how to suck it up?

[duyen]

We all have difficult periods in life. A difficult job that you cannot afford to leave. A difficult situation in life that you have to put up with. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place. All those situations where "Just suck it up" is the advice.

How do we do that? What are some tips that worked for you

[Bloop Bloop]

Gratitude is a learned skill and the best way to learn it is by losing things that you took for granted. This is why a little bit of childhood deprivation rarely kills a child and usually makes him or her stronger.

[marty998]

Resilience.

Temporary discomfort is not the end of the world. In fact at this moment 99% of the world is in a shittier situation than you (no source but you know it’s true).

If they all can get by so can you.

[scottish]

I have a few unrelated activities (including work) that I normally enjoy.    If one of them sucks, then I focus more on the others.

[NorthernMonkey]

Can you get involved in another project that is more interesting, or try and build skills in another area (online training in lunch breaks)

Or if all else fails. work out how much you're paid per minute, and then see what the most money you can get paid for taking a massive crap

[bbqbonelesswing]

Can you get involved in another project that is more interesting, or try and build skills in another area (online training in lunch breaks)

Or if all else fails. work out how much you're paid per minute, and then see what the most money you can get paid for taking a massive crap

If the company pays you in nickels and dimes, ALWAYS poop on the company's time.

[FlytilFIRE]

I'd recommend reading the book MMM reviewed on Stoicism. I think it's called Stoicism: Guide to the Good Life. Very good. Thought provoking, and even has concrete exercises you can do to improve your outlook.

[Raenia]

Focus on WHY you are putting up with the thing.  It's very rare that we actually have no other options, but very common that we believe the other options are worse.  I.E. Are you putting up with the terrible job because you need the resume building, or the money is good, or you need to finish a certification to get a better job?  I put up with my job because the money supports my other goals, and this job has advantages over other options I could try for.  Difficult family situation?  Technically you could cut all contact, but that usually comes with serious downsides.  In each difficult interaction, remember that you are choosing to put up with this in order to keep a relationship with someone you value.

I find this approach both makes me more willing to put up with things I dislike, and also makes it clear to me when the downsides of change no longer outweigh the current situation and make it easier to move on.

[Hula Hoop]

I've spent long periods of time in the hospital in various states of discomfort and pain.  What helped me suck it up and endure was remembering to "keep my eyes on the prize" - I just thought about being able to leave the hospital, spend time with my kids and hopefully being able to get back to a normal life eventually and it helped me to endure the temporary pain that I was in with remember why I was going through what I was going through. 

Not sure if you're in a situation like that or not.  I remember my favorite nurse used to come by my bed sometimes when I was in a particularly bad state and tell me that I was going to not only survive but "fly".  And he was right.

[Zikoris]

I'm not saying this is a good idea, but personally I have a very "fuck this shit I'm out" personality, and low tolerance for BS. If the problem is a job, I quit and just deal with the fallout. If that means I have to eat lentils and rice for a bit, fine. If the problem is a person, they get axed from my life, and I don't give a shit who they are.

It'a valuable to remember that other than being in prison, there are basically no situations where you just have to suck it up - you always have the option to just say "Fuck You" and deal with the consequences.

[wenchsenior]

I'm not saying this is a good idea, but personally I have a very "fuck this shit I'm out" personality, and low tolerance for BS. If the problem is a job, I quit and just deal with the fallout. If that means I have to eat lentils and rice for a bit, fine. If the problem is a person, they get axed from my life, and I don't give a shit who they are.

It'a valuable to remember that other than being in prison, there are basically no situations where you just have to suck it up - you always have the option to just say "Fuck You" and deal with the consequences.

Generally that is true; however, see Hula Hoop's post directly above yours.  Also, pretty much everything to do with inevitable aging and decline.  We can take action to mitigate it, but we can't stop it or change it in the long run.

[undercover]

“He who makes a beast out of himself gets rid of the pain of being a man”

[ctuser1]

Can't you segway into a related career that won't suck as much and will allow you to retain a comparable salary?

I myself found "consulting" to be soul-crushing after a while for various reasons. I tried a few things out in my job (i.e. found myself different types of projects that allowed me to try out different roles). Doing so, I realized I will absolutely hate 100% management roles. So I went out interviewing and after a couple of years found an employer who will allow me to switch to a more hands on coding job without any pay cut!! I had to convince them that I had enough tech acumen left in me despite not doing hands on tech work for some time.

