How Often Do You Throw Your Kids Bday Parties?

[freeazabird]

I'm curious, how often do you give your kids birthday parties?  And how much do you spend on such a thing?

[LibrarIan]

Since I don't have kids I can't really say. But I would assume "annually" in some capacity ;-).

(Someone had to say it.)

[Kansas Beachbum]

I find more than once a year is redundant :-)  Sorry...couldn't resist.

[DecD]

Our kids have had parties annually starting at age 3 (they are 3 and 7 years old).  They are small parties at our house.  We invite over families we like and grill and the kids play and everyone has fun.  So- we don't spend much, nothing that we wouldn't be spending anyway to have our friends over for a BBQ.
 (That is...we don't rent bouncy houses, we don't go to chuckecheese, etc.)   I do blow up balloons and hang them around the house and yard, and this year we had Pokemon paper plates for the 7 year old, which made him very happy.

[BooksAreNerdy]

We are 0 for 3 with our daughter.

Birthday celebrations are the same for everyone in the family. You get to pick your favorite home made dinner and home made cake/pie/cupcake. We celebrate as a family and open a modest number of gifts.

I will never, ever host a party that encourages anyone other than mediate family to bring a gift. Nor will I ever host the kind of party that leads to child exhaustion/meltdown due to over excitement and too much sugar. No thanks!

[ABC123]

My boys are currently 5 and 3 (turning 4 tomorrow.)  They each got a party for their 1st birthday, and then the older one got one when he turned 5.  I'm thinking we will do the every 5 year thing, so the younger one will have a party next year, then when they each turn 10.  They are just low key get togethers at our house.  The last one we did hot dogs, pretzels, and apple slices for the kids to eat, a few little party favors to take home.  They made (generic) fruit loop necklaces, decorated their own cupcakes, and ran around outside.  I spent maybe $25 on the whole day. 

[partgypsy]

When I was growing up birthdays were a big exciting thing. It really was just my Mom making some food, and inviting over as many kids as possible to eat a huge cake, but it was still super exciting. My 11 year old has grown out of typical parties, but the last 2 parties she either had a sleepover, movie from netflix and I make breakfast, or we took her and a few friends out to eat. My younger daughter still loves party parties, and I don't know I still get into it. My sister usually makes some kind of gift bags for them, we get or make pizza, have tons of balloons, and themes. for example one year she had a She Ra party and in addition to a She Ra cake and a cardboard castle we had a sword to hit a Hordak pinata. They are not necessarily cheap and range from less than $100 to the most expensive was $250 (entertainment). Considering our yearly budget for things I think it is well worth it.
From tradition, we celebrate this yearly ; )

[mom2_3Hs]

Every year.  Each one of them.  They will only be kids once.  I love planning and executing them, and the kids really enjoy them.  We did a Nancy Drew theme one for my daughter; the kids solved a mystery and had a great time.  We gave Nancy Drew books (that we bought on eBay) with "thank you's" written in invisible ink in the covers as "goody bags" (along with the same invisible ink pen and light).  They still talk about it.  We have invited waaaay more kids to parties than we have been invited to, so I think they are going out of style, but I think that is a shame.  They don't have to be expensive to be fun and memorable.

[nordlead]

So far, we've been having birthday parties with all of the family for their 1st and 2nd birthdays mostly (0, 2, 4 at the moment), so relatively cheap.

When I was a kid, we had 1 birthday party (chuck E cheese, bowling, mini-golf, I'm pretty sure we got to choose) each year rotating between the three of us (so everyone had a 5th, 8th, 11th birthday party). It may have stopped at 8, but I think it was 11yo and I definitely don't remember having one at 13 other than at home.

I haven't decided if we'll do a big birthday party out somewhere with our kids, but we'll definitely have people over to have fun and play.

[crispy]

We do a big birthday party with friends every other year.  On the years we don't do a birthday party, we will let them eat at the restaurant of their choice and have cake.  Birthday parties stress me out big time so every other year is all I can handle.  My girls are fine with doing it every other year, and we do try to make it memorable for them.

This year we did a Parisian themed party for 20 for about $75 for my youngest.  It took a lot of work, but it was fabulous.  I borrowed tables and chairs to create a Parisian café in my living room, we had a French-inspired menu (croissants, eclairs, etc.), and then did a fashion show where they created original designs from toilet paper, tape, tissue paper, and ribbon.  We also borrowed a very tall Eiffel tower for the living room, and my DH dressed like a mime.  Really inexpensive, but cool and fun. 

My oldest daughter had a slumber party with 14 girls, and we spent about $100 which was mainly for food and decorations. Those girls went through six pizzas, popcorn, several bags of chips and candy, a huge fruit tray, a huge vegetable tray, and two cases of water by 10pm.  We won't even talk about breakfast!

