How do you deal with the life style creep of those around you?

[MarioMario]

All around me people are earning more money and then spending more money.

Everyone is buying new cars and getting bigger houses.  RVs and boats.

When you family and friends are victims of life style creep do you ever say anything?

Make joke about it?  Scream "emergency!  Do you really want to work until you are 80?"

[mm1970]

Sometimes I am privately snarky.  Mostly I try to mind my own business.

I have friends and family who spend money on cars, big houses, lavish vacations, concerts, eating out, you name it.

I have come to terms with the fact that I have different values.  And different goals.  And different income.  And a different tolerance for financial security.

Whenever friends buy a bigger house, I wonder.  But some of my friends have a higher income.  Some have more stable jobs.  Some are no longer paying for childcare.  We are all in a different place.  (And some of them have a different tolerance for financial security than me.  A recent friend bought a new house.  They make 1/2 what we do, have more kids, and I can't imagine buying a house for that much on their income!  However, they have stable, state jobs.)

[ketchup]

I do nothing unless they bug me about not following suit onto the hedonistic treadmill.  Then I'll either make a crack about how cheap I am, how much I like my old [house/car/etc], or something I just spend "all my" money on (like a house project or a trip), depending on who I'm talking to.

[slappy]

Sometimes I am privately snarky.  Mostly I try to mind my own business.

I have friends and family who spend money on cars, big houses, lavish vacations, concerts, eating out, you name it.

I have come to terms with the fact that I have different values.  And different goals.  And different income.  And a different tolerance for financial security.

This^^^

My SIL is the perfect example. They needed a new car, and I suggested a couple that were used and affordable. Nope, they had to have a brand new $30k vehicle. Now they have two new cars, and I would be willing to bet that the combined payments on them are almost as much as my mortgage. And they have a mortgage that is 2.5x mine.  I know they make more than us, but I can't imagine an income that would make me comfortable with those payments.  I just try to lead by example as much as possible.

[MarioMario]

Whenever friends buy a bigger house, I wonder.  But some of my friends have a higher income.  Some have more stable jobs.  Some are no longer paying for childcare.  We are all in a different place.  (And some of them have a different tolerance for financial security than me.  A recent friend bought a new house.  They make 1/2 what we do, have more kids, and I can't imagine buying a house for that much on their income!  However, they have stable, state jobs.)

It's hard with my in-laws and close friends knowing their incomes to watch them buy bigger houses with leverage.

I feel like they don't know there is another way.  It's like they feel like they have to have me style creep.

I do nothing unless they bug me about not following suit onto the hedonistic treadmill.  Then I'll either make a crack about how cheap I am, how much I like my old [house/car/etc], or something I just spend "all my" money on (like a house project or a trip), depending on who I'm talking to.

We still have a 2002 neon I got senior year of high school and people always make fun of us for it.  It only has 65k on it because I have always lived close to work.

[EnjoyIt]

It's kinda funny hanging around my peers as they talk about purchasing $60k-$90k cars while I continue to drive my beater. I love cars and know a decent amount about them but I like financial independence more.

I did once mention to a friend who was about to purchase a rediculous house that he is buying a prison and not a home. He did not get it then. 3 years later I think he sees the light but thinks it's too late to get out and change course. Que sera I guess.

[MarioMario]

I feel like if people understood life style creep they could make the choice to go down the road to Mustachian if they wanted.

Instead the default is to spend more when you earn more.

[gazzamatic]

I feel like they don't know there is another way.

And if you dare to suggest there is, they will refuse to believe it.

[MarioMario]

I feel like they don't know there is another way.

And if you dare to suggest there is, they will refuse to believe it.

It's hard because after someone buys a new house or car you shouldn't say anything.

[ketchup]

I do nothing unless they bug me about not following suit onto the hedonistic treadmill.  Then I'll either make a crack about how cheap I am, how much I like my old [house/car/etc], or something I just spend "all my" money on (like a house project or a trip), depending on who I'm talking to.

We still have a 2002 neon I got senior year of high school and people always make fun of us for it.  It only has 65k on it because I have always lived close to work.

