Someone asked how old my husband is. He is 30. Also in response to SKJoyous: No he doesn't want to buy stuff to impress people and we actually make comparable amounts to our friends and I assume save much more as everyone has much more expensive cars, houses, toys, etc. than us (also we have no kids which I know is a large expense for many of our "Friends") Also, we really don't hang out with people often as we work so much and have such conflicting schedules. Basically I spend time with my parents when he's working and he has one good friend and his wife (who live off one income).
My husband and I both grew up poor. This made me very frugal and paranoid to always make sure to save for a worst case scenario. He's the opposite, it made him want to have all the things he never could. Since he was a teenager, he worked and had to support to his mom and older brother who were lazy and wouldn't work. He paid rent, bought groceries etc. He says he always had to work and never got anything for it because he always had to give it away, so now he wants to be able to the things he wants. Once he hit about twenty he made the decision to pull the plug on paying their expenses.
I will explain the around $500 a month number. Its actually more but here's where it comes from. Out of his paycheck, he gets to keep $325 for fun money. Which to me seems like too much but atleast its contained. On top of that, he is an officer in the national guard and has to go do that one weekend a month. Depending on the number of days he makes around 460 to 660 in that weekend. He's been talking for a long time about wanting a car. IMO I would never by a car without saving up the full cost ( if I could help it, I know that there are emergencies but this is not one) and I would also never pay more than 30,000 for a car. He says that he can't get anything he wants for under 40,000. I told him that he needed to save up a lot and minimum 10,000 ideally 20,000 before buying a new car. Again, a want not a need. His old car is old but it works and runs. I told him if he saved his fun money for a car and that I was also okay with him saving his military money for a car, he could save quite a bit a month to get a good sized down payment. Also for gifts such as bday I just save up a lot of cash and give it to him (ideally to put in that account, which he promptly blows on other things like Lulu Lemon, don't even get me started).
Fortunately, he doesn't just go and make huge purchases without talking to me but he is constantly trying to convince and manipulate me that he needs this next new thing that's "only a few hundred dollars."
Everyone's suggestions have been helpful but I think that I'm beginning to see, more now than even before, that he will never change. I honestly just can't see any hope. I read everyone's suggestions and think to myself here's why this wont work or I've tried this already. Fortunately, we do save quite a bit for what we make but I just get frustrated that we could be saving so much more.
Thanks for sharing EAL, I think there are probably a lot of people who have that same frustration with a more 'spendy' spouse. I have a couple of suggestions, but of course I am random person on the internet and don't know you/your life, so these might not be appropriate :)
It sounds to me a bit like spending money on 'things' is your hubbies' source of 'feel good'. You say you guys work a lot, have conflicting schedules, and not a lot of friends. It's pretty important to have fulfilling things outside of work; things like leisure time spent together, friends, outlets for relaxation, hobbies, etc. If people don't have enough of these, they get a bit bored and/or restless, and that is when they start seeking the short-term emotional high that comes from buying things. It's a really fundamental issue with everyone, because for most people buying something gives that post-purchase glow and feel good about myself type of thing. Put that together with him feeling like he needs to reward himself for all the years of work with nothing to show for it (because he had to support others), and there is definitely a buy/reward cycle happening.
I don't have any specific suggestions as to what to do because again, don't know your life, but would suggest generally that finding more time to socialize, spend time with people, relaxing activities or inspiring activities, or whatever might give the nice serotonin release without buying things ;)
The one last thing I wonder is the motivation behind wanting the new car - if indeed your friends have newer cars, houses, toys, could it be a bit of wanting to keep up? I know I'm generalizing a bit here, but cars seem to be kind of important to men and maybe he's feeling a bit deprived in that area. I will tell you that in our house, we drive fairly new vehicles and not particularly mustachian ones - this is the ultimate compromise with my hubby because that is a super-huge-big deal to him. I know it's costing us, but in the big picture it is worth it because he has compromised in a lot of other areas (he doesn't have toys, he has his 'free spending money' per month just like yours, and he doesn't spend a lot).
You are doing great! You are saving a bunch, you are aware of your spending and being conscious and planning large purchases, and I assume don't have debt. Part of the problem might be you worrying just a
little too much and maybe you need to not cause yourself that stress by worrying about 'how much more' you could be saving. Remind yourself all the time how well you are doing, and make the compromises needed to keep yourself on track and to keep your marriage happy. Remember, you are ahead of probably 90% of the population just doing what you're doing now!
