Author Topic: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms  (Read 7821 times)

Aussiegirl

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One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« on: May 26, 2016, 04:11:04 PM »
Hi All,

I could potentially be FIRE within 4-6 months (Sept - Oct 16), but I really should wait another 13 months (Jul 17) before pulling the trigger to truly make sure I never have to work again.   It doesn't sound like much, another 7-9 months does it?    I am very unhappy at work, there have been lots of changes over the last few months and its not for the better, makes everything an uphill battle.  Its an environment where my workmates think nothing of buying a house in the +$1m range or dropping $100k on a new car, $500 + on a new suit etc.  You might say I am a fish out of water there.   It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have about a months worth of leave owing plus I get another month over that OMY, so I could take a reasonable break over Christmas, plus 2-3 weeks every 3 months to try to break up the 13 months (worst case scenario).     

What other coping mechanisms can I use?   How have other people coped with that last stretch in an environment they really didn't like?  Or do I just suck it up??

Thanks!




steveo

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2016, 04:27:28 PM »
Think about me. I have 4 & 1/2 years to go. I have a boss that is a stress head and another boss who is a loose cannon. They attacked me the other day and I still have no idea what they were actually getting all in a tizzy over.

In all seriousness a good technique is to think about how bad it could be. If you think about how bad it could be typically it turns out a lot better than that.

seathink

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2016, 04:33:03 PM »
Could you lower your hours/work from home some of the time? Or talk about your health and see if you could use the banked time off to leave early every some days or come in late?

Beriberi

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2016, 04:51:37 PM »
Without knowing your numbers, this is only speculation, but could you quit now and wait to start drawing down?

If your post-retirement income is planning to be $24k/year, perhaps it would be more palatable to work in a book store, camp, until your nest egg reaches the goal (I assume you are making more than that now?).  I'm projecting my own preferences, but if I was that close, and hated my job that much, I would stop saving but wait on withdrawing, and maybe work somewhere crazy and interesting where housing is provided (like be a caretaker at a lodge, B&B, etc.). 

Less dramatically, maybe you could start a side hustle that changes the economics of your retirement - renting a room, picking up some tutoring, etc.

prognastat

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2016, 04:58:23 PM »
Hi All,

I could potentially be FIRE within 4-6 months (Sept - Oct 16), but I really should wait another 13 months (Jul 17) before pulling the trigger to truly make sure I never have to work again.   It doesn't sound like much, another 7-9 months does it?    I am very unhappy at work, there have been lots of changes over the last few months and its not for the better, makes everything an uphill battle.  Its an environment where my workmates think nothing of buying a house in the +$1m range or dropping $100k on a new car, $500 + on a new suit etc.  You might say I am a fish out of water there.   It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have about a months worth of leave owing plus I get another month over that OMY, so I could take a reasonable break over Christmas, plus 2-3 weeks every 3 months to try to break up the 13 months (worst case scenario).     

What other coping mechanisms can I use?   How have other people coped with that last stretch in an environment they really didn't like?  Or do I just suck it up??

Thanks!

There might be a few options:
1. Stay and make sure to take regular breaks using vacation, take some sick days when you are having a rough patch(depending on the sick policy at your work) etc.Whatever you need to do to get by. This is the lowest risk route.
2. Find a similar job at a different company, get hired and leave your current company. A fresh start somewhere else may make the year that is left bearable. Pretty low risk still.
3. Leave once you hit the 4-6 month mark and find ways to make some income as you go until you hit the point at which you are completely comfortable as FIRE. Decent risk and will likely mean it will take longer to get to whatever goal you have set for 13 months at this time.
4. Try to FIRE in 4-6 months and don't look at making more hoping you had enough. Highest risk.

Brokenreign

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2016, 05:03:11 PM »
I don't mean to be glib about your situation (and I truly understand that some people just aren't made for this kind of behaviour), but have you tried just not giving a shit? It's far more satisfying than just sucking it up!

It sounds like your savings are nearly sufficient and as mentioned by Beriberi and Seathink, you could likely take on some side jobs or part time work to make up the difference if absolutely necessary. The way I look at it, there are two possible outcomes:

1) Not giving a shit grants you a sense of peace and acceptance and will likely result in much less stress and better sleep. Ideally you will no longer be seen as a "go-to" by your bosses and can live out your remaining work days in zen-like bliss.

