How to avoid fretting/stressing/obsessing about stuff

[headwinds]

In this case I made a mess of my taxes this year by not understanding the IRA rules and doing a bunch of tinkering with my IRA's which may or may not have been allowed, as well as missing a few other things. I'm waiting to file amended taxes and feeling anxious about if I will even be able to fix it all myself without screwing it up any further, and I am not allowed to amend anything until my state return is accepted, which it has not yet been.

So in the mean time I am just fretting about something which I currently have no control over. And the more I fret and stress and obsess about it the more I want to escape into bad behaviors which take me away from the end goal.

So anyone have any generic tips on ways to let it go for the moment so I can continue to live my life in a healthy manner and just let it be for the moment since I can't change it right now anyway?

Thanks so much for any feedback.

[FIRE Artist]

Yes, take up meditation. Meditation is hard to do in the beginning, but once you develop your practice it is there for you when you need it.

[headwinds]

Yes, take up meditation. Meditation is hard to do in the beginning, but once you develop your practice it is there for you when you need it.

This is very good advice and I thank you for the reminder. There was a time when I did this regularly and it taught me a lot, in fact some of the most profound lessons of my life. It is so hard to remember in these times of stress that the me who observes is distinct from the contents of my thoughts, that thoughts are merely experiences which arise and pass away, arise and pass away, in perpetuity. I thank you for this.

[joonifloofeefloo]

1. As Rachel ultimately learns to do, run like Phoebe in Friends:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_0Ta_DIWuU

2. My other trick is to petsit, even though I don't really like petsitting. But I've become fond of this one neighbour cat, and it needs me, and every time it uses its cute soft tiny paw to pat *my* hand, to tell me to pet it, ohmygoodness! I just lose all sense of everything else, and start to laugh, because what kind of lovable small cat that doesn't even speak English makes itself so clearly and easily understood!?!?!?! I love that trick! And THEN, she starts purring! I would find it stressful and fretty to have a pet in my home (sensory stuff), but visiting this cat at her house, well, that sure does the trick for me!

I have a brain that can fret/stress/obsess, for sure. Physical breaks/change-ups like the two above work for me :)

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT, also DBT) is also great, can be accessed free from books, home, online, etc. Mindfulness +.

[Mezzie]

I agree with all the above.

One thing that helps when there's something I need to deal with but simply can't right now (like your situation), is I write down in my calendar when I will deal with it. Say, in your situation, I'd pick a weekend after I think my state taxes will be accepted and write, "Deal with taxes." If my state taxes haven't been accepted by that date, I'll pick another date a couple weeks later and pencil it in.

This does two things:
1. It ensures I have set aside time to deal with the issue so it doesn't get worse.
2. It frees up my brain to think about other things.

Sometimes it doesn't work, but it does about 70% of the time. I'd say it's worth a shot. :)

[Laura33]

I also tend toward this -- no sense obsessing over something unless you can't do anything about it, right?  The only thing that I have found that works is walking or running, *outside*.  After my stepdad died, there were nights I'd wake up at 2 or 3 AM and my brain was looping so fast I couldn't get back to sleep, and I'd finally get up at 4 or 5 and just walk, for like an hour or two, until my chest loosened up and I could breathe and my brain settled down. 

Of course, when I'm in that fret mode, the last thing I want to do is get up and leave the house.  But if I can make myself do it, it helps, every time.

[Kiwi Fuzz]

What helps me is acknowledging the thoughts and accepting them then trying to let them go. It's really invasive thinking if it's just causing anxiety and there's no ability for you to act on it.

Also, if I messed something up - trying to be kind to myself and forgive myself for my mistakes. I tend to be very hard on myself. I 3rd (4th?) meditation, also.

[headwinds]

I also tend toward this -- no sense obsessing over something unless you can't do anything about it, right?  The only thing that I have found that works is walking or running, *outside*.  After my stepdad died, there were nights I'd wake up at 2 or 3 AM and my brain was looping so fast I couldn't get back to sleep, and I'd finally get up at 4 or 5 and just walk, for like an hour or two, until my chest loosened up and I could breathe and my brain settled down. 

Of course, when I'm in that fret mode, the last thing I want to do is get up and leave the house.  But if I can make myself do it, it helps, every time.

I think this is good advice too. My dogs get lots of walks when I'm anxious about stuff because I can't stand sitting around and thinking about it, plus they sense my anxiety and get anxious themselves, then we all have to go exercise :)

[headwinds]

What helps me is acknowledging the thoughts and accepting them then trying to let them go. It's really invasive thinking if it's just causing anxiety and there's no ability for you to act on it.

Also, if I messed something up - trying to be kind to myself and forgive myself for my mistakes. I tend to be very hard on myself. I 3rd (4th?) meditation, also.

Yeah it's really hard for me to avoid beating myself up, that's for sure.