Author Topic: I FIRE, you work. OK?  (Read 8958 times)

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7946
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #50 on: November 19, 2021, 02:14:18 PM »
I can see resentment building if one person needs to work when finances are combined unless the other person does everything at home. If money is tight it may especially be a problem. If finances are separate then the fired partner has earned the right to not work and shouldn’t have to take on all the house duties.  Most people feel resentful when things aren’t fair.

Metalcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17393
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #51 on: November 19, 2021, 03:22:10 PM »
I can see resentment building if one person needs to work when finances are combined unless the other person does everything at home. If money is tight it may especially be a problem. If finances are separate then the fired partner has earned the right to not work and shouldn’t have to take on all the house duties.  Most people feel resentful when things aren’t fair.

What's fair in a marriage doesn't just come down to money though.

Sometimes love comes into it. If I'm married to someone I love deeply and they're suffering major burnout and need to be done with their job, I'm going to want them to retire, because sometimes the most fair thing in a marriage is having both partners able to be happy and healthy.

If one partner resents the other for not working just because they have combined finances, then they didn't, as a couple, come to the agreement together as a mutually beneficial decision.

There seems to be an assumption whenever this comes up that one partner would retire without the full support of the other. If both partners WANT one to retire, then resentment would be really fucking weird and petty on the part of the partner who continues working.

Sometimes one partner is happy to keep working and VERY happy to see the other partner thrive. Partnership is about a lot more than just what's equitable.

Villanelle

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6657
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #52 on: November 19, 2021, 04:11:03 PM »
I can see resentment building if one person needs to work when finances are combined unless the other person does everything at home. If money is tight it may especially be a problem. If finances are separate then the fired partner has earned the right to not work and shouldn’t have to take on all the house duties.  Most people feel resentful when things aren’t fair.

There is no resentment in my marriage, and no, I certainly don't do "everything" at home.  (Combined finances, I haven't worked or have only worked very, very part time for over a decade.) 

If that would feel unfair to someone in their relationship, then certainly they shouldn't do it. 

You know what would create resentment in my marriage?  If I had to return to some bullshit, low-ish paying job after I sacrificed my career on the alter of DH's career (trailing overseas spouse) simply so things felt even, and when we don't need the money at all.  I'd resent the hell out of going back to some $50k/yr (in a VHCOL area) job because that's all I could get thanks to my massive career gap and skills that have not aged well.  (It would likely be easier for a new college grad to get hired at my old job than it would for me, with my experience but also that gap, to be hired.  I know this in part because I talked with the HR at my old job--friends still there--and heard that from them.  I'm only in my mid-40s, but there's definitely some likely-not-entirely-legal prejudices there. ) 

Thankfully, DH is someone who feels really rewarded by his job, even if also often very frustrated, and he can imagine what it would be like to just go to a random, passionless job to sit at a desk for 40 hours, just because.  And he doesn't want that for me.  And while I do the majority of the housework, errands, and emotional labor, I certainly do nowhere near all of it.  I mourn the loss of my career.  We don't have--and never wanted or intended to have--kids.  I was always going to be a career person.  When life had other plans, I pivoted.  But I wouldn't accept then being punished for that sacrifice by having to go to some job I hate just because DH goes to a job (that he doesn't at all hate), for the sake of some "fairness" on paper.  I'd argue that our situation is fair, even if it is not equal.

Thankfully, he gets that.  He supports me not working unless I find a job that I actually want to do.  I think he'd actually feel worse if I did go back to a rado job, because he knows the sacrifice I already made and sees no need to further compound that for no good reason.  (And "you work because I work" is not a good reason, in and of itself.)

People need to do what works for them in THEIR relationship.  They need to honest with their partner and themselves and think through all the angles.  And be prepared to reassess if things change.  And they need to not assume that what works or makes sense or feels "fair" to them is what works and makes sense and feels fair to everyone. 

flyingaway

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 464
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #53 on: November 19, 2021, 06:30:35 PM »
My wife and I will reach our FIRE target in two years probably.  I am going to retire.  She will most likely keep working for a few years part-time because she likes her job, is younger than me, and I think she likes the idea of still having money come in.  Some of those things might change and she might decide to retire in two years as well.  Either way, I'm quitting once we hit our FIRE number.  You can call it whatever you want as long as we no longer have to work anymore 😉

Yes, I think this is a personal business. I don't care what other people call it.