2) You get fired (not FIRED). I'm guessing Australia is very similar to Canada (it usually seems to be the case) in that you'll get a generous dose of severance and some sort of government unemployment insurance. Perhaps that would get your savings to a comfortable level?

I'd hate to think that you're damaging your health for something as silly as work. Best of luck Aussiegirl!

opnfld

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2016, 05:13:01 PM »
Realize that your goal of NEVER WORKING AGAIN IN YOUR LIFE does not mean you have to keep working now.  It may mean that you work 13 months at some time in the future at a job that you don't hate.  Or part-time for a couple of years.  The stakes are very low for you.  This adjustment in attitude may help you stop caring what happens at work.  You may find yourself rebelling against an environment that is obviously ridiculous and absurd.  You may decide that you will no longer be manipulated.  You may realize that you are in charge of your own life.  You may need to alter your consciousness to come to this conclusion.

prognastat

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2016, 05:18:14 PM »
Hi All,

I could potentially be FIRE within 4-6 months (Sept - Oct 16), but I really should wait another 13 months (Jul 17) before pulling the trigger to truly make sure I never have to work again.   It doesn't sound like much, another 7-9 months does it?    I am very unhappy at work, there have been lots of changes over the last few months and its not for the better, makes everything an uphill battle.  Its an environment where my workmates think nothing of buying a house in the +$1m range or dropping $100k on a new car, $500 + on a new suit etc.  You might say I am a fish out of water there.   It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have about a months worth of leave owing plus I get another month over that OMY, so I could take a reasonable break over Christmas, plus 2-3 weeks every 3 months to try to break up the 13 months (worst case scenario).     

What other coping mechanisms can I use?   How have other people coped with that last stretch in an environment they really didn't like?  Or do I just suck it up??

Thanks!

There might be a few options:
1. Stay and make sure to take regular breaks using vacation, take some sick days when you are having a rough patch(depending on the sick policy at your work) etc.Whatever you need to do to get by. This is the lowest risk route.
2. Find a similar job at a different company, get hired and leave your current company. A fresh start somewhere else may make the year that is left bearable. Pretty low risk still.
3. Leave once you hit the 4-6 month mark and find ways to make some income as you go until you hit the point at which you are completely comfortable as FIRE. Decent risk and will likely mean it will take longer to get to whatever goal you have set for 13 months at this time.
4. Try to FIRE in 4-6 months and don't look at making more hoping you had enough. Highest risk.

Oh and depending on how close you are you could also instead lower your spending even more to meet your goal sooner if that is at all possible.

G-dog

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2016, 06:44:41 PM »
I made a spreadsheet too! A countdown spreadsheet - holidays and planned vacation days not counted. Tracked days remaining and 1% time remaining, with milestones in different colors. Also tracked pay days.

If you think you may leave this year AND you have good benefits, adjust your 401k, Roth 401k, HSA, etc. to max your contributions for the year to optimize tax deductions, employer contribution, etc.

Rhoon

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2016, 06:59:57 PM »
I don't mean to be glib about your situation (and I truly understand that some people just aren't made for this kind of behaviour), but have you tried just not giving a shit? It's far more satisfying than just sucking it up!

It sounds like your savings are nearly sufficient and as mentioned by Beriberi and Seathink, you could likely take on some side jobs or part time work to make up the difference if absolutely necessary. The way I look at it, there are two possible outcomes:

1) Not giving a shit grants you a sense of peace and acceptance and will likely result in much less stress and better sleep. Ideally you will no longer be seen as a "go-to" by your bosses and can live out your remaining work days in zen-like bliss.

2) You get fired (not FIRED). I'm guessing Australia is very similar to Canada (it usually seems to be the case) in that you'll get a generous dose of severance and some sort of government unemployment insurance. Perhaps that would get your savings to a comfortable level?

I'd hate to think that you're damaging your health for something as silly as work. Best of luck Aussiegirl!

I'm with Brokenreign on this one. After 4 years in the US Military (1 year of that in Iraq), the most fun I had (and I did have a lot of fun, don't get me wrong) were the days when I received my approval for resigning my commission. I still did my job and made sure the soldiers had what they needed and I set my replacement up for success, but P.T. formations in the morning weren't my priority any more. Battalion runs conveniently had a medical screening scheduled that day. Anything I needed to do for a clean separation from the military was put in place of a major event I didn't want to go to. I even got promoted to Captain the day after I got my separation papers and instead of doing the traditional promotion ceremony, I slapped the new rank on my own chest and continued on with my life -- pissed the command off something fierce; but they couldn't do anything. I was leaving and they knew it (that was the sweet vindication).