[lakemom]

We have 6 kids so every couple of years they each have one (the oldest 4 are now adults and no longer under my roof for the most part).  We do at home parties so the costs have typically been in the $100 range (goodie bags, games, décor, etc.) but occasionally a theme party has run closer to the $150 range.  This year #5 is turning 13yo and just started middle school so we are encouraging him to have a party this year (he's not so sure) since we've done that with all the others so we could meet all the new friends they are making in middle school.  Unfortunately for him his birthday is just 6 weeks into the school year so friendships are still forming.  Most of my kids' friends over the years have had the same system of a party every few years.  I don't think any of them have had a close friend who had an annual "friends" birthday.

edited to add:  We have the close family over for cake/ice cream on the Sunday closest to their birthday to celebrate every year and have since #1 turned 1.

[La Bibliotecaria Feroz]

Depends what you mean by "party." #1 has gotten parties every year, ranging from his first party with maybe fifteen people (tops) with snacks and cakes at home and some Walmart decorations to his third b-day party, which involved a free firehouse tour followed by cake (no other snacks, literally just the cake) at home.

#2 has gotten less for logistical reasons. First birthday we had a few friends over for cake (had moved away from family and couldn't work out a family time). Second birthday we went to the zoo, just our immediate family. I can't remember if I made a cake, but I know I sent cookies to daycare. We're pretty low-key on these things!

[Thegoblinchief]

Birthday celebrations are the same for everyone in the family. You get to pick your favorite home made dinner and home made cake/pie/cupcake. We celebrate as a family and open a modest number of gifts.

Basically the same here, which is how I was raised, and I loved it. Usually my parents and my sister (who has 3 kids very close in age to mine) come over. But not a "party" in the decorations, party hats, lots of OPKs running around and some silly fun land. I didn't even like taking my kids to other people's parties when they were in regular school.

Because we homeschool, even the birthdays during the "school year" are wide open, so if the weather is good I let them pick hiking, biking, or swimming - or all three! Goblin Gamma is a December birthday, so it's a bit rougher, but I still try to do a fun daytime activity.

[justajane]

I guess based on this limited sample we are extravagant for our kids' birthdays, although when we celebrate it doesn't feel like it. Both of my eldest had big park parties when they turned one, and the youngest will have the same in 9 months when he turns one. We pay around $150-$200 for those parties, factoring in the rental of the pavilion and the food. This party is really about the adults and the parents celebrating making it through the first year, since the one year old won't remember it anyway. In the past we haven't stopped people from bringing gifts, but for the third boy, we will politely request "no gifts." I know it somewhat breaks etiquette to do this, because by saying "no gifts" you are thereby assuming that people should bring gifts, which is rude. But if you don't say "no gifts" people feel obligated to do so, and I just can't stomach more baby things in the house.

Otherwise, we usually do a party, although all of our birthdays fall in May, which means that sometimes we can combine them. This year we did a huge party in late May to celebrate not only my two older boys' birthdays but also my husband's 40th. We rented out a bowling alley and provided pizza and soda. That added up to about $400 for two hours of fun. Yikes! But I had a three week old infant and couldn't stomach the idea of doing it at home. This was the best we manage under the circumstances.

What it boils down to for us is that being with family is important to us. Sure, we can do that at home, but we have a large family and a small home. I would rather budget between $200-$500 a year for my kids' birthdays and do it somewhere fun and not have to stress about planning the thing and getting my home clean. I do NOT enjoy preparing party games or decorating. That is just not my expertise. I love going to places that do everything for you like this local bouncy place that we used for my eldest son's fifth birthday. That was awesome. The helpers even cut the cake for us. The event cost us around $250. Once you factor in having people over to house and providing an actual meal with beer (usually the expectation around here), it ends up being cheaper to have a kid-centered event at a venue rather than DIYing it at home.

I certainly can buck expectation and do none of this, and some years we have. But as a whole, the kids enjoy it and it leads to happy memories. I could do without it, but I think that when I signed on to having kids, I signed on to doing at least some things that I don't enjoy. I spend money on extravagances for myself throughout the year - like going out to eat on my birthday- and therefore think it would be unfair to not spend money at least some years on my kids.

That's my take on it, and we can afford it, so I don't stress it. I am, however, done with the gift bags. Who needs more plastic junk around their house?

[ambimammular]

This year the 2 daughters (ages 3 and 5) got 5 parties and 2 shopping days between them. REDICULOUS!
The two actual b-days were small affairs where they got to choose what we cooked for dinner, one present from mom & dad, one from sister.

One extravaganza was the next Saturday backyard picnic with too many friends. Highly stressful for me. My wallet got tighter and tighter as I begrudgingly offered fourth and fifth servings to poorly disciplined children while their parents watched unfazed. Then I felt guilty about all the plastic in the recycling that I ought to have washed and reused.
 