Edubb20

  • 5 O'Clock Shadow
  • *
  • Posts: 69
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #54 on: November 19, 2021, 06:32:12 PM »
My wife will likely work a couple/few more years than me.  She and I have different relationships with work, and she has faith that I can contribute to our collective wellbeing even if it's not monetarily(anymore).

Kris

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7335
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #55 on: November 19, 2021, 06:57:07 PM »
DH retired three years ago. I am still working (for myself) and probably will for the next five years or so.

It’s fine.

Cassie

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 7946
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #56 on: November 19, 2021, 11:17:31 PM »
Villanelle, I totally agree with you. You definitely sacrificed for your husband which ruined your career. Have you thought about going to graduate school for something you would enjoy doing and starting another career? That’s actually what I did at 39 and never regretted it.

Villanelle

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6657
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #57 on: November 20, 2021, 06:38:14 PM »
Villanelle, I totally agree with you. You definitely sacrificed for your husband which ruined your career. Have you thought about going to graduate school for something you would enjoy doing and starting another career? That’s actually what I did at 39 and never regretted it.

I have 1/3 of a Master's in Library and Info Science.  I was doing it remotely from europe and so mcuh group wrok was required.  I got fed up with getting up a 3 am to be on a group call and quit, but yes, I've thought about it.  Part of me things I'm too old, mostly in the sense that by the time I'm done with something, Dh will likely be nearly ready to retire so I'm not sure what the point would be.

(It is an even more attractive option for me when you consider that I can use my spouse's GI Bill and get the degree for free or nearly so.  Actually, once he is retired, I could get paid a moderate housing stipend to attend school, which i won't get if I do it now.  We've talked about saving the GI bill and then each of us going to some kind of schooling just to get that money.  Like, we each attend massage school so we can give each other great back massages, and use what is left for a semester or two of cooking school, or similar.)

Morning Glory

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4867
  • Location: The Garden Path
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #58 on: November 20, 2021, 07:07:13 PM »
Villanelle, I totally agree with you. You definitely sacrificed for your husband which ruined your career. Have you thought about going to graduate school for something you would enjoy doing and starting another career? That’s actually what I did at 39 and never regretted it.

I have 1/3 of a Master's in Library and Info Science.  I was doing it remotely from europe and so mcuh group wrok was required.  I got fed up with getting up a 3 am to be on a group call and quit, but yes, I've thought about it.  Part of me things I'm too old, mostly in the sense that by the time I'm done with something, Dh will likely be nearly ready to retire so I'm not sure what the point would be.

(It is an even more attractive option for me when you consider that I can use my spouse's GI Bill and get the degree for free or nearly so.  Actually, once he is retired, I could get paid a moderate housing stipend to attend school, which i won't get if I do it now.  We've talked about saving the GI bill and then each of us going to some kind of schooling just to get that money.  Like, we each attend massage school so we can give each other great back massages, and use what is left for a semester or two of cooking school, or similar.)

Lol I like it. I get a tuition waiver from my job but unfortunately I'm based at a branch campus an hour away from where all the easy undergrad classes are based. I would totally use it to take art or a foreign language if I lived closer. I did take a couple of grad classes that would towards a DNP, but more than one of those at a time is too much with my job and kids.

effigy98

  • Pencil Stache
  • ****
  • Posts: 555
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #59 on: November 20, 2021, 07:37:58 PM »
Wife is reluctant to FIRE with both of us quitting. She is going to retire first and once she is comfortable with it, I am going to retire. This will allow me to retire without being too jarring by me quitting without her feeling ready.

Retire-Canada

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 8684
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #60 on: November 21, 2021, 06:50:05 AM »
Do you feel this is a good approach to FIRE?  Does it only count as FIRE when both parties in a marriage retire early together vs. individual choice?