Told you all of that to perhaps offer another suggestion: Offer a 6 month notice of retirement. Offer to stay around long enough for them to find a replacement and properly train them. In the mean time, extract some self satisfaction in that they know they can't do anything to you or you just walk. That's always the best, especially if you have an insecure boss (Which is usually the case with a bad manager).

aperture

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2016, 09:01:38 PM »
+1 for don't give a shit - this is my number one strategy for sticking it out in a job I used to have great passion for. I still take on things that I care about, just stopped caring about things that are someone else's show.  I now put a priority on talking to people in the office about their lives, family members and etc.  I used to be one of those people that was so busy I didn't know the names of half the people that worked on my floor (I am talking a cohort of ~20 people - so not knowing 10 names among 20 is pretty awful).

I am so excited to hear that others have created spreadsheets!  I have every day mapped until FIRE including vacation days and holidays.  I use different colors for paydays and vacation days. My total work days remaining is automatically updated at he top and I am counting down how many Mondays I have to work.  (I am definitely going to update it with a calculation of how much savings is achieved for each day on the job.)

I am sorry you are having a crappy time at work AussieGirl.  I can say that not sleeping can make things seem really catastrophic and that can become self-feeding - catastrophic thoughts lead to not sleeping leads to more catastrophic thoughts.  If that is the case for you, I suggest you not put too much stock in the impact sleep has on your long term health.  If you can interrupt the bad thoughts in the middle of the night, it may help you in the not giving a shit department during the day. Most of us can catch up on a missed night sleep and few will go more then 3 nights of low sleep before crashing for extra hours of zzzz's.

Best wishes, Ap.   

Erica

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2016, 01:00:25 AM »
Generally I wouldn't promote this at all but maybe start drinking a few glasses of alcohol each day after work. It's such a short time of 7 months which is imperative to your future. Right after, quit drinking, eat organic whole foods and start getting in great shape. They stay that way. You'll be retired so no excuses not to. Sorry it's so rough right now...hang in there

simmias

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2016, 05:03:20 AM »
Anyone want to share their spreadsheet? :)

Playing with Fire UK

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2016, 07:10:52 AM »
If it is making you that unhappy and unhealthy you should consider quitting now. Or book your vacation days and then quit.

rantk81

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2016, 07:11:41 AM »
My employer went through a series of mergers/acquisitions a few years back.  It resulted in a slashing of benefits and several rounds of layoffs.  The remaining employees were all expected to "do more with less."
One of the layoffs was my boss, who was also a personal friend, and with whom I had a really great relationship.

My coping strategy?  [+1] to the "stop giving a shit" post above.
I'm on 2 years and counting of "not giving a shit" and it is very liberating.  It helps that I'm only a few more years away from FIRE with a very sizable cushion. 

G-dog

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #15 on: May 27, 2016, 07:57:44 AM »
I think I deleted my spreadsheet, I FIREd July 2015. But I also used different colors/formats for pay days, holidays, and vacation days (as well as the incremental milestones)!
It was nice to be able to look and say - '10% done', 'Friday is payday!', 'only 200 workdays left', etc. it gets really exciting, and a bit scary, at the end

+1 re: not giving a shit with this caveat - that is really hard for some of us! I tried that over the years, and would slip back into caring more about the work and co-workers / clients than 'work' cared about me. So, it is a skill and discipline you may have to work on. In my last year (2015), it was better - I skipped ALL the meetings I didn't want to go to! I was clip se enough to leaving that I didn't care if they didn't like it - there was not much they could really do. And, the boss had psaisd that these were not mandatory meetings. Weekly group update, biweekly team update, larger generic meetings (never required). I felt so much better!

I think my boss meant that attendance wasn't mandatory in the sense that if you had a deadline or could only meet with a client at that time, you should prioritize work, but probably intended that we would all dutifully attend the updates to report out otherwise. They were the biggest waste of time! They drove me nuts! Another colleague that was retriring the year before started going only every other time, I quickly followed suit as did one other. But my last 6 months - I just stopped wasting that time and driving myself crazy - my boss never said anything to me!

seattleite

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #16 on: May 27, 2016, 08:09:23 AM »
I started a spreadsheet.