Fast forward two months and the grandparents several states away wanted to celebrate the "birthday" parties. One was nearly a family reunion with an easter egg hunt, the other Chuck E. Cheese. Lots of cheap plastic presents. I felt the need to reciprocate toward the 8 cousins. Grandma took them shopping for their presents. Then the other grandpa needed to take them shopping for presents, big pink, plastic, gender-defining stuff that was a nuisance to put in luggage.

The girls become confused as to when their actual birthday is. Begin to think they are the center of the universe. Things fall apart; the center cannot hold. Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

The whole Birthday Season got way too crazy, but it's nearly impossible to argue with a grandparent about toning down their involvement. They did what they wanted to anyway.

[nvmama]

Growing up I remember that we had basically family parties, with limited presents.  The day of your birthday mom would make our favorite meal and we would get a gift from our parents.  I can remember 3 times I had friends over for parties, twice in elementary school, I was able to have 5 girls over for a sleep over.  And then on my 15th party I had a boy/girl party at my house, boys had to leave at 11pm, girls spent the night.

For my own kids (currently 6 and 3) we do parties every year.  They are all parties here at the house.  For my oldest it is a combo birthday party and cookout.  He has an early September birthday so it works out well, sometimes the pool is even still up.  We don't provide any entertainment except what we have in the yard (swing set, and other such toys).  When my son turned 4 he started asking for pinatas so we have done that the last couple of years, but this is his last year for a pinata.  He invites friends from school and we invite all of our friends and family as this tends be one one of the only times we see a lot of our family.  The expense is really in the cost of the food, but since I know it happens each year, I keep my eye out on the sales ahead of time to buy things on sale.

For my younger child, her birthday is in November, we still invite the whole family and our friends, she is still young and doesn't have too many school friends yet.  This party is just everyone squishes into the house.  My husband is forces to clean out the basement (which is a good thing) so there is room for adults to play darts and bumper pool.  This party tends to be smaller then the other, because not as many people come.  She may catch onto this and when she does, we may have to offer up other types of ideas, but until that happens we will still do the home parties.

On the actual day of their birthday, I will make a meal and dessert of their choice.  Then they get a present or two from me and my husband and one from their sibling.

[CNM]

I have a 2 year old, and we have had parties for his 1st and 2nd birthdays.

The 1st birthday was at our house and it was mainly for us to see our friends and family.  We had sandwiches and party games in the yard for the children (of our friends) who came.  It was very nice and I'd say we spent about $150 on groceries and supplies.

The 2nd birthday we had a joint one with his cousin (who is the same age) at our local Children's museum.  We invited our friends with kids only (who knew my son and cousin) and they had a blast.  The space cost $150 to rent out and then we had about another $150 for food and supplies.  This, of course, was split in half. 

Then we had a small dinner with the grandparents at our house on the actual day.  All of the parties have been "no gifts" and on the occasion we have still gotten a gift, there's no big unwrapping viewing or anything. 

I like to plan and prepare for these parties and my son likes them a lot so far.  It's not a major annual expense at this point.  We'll see what happens as he gets older.

[Emilyngh]

I'm curious, how often do you give your kids birthday parties?  And how much do you spend on such a thing?

We had a party for my daughter's first with about 30 people in our home spending about $150 on food and decorations, because it was her first birthday.    We did not have a party for her second because we felt that she was too young to enjoy it, so we just took her to the zoo and had cupcakes.   We again had a party for her third (again about 30 people and $150 in our home) because she was at an age that we thought she'd really enjoy it.

I don't know if we'll have a party every year or not.   It'll probably depend on how much else we have going on around her birthday (eg, if we're taking a trip or there's some other special activity near then, we might just celebrate her bday as a combined thing), how into it she seems, and what her situation with friends is.   I doubt we'll ever go to Chuckee cheese's or laser tag, but will either have a couple of her friends do something special with her or have a traditional at home party, maybe with a theme (I do like a good theme).   I really would like to delay sleepover parties too, because IMO people have them for children that are just too young and they often involve some kind of trouble, crying, someone calling their parents at 1am, etc.

 I doubt we'll spend more than $200 a birthday, unless it's combined with something else we really want to do anyway as a family, and I'm sure there'll be years we don't spend close to that much.

[justajane]

My wallet got tighter and tighter as I begrudgingly offered fourth and fifth servings to poorly disciplined children while their parents watched unfazed.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this comment, mainly because it just makes me feel icky. If I knew a friend of mine thought like this, I certainly wouldn't want to attend any more parties at their place. Win, win, I guess.

[RunHappy]

My kid is in college now but when during the younger days, we started doing birthday parties at 4 years old and they lasted until middle school.