I finally just got rid of my giant rumbly faux-wood-paneled '92 Buick station wagon (engine blew) and that one sure got me some comments.  But it was awesome.

[MarioMario]

I do nothing unless they bug me about not following suit onto the hedonistic treadmill.  Then I'll either make a crack about how cheap I am, how much I like my old [house/car/etc], or something I just spend "all my" money on (like a house project or a trip), depending on who I'm talking to.

We still have a 2002 neon I got senior year of high school and people always make fun of us for it.  It only has 65k on it because I have always lived close to work.

I finally just got rid of my giant rumbly faux-wood-paneled '92 Buick station wagon (engine blew) and that one sure got me some comments.  But it was awesome.

Station wagons are awesome for transporting humans and cargo.

Did you get misty eyed?

[ketchup]

I do nothing unless they bug me about not following suit onto the hedonistic treadmill.  Then I'll either make a crack about how cheap I am, how much I like my old [house/car/etc], or something I just spend "all my" money on (like a house project or a trip), depending on who I'm talking to.

We still have a 2002 neon I got senior year of high school and people always make fun of us for it.  It only has 65k on it because I have always lived close to work.

I finally just got rid of my giant rumbly faux-wood-paneled '92 Buick station wagon (engine blew) and that one sure got me some comments.  But it was awesome.

Station wagons are awesome for transporting humans and cargo.

Did you get misty eyed?

I did.  200,775 on the odometer.  Twas a noble beast.

It was indeed great for hauling.

Square feet of sod transported: 600
Couches transported: 3
Mattresses transported: 4
Box springs transported: 4
Freezers transported: 2
Deer hit: 1
Properly-blinking-without-help turn signals since deer impact: 1
Most passengers carried (including driver): 7
Maximum number of fully-grown dogs on board at once: 6
Most raw frozen dog food hauled back from Wisconsin at once: 600lbs
Maximum disparity between value of cargo and value of vehicle: approx. $4,000
Maximum average speed over a 24-hour period: 54mph

And total cost to drive:
3.4 cents/mi Maintenance and Repairs
13.9 cents/mi Fuel (18MPG "lifetime" average while I owned it)
2.4 cents/mi Insurance
1 cent/mi Plates, renewals, etc.
1.4 cents/mi Depreciation

Total: 22.3 cents per mile

[MarioMario]

I do nothing unless they bug me about not following suit onto the hedonistic treadmill.  Then I'll either make a crack about how cheap I am, how much I like my old [house/car/etc], or something I just spend "all my" money on (like a house project or a trip), depending on who I'm talking to.

We still have a 2002 neon I got senior year of high school and people always make fun of us for it.  It only has 65k on it because I have always lived close to work.

I finally just got rid of my giant rumbly faux-wood-paneled '92 Buick station wagon (engine blew) and that one sure got me some comments.  But it was awesome.

Station wagons are awesome for transporting humans and cargo.

Did you get misty eyed?

I did.  200,775 on the odometer.  Twas a noble beast.

It was indeed great for hauling.

Square feet of sod transported: 600
Couches transported: 3
Mattresses transported: 4
Box springs transported: 4
Freezers transported: 2
Deer hit: 1
Properly-blinking-without-help turn signals since deer impact: 1
Most passengers carried (including driver): 7
Maximum number of fully-grown dogs on board at once: 6
Most raw frozen dog food hauled back from Wisconsin at once: 600lbs
Maximum disparity between value of cargo and value of vehicle: approx. $4,000

And total cost to drive:
3.4 cents/mi Maintenance and Repairs
13.9 cents/mi Fuel (18MPG "lifetime" average while I owned it)
2.4 cents/mi Insurance
1 cent/mi Plates, renewals, etc.
1.4 cents/mi Depreciation

Total: 22.3 cents per mile

That is awesome and a true badge of honor.  200k is a great accomplishment!  I am jealous.

[Beardog]

All around me people are earning more money and then spending more money.

Everyone is buying new cars and getting bigger houses.  RVs and boats.

When you family and friends are victims of life style creep do you ever say anything?

Make joke about it?  Scream "emergency!  Do you really want to work until you are 80?"