The spreadsheet tracked how much money I was adding to our net worth for EVERY SINGLE DAY I managed to continue working.  I strategically scheduled time off for every 3-4 weeks and coded those special "free days" in a different color.  When things would get really bad, I would just remind myself " only x more days until I get a free day!" and that was usually enough to keep me going.

Wow, are you me?

I did the same and it was the single most important thing that I've ever done for my mental health. The two big things I get from my spreadsheet every day are: 1. I'm in a good position financially so if can't work anymore my family and I will be ok, and 2. Today might suck at work or it might just be ok but seem like a waste of time but I'm adding this many dollars to my net worth today.

This was a year ago and I stare at that spreadsheet every day to make me feel better.

EnjoyIt

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #17 on: May 27, 2016, 09:59:32 AM »
Hi All,

I could potentially be FIRE within 4-6 months (Sept - Oct 16), but I really should wait another 13 months (Jul 17) before pulling the trigger to truly make sure I never have to work again.   It doesn't sound like much, another 7-9 months does it?    I am very unhappy at work, there have been lots of changes over the last few months and its not for the better, makes everything an uphill battle.  Its an environment where my workmates think nothing of buying a house in the +$1m range or dropping $100k on a new car, $500 + on a new suit etc.  You might say I am a fish out of water there.   It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have about a months worth of leave owing plus I get another month over that OMY, so I could take a reasonable break over Christmas, plus 2-3 weeks every 3 months to try to break up the 13 months (worst case scenario).     

What other coping mechanisms can I use?   How have other people coped with that last stretch in an environment they really didn't like?  Or do I just suck it up??

Thanks!

Aussiegirl,
Can you please put into words and tell us or list all the things that bug you at work that make it so miserable.
Believe it or not this will be a good start to verbalize and understand all the things you hate, and it will give us the ability to discuss them one at a time and maybe help you cope better.

You mentioned how your coworkers spend money with reckless abandon and it bothers you.  May I suggest not giving a shit what other people do with their money?  Just laugh at them in your head at how stupid they are, and how much better of you are compared to them.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2016, 10:01:14 AM by EnjoyIt »

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #18 on: May 27, 2016, 10:23:19 AM »
You sound like a good candidate for a phased plan.

I am about a year from quitting FT, ish, I guess... I am (quite fortunately) not as unhappy at work as you are, though I sure as hell once was. If I were in your shoes I would be considering all of the suggestions above. Take more days off, look for another job in the same line of work, go PT or consult, start your own thing, you name it... anything but just grind away at your present self for the sake of that goal. You can get there without being miserable... probably. Take some time to brainstorm other ideas, figure out all the pros and cons and then try something. :)

zolotiyeruki

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #19 on: May 27, 2016, 10:38:31 AM »
Personally, I would get an inordinately-large amount of satisfaction knowing that long after I left, the people who are making my job unpleasant will still be slaving away to pay for the $1m house, $100k car, and $500 suit, while I sit on my front porch in my pajamas and flip flops, reading a book and sipping a root bear float at 10:00 in the morning.

I saw in another thread a reminder that "the best revenge is a life well-lived."

MrsPete

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #20 on: May 27, 2016, 11:00:14 AM »
Hi All,

I could potentially be FIRE within 4-6 months (Sept - Oct 16), but I really should wait another 13 months (Jul 17) before pulling the trigger to truly make sure I never have to work again.   It doesn't sound like much, another 7-9 months does it?    I am very unhappy at work, there have been lots of changes over the last few months and its not for the better, makes everything an uphill battle.  Its an environment where my workmates think nothing of buying a house in the +$1m range or dropping $100k on a new car, $500 + on a new suit etc.  You might say I am a fish out of water there.   It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have about a months worth of leave owing plus I get another month over that OMY, so I could take a reasonable break over Christmas, plus 2-3 weeks every 3 months to try to break up the 13 months (worst case scenario).     

What other coping mechanisms can I use?   How have other people coped with that last stretch in an environment they really didn't like?  Or do I just suck it up??

Thanks!
Realism.  You're talking about a very short amount of time.  Bring in a calendar and mark off your days.  Make plans for what you're going to do after you retire.  Sounds like you're bothered by what other people are buying /doing -- just remind yourself that you too are buying what you want most, but what you want most is time. 

