But how much do you all tell the people around you about your lifestyle and accomplishments? I don't think the people that know us directly are resentful, because they've seen how we live. But what about people that don't see your day-to-day? I mean, they think you must be rich, right? They get angry.
Do you just keep it to yourself? I thought I'd be helping people by sharing the techniques we used and how we saved...
I've been blogging for nearly five years (and writing for a decade before that). I've started doing more podcast and video appearances, too. As I've become more public, I've started to share more of the numbers like "25% tax bracket" and "accredited investor". I'm not ready to go into detailed updates like J. Money's Million Dollar Club (
http://www.budgetsaresexy.com/2008/04/my-millionaire-to-do-list/) but that's still on my radar.
First, of course, you're not going to flaunt it (let alone make a target of yourself).
Second, it's worth highlighting the mistakes that you made enroute your lifestyle and accomplishments. Even if people think you're lucky (or privileged) they'll still appreciate your self-deprecating screwups.
Third, there's nothing to apologize for. You didn't become a millionaire by working at Goldman Sachs, let alone breeding kittens for fur coats. You worked your assets off and saved like crazy, just like anyone else would if they shared your same motivations. You gave up things that had no value for you (whether that's a daily Starbucks or a $2M McMansion) and aligned your spending with your values (like seven-year mortgages).
Finally, there are some socially-acceptable statements that can help you determine how much your listeners want to hear:
"We live a beach-bum lifestyle so we're doing fine on our savings."
"We're taking a few months off to spend more time doing the things that are important to us."
"Yeah, we're rich by society's standards, but in this case our money has to last the rest of our lives. If we spent like we were rich then we'd be poor by 2019."
Eventually that might morph into:
"Well, we lowered our expenses and boosted our savings rate to over 50%, and today we're following the 4% SWR."
and you could have a more detailed conversation to share your techniques. But 90% of the people you meet will have moved on before that point. They might
need your help, but they're not yet ready to
want it. When the time comes, they know where to find you.
... but I've gotten a ton of angry comments and some honest-to-God hate mail.
You could look at that a couple of ways.
First, you're a blogger. If you're going to stay a blogger then you'll develop a thick skin.
Those angry comments and hate mail are directed at you because your writing was powerful enough to get those people off their butts and inspire them to compose their commentary. (Otherwise you'd never hear from them.) Take it as a compliment.
They're also boosting your blog's popularity on SEO and search engines. They might even be clicking on your ads-- so you're earning from their anger!
I suspect that any thoughtful reader of their comments would soon discount their hostility and pay more attention to your reading.
I've attracted some hardcore trolls over the years who have figured out my name and my home address. None of them have ever mustered up the effort to contact me by e-mail or phone, let alone in person. I've met one of them at two different conferences now, and each time he's studiously avoided eye contact-- let alone conflict. In all but the most unpredictable and rare circumstances, the people who are sending you angry comments and hate mail will not do anything more than that.
I'm doing my best to adhere to "stealth wealth," with a weird situation.
I'm a musician that [(used to, as of last Friday) :-D] have a day job. All my friends are struggling artists and musicians, either scraping by on small grants, lessons or gigs/sales in their arts specialty or in low-pay jobs like barista/retail.
I was lucky to accidentally pivot a hobby into a median-plus income job and saved my tail off.
I can't tell any of my art friends. I don't know how they would relate, but my guess is it could adversely affect our relationship. So I am currently lying to them all. ("My job sucks! We were busy today! TGIF!").
The worst (and I have no idea how to deal with it) is my ex-BF/BF (boyfriend and best friend) is extremely poor, on disability, does odd jobs and absolutely can not know that I am FI. (what a can of worms that would open). It wasn't hard to keep under wraps while I was working, but now I'm RE'd. He doesn't know. He occasionally stays over at my place and then offers a ride to work. This is pretty crazy, but until I figure out how to deal with this situation I am *faking* going to work on the one (sometimes two) days per week he stays over to protect my secret! (I even procured a duplicate badge before I quit so it would look right). He drops me off, I get a coffee downtown, then jump on a bus for home.
I have to figure out a solution, because that can't last forever. :-/
Anyone else trying to obfuscate their situation from a very-close person in their life? Or is my situation just unique and stoopid? Ugh. :-/
Other than that silly exercise, RE is great, so far!
-The Pigeon
This is actually kinda sad. I'm trying to imagine how anyone can be this close to someone (that they occasionally stay over and/or are considered "best friend"), yet at the same time lacks basic trust in them and maintains secrecy about such a significant aspect of your life.
Weird.
It is sad but it's really hard to go against your own click. She lives in the People's Republic of San Francisco for God's sake. Just when and how she comes out of the closet has to be her call. BTW, it's not that unusual. In his book on military retirement Nord recounts how one service member suited up and left for work weekdays after retirement so as not to freak out the kids.
Thanks, Eric, the extended-play version of that ER's advice is at this post:
http://the-military-guide.com/2013/06/10/im-setting-a-good-example-by-working-at-a-job/Pigeon, I suspect that your problems with your ex-BF/BFF are more than financial. When you eventually reveal the truth (or get caught in a lie) then you'll find out exactly what type of friend you have. If you can't handle that discussion now, then maybe this friend isn't quite the best friend you feel that they are.
You could test the waters by explaining the simple truth-- that you "accidentally pivoted a hobby into a median-plus income job" and that you're going to be taking more time off from work. If your BFF is really a friend then they'll be happy for you. If they're jealous or envious, or if it otherwise affects the relationship, then they weren't much of a friend to begin with.
As for the rest of your crowd, you could always take the approach of "I'm taking a few months off to <spend time with family><focus on my art><find a better job>". Most people interpret that as "I'm unemployed and I really need a job..." so they won't ask a bunch of probing questions. If you dress like a beach bum and spend a lot of time surfing then they'll worry that you'll ask them to lend you money. At least that's been my personal experience.