My current job has it's ups and downs. e.g. I am, right now, wrestling with a very tricky grid distribution problem that is utterly frustrating. However, I am pretty sure that within another week or two I'll likely find some very neat solution to this issue. When I do, that will give me a "high" for some time/days, and that takes me through the mundane periods till the next interesting problem is encountered.

[John Galt incarnate!]

We all have difficult periods in life. A difficult job that you cannot afford to leave. A difficult situation in life that you have to put up with. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place. All those situations where "Just suck it up" is the advice.

How do we do that? What are some tips that worked for you

I remind  myself  of the aphorism   "This too shall pass."

[John Galt incarnate!]

I have a very "fuck this shit I'm out" personality, and low tolerance for BS.

Our personalities are similar.

I always appreciate the forceful  clarity  of your posts; they never require  disambiguation.

As a literalist I have virtually   zero tolerance for the  annoying untruths and deceits of BS.

The personal power of FIRE means I don't have to put up with it.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

I'm not saying this is a good idea, but personally I have a very "fuck this shit I'm out" personality, and low tolerance for BS. If the problem is a job, I quit and just deal with the fallout. If that means I have to eat lentils and rice for a bit, fine. If the problem is a person, they get axed from my life, and I don't give a shit who they are.

It'a valuable to remember that other than being in prison, there are basically no situations where you just have to suck it up - you always have the option to just say "Fuck You" and deal with the consequences.

This.
I'm too fucking old to be dealing with crap from other people.

[damnedbee]

I try to take a page from my military friends and embrace the suck. Acknowledge the situation is crappy, accept it, name it, and lean into it, all the while keeping a sense of humor and reminding yourself it will pass. Practice a controlled response to the stress and try to give fewer effs. Practice healthy self-care, exercise, and diet. Decide where your line in the sand is for a crappy situation--life is too short to stay unhappy for long. If none of that is working, stay vigilant for signs of depression, anxiety, or other mental illness and seek help when needed.

That said, I've found it particularly difficult to practice good self-care during the pandemic because my usual stress-busting habits have been off-limits. I've had to dig deep in my resilience, and as others have said, practicing gratitude has helped a lot.

[Laura33]

First, I get angry or cry or sulk or whatever (I'm very good at sulking, btw).  I'm a big fan of gratitude and focusing on what I can control and all that, but you can't force it.  If something sucks, I remind myself that it's ok to feel whatever it is that I feel, because it sucks.

After I get over my first bout of sulking -- which I recognize because I start to get annoyed with myself for holding my own continuous pity party -- then I let the logic in.  That usually starts with looking at all the options that I do have, in depth, and really considering all of them (not from a "grass-is-greener" perspective, but trying very hard to look at the pros and cons of each).  Most often that reminds me why I chose the one I did, because the others suck more.  But focusing on what I can control usually gives me the determination to get through whatever the suck is, because I remember why I chose that option in the first place.  And if that no longer does it for me, then I make another choice.

Then there is the emotional side of things.  One of the benefits of getting older is that the whole "this too shall pass" becomes very real and omnipresent.  I can remember both bad and good times that felt like they would never end, and yet they all ended.  So I can remind myself that I won't always feel like this, and it helps.  Also, sometimes I get mad at myself for being a whiny little bitch, and that's when I tell myself to be grateful because look at all the good stuff in my life and I need to get my head out of my ass and focus on that.

[GuitarStv]

We all have difficult periods in life. A difficult job that you cannot afford to leave. A difficult situation in life that you have to put up with. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place. All those situations where "Just suck it up" is the advice.

How do we do that? What are some tips that worked for you

First of all, it's important to recognize that many situations we initially label as 'required' and 'unchangeable' are in fact both optional and changeable.  So for most situations you don't really have to suck it up . . . and often making a change can have long term benefits.

That said, there are some times where you are stuck with stuff you have to do that you can't change.  For me, this was the three years where my son wouldn't sleep.  It can help a slight bit to keep your sanity if you remember that this is not permanent and will eventually end.  It also helps to talk about your problems with someone else . . . be it your spouse, a close friend, or hired help (psychologist, religious person, etc.).  While the person who you talk with usually won't be able to change your situation, it just helps to have a method of release.