Even now, at my advanced and mature age (ha!), I sometimes find myself looking at the life styles of people around me and feeling a bit self-conscious about being a mustachian.  Although it can be difficult, I try very hard not to think too much about what other people do.  As time passes, I find am often/usually glad that I walked a different road.  I'm so glad I don't have the pressure/stress of making payments on things that I really can't afford and I'm glad to be in a position now to start enjoying my freedom, having started working part time and being on a glide path to total retirement some time in the next 6 months to a few years.

[Bajadoc]

I laugh at them in a nice sort of way.

[SwordGuy]

I'll share stuff I've learned or funny stories I've read on this forum.   Or some of the things I've been doing to cut costs or get some side income.

Even that is considered "An Attack!!!" by some people.

I have a number of college aged friends who are just starting off in the world.  I'll ask for permission to give them unsolicited but heartfelt advice.  If they say yes, I'll plant a few seeds.  Otherwise, no.

Unless someone is whining about how unfair life is while continuing to make one bad decision after another, and I can't get away from them too, I'm unlikely to point out how dumb their decisions are.

But if they do that and also jump on me for not driving a nice enough car, etc., they're definitely fair game. :)

[Frugancial Advisor]

It's important to remember that not everyone wants to work towards an early retirement, and therefore will not have the same views as you regarding their spending. Obviously this can be detrimental to them if a financial issue occurs, but that is not an inevitability that will 'force' these individuals to work 'until they are 80'.

I know of people who never saved a dime and spent most of what they earned on the big fancy house and flashy car. The reality is, after the house was paid off and they were free from a mortgage payment and financially assisting their children, they both had employer and government pensions which brought in more income than they needed. They go on ridiculous vacations all the time and thoroughly enjoy their version of retirement which started at age 60.

Now, this isn't the goal of the average Mustachian, so we view their silly spending in a different light. Lifestyle creep only becomes a problem when it is not manageable, and that is where those who are frugal benefit from their falsely-perceived 'sacrifices'.

[halseyskates33]

My workplace is actually pretty frugal. Most people bring their lunch and on breaks we all go for walks rather than watch the TV. Always, get a big smile on my face when someone walks in to the cafe with their take out only to ask "what smells so good?" um someone's lunch from home lol

My roommate is another story, I have tried offering advice, but after the defaulted student loan and 6 maxed out credit cards, I just can't anymore. The constant take out containers, the expensive cell phone, the trip to Cancun in Dec.....I have learned that some people don't care about their spending, but will always complain. I just go into my room and read

[clarkfan1979]

The bigger houses and boats don't bother me. We might have said no to a couple expensive dinners, but that's about it.

[ender]

Station wagons are awesome for transporting humans and cargo.

We've got a focus wagon and within the past few days hauled a loveseat (fit entirely inside) and a 7 foot long couch (had the tail gate open slightly).

Every time I do something like that I imagine my use cases for a truck becoming fewer and fewer.

[Fearthebait]

For a bit it was difficult to transition fully to a FI Mindset for me seeing my friends being "Happy" in new homes and cars with their families. What really changed my perspective was when a very close friend of mine suddenly lost his job and after 1 week said "We are completely broke and can't afford to pay our bills because neither of us made enough to save much money." They both made plenty of money to save, they just spent all of it on their lavish lifestyle. Since then I realized the lifestyle creep is all smoke and mirrors. Sooner or later it will vanish and you will see the truth of what they do to themselves.

[Calvawt]

how do you know they are victims?  Even if people increase their spending after making more money, they could still be increasing their savings rate at the same time.  Of course, I don't think that is the scenario all the time.

[Cranky]

My neighborhood is pretty darned free of lifestyle creep!

[LivlongnProsper]

If I feel a twinge of jealousy coming on I remind myself of my goals, and come here for a sanity check.

[LiveLean]

I'm into stand-up paddleboarding.

Occasionally I'll see a friend --  or someone I don't know -- have to rig up their $45K Jeep Wrangler or $50K pickup with a horrible looking rack in order to transport their paddleboards. Makes the car look awful and no doubt cost a few bucks.

Or I'll see someone with similar vehicle toting a boat.

