My dad passed away five weeks ago. He didn't have a large estate, and it all went to my mother of course. He had left me in charge as the unofficial executor to make sure everything got done. I must say, he did things just right. If you are DIYing your own estate and not bringing planners or lawyers, here's the lessons I've learned for planning for your own death or when helping older parents:
1) Prepay your funeral expenses. Dad prepaid for his entire cremation a few years ago. At the hospital, we just had to give them the card he carried in his wallet. The hospital made the call. We did nothing else. This was good, because none of us was fit to talk to anyone, and a funeral home could have easily milked my mom's bank account dry.
In addition to the cremation services, they handled everything else. They reported the death to social security, ordered the death certificates and even hand delivered the ashes to my mother's door (dad didn't want a memorial service).
2) Choose wisely when purchasing life insurance. My father had four policies through three different companies. Mutual of Omaha is the way to go. One five minute phone call and no paperwork, mom had the checks within a week. They called the cremation company to verify death while we were on e the phone, then sent out the checks. The other two are being assholes, to put it bluntly. It took two weeks of phone calls just to get the paperwork mailed out, and who knows when they'll issue the checks. They were unprofessional on the phone, as well. One was Gerber, I can't remember the other one off the top of my head.
3) If you have a spouse that will receive survivor benefits on your retirement or pension, they may not receive these for 90 days. My mom's retirement checks stopped, even though we were led to believe they would just switch to her name. We were told this was in case things went to probate (which they aren't) and to minimize fraud. Mom's okay, she has savings and Mutual of Omaha was lightening fast with the insurance benefits, but other than social security she has no income until June. Spouses need to keep enough in a joint savings account to cover at least three months of expenses if they depend upon a fixed income.
4)Speaking of social security. If the person dies on the 31st of a month, the check they receive the following month is not yours to keep. Fortunately, dad held on until the 5th, so my mom got to keep his December check (which is paid out in January). Many people aren't aware of this then end up in the hole a month or two later when social security takes the money back.
5) Keep everything together. The first file in my dad's filing cabinet was labelled "Legacy Plan," and had everything we needed for various policies, along with a list of passwords to various websites we would need, and a list of friends he wanted us to notify that we may not have thought of. Put one together, and let family know where they can find it.
6) When cancelling the deceased health insurance, you will need to fill out a form saying you are authorized to deal with any ongoing insurance claims. You get the option of how long you are authorized. Choose a year, the longest option. It can take months for those final medical bills to make it through the claims process.
My dad gave us a great final gift because we had time to grieve without worry or being mired in paperwork. Other than the life insurance issues, I've spent no more than two hours or so on the phone reporting and handling everything. We didn't have to do anything the first few days, which was even better because those early days when the pain is raw you are the perfect target for scammers. I know people don't like to think of this stuff. Hell, I'm young, only in my 30s, and now I'm putting together my own plan. You never know what tomorrow holds.