[caracarn]

I encourage people to determine what is "enough" and realize that in most cases it is much less than society or others and even yourself think it is at first blush.  How much is enough money to retire is the focus of MMM and it shows us how that number when you really optimize if very low compared to Wall Street propaganda designed to keep you working forever.  How much entertainment is enough? How much food is enough?  I take this view with everything and try to focus on how I am feeling and have found that I require very little to keep me content. 

Stop comparing yourself to others.  This is another unwinnable action that will invariably increase your chances that you think something sucks.  Think about how many times you were content with something until you realized someone had something else.  It starts as babies and is built into human nature.  I am happy with my toy until I see my friends toy has more colors than mine.  Until I looked at his toy and compared I was having a grand old time with my toy.  My toy only sucked when I saw another.  You get the point.

[imadandylion]

Journaling/writing - both thoughts of the situation and also planning to make the situation better (like if it's a bad job fit, plan what will you work on as an exit plan and how do you move forward). Someone to confide in - but don't rudely use up their time and make them an unofficial therapist, that's draining/exhausting them and complaining to other people for long bouts of time is generally an unfair practice). Exercise/physical movement. For me, creative time helps manage my frustrations - it's like one thing I can do where I don't have to impress anyone.  Practicing meditation especially before you go to sleep, to acknowledge thoughts and situations and let them go. Reading about buddhism also helped me. You don't need to practice it but there are some perspectives that I believe anyone can find useful. Also, working on the the general mindset of engaging in looking forward and not dwelling on things that can't be changed. Just focus on what can be controlled.

ETA: Some books you may find interesting for a perspective adjustment I liked...
Ikigai
Nunchi
Awakening your Ikigai
The Book of Ichigo Ichie
Coffee with the Buddha
Siddhartha
Anything regarding the concept of Kaizen or Hygge, you could just do a search in Libby or Google also.

[mm1970]

Lots of ways I've used in the past.

Self care (exercise, healthy food, a good book, tea, crocheting, coloring, reduced work hours).
Getting practical.  I have a book called "It's called work for a reason."  You know, work isn't always fun.  I'm getting paid to do this.
Vacation.  I need regular time off, and after time off I can handle a lot more bullshit.

Also, things like focusing on the good stuff, trying to offload the shitty stuff to other people.  Learning new things.  Powering through the bad things.

[Fishindude]

I've always felt the best way to dig yourself out of problem times is jut nose to the grindstone work.   Most of us could work a lot more hours than we actually do, and typically many of life's problems are related to money, so if you're working all the time you can't be spending money on unneeded things, and you are also generating more money to fix problems.

Focusing on work also keeps your mind occupied so you don't have time to get into a mental funk.

[DeniseNJ]

Make yourself useful.  I think it gives persepctive and helps depression.

It turns out that the meaning of life is the meaning you give it.  How "meaningful" is your life?  How are you making it meaningful?  When you ask, "What's the use of living?" you have to look at what use you are making out of living.  The "use" is in how you "use" it.  Maybe you are miserable, but you can still make someone happy.  That's not to say that you should be miserable if you can make others happy or that selflessness should be your ultimate goal, but rather that helping others, making yourself useful, giving your life meaning by doing meaningful things, can go a long way to increasing your own sense of purpose.  If you want your life to have purpose, you have to give your life a purpose.   Use, purpose, meaning--these are not things inherent in the universe.  These are things you DO with your life, deliberately, by choice, on purpose.

[mountain mustache]

I try to take a page from my military friends and embrace the suck. Acknowledge the situation is crappy, accept it, name it, and lean into it, all the while keeping a sense of humor and reminding yourself it will pass. Practice a controlled response to the stress and try to give fewer effs. Practice healthy self-care, exercise, and diet. Decide where your line in the sand is for a crappy situation--life is too short to stay unhappy for long.