We never spent a lot of money on the parties, which set us apart from the other parents.  We almost always hosted at our house or at a park.  Other parents would hire clowns or rent out movie theaters or spend tons of money for the perfect catered party.  We would have a grocery store cake, with cut veggies and fruit, and maybe some pizza or something.

We were more traditional with arts/crafts, movies, games, sleepovers, and lots of games of tag.   Let the kid (if they are old enough) be a big part of the planning.  Kids want to play, laugh, and have a good time. 

I see a lot of my friends plan their parties using Pinterest.  They spend days (sometimes weeks) planning the parties and who know how much money.  I think its crazy.

[ambimammular]

My wallet got tighter and tighter as I begrudgingly offered fourth and fifth servings to poorly disciplined children while their parents watched unfazed.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this comment, mainly because it just makes me feel icky. If I knew a friend of mine thought like this, I certainly wouldn't want to attend any more parties at their place. Win, win, I guess.

It was really just four siblings that ate all of the food, finishing off some of it before other guests had even arrived. Had three birthday cupcakes a piece so there weren't enough for all of the grown-ups to have some. The parents were totally oblivious.

[nordlead]

My wallet got tighter and tighter as I begrudgingly offered fourth and fifth servings to poorly disciplined children while their parents watched unfazed.

I'm still trying to wrap my head around this comment, mainly because it just makes me feel icky. If I knew a friend of mine thought like this, I certainly wouldn't want to attend any more parties at their place. Win, win, I guess.

My father-in-law thought it was rude if someone left a half empty can of soda around at a party. I told him I didn't care if someone left a half empty can at my parties. He was confused.

See, to me. I already spent the money and if everything gets eaten/used that is what I planned for. If anything is left over then it is savings I get to use later. I'm not going to throw a party I can't afford. Yes, I don't want people to intentionally waste things, but typically that isn't the case. People are moving around and having fun and there are a lot of people which means a lot of cups that get mixed up (even with names on them).  If someone accidentally loses half a can of soda I'm not going to be concerned, and if someone wastes an extra plastic cup, oh well. We're talking pennies in the grand scheme of things.

His perspective, is that he is completely broke and it is waste which costs him out of pocket. But, I can't really respect his view since he wastes so much money on coffee at the store, and has a house that is 3x what they need since all of the children have moved out, and they shouldn't have hosted the party to start with (even if it is just a family get together).

It was really just four siblings that ate all of the food, finishing off some of it before other guests had even arrived. Had three birthday cupcakes a piece so there weren't enough for all of the grown-ups to have some. The parents were totally oblivious.

Well, you were the host. You should have told the kids they needed to wait to see if others wanted any, and if there were left overs they were more than welcome. As a host, you are responsible to make sure everyone is served. It also sounds like you should have waited to serve the food (or the guests should have arrived in a timely manner), and possibly you should have prepared some more.

Of course, the kids probably were rude, but they are kids. I know my kids (who are very well behaved according to others) would eat 3 cupcakes if they thought they could just take them without asking. I've come down in the morning to find my kids eating Oreo cookies from last night if I left them on a low end table.

[iris lily]

Of course, the kids probably were rude, but they are kids. I know my kids (who are very well behaved according to others) would eat 3 cupcakes if they thought they could just take them without asking. I've come down in the morning to find my kids eating Oreo cookies from last night if I left them on a low end table.

Substitute "dogs" for "kids" in the above and that's my household.

[partgypsy]

Almost all the birthdays have been at our house. I don't like the cleaning aspect, but everything else is easier, in the sense you can have your own food (some venues don't allow you to bring food or even your own cake). Some things I don't like. I don't like paper good that get thrown out but birthdays are an exception in our house. Regarding cheap plastic stuff in goodie bags, just eliminate the stuff that is most annoying. One year each guest got a (high quality) plastic animal figurine of an exotic animal (put at their place setting). This year their goodie bag will be used for candy from the pinata, and also I'm going to break up a 48 pack of higher quality sidewalk chalk and individually bag 3, 4 colors for each kid's bag. For the pinata daughter wants a Hans pinata. Pinatas are easy to make; all you need is a balloon and newspaper, and some crepe paper for outside.

If you want to avoid paper goods and you have a girl, one idea is to let them have a "tea party" with just 2, 3 friends. Even very nice teacups can be had inexpensively at thrift stores, and the child can bring it home as their gift.

I guess what I want to say is that you can certainly spend alot on a birthday party but you don't have to. We do because we provide food and make it inclusive to the parents (so we have enough pizza (and beer) for them as well. As I have learned with experience (I used to over-do it), kids don't need a lot to enjoy themselves, we spend less money on the celebrations as they have gotten older, without any corresponding loss of fun.