My old minivan meanwhile is the perfect vehicle to transport paddleboards. I get a better workout than the boaters, transport my boards for a fraction the cost of the Wrangler/pickup crowd without making my ride look like something Cousin Eddie would have created.

And I'm in better shape than all of them. Definitely physically and probably fiscally. :)

[BlueHouse]

When you family and friends are victims of life style creep do you ever say anything?

"When's the party?!"

[Metric Mouse]

When you family and friends are victims of life style creep do you ever say anything?

"When's the party?!"

Right? Celebrate with them. They are enjoying their life. I'd hate to let worries about someone else's spending affect my life.

[HenryDavid]

I figure that if they sincerely love the new kitchen, mountain bike, SUV, travel trailer, etc (all recent show and tell items I've been treated to) then I rejoice right all and say "cool."
The only sad tinge, for me--and I never bring this up but sometimes it pops out of friends' mouths on its own-- is the default assumption that "I'm gonna work till I drop anyway so I might as well have nice things along the way." Because "I can carry the payments." Not being aware of any other choices and feeling compelled to "treat the pain" with cool acquisitions . . . There's a conversation there that I'd love to have, if someone opened the door. But unsolicited advice and opinions, no.
Meanwhile we do offer a quiet example of sunny, cheerful, less-burdened lives with an unrenovated house, 5 months off a year (semi retired early, part time work by choice and for fun) old but reliable car, no mortgage, no debt, growing investments and so on. It's there if people wanna talk about it . .  .

[henri]

Easy. I think about my account balance and laugh at them.

[WackyTomato]

In addition to what has already been said, I must say that we don't really ever know the full picture of somebody's finances.  Some people in their 30's and 40's just inherit.  Inheritance can be a massive part of somebody's wealth.

Having said that, I usually cringe as well when I see a middle class family buying all kinds of real estate, boat, RVs, cottage, cottage toys, etc. 

[undercover]

Why would you say anything? Why would you care unless they're super shallow people who judge people by the type of house or car or meals that they eat - and why would you want to be associated with someone like that to begin with?

You don't know their full financial situation nor do you need to. Live and let live.

[mbl]

It seems that with the frugality culture that many here embrace, is a need to prove somehow that those who don't follow that lifestyle must be doomed financially.  A measure of superiority if you will.   So often here people state that they are setting some example for others with their frugality.  Being  frugal and the benefits it can yield is just so painfully obvious to them that if properly modeled it will surely convince  others that it is the correct way to live.    For the most part I would think we agree that most often NOT.

Instead, what is being shown here is that sometimes envy is the underlying response to seeing others spending and enjoying in a different manner.

The reality is, as Frugancial Advisor noted,  most people will be fine.  Even if they don't follow what is here judged to be a worthy frugal lifestyle.

Someone DH and I knew died unexpectedly at 39 from a massive heart attack.  She left a husband and two teenage girls.    We used to call her Miss Now...she wanted what she wanted right away.    They both had good jobs even without college educations.  They built a nice home and managed a few big vacations in the years just before she passed.    Maybe it wsa a good thing that she was like that so they could experience these things in the relatively short time they had together as a family.

No one is guaranteed a long life.  Sometimes those who spend or acquire or more to the point, do things without having a big cushion might be  balancing conservative carefulness with the courage to engage in something without waiting for the best time.

Everyone is different.  Mustachianism isn't the holy grail for all.   Each does what creates the best and most comfortable choice.

Most people don't possess the leve of self-esteem to be happy in their choices and be at peace with the choices that others make.    That is illustrated by the "face punch" and "clown car" comments.   The opinion that what is seen on the surface in how others seem to wantonly spend is just sheer stupidity.   Almost that there needs to be some "fairness" factor applied to those who are frugal because they've exercised self-control.  It all falls apart where each person's fiscal life is different.   

[wenchsenior]

Everyone is different.  Mustachianism isn't the holy grail for all.   Each does what creates the best and most comfortable choice.