Do not slack off as your time draws to an end.  While you're still employed, you owe this company your best.  Anything else is a rationalization. 

Aussiegirl

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #21 on: May 27, 2016, 01:04:31 PM »
Personally, I would get an inordinately-large amount of satisfaction knowing that long after I left, the people who are making my job unpleasant will still be slaving away to pay for the $1m house, $100k car, and $500 suit, while I sit on my front porch in my pajamas and flip flops, reading a book and sipping a root bear float at 10:00 in the morning.

I saw in another thread a reminder that "the best revenge is a life well-lived."

So true Zolotiyeruki!  They are the sort of personalities that would probably see my retirement as "going hippie" and wasting the best earning years of my career.  I won't change them, so I've given up trying. 

+1 for don't give a shit - this is my number one strategy for sticking it out in a job I used to have great passion for. I still take on things that I care about, just stopped caring about things that are someone else's show.  I now put a priority on talking to people in the office about their lives, family members and etc.  I used to be one of those people that was so busy I didn't know the names of half the people that worked on my floor (I am talking a cohort of ~20 people - so not knowing 10 names among 20 is pretty awful).


My problem is that I'm not good at not giving a shit.   I feel that I have an obligation to my clients to do the right thing by them, which often means going into bat for them against what the hierarchy wants.   My husband has tried to get me do this too, but I just don't know how.  I think I've got the hang of it until a situation occurs when I need to step up for the sake of my client.   I have definitely started spending more time at the coffee machine over the last few months, and you're right, there are some interesting people that work for my organisation that I never spoke to before now! 

I went home that day and did what all true geeks do in a crisis:  I started a spreadsheet.

The spreadsheet tracked how much money I was adding to our net worth for EVERY SINGLE DAY I managed to continue working.  I strategically scheduled time off for every 3-4 weeks and coded those special "free days" in a different color.  When things would get really bad, I would just remind myself " only x more days until I get a free day!" and that was usually enough to keep me going.  I did have a few days where I took an originally unplanned mental health day or "worked remotely" so that I could keep from sending in my resignation.  In the meantime, I applied for a fellowship I knew I had a good shot at -- that was my exit strategy.  I resigned the day I learned I had received the fellowship but gave an extra long notice period.  All told, I managed to hang on for about 9 months after the day of that horrible meeting, Earned about another $50k toward our stash, and I did wrap up my projects and also signed some critical contracts (which psycho boss later ran into the ground -- not my circus, not my monkeys at that point, though....)

So, if you share the spreadsheet fetish, consider it as a coping strategy -- I found it highly useful.

But I agree with the commenters above -- if you are this close to FI and really miserable to the point it is affecting your sleep (and by extension your mental and physical health), consider quitting sooner rather than later and finding another, less stressful and painful way to make up the cash.  No job is worth making yourself miserable for, however close to FI you may be.

I love it!  A spreadsheet!   I already have a retirement spreadsheet which details the investments, withdrawals etc and I also have a "days to retirement spreadsheet, but I guess I could upgrade it to include holidays, public holidays, work from home days and the odd planned mental health day.

Not much option for getting another job - I'm in a specialist field and if I left my employer, I think the best I could hope for is another job getting half my salary. 

Some one asked why the job is so bad (sorry, can't find the post to quote it - my forum skills need work).  For me its more the politics - the self promotion, the idea that you have to belittle some one else to get ahead, the inability to have an honest conversation - even in a performance review, lack of respect etc.   Add to that a few co-workers that clearly have issues with women (either being at work or being in senior positions) one of whom would clearly love to be my boss, but just can't wangle it, but is starting to act like he is.   And I'm part of a business unit that has for lack of a better way to put it, lost its mojo and facing an uphill battle to get back to where it should be.  So everything is much, much harder than it should be.   Others that I work with are really lovely, and I know I should just focus on them.  I don't have a good ability to let go and just not give a shit.   

But ultimately, people are right, its not that long in the grand scheme of things.  And others have it far, far worse than me.    A girlfriend of mine volunteers on a mobile outreach van for marginalised, homeless or those at risk of being homeless.   It's amasing some of the stories she hears - people can be just one bad decision away from losing everything and having the roof taken from over their kids heads. 