This is very similar to how I deal with hard times in my life. I call it "sitting in the suck". Instead of avoiding the feelings/thoughts of how my life is really hard/shitty right now, instead I lean into it, I accept it and I realize that I am still "ok" despite it. I have had some really crappy years the past 3 years, and I have gotten mentally stronger and happier by sitting with the feelings of discomfort, realizing that life will not always suck, but it does right now and I am still alive, capable, and pushing through every day. I do visualize a future where life won't suck as much, but I try not to get too wrapped up in "future tripping" because I can only control today, and my actions at this present time. I have no control over what the future might bring. I learn to be happy, despite the hard things and the obstacles, instead of "hoping" for an easier tomorrow.

[sherr]

Make yourself useful.  I think it gives persepctive and helps depression.

It turns out that the meaning of life is the meaning you give it.  How "meaningful" is your life?  How are you making it meaningful?  When you ask, "What's the use of living?" you have to look at what use you are making out of living.  The "use" is in how you "use" it.  Maybe you are miserable, but you can still make someone happy.  That's not to say that you should be miserable if you can make others happy or that selflessness should be your ultimate goal, but rather that helping others, making yourself useful, giving your life meaning by doing meaningful things, can go a long way to increasing your own sense of purpose.  If you want your life to have purpose, you have to give your life a purpose.   Use, purpose, meaning--these are not things inherent in the universe.  These are things you DO with your life, deliberately, by choice, on purpose.

For more on this read Man's Search For Meaning by Viktor Frankl. A short but very thought-provoking book.

[slappy]

I try to take a page from my military friends and embrace the suck. Acknowledge the situation is crappy, accept it, name it, and lean into it, all the while keeping a sense of humor and reminding yourself it will pass. Practice a controlled response to the stress and try to give fewer effs. Practice healthy self-care, exercise, and diet. Decide where your line in the sand is for a crappy situation--life is too short to stay unhappy for long.

This is very similar to how I deal with hard times in my life. I call it "sitting in the suck". Instead of avoiding the feelings/thoughts of how my life is really hard/shitty right now, instead I lean into it, I accept it and I realize that I am still "ok" despite it. I have had some really crappy years the past 3 years, and I have gotten mentally stronger and happier by sitting with the feelings of discomfort, realizing that life will not always suck, but it does right now and I am still alive, capable, and pushing through every day. I do visualize a future where life won't suck as much, but I try not to get too wrapped up in "future tripping" because I can only control today, and my actions at this present time. I have no control over what the future might bring. I learn to be happy, despite the hard things and the obstacles, instead of "hoping" for an easier tomorrow.

This reminds of the book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". If I remember the correctly, the author talks a lot about entitlement, and he talks about how thinking you are special because you have problems is a form of entitlement. Like you said, things might suck, but that's life and having an easy life is not necessarily the goal. It's the trials and tribulations that make you stronger and ultimately lead to happiness.

[Bloop Bloop]

I try to take a page from my military friends and embrace the suck. Acknowledge the situation is crappy, accept it, name it, and lean into it, all the while keeping a sense of humor and reminding yourself it will pass. Practice a controlled response to the stress and try to give fewer effs. Practice healthy self-care, exercise, and diet. Decide where your line in the sand is for a crappy situation--life is too short to stay unhappy for long.

This is very similar to how I deal with hard times in my life. I call it "sitting in the suck". Instead of avoiding the feelings/thoughts of how my life is really hard/shitty right now, instead I lean into it, I accept it and I realize that I am still "ok" despite it. I have had some really crappy years the past 3 years, and I have gotten mentally stronger and happier by sitting with the feelings of discomfort, realizing that life will not always suck, but it does right now and I am still alive, capable, and pushing through every day. I do visualize a future where life won't suck as much, but I try not to get too wrapped up in "future tripping" because I can only control today, and my actions at this present time. I have no control over what the future might bring. I learn to be happy, despite the hard things and the obstacles, instead of "hoping" for an easier tomorrow.

Yeah, I think this is important. There are some bad things you cannot control, avoid, or rationalise. There are sometimes situations involving people or situations that you cannot say "fuck you" to and leave. For example, FU money isn't going to let you run away from cancer, or depression, or difficult family dynamics. I mean I suppose you could leave that family behind but I'm not sure that's always an optimal thing.

Sometimes acceptance can be a good thing. And I think MMM principles, because they focus on control, sometimes do not acknowledge the importance of accepting that some things - even finances, to an extent - are out of your control. Some parts of life need to be endured, and appreciated, whether good or bad.

