Good on ya for stepping back and taking look at all this! One suggestion is to NOT buy a brand new car. The depreciation is HUGE -- there are lots and lots of perfectly acceptable used cars out there.
I'm going to go against the grain here and say
COMPARE all your options -- new and used. Sure, the used car is
usually the better option, but exceptions do pop up: When I bought my then-new car 8 years ago, the price difference between new and late-model-used was less than $1000. So for that small amount, I got the exact model with the color and features I wanted, and since it had something like 7 miles on the odometer, I know it hasn't been abused by anyone in the past. I've treated this car like a baby, and after 8 years it is still in almost perfect condition. When we bought it, we said we wanted it to last 10 years -- the way things are going, I think it might reach 20.
While you're comparing options, don't neglect the option of keeping the gas-guzzler you have. Trading in a car can be an expensive proposition. You might be better off continuing to pay the high gas until you actually NEED to replace the car. Beware
SPAVING -- spending to save. Many people who are new to the frugal world fall into this trap: If I spend on ___, then it'll pay for itself (and more!) and more down the road! Sometimes this is true, but often it's just a way to justify continued spending.
Since you have small kids, I'll add this too: Do not feel pressured into buying something big enough to tote them and all their friends. I prefer to drive a small car, and it's what works for my family on a daily basis. It's also much cheaper to keep. We agreed that we'd buy this car, and on the rare occasion that it "wasn't enough", we'd rent something. In the 8 years we've owned this car, we've only needed to rent three times -- twice for a vacation that included extended family, once to move our daughter in to college.
As far as getting your spouse on board, there are a few threads on here that discuss those. Some people are open to dialog and discussion, this did not work on my wife.
Spouses can definitely be convinced. When my husband and I were still dating, he "didn't like to look cheap" -- but I taught him how to economize in little ways on . . . everything, and now he loves finding bargains. In contrast, he had a long-view concerning retirement investments, and I'm very glad he pushed me to contribute heavily back when we were in our 20s.
Third: Slow down. Give your husband a chance to catch up.
Go slow for yourself too. I've been a saver all my life, but I've seen more than a few people jump on this bandwagon, only to give up a few months down the road because they tried to make too many changes at once, tried to learn too many new skills at once . . . and they burned out.
Eating out at various little places around town for burgers or pizza .. nothing fancy and it adds up to 700 a month! CRAZY! My hubby has a very bad amazon habit spending $700 a month on mostly DVD's .. AHHHH! We spoke about it this morning and he admitted it's a problem and we will be watching it closely. It's mostly convenience items that get us since we both work (do I spend $15 to get my car washed or spend an hour washing it myself when I could be playing with my boys?) .. We actually used to eat out quite a bit more but the kids were getting too used to it and I had to scale it way back .. we eat out once a week now but hubby and I go out for a date night a couple of times a week .. I go out with girlfriends a few times a month, etc .. it adds up.
The best way to get your spending under control is to start writing down every penny you spend -- this is a beginner's exercise; you don't have to keep doing it forever -- and then pinpoint "problem spending" and search for ways to address those specific needs.
Let's look at car washes: You're paying $15. That's outrageous. First, does your car really need washing? I do like to wash mine after they've salted the roads for snow, but -- in my area -- that's about once a year. I probably wash my car 2-3 times a year. It's not really much of a NEED. Second, don't you have any options cheaper than $15? In my area we have an expensive place (AutoBell), but we also have a drive-through place that does the outside only for $3 (and you can use their vacuums yourself for free). We also have another place that does inside-and-out for $5 on Wednesday's "ladies' day". Finally, you just made an ironic comment: You said you'd spend an hour doing it yourself, an hour you could be spending with your boys. What do boys like better than squirting water on each other? Why not make the car washing "time with the boys"? Future bonus: It won't be long 'til they'll be asking you for money to go out with friends, and you'll be able to say, "No, I won't just give you movie money . . . but I will pay you $5 to wash my car. Do a good job; I only pay for quality." Also, consider what you're teaching them, if you ALWAYS pay to have your car washed: They may never really realize that it's possible to do it yourself, or they may think such menial tasks are "beneath them".
The take-away: Whether it's a car wash or something else, ask yourself how you can get that service cheaper. Chances are good that at least one cheaper option exists.
Let's look at eating out: You realize you're spending a lot of money on restaurants, and the upshot is that by going out so often, it's no longer a special treat -- it's just Friday evening. It's very easy for a luxury to become an expectation. First, cut back. Decide how often you want your family to eat out. When our girls were small, we'd go out (kids' choice) when they both brought home all As and Bs on Progress Reports /Report Cards. It wasn't all that often, and they genuinely saw it as something they'd "earned". Second, look for ways to do it more cheaply: We always have coupons for buy-one-entree, get-a-second-free (or similar), and my husband and I have found a way to eat burgers at our favorite grill for about half price: Instead of each of us ordering a burger, we order one double burger and cut it in half; since he's diabetic, he's getting less bread, which is good for him. Similarly, when we get BBQ or chinese take-out, the plates are so big that two of us can easily share (and still have a big meal). We don't do this, but it works for some people: On the first of the month, put X amount of money into an envelope marked "eating out"; when it's gone, you're eating at home for the rest of the month. And if you find yourself absolutely NOT in the mood to cook, instead of eating out, consider getting a grocery store rotisserie chicken and a tub of potato salad; it's more expensive than cooking at home, but it's cheaper than going out (plus no drinks and tip to pay).
Of course, the other side of this coin is finding ways to make it easy and convenient to cook at home, so you're not tempted to overspend. Three suggestions that I use heavily: 1) Use the crock pot, especially on days when you know you're going to have a rough day at work, it's nice to come home and see that your meal is prepared. 2) Use the freezer. Many meals work very, very well in the freezer: For example, last week I spent a good two hours making two GIANT pots of my delicious homemade meat sauce -- we ate dinner than night, and I put away 10 bags of sauce into the freezer. Now we can have 10 next-to-no-effort meals on weeknights, and I promise you,
my sauce beats the best Italian restaurant! 3) Use your boys. Seriously. Okay, they're not ready for big-deal cooking, but they can manage soup from a can or boiling some pasta -- with supervision. My mom claimed she had five children because there were five nights in the week; each of us was responsible for cooking (and cleaning) one night of the week. Today every one of us is an excellent and enthusiastic cook. Start your boys now on popping frozen chicken nuggets into the oven, and move them up to tacos and spaghetti casserole in the next few years. The more input they get on the menu-planning, the more enthusiastic they'll be, and you'll be teaching them a valuable skill -- and making them into prime husband material for the future. A couple years ago one of my girls asked for a waffle iron of her own for Christmas -- she's been making some pretty amazing Chicken and Waffles since she was about 12 -- the other was a little peeved: Why didn't
I get a small appliance of my own? Since then they've each received a small appliance every year at Christmas. My college daughter benefits most, since she cooks for herself (her current fave is her small food processor because she's addicted to hummus), but both girls LOVE that they own their own things -- and when the little one moves out, I'm going to miss that rice cooker.
The take-away: Eating out is an easy target, an easy way to decrease your spending. Pick a couple strategies, and implement them today.
