Author Topic: I felt sorry for this lady until ...  (Read 18410 times)

MandalayVA

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #50 on: February 19, 2015, 03:10:09 AM »
What I don't understand is why the girls agree to have sex with these guys!  I mean, they see their older sisters and friends bearing the burden of one evening's pleasure . . . yet they willingly put themselves into the same situation. 

"Poverty is bleak and cuts off your long-term brain. It's why you see people with four different babydaddies instead of one. You grab a bit of connection wherever you can to survive. You have no idea how strong the pull to feel worthwhile is. It's more basic than food. You go to these people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one time, and that's all you get. You're probably not compatible with them for anything long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel powerful and valuable. It does not matter what will happen in a month. Whatever happens in a month is probably going to be just about as indifferent as whatever happened today or last week. None of it matters. We don't plan long-term because if we do we'll just get our hearts broken. It's best not to hope. You just take what you can get as you spot it."  Linda Tirado, from her essay "Why I Make Terrible Decisions"

Having lived in extreme poverty, I totally get that sentiment, although thankfully my poor decisions didn't result in a kid.  It's damn hard to be poor like that, but for a lot of people it's all they've ever known.  How can one make good decisions if they've never been taught to do so? 

kathrynd

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #51 on: February 19, 2015, 03:18:38 AM »
What I don't understand is why the girls agree to have sex with these guys!  I mean, they see their older sisters and friends bearing the burden of one evening's pleasure . . . yet they willingly put themselves into the same situation. 

"Poverty is bleak and cuts off your long-term brain. It's why you see people with four different babydaddies instead of one. You grab a bit of connection wherever you can to survive. You have no idea how strong the pull to feel worthwhile is. It's more basic than food. You go to these people who make you feel lovely for an hour that one time, and that's all you get. You're probably not compatible with them for anything long-term, but right this minute they can make you feel powerful and valuable. It does not matter what will happen in a month. Whatever happens in a month is probably going to be just about as indifferent as whatever happened today or last week. None of it matters. We don't plan long-term because if we do we'll just get our hearts broken. It's best not to hope. You just take what you can get as you spot it."  Linda Tirado, from her essay "Why I Make Terrible Decisions"

Having lived in extreme poverty, I totally get that sentiment, although thankfully my poor decisions didn't result in a kid.  It's damn hard to be poor like that, but for a lot of people it's all they've ever known.  How can one make good decisions if they've never been taught to do so?

sorry...don't buy it
sounds like excuses.
They aren't living in extreme poverty. They have food, shelter, job,clothes, vehicle, etc...

Lyssa

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #52 on: February 19, 2015, 03:49:36 AM »
People have the urge to throttle, stab, murder someone. 
People have the urge to have sex w/minor children.   
People have the urge to rape. 

This didn't make anyone else laugh?

Life is so tough, all these urges of murder, rape, molestation and .................consensual sex.




+1000

That's exactly why I find the 'consequences...' line of argument re unwanted pregnancies so creepy to begin with. Without explicitly saying so it has an undercurrent of 'sex is dirty, evil and bad (and only through marriage magically changes into something good)' and sort of equates a new human being with a much deserved prison sentence. Would anyone volunteer to be parented because 'consequences, you slut!'?

Countries with proper sex ed have lower teen pregnancy rates for a reason. And speaking for my country, the remaining cases are no real accidents most of the time but the result of a wish to have a baby early because of other problems. This problem can of course not be solved by any amount of sex ed.
« Last Edit: February 19, 2015, 08:09:43 AM by Lyssa »

wtjbatman

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #53 on: February 19, 2015, 06:41:26 AM »
I wonder why her two children (in their 20's) don't have jobs. Are they unable to work due to disability? All I saw in the article was that they are unable to find work. Them having jobs, even minimum wage jobs, would really help the entire family out. Even one of them working while the other watches the children.

AH013

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #54 on: February 19, 2015, 10:51:42 AM »
TLDR; Grandma is living in poverty because she never got valuable skills worth more than minimum wage, had 2 kids, and floated between minimum wage jobs.  At one point she was advancing out of poverty when an employer gave her a job that paid over 50% more than minimum wage, and the opportunity was squandered by trying to steal five-figures from the employer and going to jail.  Grandma's current poverty is made worse because she allows herself to be a doormat and support her 2 adult children living with her who choose not to work or contribute to the house and who expect grandma to fully financially support & parent themselves and their own current kid and (at least) one more on the way.

Sorry if it sounds harsh, but lots of poor choices, squandered opportunities, and continued martyrdom.  I'll fully admit I've never been in her shoes...I try to live a life that keeps mine outside of a 6x6 cell surrounded by barbed wire & guards, and had she done the same she may be in a position of actually being worth $12/hr to an employer instead of expecting politicians to set that as the minimum an employer can pay while bemoaning the fact that nobody will hire her for more than the most basic & minimum of jobs (because, you know, if she were promoted into a position with more responsibility like front desk of the hotel she works at processing customer payments she might try to rob them too).

Also would like to call attention to the irony of the article claiming her 2 kids "haven't been able to find work" while simultaneously claiming the recent minimum wage hike had no impact on decreased minimum wage jobs...sure...either they aren't able to find looking for work or their work ethic/skills/criminal risk makes them worth less than minimum wage and could find employment at a rate below that if an employer were legally allowed to pay it. 

Kaspian

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #55 on: February 19, 2015, 11:11:30 AM »
As Mustachians we should probably ignore these types of stories completely.  It's the whole "life just happened to me," mentality.  They have no choices, no hope for improvement, no desire to change themselves or their thinking to get ahead, no personal responsibility, it's society's fault, the economy's fault, the immigrants' fault, the greedy banks' fault, the minimum wage's fault, there's nothing I can do to make things better, life happened and I had nothing to do with it, etc, etc.