Most people don't possess the leve of self-esteem to be happy in their choices and be at peace with the choices that others make.    That is illustrated by the "face punch" and "clown car" comments.   The opinion that what is seen on the surface in how others seem to wantonly spend is just sheer stupidity.   Almost that there needs to be some "fairness" factor applied to those who are frugal because they've exercised self-control.  It all falls apart where each person's fiscal life is different.

Great post. The smug, self-congratulatory tone that tinges quite a few posts on this board, combined with frequent lack of empathy, is one of the few things that I find repellent about an otherwise very fun, helpful forum. People all have their own struggles in life, and as self centered as I can be about a lot of things, I try to always keep it in mind.

[Northwestie]

Someone DH and I knew died unexpectedly at 39 from a massive heart attack.  She left a husband and two teenage girls.    We used to call her Miss Now...she wanted what she wanted right away.    They both had good jobs even without college educations.  They built a nice home and managed a few big vacations in the years just before she passed.    Maybe it wsa a good thing that she was like that so they could experience these things in the relatively short time they had together as a family.

No one is guaranteed a long life.  Sometimes those who spend or acquire or more to the point, do things without having a big cushion might be  balancing conservative carefulness with the courage to engage in something without waiting for the best time.

Everyone is different.  Mustachianism isn't the holy grail for all.   Each does what creates the best and most comfortable choice.

Amen.  Conversely others would not put up with a day of not hating their work or would prefer to keep a low key job so they can enjoy their family and activities more without the stress of higher pay and savings.  You could get hit by a Metro bus today and that would be that - that FIRE fund would not matter so much then.

[dougules]

It seems that with the frugality culture that many here embrace, is a need to prove somehow that those who don't follow that lifestyle must be doomed financially.  A measure of superiority if you will.   So often here people state that they are setting some example for others with their frugality.  Being  frugal and the benefits it can yield is just so painfully obvious to them that if properly modeled it will surely convince  others that it is the correct way to live.    For the most part I would think we agree that most often NOT.

Instead, what is being shown here is that sometimes envy is the underlying response to seeing others spending and enjoying in a different manner.

The reality is, as Frugancial Advisor noted,  most people will be fine.  Even if they don't follow what is here judged to be a worthy frugal lifestyle.

Someone DH and I knew died unexpectedly at 39 from a massive heart attack.  She left a husband and two teenage girls.    We used to call her Miss Now...she wanted what she wanted right away.    They both had good jobs even without college educations.  They built a nice home and managed a few big vacations in the years just before she passed.    Maybe it wsa a good thing that she was like that so they could experience these things in the relatively short time they had together as a family.

No one is guaranteed a long life.  Sometimes those who spend or acquire or more to the point, do things without having a big cushion might be  balancing conservative carefulness with the courage to engage in something without waiting for the best time.

Everyone is different.  Mustachianism isn't the holy grail for all.   Each does what creates the best and most comfortable choice.

Most people don't possess the leve of self-esteem to be happy in their choices and be at peace with the choices that others make.    That is illustrated by the "face punch" and "clown car" comments.   The opinion that what is seen on the surface in how others seem to wantonly spend is just sheer stupidity.   Almost that there needs to be some "fairness" factor applied to those who are frugal because they've exercised self-control.  It all falls apart where each person's fiscal life is different.

Begrudgingly I think you're very right.  It's really hard to be doing something completely different than everybody around you, though.  As much as people give lip service to individuality, real individuality can be pretty isolating. 

[jtraggie99]

It seems that with the frugality culture that many here embrace, is a need to prove somehow that those who don't follow that lifestyle must be doomed financially.  A measure of superiority if you will.   So often here people state that they are setting some example for others with their frugality.  Being  frugal and the benefits it can yield is just so painfully obvious to them that if properly modeled it will surely convince  others that it is the correct way to live.    For the most part I would think we agree that most often NOT.

Instead, what is being shown here is that sometimes envy is the underlying response to seeing others spending and enjoying in a different manner.

The reality is, as Frugancial Advisor noted,  most people will be fine.  Even if they don't follow what is here judged to be a worthy frugal lifestyle.