[lemonlime]

My step daughter had her first birthday party that actually involved inviting guests her own age for her seventh birthday. We ended up spending about $300 because our condo is too small to host classmate + parents, and I just didn't want to attempt squeezing a bunch of six- and seven-year-olds in the small space. But if we had had a larger house with a yard I would have had it at home. We rented a room from one of the local city rec centers, bought just a few decorations on amazon (theme streamers, table clothes, plates, goody bags), chips, a fruit platter, a veggie platter from the grocery store. I made the cake myself, stepdaughter picked flavors and colors. We told her the party was her present, so didn't actually buy her other gifts. She got a ton from friends and her mother's side. We played games that I played when I was a kid and games that they played in school (pretend to walk like an animal, every has to guess what animal it is, red light green light, simon says, etc.) Played some music on speakerphone using someone's smartphone. If we hadn't had to rent the space we probably would have spent closer to $100. Our plan is to do every other year, and her mother can do the in-between years if she wants to give her a party (she didn't help with anything for the first party, though she/her boyfriend/her mother(grandma) were all invited and did attend.) I'm thinking that this year (age 9) will probably be the last one where we invite all the students in her class, and maybe even this year will be small groups from here on out, which will be easier - I'm thinking take five or six kids to the park and have hotdogs and cake, or go to a movie,  or have five or six kids in our condo to watch a movie and play games/eat cake and snacks.

[Helvegen]

Not very often. I strongly dislike doing them because of the number of people who flake out or don't say they are coming until literally the day before. It is a shame because my kid loves them, but it is too much stress. She is also an only child and we have no family for thousands of miles, so if kids don't show up, she gets really disappointed and I don't want to deal with it.

I bring cupcakes to her class on her birthday. Instead of a party, I prefer to take her out to see a movie/go go-karting, get dinner at a place she likes (she is a huge fan of Japanese food, so it is usually a sushi joint), and have cake and open presents at home with some relatives on Skype. Generally, outdoor activities are not in the cards because she was born in mud season. We usually spend around $200 when it is all said and done.

[RetiredAt63]

DD is all grown up so there is a full history.

Summer birthday - makes things easier.
First birthday - cake, neighbours over, that was it.
Next few years - maybe a special dinner.
At about age 3 or 4, an actual party - basically for the next several years there was a party, at our house, number of guests = new age.  Nothing fancy, games, food, home-made cake and ice cream.
One year it was very planned out - she was in Beavers and I was a leader, so it was organized like a Beaver meeting - it went really well, no chaos, no empty time, everyone had fun.
When she was older we went to a nature center, they had tours for birthday parties, so that meant driving (other parents helped) and then we had the birthday meal at the nature center's picnic area.  The only extra trouble was making sure the food and drinks would be OK in coolers for the few hours of the tour.  Everyone had fun.

Teens - get-togethers with a few close friends.

21 - big bash at our house, and I mean big - porta-potty and people overnight in tents on the lawn big.  She had saved up and paid for it all, did all the arrangements, went to all the neighbours well ahead of time to let them know about the cars and noise - neighbours were fine with it, she was turning 21 and she didn't normally have big noisy parties, this was an exception.

The one essential for a birthday party is to give time limits - i.e. 2:00 - 4:00.  Otherwise it goes on forever or until you tell everyone to leave (which is hard when your guests are 3 years old).

[socaso]

This subject is up for debate in our house. So far we have thrown 1st and 2nd birthday parties for the kid and as they were largely attended by adults the kid was rather oblivious that the parties were for him. He was ambivalent about the cupcakes. I was raised in a you-pick-the-dinner-and-type-of-cake household and my husband was raised in a take-the-kids-to-chuckecheese-or-other-splashy-option. I didn't mind most of my birthdays but once or twice I asked for a party and my mother told me no because she didn't care to entertain so I always told myself if my kid asked I would do a party. But he's not asking. Husband is more interested than the kid is. So we did a party last year and this year is supposed to be a family-only thing but I'm just waiting for the sad eyes from the husband. I kind of think that every year being made into a big whoopee makes it less special. I'm all for presents and cake but I think it's a bit wasted on a toddler.

[nvmama]

my dad has an interesting view on birthdays.  He believes that a child's birthday is just as much the parents day as the child's, as they did all the work that day.  In a way I agree with him, that is why when we have the birthday party /cook out we invite our friends as well.  My father sends a token gift for my children and then a little bit of cash ($20 or so) for me as well.

[tmac]

We never had good party experiences, but the last straw was a particularly horrible failure -- no RSVPS and no guests. Just a crying little girl in an empty roller rink with streamers and a cake she decorated herself. Tore my heart out. Never again.