Thanks all for your input, it does help to hear other peoples stories.  It helps reinforce that others are in, or have been in, similar or worse situations than me and have survived, prospered and FIRED!!




zolotiyeruki

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2016, 01:28:04 PM »

My problem is that I'm not good at not giving a shit.   I feel that I have an obligation to my clients to do the right thing by them, which often means going into bat for them against what the hierarchy wants.   My husband has tried to get me do this too, but I just don't know how.  I think I've got the hang of it until a situation occurs when I need to step up for the sake of my client.   I have definitely started spending more time at the coffee machine over the last few months, and you're right, there are some interesting people that work for my organisation that I never spoke to before now! 
Then, for the next 13 months, unapologetically stand up for your clients.  What is the hierarchy gonna do, fire you?

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #23 on: May 27, 2016, 01:38:34 PM »
It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have sleep issues that lead to increased anxiety and anxiety issues that lead to less sleep--so I find that figuring out how to get good shut eye is the best thing that I can do to help me stay calm at home and work.

If you don't already have one, consider adding a "wind down" routine to your day: journaling, yoga and reading are all things that I see recommended commonly. As with most things, you can try something and keep the parts that you like and change the parts that you don't, and see if that helps with sleep.

Here's the routine I've been following for a week that I think is helping me sleep better:
  • Eat a small, "sedative" before-bed snack. (I've been having a glass of whole milk.)
  • Brush my teeth/floss/prepare my bed
  • Write down any anxious thoughts that are still in my head
  • Write down one (or more) things that I enjoyed about the day
  • Do a wind-down stretching routine. I've been following this one and holding each pose for 10 deep breaths. http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/workout/yoga/poses/yoga-routine-before-sleep/

Best of luck!

eljefe-speaks

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #24 on: May 27, 2016, 01:59:08 PM »
Um, you have few months worth of working left FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE and you're needing assistance with coping? Am I missing something? Smile ear to ear!

singh02

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #25 on: May 27, 2016, 02:43:53 PM »
I think the best way is to give yourself a daily tangible reward to look forward to.

Right now you work every day with the goal of delayed gratification (future FIRE date).  That's hard because you have no immediate benefit to look forward to after work each day.  Try adding a reward at the end of each successful completed workday (example a good craft beer or a good run/gym time or dinner with friends).  This way you get a daily reward and something to look forward to AND it accomplishes your future goal of FIRE.

This post inspired by this post on anxiety by James Clear (well worth everyone to READ!) : http://jamesclear.com/evolution-of-anxiety

undercover

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2016, 12:22:14 PM »
Why do you give a shit about what your workmates are buying or what they're doing at all? Without their economic stimulus, you wouldn't be in the position to take advantage of a robust economy and save as much as you are.

asauer

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #27 on: May 31, 2016, 06:28:52 AM »
Try good 'ol stoicism.  Focus on what you can control- if you can't control it, it can't "harm" you.  This minor change in thinking has really helped me deal with my boss who has absolutely insane expectations for production.  I do what I can do and I focus on what I can control.  Helps me sleep anyway.

smurnane

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #28 on: May 31, 2016, 08:02:25 AM »
It sounds like you're currently in a toxic work environment. You're doing well to stay with it as long as you have. There are a number of strategies I recommend for coping with the stress (that I use as self-care/stress management strategies as a psychologist) while you decide what to do next:

1. Get in some exercise: it's counterintuitive, but increased exercise should help you to burn some of the cortisol (stress hormone) that's floating around, make you tired, and stimulate the release of endorphins to make you feel happier.

2. Practice a form of diaphragmatic breathing/mindfulness when you notice the physiology of stress (increased heart rate, sweating, shaking, shorter breaths) or cognitive elements (mind racing, rumination, catastrophic thinking, etc). This allows your physiology to reregulate rather than stay in fight or flight mode.

3. Make time to do fun activities: again, this is about releasing endorphins which will help to regulate your mood and the physiology of stress. I also look at my environment, can I listen to music on my headphones, declutter my desk or change something about my workspace to make it more relaxing or less overstimulating.

4. Take breaks or lunch out: getting out of the office helps to disengage from work and the associated stressful environment.

5. Take a mental health day: if you have sick leave available use it to have a break. Make the day a mini vacation. It's far better for both you and the place you work for if you can continue working in a less stressed state than if you burn out. You're more productive when you're not overly stressed.

6. Leave the office on time: easier said than done, but try to cap the hours of work that you're doing per day and leave the office on time so that your work life balance fits more on the life side of the equation while you're dealing with a really stressful job and your own stress response.