Someone DH and I knew died unexpectedly at 39 from a massive heart attack.  She left a husband and two teenage girls.    We used to call her Miss Now...she wanted what she wanted right away.    They both had good jobs even without college educations.  They built a nice home and managed a few big vacations in the years just before she passed.    Maybe it wsa a good thing that she was like that so they could experience these things in the relatively short time they had together as a family.

No one is guaranteed a long life.  Sometimes those who spend or acquire or more to the point, do things without having a big cushion might be  balancing conservative carefulness with the courage to engage in something without waiting for the best time.

Everyone is different.  Mustachianism isn't the holy grail for all.   Each does what creates the best and most comfortable choice.

Most people don't possess the leve of self-esteem to be happy in their choices and be at peace with the choices that others make.    That is illustrated by the "face punch" and "clown car" comments.   The opinion that what is seen on the surface in how others seem to wantonly spend is just sheer stupidity.   Almost that there needs to be some "fairness" factor applied to those who are frugal because they've exercised self-control.  It all falls apart where each person's fiscal life is different.

Yep, you pretty much nailed it.  I, like others have noted, find this a good place for inspiration, advice, and ideas.  On the flip-side, for some, there seems to be a rampant looking down at those who are deemed non-MMM and an ever increasing challenge to see who can be the most mustachian. 

I have no idea how much money even my closest friends and family make.  We don't discuss income and finances, and I have no desire or interest to do so.  Frankly, I could really care less what other people do with their money.  It's their money and their life.  Do what makes you happy.  Who am I to judge what should constitute happiness for someone else?

On a side note, growing up and living in the US, it seems we have a culture that focuses too much on winning and losing.  You are either doing it right and winning (at life) or you are doing it wrong and losing.  There is no middle ground.  We all want to be right, we all want to win.  And for many, there is a huge need for validation from others that you are doing it right.  This community seems to be no different in a lot of regards. 

[ReadySetMillionaire]

I disagree.  It's not envy that I feel when I watch others over-spend, it's pity.  Life is short and I agree with you some people may end up dying young tragically.  However, if they have a massive savings, they can reduce the likelihood of dying by cutting down on work, going part-time, retiring, or taking a lower stress job.  And they would be able to spend more of their short time on this planet with the ability to do whatever the flip they want, instead of sitting in a cubicle listening to conference calls.  And the vast majority of americans have not ready MMM or other early retirement blogs, and don't realize that it is possible, so they continue to live how they were raised, paycheck to paycheck.

Assumptions in bold.

All you know about the anecdotal story is that the woman died at 39. Could have been genetic, could have been anything. To assume it was because she worked instead of pursuing FIRE is some pretty twisted logic based on the limited information provided. Furthermore, I don't know of any studies that show that early retirement leads to a lower probability of dying. How do we possibly know?

Also, you don't even know what job the 39 year old from mbl's story (or anyone else) has. Do you know if she sat around in conference calls all day? Or did she have a fulfilling job? Who knows?

Anecdotally for me, aside from some pretty significant corporate politics going on at my job (which I've posted about in another thread), I personally am starting to enjoy and take some satisfaction from work. I enjoy the vast majority of people I work with, I enjoy solving problems for clients, and I enjoy the local community of lawyers. In fact, I like my job enough that, assuming things go well here, and once I FIRE, I'd probably still stay on in a consulting role.

All in all, your post proves the point mbl was trying to make--you've twisted and warped another person's story to convince yourself that the way you are doing things is the right way.  And that's not a fair way to look at it.

[mm1970]

It seems that with the frugality culture that many here embrace, is a need to prove somehow that those who don't follow that lifestyle must be doomed financially.  A measure of superiority if you will.   So often here people state that they are setting some example for others with their frugality.  Being  frugal and the benefits it can yield is just so painfully obvious to them that if properly modeled it will surely convince  others that it is the correct way to live.    For the most part I would think we agree that most often NOT.

Sometimes, this is true.

But sometimes, it's not.  Sometimes, it's pity.

You know a lot of people on here are engineers, or numbers people, and it's simply baffling to see people not make the connection.  (I can't afford to replace my roof!  Ooh, did you see my photos from Hawaii??)