We're all better than that.  We can pull up our bootstraps, learn something new if we need to, work actively on improving our own lives, our careers, build things, work hard, study, move if need be, teach proper moral values to our children...  You know?  We focus on the good qualities of self-empowerment.  Leave the sad sacks and dead weight behind us.

sheepstache

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #56 on: February 19, 2015, 11:24:50 AM »
As Mustachians we should probably ignore these types of stories completely.  It's the whole "life just happened to me," mentality.  They have no choices, no hope for improvement, no desire to change themselves or their thinking to get ahead, no personal responsibility, it's society's fault, the economy's fault, the immigrants' fault, the greedy banks' fault, the minimum wage's fault, there's nothing I can do to make things better, life happened and I had nothing to do with it, etc, etc.

We're all better than that.  We can pull up our bootstraps, learn something new if we need to, work actively on improving our own lives, our careers, build things, work hard, study, move if need be, teach proper moral values to our children...  You know?  We focus on the good qualities of self-empowerment.  Leave the sad sacks and dead weight behind us.

But...but I come here for the judgment.

I tried going to People of Walmart. It's just not the same.

Gin1984

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #57 on: February 19, 2015, 11:35:16 AM »
"her family is about to grow another grandchild who will live with her. The baby girl is expected sometime this month. Tippen will be buying the diapers."

Why the fuck will another child be living with her and she be "buying the diapers"?  OK, neither of my grandmas ever bought me diapers, my mom never bought my nieces and nephews diapers, and I know of no longstanding tradition anywhere where it's up to gammy to be buying nappies.  The fact that your nan didn't buy you diapers and support you doesn't mean you're affluent.  This isn't a sad tale of poverty, this sound like wretched people making more people to live in wretchedness with them.  What are all the parents of these kids doing?  No income?  Just laying around having sex and passing them off to their moms?  Well, their own jailbird mom obviously didn't do a great job in raising them either.  Cripes, what's the point in keeping a child if you can't provide properly and pass them off to someone else anyway.  Adoption used to actually be a thing.  Usually a very good thing for the child's future.  ...Anyway. 

Best case safety --> Mom, dad, grandma, and grandpa.
Worst case safety net --> Just grandma.

Why is the latter suddenly an A-OK thing to do and it's normal and nobody ever questions or says, "Yo, WTF?"?  Where are the men for gods sakes?!!
My grandmother was in an orphanage in the US, it was not a good thing and there are many, many children who will never be adopted and like my grandmother will age out of the system with less support than this family is giving each other.

Gin1984

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #58 on: February 19, 2015, 11:39:33 AM »
Nope, not excusing Dads either.  One or both parents should be working to support the children.  Not Grandma.

edited to add:  As I said, it's about choices.  As a young lady I didn't have sex outside of marriage if I couldn't of afforded the child it would have produced.
Seeing how late a lot of people get married, I don't consider that a very realistic option.  But then again, I used 2 forms of BC (sometimes 3!) and of course, you know, there's always legal termination.
Do you seriously think that?  At her income level?  Given the state of the majority of state legislation?  Yea right, if she got pregnant the likelihood would be, no available abortion.

2lazy2retire

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #59 on: February 19, 2015, 11:40:02 AM »
Wow - I wonder if the person who wrote this article had another agenda. Open with a story on the minimum wage and how it is hard for a grandmother to support herself and her child. As you start to empathize with her the author then sets out on a character assassination to the point that the original issue with people been forced to live on very low wages while the corporate's concentrate on share prices is conveniently forgotten.
Again the problem is with those welfare scroungers breeding like rabbits and stealing from their employers. I was surprised by the comments section on this forum however, flicking through the arguments centered around condoms/urges/criminals/choices/consequences, no mention of greed/compassion/fairness. I have said it recently this forum is getting hijacked by people who have no fucking idea how fortunate they are and take pleasure in bashing those they consider below them.
Head over to Fox NEWS FFS.

Kaspian

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #60 on: February 19, 2015, 11:46:23 AM »

But...but I come here for the judgment.

I tried going to People of Walmart. It's just not the same.

Hahaha.....  Yep!  I haven't visited that site in years.  It's so irksome!  And far too much like actually visiting a Walmart.  You always leave feeling dirty.   ...But without two handfuls carrying those shitty grey shopping bags which instantly get holes in the bottom so you can never reuse them for anything else.

libertarian4321

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #61 on: February 27, 2015, 02:33:28 PM »
Quote
At Burger King, employee Colby McIntyre a sweaty 37-year-old grilling burgers next to a heat lamp

Umm, YUM.

Nothing like sweat drippins special sauce to really flavor up that Whopper.

retired?

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #62 on: February 27, 2015, 03:12:51 PM »
I didn't read the article.  Just some of the comments.  I expect it came down to personal choices.....and, the wrong ones.  I doubt I would feel sorry for her.


MoneyCat

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Re: I felt sorry for this lady until ...
« Reply #63 on: February 27, 2015, 03:30:31 PM »
That woman from the article is so stupid.  She deserves what she gets.  After all, all our our lives are really easy, so her life must be really easy too.  Why didn't she just live with her wealthy relatives for a year or so until she could build her nest egg?  They probably could have put her up in their pool house.  Then, she could have used her connections from the Ivy League education her parents paid for, so she could get a high-paying job pushing papers around and going to power lunches at expensive restaurants with the company AMEX.  It's all so simple.