member's young kid, I pretty much insist on the same (you get the kid to/from my house in a way that's convenient to me).  Though come to think of it no one's treating me to breakfast, so maybe I should up my standards :) !

[asauer]

It's the same for us.  We adjust it when we have company since I believe part of hospitality is making guests comfortable.  Note that we have people over only 3-4 x/month so it's not a huge inconvenience.

[clarkfan1979]

To make your point, I would wear a jacket at their house when the A/C is on. I don't like it when some people assume that their comfort level is the same as everyone else. When I ride the public bus, some people demand that the a/c or heat be turned on. Maybe the 20 other people are comfortable.

I was at was at a restaurant and a couple in their late 70's early 80's were sitting close to us and screamed at the waiter to turn down the A/C. He just smiled and I'm sure he never did. The rest of the 50 people in the restaurant were comfortable. 

[Apples]

Throwing out there another vote to compromise on a specific temperature and stick to it.

We keep our house at 67 in winter and 76-80 in summer, but 72 to sleep.  In our area it gets down to around 70-74 at night, but very humid-over 85% humidity most nights.  It takes having the air on at that lower temp just to get the humidity out of the air.  In our house, I sweat folding laundry at 76.  In winter, I have to be under a blanket whenever I'm still (reading, watching the tv, working on a project).  It's not that I don't acclimate the the cooler/hotter weather-I work mostly outside, so I tend to acclimate faster than others.  But my happy range is around 70, either high or low depending on the time of year.  It seems my husband runs hotter than me though; he wants it at 72 or 70 in summer and could handle 65 in winter, but I would freeze then.  I wear seasonally appropriate clothing, too.  Very little in summer, and two layers top and bottom, usually one including wool, in winter.  I'm just cold.  My parents keep a narrower range-slightly warmer in winter, a bit cooler in summer.

[Nangirl17]

With respect, you are being ridiculous. Free child care and help around the house is vastly more valuable than the small savings you would have for the limited time they are over.

Should cost you less than a couple bucks a day extra to turn it down to 70, assuming you have or have improved your home to be properly energy efficient. Compare that with even an average daycare or babysitter ($35+ bucks a day) and maid service ($20+ an hour).

Also, they are your in laws, don't be adversarial with them...

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