I FIREd June 2020. My GF will keep working FT another 5 years from now. We keep separate finances and she will get a very nice pension in 5 years. If she leaves earlier than that her pension benefits are greatly reduced. She doesn't love working, but she doesn't hate it. If she could retire today with the same income as she'll have in 5 years she'd do it.

Is it a good approach? It's better than me working FT for 6 years extra just so we could retire together. It would be better if we could both retire at the same time. I have kept a 1 day/week PT gig going to help bridge the gap socially with her so I am not living a 100% life of leisure. I have been doing a lot of household chores even before FIRE since my schedule has always been easier than hers. I have expanded that so she doesn't have to worry about groceries, cooking and most household tasks. She does her own laundry and she cooks an occasional weekend meal. If something comes up that needs doing that is in the joint realm or is something I understand well on her side of things I'll just take care of it during the week while she works.

We only met 11 years ago and I started on the FIRE path 7 years ago. She probably got interested in FIRE 5-6 years ago. So given the time we had to coordinate things I think we've done fine. OTOH if we had been working at this for longer I would have preferred to retire closer together. I am 3 years older than her so the fact I will have retired ~6 years before her isn't a huge differential all things considered.

I would have been happy to hit the road in a van and live at far lower cost had I been single so I would have retired earlier on my own. Our joint lifestyle costs more so I worked extra and saved the $$ to hit ~4%WR. I figured that was a reasonable compromise to make the relationship work. Staying in a FT gig just because my GF has to doesn't seem like a reasonable compromise. I wouldn't expect her to should our roles be reversed. Since she has a Gov't pension that is solid it's possible the market tanks and I have to go back to work while she can stay retired in the future. I wouldn't begrudge her that. She took a demanding Gov't job and worked at it hard to get the pension. She deserves all the benefits that flow from those life choices.

COVID has helped in some ways since it has removed my ability/desire to travel much and kept me close to home. Our cat [which started as my cat] is very old and needs more and more care so I provide most of that extra care. My parents are 20 years older than her parents and going through their end of life phase [my dad just died] so I am also spending a bunch of time of those activities. So all in all it's not like I'm sending her Instagram posts from my solo holiday to Tahiti while she'd working FT. I enjoy my free time even if the activities are not very exciting/wild and crazy.

I don't see this issue as a relationship deal breaker. I do think it's something you need to deal with as a couple and discuss. There is no universal answer to the best way to handle this for all couples.




TomTX

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 5345
  • Location: Texas
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #61 on: November 21, 2021, 06:33:20 PM »
Not sure I understood what you meant?  At 4%, we could spend over $200k/yr and we don't have a mortgage. 

Holy fuck.

How do I apply for a sponsorship? :D

EscapeVelocity2020

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4815
  • Age: 50
  • Location: Houston
    • EscapeVelocity2020
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #62 on: November 22, 2021, 06:51:36 AM »
Not sure I understood what you meant?  At 4%, we could spend over $200k/yr and we don't have a mortgage. 

Holy fuck.

How do I apply for a sponsorship? :D

You wait until I’m 80 years old LOL

Seriously though, snowballing like this just happens once you hit that ‘escape velocity’, I was just lucky to have hit it initially in 2009…. I enjoy hearing how everyone handles FI / escape velocity, people in my ‘real world’ generally keep inflating their lifestyle (cars, boats, second home, home upgrades, travel)…. So who knows, maybe I’ll give in to the dark side at some point?

fuzzy math

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1726
  • Age: 42
  • Location: PNW
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #63 on: November 22, 2021, 07:21:04 AM »
Not sure I understood what you meant?  At 4%, we could spend over $200k/yr and we don't have a mortgage. 

Holy fuck.