Our current system seems to be working well:

We take a weekend trip we wouldn't normally shell out for. Indoor water park. Big city visit. Something like that. All of our birthdays are between October and January, so we schedule it for late-November.

We also invite one special friend over for a big play date on the birthday itself -- zoo, movie, pizza, sleep-over, whatever they want. We can schedule for a day that the specific person is available, so no more worries about RSVPs or availability.

If they want to be bring cupcakes to school, that can be arranged. :)

[SomedayStache]

tmac - that is my worst fear and I am so sad for you and your daughter.

Birthdays were a very big deal to me as a child.  I always had a party - though it was just pizza and a sleepover.  Nothing crazy like bouncies or paid clowns!

Now with 3 kids myself and closely spaced birthdays I am party-planned out.  We do everything ourselves and the kiddos love to make decorations/party favors (angry birds game out of cardboard boxes and green pig balloons, paper mache pinatas, lightsabers made from pool noodles, super hero capes cut out of t-shirts and decorated with glued on felt letters...).   My kids invest a lot of time and energy into their parties.  The next party is two weeks away and I'm already stressed out about not knowing how many people will come and needing to start making things.  DIY saves money but not time.  But at this point I feel like I've set the bar too high.  My daughter is already talking about what she wants at her party next year (10 months from now!!!). 

Next year I'm going to try to convince my son to pick two kids and go on an overnight camping trip.  I can't handle this party planning stress anymore!

[Magpie]

Tmac, I can't imagine how painful that would be for me as a parent.  I wouldn't expose my child to that kind of hurt again either.  Why don't people RSVP any more?  It's incredibly rude.

My kids are 3 and 5 so we've done a few small parties at home.  The birthday child is allowed to invite as many friends as their age, so the 3 year old invited 3 friends.  I serve light snacks (fruit platter & pretzels) and for most parties the kids get a plain cupcake and they get to choose the color frosting and put the sprinkles of their choice on rather than having a large cake.  Plus, cake decorating is not one of my talents.  My son did request a Jake & the Neverlands pirate cake last year so I splurged on that.  I  have a little craft as the main activity so they can take that home instead of a goody bag.  My daughter recently had a tea party theme so they all decorated cheap straw hats with ribbons and fake flowers.  I bought a set of 6 "fancy" teacups and saucers from Goodwill for $2 so they enjoyed wearing their hats and sipping pink lemonade.  That was $2 well spent.

My sister has two tweens so she rotates who gets a party each year; in the off years the kid gets to choose a restaurant for a special dinner.  It works especially well for her since the kids birthdays are only a month apart.  I'll probably do the same as my kids get older.

[crispy]

We never had good party experiences, but the last straw was a particularly horrible failure -- no RSVPS and no guests. Just a crying little girl in an empty roller rink with streamers and a cake she decorated herself. Tore my heart out. Never again.

Our current system seems to be working well:

We take a weekend trip we wouldn't normally shell out for. Indoor water park. Big city visit. Something like that. All of our birthdays are between October and January, so we schedule it for late-November.

We also invite one special friend over for a big play date on the birthday itself -- zoo, movie, pizza, sleep-over, whatever they want. We can schedule for a day that the specific person is available, so no more worries about RSVPs or availability.

If they want to be bring cupcakes to school, that can be arranged. :)

That just breaks my heart for her.   I don't understand why parents don't RSVP.  My youngest daughter went to a birthday party this weekend where the mom had invited 15 little girls and only 4 had RSVP'd and showed up.  I felt so bad for the mom - she's a young, single mother and this was the first big party she had for her daughter. She had worked really hard on a small budget to make it nice. My oldest daughter had to come with me since my husband was traveling and another mom had her older daughter, too.  The mom asked if they would like to participate which was nice so it ended up being 6 girls.  In the end they had a great time so it ended well, but I hate to see children disappointed like that.

[tmac]

Thanks. It was pretty horrible. I would do just about anything to keep that (or anything like it) from ever happening again. It cemented my resolve to get the hell out of that rural Southern town, and we're now happily ensconced in New England, where being a frugal, non-religious family isn't so much a handicap.

[partgypsy]

That is just awful, where are people's manners now? We haven't had any flake outs, in fact one time word got out about the entertainment (a puppeteer) and kids who weren't invited showed up (a couple school friends and neighborhood kids) I ran around and made some impromptu goodie bags out of paper bags and spare candy, we had enough food, so it was fine.
The puppeteer was really neat, old fashioned show and constructs his own puppets http://www.tanglewoodpuppets.com/about-us/

[MandalayVA]

We never had good party experiences, but the last straw was a particularly horrible failure -- no RSVPS and no guests. Just a crying little girl in an empty roller rink with streamers and a cake she decorated herself. Tore my heart out. Never again.

This is one of the saddest things I've ever read.  How awful for your daughter.  People suck, seriously.