[Trudie]

Simplify.  Simplify.  Simplify.

Also, more people should quit shit...relationships, jobs, endless activities.  If it sucks you dry, quit.  There’s no badge of honor for sticking out things that aren’t worthy of you.

[AnnaGrowsAMustache]

Simplify.  Simplify.  Simplify.

Also, more people should quit shit...relationships, jobs, endless activities.  If it sucks you dry, quit.  There’s no badge of honor for sticking out things that aren’t worthy of you.

YES

[vand]

[jmechanical]

I struggle sometimes as well. My energy levels are very roller coaster, from running and lifting weights in the same day, to not wanting to get off the couch all day. Sometimes I can power through stuff at work, get very passionate about what I'm doing and don't want to get up from the computer. Other times it seems impossible to just get started. I think everybody, whether they admit it or not, goes through this.

What helps me when I get low is to just go through the motions, slowly, and accept that it's okay to not perform 100% all the time. If I am struggling to want to lift weights, I just don't lift heavy, or I do some yoga, or just go for a walk. If I'm struggling with something at work, I just break it down, draw one sketch/feature/surface at a time, or just go do something else till inspiration strikes.

Another thing, is don't be afraid to ask for help. I had a problem with something at work, and it was throwing me really low, and asked my manager for help. I went slow and he helped me out and we got it done. Too be honest, he was really happy with the end result and was glad to help me (something along the lines of it felt good to do something different besides manage for once).

Especially if you're regularly a top performer and you struggle at times, don't be afraid to ask for help. People will most likely be excited to help you, especially if you've given them a lot of help in the past and you don't need help all the time. It lets people know you are human also.

[jmechanical]

I've always felt the best way to dig yourself out of problem times is jut nose to the grindstone work.   Most of us could work a lot more hours than we actually do, and typically many of life's problems are related to money, so if you're working all the time you can't be spending money on unneeded things, and you are also generating more money to fix problems.

Focusing on work also keeps your mind occupied so you don't have time to get into a mental funk.

I definitely agree with this on certain things. Rolling up the sleeves and moving things in a warehouse, assembling products, creating 2D drawings or powerpoints, making a part moldable (adding draft, ribs, etc), anything where the end goal is clear and well defined, just putting my head down is easy to power through.

For other parts of my job, it can be hard to force creativity sometimes and with engineering, sometimes I need a creative spark. Reminds me of a dilbert where he said if creativity wasn't random they would have figured out the alogrithim by now. Putting nose to the grindstone with something where goal is not clear or well defined doesn't work for me and can be counter productive. I remember a time we had a problem and I spent all damn day at my desk, sketching things out, looking at other products, googling, trying to brainstorm ideas and nothing came up. I ended up forgetting about it and then I woke up Sunday morning and while still in my bed, the solution to my problem popped into my head clear as day with seemingly no effort.

[A mom]

Think about what kind of person you would want to be in such a situation and then try to be that person.

[Stubblestache]

I try my absolute hardest to practice gratitude day to day, not just in the bad times.

This makes it a lot easier to be grateful when something falls to shit because I am used to reflecting on how lucky I am to have my partner, or my house, or a source of income or my health so I'm not trying to change my way of thinking in the depths of a crisis.

It sounds a bit wishy-washy typed out but I've found it really does help.

[TartanTallulah]

I'm not saying this is a good idea, but personally I have a very "fuck this shit I'm out" personality, and low tolerance for BS. If the problem is a job, I quit and just deal with the fallout. If that means I have to eat lentils and rice for a bit, fine. If the problem is a person, they get axed from my life, and I don't give a shit who they are.

It'a valuable to remember that other than being in prison, there are basically no situations where you just have to suck it up - you always have the option to just say "Fuck You" and deal with the consequences.

I'm of this mindset too. I remind myself that I only have one shot at life and only one person is going to put my welfare first, and have been ruthless about pressing the eject button on situations I'm not enjoying. I have few regrets, although I sometimes wonder if I should have finished that 100-mile race I bailed on after 93 miles and am grateful to the friend who kept talking me out of walking away from the man to whom I'm now married in the first few months of our relationship.

Stoicism's a great approach, but it's my servant, not my master.