How do I apply for a sponsorship? :D

So many responses I could type... most of them would probably get moderated :o

EscapeVelocity2020

  • Magnum Stache
  • ******
  • Posts: 4815
  • Age: 50
  • Location: Houston
    • EscapeVelocity2020
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #64 on: November 22, 2021, 08:24:52 AM »
Getting the thread back on topic, there was a short time where DW was a SAHP and I hated my job.  When she would list off all of the things we needed, a bigger car for the kids, upgrade the kitchen and bathrooms, etc - that was pretty stressful.  We were also both running on very little sleep.  So yeah, there were a few years when I was resentful about having to work feeling like it was never ending….  It didn’t make sense for DW to go back to work, and our savings had slowed to a trickle…. But that time came and went and our marriage was stronger on the other side.

It’s easy to forget just how certain seasons of our life felt when things are all sunny and easy now.

Metalcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17393
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #65 on: November 22, 2021, 08:37:52 AM »
Getting the thread back on topic, there was a short time where DW was a SAHP and I hated my job.  When she would list off all of the things we needed, a bigger car for the kids, upgrade the kitchen and bathrooms, etc - that was pretty stressful.  We were also both running on very little sleep.  So yeah, there were a few years when I was resentful about having to work feeling like it was never ending….  It didn’t make sense for DW to go back to work, and our savings had slowed to a trickle…. But that time came and went and our marriage was stronger on the other side.

It’s easy to forget just how certain seasons of our life felt when things are all sunny and easy now.

Oof, not me. I remember the bad years VIVIDLY, which is part of what makes me so cheerful now.

billy

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 298
  • Age: 42
  • Location: CA
  • fired at 39 since 2021
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #66 on: November 28, 2021, 09:41:13 AM »
Isn't that called a "stay at home spouse", not FIRE? If you're financially dependent on your spouse continuing to work, you're neither FI or RE, it seems.

I prefer house husband

Villanelle

  • Walrus Stache
  • *******
  • Posts: 6657
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #67 on: November 28, 2021, 09:53:31 AM »
Isn't that called a "stay at home spouse", not FIRE? If you're financially dependent on your spouse continuing to work, you're neither FI or RE, it seems.

I prefer house husband

Having lived in Germany for a few years, I sometimes say 'house frau'.   I like the ring of that. 

nick663

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 426
  • Location: midwest
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #68 on: November 28, 2021, 11:58:48 AM »
It seems to me an underrated but common approach to FIRE is for one person in a marriage to retire early based on the financial independence achieved when their partner agrees to continue working outside the home in a paid job.

This is probably the easiest approach to early retirement for most couples to come to agreement on. I am sure it is the most common approach.

Do you feel this is a good approach to FIRE?  Does it only count as FIRE when both parties in a marriage retire early together vs. individual choice?
2 years ago I would have disagreed with this vehemently for our situation.  Our goals for retirement include a healthy amount of travel and there is only so much you can do with 3-4 weeks of vacation that corporate gives you.  We also do not have pensions so our retirement date is 100% around the amount in investments... so it made way more sense to keep 2 incomes and pile money into savings.

Covid has changed my work's attitude towards WFH and they have added a program where you can go part time while maintaining benefits.  I could definitely see a scenario in the near future where I'm the only one in the household working and I go permanent WFH 3-4 days a week.  This would keep our health insurance, provide us enough money to live, and let our investments grow.

Biggest concern would be what others have mentioned regarding resentment.  Even if both parties are on the same page initially I would want to reassess regularly as the two lifestyles are very different.  I wouldn't want something stupid like that creating issues in our relationship.

Metalcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17393
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #69 on: November 28, 2021, 01:12:25 PM »
It seems to me an underrated but common approach to FIRE is for one person in a marriage to retire early based on the financial independence achieved when their partner agrees to continue working outside the home in a paid job.

This is probably the easiest approach to early retirement for most couples to come to agreement on. I am sure it is the most common approach.

Do you feel this is a good approach to FIRE?  Does it only count as FIRE when both parties in a marriage retire early together vs. individual choice?
2 years ago I would have disagreed with this vehemently for our situation.  Our goals for retirement include a healthy amount of travel and there is only so much you can do with 3-4 weeks of vacation that corporate gives you.  We also do not have pensions so our retirement date is 100% around the amount in investments... so it made way more sense to keep 2 incomes and pile money into savings.