I'm not sure it's envy, but sometimes it is.  Sometimes it's a low level of frustration.  Especially if it's close friends and family.  That's when you may have to dig out the "tough love".   "NO, I'm not going to loan you any money."

Most people I know are going to be FINE.  But I can't help simultaneously feeling sorry for the people who AREN'T fine and wanting to strangle them at the same time.

[WackyTomato]

Pretty simple.  I don't deal with it.  Probably not a very useful response.  It's a state of mind thing.  Be confident.  You are the master of your own destiny (hopefully).

[Regular Guy]

I torture myself by imagining how great it would be to have all sorts of new stuff, even going so far as to do a fair amount of online window shopping and comparisons, reading all the latest reviews of whatever stuff it might be that caught my eye.  Then I end up buying nothing since I already have more than I need by far.

[MasterStache]

For those I know who are in way over their heads, I pity them knowing they are going to be working the rest of their lives. For others who can afford it and still save significantly, I applaud them.

[Slinky]

It seems that with the frugality culture that many here embrace, is a need to prove somehow that those who don't follow that lifestyle must be doomed financially.  A measure of superiority if you will.   So often here people state that they are setting some example for others with their frugality.  Being  frugal and the benefits it can yield is just so painfully obvious to them that if properly modeled it will surely convince  others that it is the correct way to live.    For the most part I would think we agree that most often NOT.

Instead, what is being shown here is that sometimes envy is the underlying response to seeing others spending and enjoying in a different manner.

The reality is, as Frugancial Advisor noted,  most people will be fine.  Even if they don't follow what is here judged to be a worthy frugal lifestyle.

Someone DH and I knew died unexpectedly at 39 from a massive heart attack.  She left a husband and two teenage girls.    We used to call her Miss Now...she wanted what she wanted right away.    They both had good jobs even without college educations.  They built a nice home and managed a few big vacations in the years just before she passed.    Maybe it wsa a good thing that she was like that so they could experience these things in the relatively short time they had together as a family.

No one is guaranteed a long life.  Sometimes those who spend or acquire or more to the point, do things without having a big cushion might be  balancing conservative carefulness with the courage to engage in something without waiting for the best time.

Everyone is different.  Mustachianism isn't the holy grail for all.   Each does what creates the best and most comfortable choice.

Most people don't possess the leve of self-esteem to be happy in their choices and be at peace with the choices that others make.    That is illustrated by the "face punch" and "clown car" comments.   The opinion that what is seen on the surface in how others seem to wantonly spend is just sheer stupidity.   Almost that there needs to be some "fairness" factor applied to those who are frugal because they've exercised self-control.  It all falls apart where each person's fiscal life is different.

Begrudgingly I think you're very right.  It's really hard to be doing something completely different than everybody around you, though.  As much as people give lip service to individuality, real individuality can be pretty isolating.

Individuality can be isolating if you subscribe to the idea that you have to find one group of people just like you to surround yourself with. I prefer to go with a Venn diagram philosophy. My goal is to surround myself with multiple groups such that the overlapping part in the center is me and my interests. I come here and talk FIRE and money management, but if I want to talk about sheep I go elsewhere.

[Digital Dogma]

I've got a friend who has had some pretty severe lifestyle creep, and its being propelled by their significant other. He was born in a family who didn't make a whole lot of money and they lived within their means. She was born in a family who had seemingly unlimited income whose solution to every problem is throwing money at it.

Hes been getting some very bad advice.

I try to 'deal' with it by just discussing what I have been doing in my life to save money and be thrifty. I recently changed batteries and a USB motherboard in my cell phone myself, changed batteries in a sealed self contained keyboard which saved me a lot on buying a new one, and I try to share these little wins all the time.

What kills their finances IMO is that they're CONSTANTLY going out to eat at restaurants, it must account for a HUGE percentage of both their incomes. I've been talking about cooking recently with him, trying to get some old recipes from his mother that they used to use (Shes from Europe, old family recipes are something that interests me). I share tips about re-using food scraps, and bulk purchasing at Costco (His SO is convinced that Kirkland products are always inferior and they just MUST have the best TP to flush down the toilet).