7. Have activities outside of work that you can look forward to. For instance, some people plan for the weekend as soon as the week begins or have vacation plans months in advance.

For sleep, I recommend doing some research on sleep hygiene.

I hope this helps.

SachaFiscal

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #29 on: May 31, 2016, 09:03:58 AM »
I have at least a couple more years to go and I can relate to what you are feeling.  I too have a spreadsheet but only update/check it once a month. Things that help me are:

1. 5-20 minutes of mindfulness meditation and breathing every morning. This really helps to give myself some perspective and not get too caught up in the corporate drama at work.

2. Exercise regularly. I go to a gym with mostly retired people so it helps me to go there and be around their relaxed energy.  I do Zumba and Pilates. This helps with sleep.

3. Schedule at least on full day per week of relaxation or whatever it is you like to do that is relaxing. For me I try to make Saturday a free day where I can do whatever I want. I don't have to cook unless I feel like it. I can sit and watch TV all day or go to the beach or binge-read a novel or sit at a cafe and people watch all afternoon. This helps me get my mind off work. Also I feel like I have a day where I am truly my own boss.

4. Take at least one but ideally two breaks during the day where I go for a 10-15 minute walk outside. This one makes a really big difference! Sometimes this helps me solve really difficult problems for work.

5. Try to avoid people who stress me out at work.  I try to talk to people I like at work more and avoid or limit the amount of time I spend with people who are overly dramatic or negative and like to talk trash about other co workers. Also I try to limit the amount of time I think about those negative people. I try to catch myself when I'm thinking about something bad they said and don't give them more time in my head other than the time I absolutely have to spend with them.

6. Limit caffeine during the week and have at least one caffeine free day on the weekend. This helps to sleep better during the week and I usually sleep like a baby the one day I take off of caffeine completely.





steveo

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #30 on: May 31, 2016, 04:01:40 PM »
My problem is that I'm not good at not giving a shit.   I feel that I have an obligation to my clients to do the right thing by them, which often means going into bat for them against what the hierarchy wants. 

I'm in the same position. I find I'm finding against stupid stuff all the time. I have to go in today and do this again.

I don't give a shit about getting promoted or making friends or getting a good performance review but I do give a shit about doing the right thing by my customers and by the people that I manage. I feel trying to do the right thing by customers and people I work with is really hard.

Dicey

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #31 on: May 31, 2016, 05:30:30 PM »
Hmmm, maybe you're there and don't realize it yet. It's been known to happen. Care to throw out some more particulars? Wouldn't it be awesome if we could figure out how you can just quit now?

pdxmonkey

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #32 on: May 31, 2016, 08:20:33 PM »
Hi All,

I could potentially be FIRE within 4-6 months (Sept - Oct 16), but I really should wait another 13 months (Jul 17) before pulling the trigger to truly make sure I never have to work again.   It doesn't sound like much, another 7-9 months does it?    I am very unhappy at work, there have been lots of changes over the last few months and its not for the better, makes everything an uphill battle.  Its an environment where my workmates think nothing of buying a house in the +$1m range or dropping $100k on a new car, $500 + on a new suit etc.  You might say I am a fish out of water there.   It is starting to affect my health as I don't sleep well, sometimes only a few hours a night because I wake up thinking about all the work issues.

I have about a months worth of leave owing plus I get another month over that OMY, so I could take a reasonable break over Christmas, plus 2-3 weeks every 3 months to try to break up the 13 months (worst case scenario).     

What other coping mechanisms can I use?   How have other people coped with that last stretch in an environment they really didn't like?  Or do I just suck it up??

Thanks!

If there are not family reasons to do otherwise work during Christmas. Everyone else will be out of the office and there will be less work issues. The week between Christmas and New Years is one of my favorite work weeks. Save your time off for a more dreadful time of year.

lifejoy

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Re: One More Year - Coping Mechanisms
« Reply #33 on: May 31, 2016, 09:28:05 PM »
This worked for me (when I was doing it). It's an idea from Srikumar Rao:

Every morning before you go to work, write down something that you like about your job. For me, this was things like: I like the walk to work, I like this one person I work with, I like not being unemployed, I like discovering new books while I'm there, etc.

It doesn't make the shitty stuff go away but it sure as hell helps you focus on the positive. If you're diligent about it, I found it started to train my brain to search for the good things :)

 

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