Covid has changed my work's attitude towards WFH and they have added a program where you can go part time while maintaining benefits.  I could definitely see a scenario in the near future where I'm the only one in the household working and I go permanent WFH 3-4 days a week.  This would keep our health insurance, provide us enough money to live, and let our investments grow.

Biggest concern would be what others have mentioned regarding resentment.  Even if both parties are on the same page initially I would want to reassess regularly as the two lifestyles are very different.  I wouldn't want something stupid like that creating issues in our relationship.

Serious question: shouldn't regular checking in be part of any serious relationship?

Ron Scott

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1126
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #70 on: November 28, 2021, 02:53:29 PM »
When we got married I asked my wife’s grandfather how he stayed married so long (almost 60 years at that time). I said—do you take it day-by-day?

He said—OMG no, I take it minute-by-minute.

IMO he was right. You check-in constantly. If you actually said and meant ‘“till death do us part”, you have to give up things what you want…for decades.

If you want your life to be lived on your terms, understand that people change and just don’t get married. There’s really no reason people who aren’t willing to accept a changing individual to ever marry another person…


nick663

  • Bristles
  • ***
  • Posts: 426
  • Location: midwest
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #71 on: November 28, 2021, 03:08:33 PM »
It seems to me an underrated but common approach to FIRE is for one person in a marriage to retire early based on the financial independence achieved when their partner agrees to continue working outside the home in a paid job.

This is probably the easiest approach to early retirement for most couples to come to agreement on. I am sure it is the most common approach.

Do you feel this is a good approach to FIRE?  Does it only count as FIRE when both parties in a marriage retire early together vs. individual choice?
2 years ago I would have disagreed with this vehemently for our situation.  Our goals for retirement include a healthy amount of travel and there is only so much you can do with 3-4 weeks of vacation that corporate gives you.  We also do not have pensions so our retirement date is 100% around the amount in investments... so it made way more sense to keep 2 incomes and pile money into savings.

Covid has changed my work's attitude towards WFH and they have added a program where you can go part time while maintaining benefits.  I could definitely see a scenario in the near future where I'm the only one in the household working and I go permanent WFH 3-4 days a week.  This would keep our health insurance, provide us enough money to live, and let our investments grow.

Biggest concern would be what others have mentioned regarding resentment.  Even if both parties are on the same page initially I would want to reassess regularly as the two lifestyles are very different.  I wouldn't want something stupid like that creating issues in our relationship.

Serious question: shouldn't regular checking in be part of any serious relationship?
I view a check in to be a bit different than a reassessment but it may just be semantics.  For us, check ins are typically just making sure everything is on track where a reassessment would be more along the lines of "what are we doing going forward".

We communicate all the time but major changes don't really happen outside of our annual meeting where we decide our goals/budget/plans for the next year.  A year is a long time in a situation where two people are living very different lives.

Metalcat

  • Senior Mustachian
  • ********
  • Posts: 17393
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #72 on: November 28, 2021, 03:28:34 PM »
It seems to me an underrated but common approach to FIRE is for one person in a marriage to retire early based on the financial independence achieved when their partner agrees to continue working outside the home in a paid job.

This is probably the easiest approach to early retirement for most couples to come to agreement on. I am sure it is the most common approach.

Do you feel this is a good approach to FIRE?  Does it only count as FIRE when both parties in a marriage retire early together vs. individual choice?
2 years ago I would have disagreed with this vehemently for our situation.  Our goals for retirement include a healthy amount of travel and there is only so much you can do with 3-4 weeks of vacation that corporate gives you.  We also do not have pensions so our retirement date is 100% around the amount in investments... so it made way more sense to keep 2 incomes and pile money into savings.

Covid has changed my work's attitude towards WFH and they have added a program where you can go part time while maintaining benefits.  I could definitely see a scenario in the near future where I'm the only one in the household working and I go permanent WFH 3-4 days a week.  This would keep our health insurance, provide us enough money to live, and let our investments grow.

Biggest concern would be what others have mentioned regarding resentment.  Even if both parties are on the same page initially I would want to reassess regularly as the two lifestyles are very different.  I wouldn't want something stupid like that creating issues in our relationship.