I can see that he is open to the idea, he wants to reduce some of his spending, but his SO is seemingly ALWAYS pushing him to spend more money to solve every problem, meeting the definition of complainy-pants consumer zombie.

We've had discussions among friends about it, it frustrates us. We feel like the only way hes going to change is to end his current relationship, so unless that occurs there is little we can do to try and help. Its like hes being harassed by the worlds laziest bully into giving up every cent for a few moments of pleasure and a recurring cycle of crushing debt.

[Zikoris]

Honestly, I just operate under the assumption that not all friendships need to last forever, and I'm fine with just drifting apart from people if our values and interests go in opposite directions. SO I suppose I deal with other people's lifestyle creep by continuing to invite them to do frugal things until they've lifestyle-creeped their way out of being interested in those things.

[Cwadda]

Everyone is buying new cars and getting bigger houses.  RVs and boats.

Give them $20 for gas when you get invited on their boat.

Congratulations, you've just saved $29,980

:D

[moof]

Whatever you do, don't loan them money.

[TabbyCat]

Was talking to a good friend the other day and they expressed concern over how they would live on only $120k a year – I don’t even know how I would begin to spend that much money, let alone somehow manage to spend MORE and have to cut back to that amount. We save $40k a year to retirement alone and make less than that before withholding.

[undercover]

In all seriousness though: you retire...then create a blog ridiculing them in a tongue-in-cheek way using phrases like "need a face-punch", and monetize it. Boom, profit.

If you want to get really sneaky then you can use the money made from that blog to "artificially" increase your own lifestyle by taking trips and buying things that relate to your blog and writing those things off come tax time. You can still claim the same amount of personal expenses so you don't seem hypocritical, and also take part of the expensive lifestyle that your friends are living! Damn, I'm a genius.

[SJS]

Meh - doesn't bother us a bit.  I know we can sleep at night (& not sweat bullets about paying for it all), and that we CAN actually afford to pay cash for anything & everything they have, but choose not to.  We've worked hard, saved hard & smart, and we like to play hard (travel) -   To me, that's what we want to spend our $$ on.  Not more stuff.  Oh, and we don't want to end up in some shit-hole of a nursing home when we're 90.  All depends on what your priorities are in life.  As far as we're concerned, we're "living the dream!"  Every day is Friday when you're retired! :-)

[moof]

I've got a friend who has had some pretty severe lifestyle creep, and its being propelled by their significant other. He was born in a family who didn't make a whole lot of money and they lived within their means. She was born in a family who had seemingly unlimited income whose solution to every problem is throwing money at it.

Hes been getting some very bad advice.

I try to 'deal' with it by just discussing what I have been doing in my life to save money and be thrifty. I recently changed batteries and a USB motherboard in my cell phone myself, changed batteries in a sealed self contained keyboard which saved me a lot on buying a new one, and I try to share these little wins all the time.

What kills their finances IMO is that they're CONSTANTLY going out to eat at restaurants, it must account for a HUGE percentage of both their incomes. I've been talking about cooking recently with him, trying to get some old recipes from his mother that they used to use (Shes from Europe, old family recipes are something that interests me). I share tips about re-using food scraps, and bulk purchasing at Costco (His SO is convinced that Kirkland products are always inferior and they just MUST have the best TP to flush down the toilet).

I can see that he is open to the idea, he wants to reduce some of his spending, but his SO is seemingly ALWAYS pushing him to spend more money to solve every problem, meeting the definition of complainy-pants consumer zombie.

We've had discussions among friends about it, it frustrates us. We feel like the only way hes going to change is to end his current relationship, so unless that occurs there is little we can do to try and help. Its like hes being harassed by the worlds laziest bully into giving up every cent for a few moments of pleasure and a recurring cycle of crushing debt.

Whoa whoa whoa!!  You had me till the TP.  I am modestly thrifty, but upon moving in with my now wife TP was one area where I put more money than she did.  Your bung hole comfort is important, and the Kirkland stuff does not quite pass muster.

There are things to spend money on that are worth it, for me a bed that gets me good sleep, good sheets, a good pillow, good towels, and good TP are in that category.  I'll cut my food budget long before I start mistreating my backside!