[rocksinmyhead]

partgypsy, that puppeteer idea sounds really cool!

tmac, oh god, I just want to hug you and your daughter just thinking about that. so glad you're in a more welcoming place now, sounds much better!!

I don't even have kids, just thought this was an interesting topic. my sister and I got parties every year, nothing terribly extravagant, but sometimes outside our house... one year I got to have one at the roller rink and another year at a nature center. those were both super cool. another really memorable one (that we also have video of) was in preschool, when my parents set up a treasure hunt with rhyming clues that led us all around the house and finally to a bucket of chocolate gold coins in the front coat closet. my mom also was intensely into decorating awesome cakes when we were really little (I think she started to give up around the time my little sister was 5 or 6, LOL), so the roller-rink party had a rollerblade-shaped cake frosted to match the color scheme on my rollerblades, and one time she made my sister a cake shaped like a school bus and she put little photos of her, my dad, me, and my sister in the windows. typing this out, I realize my mom is pretty fucking awesome (and there's a really neat store in the Twin Cities called Maid of Scandinavia where you can rent different fun-shaped cake pans... such a cool idea!).

I picture myself having low-key parties with friends every year for my future children. I like to entertain, but to me the focus is always on really good food and fun activities. I really fucking hate wasting time and money on things like decorations and party favors... don't know if that will change with kids or not.

[NinaNina]

We live most of the year in Oaxaca, Mexico and the cultural expectation is to invite not just every child in the class, but also the whole family. We manage this feat by only having parties every few years and sharing the party with a good friend who has a birthday at the same time. Still and all, you're looking at 75-85 people at your party, and they all come and stay the whole time! The last one we co-hosted was at a cafe-turned-disco and featured a DJ and an "agua fresca" bar and snacks. On the upside, we are in Mexico, so a party for nearly 90 people set us back about $200.

My other child always chooses to celebrate her birthday at school. We come in at recess with a couple of packed pinatas, sing "Las Mananitas," push her face in the cake (also local tradition), and done! We're doing this exact fiesta tomorrow, and it's costing us maybe $40 for a school of 28 kids.

[justajane]

I felt terrible last year when I RSVPed yes to a party for my oldest son at a bouncy plan, but I evidently wrote it down wrong on the calendar. When I went to e-mail the mom a week before to ask about a gift suggestion, I realized the party was the day before. I was mortified! I went ahead and brought a gift over and she thankfully forgave me for my oversight.

But, yes, it's rude not to RSVP. I think these days some people just assume that you only need to RSVP if you are going, but that always makes me nervous, especially when you need an accurate head count. I have been known to send a follow-up e-mail or bring it up in person if I see the parent.

My niece also had a party to which no one showed up. It was horrible.

[MamaFootball]

My kids are 22,21 and 19 so that ship has pretty much sailed for me. We always celebrated their birthdays with cake and ice cream for the family, but we had "Friend" parties for their 5th, 10th, 13th. We also gave each of our kids one last themed party as they entered adulthood. It really feels like those were the first parties that were really for them.

[Seppie]

Our kids each get $75 for their birthday, to be used however they like. If they want to put that toward a party, they can. If they want to put it toward a cake or other treats, they can. If they want us to use it to surprise them with gifts, we will. If they just want cash, we give them the cash.

My stepdaughter used to spend almost her whole $75 on sugar of one kind or another! Last year, my son had a bowling party, but the $75 wouldn't cover an official party at the bowling alley, so parents dropped kids off at the bowling alley, we paid for games and shoes for everyone, then drove them all back to our house for Little Caesars pizza and homemade cake. Then they ran wildly around the house as only 11 and 12 year old boys can.

Especially as they've gotten older, though, our kids pretty much just opt for the cash. My mother-in-law brings them cake and ice cream in addition to whatever we do, and we have a brief little family party then. Maybe $300 is a lot to spend on birthdays every year, but that was the way we decided to rein in the spending we had each done on birthdays with our own kids before we got married.

[freeazabird]

Our kids each get $75 for their birthday, to be used however they like. If they want to put that toward a party, they can. If they want to put it toward a cake or other treats, they can. If they want us to use it to surprise them with gifts, we will. If they just want cash, we give them the cash.

My stepdaughter used to spend almost her whole $75 on sugar of one kind or another! Last year, my son had a bowling party, but the $75 wouldn't cover an official party at the bowling alley, so parents dropped kids off at the bowling alley, we paid for games and shoes for everyone, then drove them all back to our house for Little Caesars pizza and homemade cake. Then they ran wildly around the house as only 11 and 12 year old boys can.

