All this "give me a number", and heated "arguments" in meeting rooms, strikes me as a crappy car salesperson from hell scenario. So now they can cough up a 50% pay increase; I'd be feeling kinda used, and their desperation is showing. All of this reminds me of the psych studies I read at University, where more pay/some benefit was given to workers, that resulted in higher performance/better perceived work situation, resulting in more productivity/job satisfaction... Only to revert back very shortly to previous levels, or worse. Tossing $$$/broken "it will get better" promises/petty privileges, can't fix a toxic, dysfunctional work place, full of non-leadership. It's a trap. You will now just be a better paid, shinier miserable cog, where they will hold it over you, to justify more work piled on. It's a perverse, lop sided quid pro quo, six sigma whatever the fuck approved tactic, that will destroy you, should you take the bait. I've been there.
$1.4MM and nearly dying from stress?... A GTFOuta there now message just entered your airspace, and all it takes to heed is a refined, as non bridge-burney as possible resignation letter. Hell, I hit the FU eject button at work, before FU eject was cool, with barely two nickles to rub together; but have to say doing the FU eject, with FU $$$ to back it up, is far more satisfying... Think Sting's "wrapped around your finger"... "When you find your servant is your master", and yet you still jump ship with a smile, seeing all of those, hurt/confused/angry/WTH do we do now, alabaster faces. My God, it borders on ecstasy, with a feeling so light you nearly float out of the HR office, full of hope and awaiting bright futures. Fuck em - Let them ride the inevitable death spiral of their own making to impact, w/o you on board.
From my perspective, I see nothing but all gain ahead of you... You have a husband who values you, a shit ton of $$$, are well educated and experienced, sound job market out there, an upcoming pension, and youth. Good lord, you have hit the lottery, and may not see it. I feel excited for you!