So I'm genuinely curious whether that tactic of accounting for potential cancer care costs worked for your partner. When I tried to address the healthcare cost concern by offering to recalibrate the post-FIRE budget based on gold-tier ACA plans and assuming hitting the OOP max every year, I was told that there is no ceiling for healthcare costs, so there was basically no point in trying to account for it. No amount of stash would be sufficient for the worst-case scenario; if he had a number, we could have gunned for it.
I do know that at least part of my SO's anxieties re: cancer stem from the unexpected discovery and subsequent surgical removal of a rare tumor a few years ago, at an age that is approximately three decades before these events typically occur. After he saw the bill for the surgery before insurance kicked in... he's just never going to feel safe, not after that sticker shock.
I get so defeated by the futility of trying to plan for astronomical medical costs in the US. But I also feel like if I knew I would die young of cancer, I might be more inclined to YOLO and FIRE. But then again, if it were me who had the cancer scare... maybe I'd want to keep working too, because the last thing I'd want is to drag my partner down into medical bankruptcy and ruin early retirement. I really wish it were as easy as barbells and salads, but it's not.
Since we have been lucky enough to not have direct personal experience with cancer - my SO and I do not have the sticker shock concern you speak of. For us though - it is something that we know we cannot buy or plan our way out of, but something to consider as to how to minimize the negative effects on the surviving family so as to at least - keep them on solid financial footing and not have another worry.
As I consider this - managing that risk is likely done in 3 ways; 1- maybe have an extra pot of money allocated for this type of critical care event - with which to address iniital diagnosis and treatment costs and to the extent possible - continuing care costs. 2 - perhaps consider cancer-critical care supplemental insurance. There are typically three varieties and for ~$40-$100/month can supplement costs not covered by the primary health insurance coverage. 3 - clean living. As you say barbells and salad wont likely solve it - but they may very well delay it and or slow it down.
So to that extent - her anxiety on this topic is not fully addressed - but a risk that we have a mitigation plan for, some of which we can take now.
In our discussion she raised some big concerns, low probability and high impact risks, like the cancer. And I said we cannot prepare for all of them, or save for all them. What we can do is take a measured approach to which ones we think we can mitigate and allow ourselves the opportunity to be flexible in the future. I think it is the flexibility in the future - that gives us our FIRE advantage (super-power?).
We have a family friend that is currently battling Stage 4 breast cancer - and of her group of 15 or 16 families whom she is connected with all with the same awful disease, 2/3 to 3/4 have passed away. She has a husband and two kids - all similar ages to us. And without prying - what I have seen her do is focus on the time with the family, taking on small crafting jobs here and there to simply fund extra vacations with the family. This has helped me form my (intended) approach of preparing some dollar amount allocated to mitigating and addressing the risk (possible cancer) and then limiting it to that, and then purposefully focusing the rest of the funds/time on the family. This is because I feel the risk of not doing these things with the FIRE capability - is a higher risk and higher impact - than realizing a cancer diagnosis, if that makes sense.
I feel preparing too much for the what-ifs, even the big red flashing loud klaxon of cancer, can too easily misdirect you on the true purpose of life's path, to make connections and memories with each other and yourself.
</sappy_diatribe>
LOL - and this is a prfext segue into @Sun_Hat 's point.
The idea is not to try to push the ideas away, but to look at them, again and again if necessary. I had a lot of unknowns at that point in my life Could I even go back to some form of work? What would my income be like? What was my future mental health going to be like? but the conclusion that I came to again and again and again was that despite all of the unknowns that I remained intelligent, resourceful, adaptable and could get by.
Maybe the biggest hurdle of looking yourself in the mirror - is acceptance. Accepting the risk(s) wholly, knowing you did what you reasonably could and should do to prepare, that there maybe some small remote chance that it wont work out somehow - and accepting that that, is OK. Its a form of accepting yourself - which is hard at least for me - and a growing and learning process I am about to take as I FIRE.
When did we stop taking chances - or caring so much - like when we did as a kid?
WHen did we start fearing failure? We would get back up on that bike, or act silly in a homemade play.