Serious question: shouldn't regular checking in be part of any serious relationship?
I view a check in to be a bit different than a reassessment but it may just be semantics.  For us, check ins are typically just making sure everything is on track where a reassessment would be more along the lines of "what are we doing going forward".

We communicate all the time but major changes don't really happen outside of our annual meeting where we decide our goals/budget/plans for the next year.  A year is a long time in a situation where two people are living very different lives.

This is very different from my marriage, but that's normal for marriages to be different. 

We know at all times where the other is in terms of life satisfaction, hopes and fears for the future, etc, etc. When facing the kind of pivots and decisions that we often have to make, we just stay constantly informed.

It certainly makes any kind of change or decisions really easy. We went to a wedding less than two weeks ago, fell in love with the location, and now have a offer in on a property. We barely needed to discuss it as an option because there's never a question where the other is at.

But we deal with me having a complex, dangerous, terrifying, serious health condition, so staying on top of things and being able to pivot very quickly to new realities is *critical* for us to maintain a happy, thriving life.

soulpatchmike

  • Stubble
  • **
  • Posts: 185
  • Age: 48
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #73 on: December 01, 2021, 02:47:08 PM »
My wife "retired" from wage-earning to become a SAHM in 2002 when she was 28.  I think the distinction between FI and RE is important.  We were certainly not financially independent in 2002 nor are we today, but she certainly has been doing what she loves for the past 20 years. In that sense, she has been retired, but has been financially dependent on wage-earning by me to maintain our lifestyle.  The idea that a household can be only partially financially independent seems strange to me. 

I guess this is another one of those things like how you calculate your net worth.  Whatever way you want to define FI and makes you satisfied with the process is your prerogative.  There is certainly nuanced justification for partial financial independence that can be worked out based on how a couple separates their finances.  However, "retired from wage-earning" is pretty hard to interpret in more than one way whether it is one or both people from a household...

From the way the OP originally proposed the thought, I would say they are not FI if the other spouse has to work to maintain lifestyle, but the RE is certainly real for the one spouse that is not working.
« Last Edit: December 01, 2021, 02:49:02 PM by soulpatchmike »

teen persuasion

  • Handlebar Stache
  • *****
  • Posts: 1226
Re: I FIRE, you work. OK?
« Reply #74 on: December 02, 2021, 01:24:01 PM »
DH just retired in June.  He was burned out, and we'd reached FI, so he was free to quit.

My job is a separate decision.  We are FI, I could quit if I wanted to, but...it just isn't time, yet.  I was SAHM for nearly 20 years, and started working part-time after the youngest started school.  That extra income helped get us to FI sooner, because we could save more.  But DH's income was always the main one, and he had all the bennies, especially access to retirement accounts.  So the bulk of our retirement $$ are in his name (outside of some Roth IRA in each of our names).  My SS earnings are pitiful, too, with so many zero years and only part-time after that (college earnings never got reported, because i worked for the college).  So I'm still having fun at my job, I want to up my SS record, I finally got a SIMPLE IRA a few years ago that I'm maxing to get a bit of a balance in my name in retirement accounts (state taxation of retirement accounts means that some in each is much better than all in one), and we still have a teen in the house.  As long as we have a dependent, we need a bit of earned income to be eligible for refundable tax credits like EITC.  And that teen at home limits things we might choose to do if we were both free.  All around, it suits me to keep working a fun part-time job for a few more years, even if we don't "need" my income (planning to put most of it in retirement accounts anyway).

The Covid shutdown last year was a great trial run for having DH home all day, after working for decades.  He had lots of projects to catch up on around the house/yard, and things to explore now that he had the time.  We didn't get on each other's nerves being together 24/7 then, it was really nice to get to have more meals together, consult each other on plans for the house, etc.  Now that DS5 is back to school full time and my job has returned mostly to normal in person, DH has pivoted to being the more available spouse to handle appointments and other stuff (we've really realized we like the slower pace and less busyness we had during the shutdown).