Especially as they've gotten older, though, our kids pretty much just opt for the cash. My mother-in-law brings them cake and ice cream in addition to whatever we do, and we have a brief little family party then. Maybe $300 is a lot to spend on birthdays every year, but that was the way we decided to rein in the spending we had each done on birthdays with our own kids before we got married.

I never would have thought of this, great idea!

[wifeytini623]

We did a huge first birthday party for my daughter, with tons of friends and extended relatives...yeah, not doing that again. The expense was huge (at least, more than we felt we could afford at the time, living at my parents' house and all), the prep and clean-up were hard to manage, etc. Plus she was ONE and got so many presents that she got tired of opening them halfway through.

For her second birthday, we had the nuclear family over (husband's immediate fam, my immediate fam) and let her invite one friend (she could have done without that too, since she's a total introvert and ignored her friend the entire time). That was plenty stimulation for her. She got presents, cake, and played for hours in the yard while the grown-ups chatted. I honestly think she liked that much better. And so did her parents. :)

When my son came along, we didn't do a big 1st birthday blowout. Admittedly, I feel a little guilty over that (because my daughter had one, so of course, I've got mom guilt!). He's allergic to eggs, so we had berries and cool-whip instead of cake. We had the in-laws over for sunday brunch, opened presents, and sang happy birthday. Presumably, he loved it.

I admittedly have some guilt over not doing huge bashes like all my other mom friends. But we have huge families. Between prep, clean-up, decorations, food, etc., it just gets expensive and overwhelming. And the kids are seemingly just as happy with a few people and a gift or two.

[yandz]

I don't have kids, but when I was young, the system that worked for our family with 7 kids was birthday parties from 5-10 years old (modest style...the good old days and such), then one friend for a sleep over on our birthday for a long as we cared (let's say 11-13), then a party again for 16 if we wanted it.  Otherwise birthdays just meant we got to choose what as for dinner and/or a cake :)

It was a good balance.

[wtjbatman]

I'm curious, how often do you give your kids birthday parties?  And how much do you spend on such a thing?

Generally once a year.

[soccerluvof4]

I have 4 kids and it was pretty much the same for all of them.  From about  pre k- 2nd or third we would throw them 1 birthday party a year which either was lazer tag and pizza or bumper bowl and pizza. No more than 150$ all in.  After that none of them wanted a part but rather 1-3 friends over , some pasta and a cake or treat.

[chouchouu]

Every year, I have five year old twins and love in Sydney.  It's kind of expected to have one every year here. One year I was going to skip and my friends told me they would host their party instead so I decided to step up. Cost is anything from $100 up to $800. Usually around 30 people but since they made so many friends at kindergarten I guess I'll need to add another 20 to that. That's the annoying thing about Facebook,  it's hard not to invite certain friends because someone will tag you in photos and they'll find out they're excluded. This year was $800, it was supposed to be around $250 with me catering at our local park and with a face painter but it turned out to be a heatwave so I had to cancel the park and booked a indoor play center instead. I'm going to do the park again next year but if there's another heatwave we'll go to the local public pool which is much cheaper than the indoor play center as you can byo.

[I'm a red panda]

We plan annually, once they know what birthdays are.
For my daughter, her first birthday we had friends over and had fajitas and cake. We didn't spend anymore than a normal dinner, though we didn't get leftovers from fajitas like normal.  We plan the same for her second.

For the third anniversary of my son's birthday, we hosted a pool party for about 60 people. Pool rental was $90 for 2 hours; costco cake was $30. We also bought some capri suns and some plates and forks.  We will probably do this until our other kids are older, then go back to the tradition we had of the first 2 years, which was to go to the zoo as a family. It was just way too cold to go with a toddler in November.

[SwitchActiveDWG]

We do small parties with family usually. Doesn't cost more than the extra groceries to feed everyone and a little extra for a cookie cake.

Ten year old though and doesn't ask for a big party... if one was requested we would probably oblige.

[Just Joe]

We never had good party experiences, but the last straw was a particularly horrible failure -- no RSVPS and no guests. Just a crying little girl in an empty roller rink with streamers and a cake she decorated herself. Tore my heart out. Never again.

Our current system seems to be working well:

We take a weekend trip we wouldn't normally shell out for. Indoor water park. Big city visit. Something like that. All of our birthdays are between October and January, so we schedule it for late-November.

We also invite one special friend over for a big play date on the birthday itself -- zoo, movie, pizza, sleep-over, whatever they want. We can schedule for a day that the specific person is available, so no more worries about RSVPs or availability.

If they want to be bring cupcakes to school, that can be arranged. :)

We had a similar experience once with child #1. Never again. Child #2 may be more of an introvert than DW and I so, no - no parties wished for.

We have also offered family weekend trips including a friend a few times. That has worked well with child #1 (more or less now grown). Child #2 seems to thrive better with one on one friend play dates that last a few hours max.