I'm kind of afraid that all this will bite me. I would have thought that after 5 years in this industry I'd be more resillient. But I feel like I've become weaker and eventually I'll be living on the street.
Wow this really resonates with me. I'm mid-30s, 1/2 to FI, losing my edge, pathologically anxious, decent corporate performer but worried (irrationally) that I could become unemployed and end up on the street.
Unfortunately I can't recommend psychotherapy or pharmacotherapy because a year of that actually made my anxiety slightly worse. Diet and exercise is great and, although it helped my cholesterol, it didn't have a noticeable impact on my mental health.
You'd have to work against your fear, but the best thing might be to quit/use FMLA and take a sabbatical to relieve this constant pressure for at least a few months. I know someone who had severe work-related anxiety. After a panic attack that led to physical injury, he spent three months on retreat in a cabin and, years later, he says that the retreat saved his life. You might come back from sabbatical to a lower salary or less prestigious company, but that's a far cry from "living on the street," which is just your anxiety talking.
In all honesty I should take my own advice here, but I'm still working on a few things with the hope I can recover in situ.
I am in a similar predicament , but I actually made it to my mid 40s before I lost my ability to do complex work. Yes, I think I have to admit I lost it , maybe it will come back? I had a few months off last year , due to Covid which literally saved me from ending up in hospital , and I thought I've done all the right things , and came back 2 days a week. 2 days!! It's a dream, right? ( I have something else that I make little money off, but it's very physical).
Nope, after 2 months even 2 days became unpalatable , I can't grasp new concepts, everything takes SO long for me, my memory is shot, I can only concentrate on one thing at the time, and job requires multitasking. Anything remotely stressful (little things like I didn't know how to use new phone system) throws me into state of panic and my mind literally goes blank, I can't even find words , let alone managing demanding clients.
But then when I am relaxed and doing something I am confident in, I get the glimpse of old me ( confident, fast learner, quick thinker, ambitious) but it's very fleeting.
I am on stress leave for a couple of weeks, and I am seriously thinking of resigning. Without anything lined up. Yikes.
The issue is I find hard to even apply for other jobs due to anxiety.
So I think I ( and you guys) need to put FIRE aspirations aside and just look at the health first. Because if you have no health, well you're f*cked.