The Money Mustache Community
General Discussion => Welcome and General Discussion => Topic started by: without_a_map on September 25, 2017, 02:51:48 AM
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
That is probably what we will do if we do go ahead, but we couldn't have a party at our house so would need to hire some sort of venue for the party, and I can see costs quickly getting out of hand!
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
That is probably what we will do if we do go ahead, but we couldn't have a party at our house so would need to hire some sort of venue for the party, and I can see costs quickly getting out of hand!
Do you have a friend or relative with a big house and garden who could host? What about drinks at a pub? Or punch and cake at the town hall?
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
That is probably what we will do if we do go ahead, but we couldn't have a party at our house so would need to hire some sort of venue for the party, and I can see costs quickly getting out of hand!
Do you have a friend or relative with a big house and garden who could host? What about drinks at a pub? Or punch and cake at the town hall?
Unfortunately no one I can think of! Pub might be possible, I know the landlord of one and he might let us use a room or two and the garden. Other option is the village hall which looks quite cheap to hire, but I reckon with a bit of food and drink we are looking at about £2000 total, which could be invested and earning me money...
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I found the costs stacked up very quickly when I got married, for sure. I definitely limited myself by wanting:
a) to get married in a pretty location with people at the ceremony,
b) to have a reception at the same location as the ceremony.
Because of UK marriage laws about where weddings can be held this really limited my options, and I went quite 'traditional' on some other stuff (i.e. clothes, flowers, photographer). In this sense, the answer to "is it possible to have a wedding cheaply?" is kind-of yes and no. It's 'yes' in that of course you can throw out almost all the rulebook and do it on a shoestring (nearly, see costs of ~£150 below). It's 'no' in that for specific aspects, if you choose to have them, it's really hard to get them below a baseline cost (e.g. if you want a professional photographer, there's only so low you can go on costs for that).
I reckon if you're willing to do a just-you-and-two-witnesses wedding followed by a party in a pub it could be done more cheaply, for sure. I think that in my area the bare minimum bureaucratic costs of getting legally married are ~£150. Many traditional/'proper' pubs around here (and I think Irish centres too) will allow use of function rooms for free on the assumption that people will be drinking and they will make their money that way, so if that fits your crowd, it might be a good plan. Almost certainly they won't allow outside catering so you might want to pick on the basis of their available food options.
That said, if you don't want to do a party, don't. No, you probably won't make yourself social pariahs. Certainly if you effectively 'elope', you sidestep the etiquette of 'who you have to invite' somewhat -- it's not offensive to people, in my experience, to be 'not invited' to a party that didn't happen the same way that it might be to be 'not invited' to a party that did happen. This is true of peers/friends, at least. Close family is pricklier but you will know best whether they will be upset at you not having a wedding.
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
For me, a legal wedding was a 'need' (for immigration reasons).
Once a legal wedding was in the works, a 'wedding' (e.g. having family and friends attend) was technically a 'want' but began to really feel like a 'need' because of how disappointing it would be to family otherwise.
Once having people in attendance was in the works, hosting them well was another 'want' that felt like a 'need', because a lot of them were travelling from another continent so I thought sandwiches at home didn't really make up for it.
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I found the costs stacked up very quickly when I got married, for sure. I definitely limited myself by wanting:
a) to get married in a pretty location with people at the ceremony,
b) to have a reception at the same location as the ceremony.
Because of UK marriage laws about where weddings can be held this really limited my options, and I went quite 'traditional' on some other stuff (i.e. clothes, flowers, photographer). In this sense, the answer to "is it possible to have a wedding cheaply?" is kind-of yes and no. It's 'yes' in that of course you can throw out almost all the rulebook and do it on a shoestring (nearly, see costs of ~£150 below). It's 'no' in that for specific aspects, if you choose to have them, it's really hard to get them below a baseline cost (e.g. if you want a professional photographer, there's only so low you can go on costs for that).
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Thank you for your reply, lots of helpful info there! Like you say, I think the choice is either to 'elope' and go for a super-quiet register office job, or go for the party and do it properly. I agree that if we are going to have the party I would want it to be done properly, I'd rather not have it at all than feel like we are being cheap and not giving everyone a good day. However, there are lots of traditional expensive things I'm not bothered about, for example I'll make my own dress, I can ask my aunt to make a cake, we won't do fancy cars or have bridesmaids or groomsmen etc.
Thanks!
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Weddings (with a capital W) are horrendous. Don't do it. Ours was super-cheap and we loved it.
Just don't have:
Flowers
Hired musicians
Decorations
Open bar
People you only invited out of a sense of obligation
A big white dress
Catered food
Bridesmaids
Professional makeup
...the list goes on.
Admittedly we didn't have many guests, but ours was a few hundred quid. I got married in a day dress and we had champagne and sandwiches in the garden afterwards. My grandmother got snap-happy and everyone had a camera phone these days. My mother baked a cake. We have a friend who played the organ. Job done. Marriage achieved. Honestly, just say no to everything.
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We were in the same situation as you are in 2002. It is still nice to get married and be able to call your other half your spouse. It gives a mental security that your OH really chose you. So, yes, go for it.
We had a pretty cheap wedding. We made the following choices:
Dress: I bought an evening gown instead of white wedding dress. This save 50% at least on a dress. I'm sure you can buy a second hand dress for even cheaper. I bought shoes in a fitting colour at an el cheapo shoe store. I also bought a fake pearl/silver necklace to go with the dress.
Suit: My DH bought a proper suit that he can also use at other occasions/funerals (once he went to a lunch with the Norwegian king present, using his wedding suit). This suit was not cheap, but he can use it for decades ahead.
Inviting people: We didn't tell our family about the wedding. We asked the nearest family (parents, brothers) that we were having a party to celebrate that we knew each other for 10 years. We asked them to come to the house where our witnesses lived (2 friends) in nice clothes. There we told them we were going to be married. This way I prevented my mother to invite lots of other people.
Rings: We bought basic wedding rings (gold with titanium). No money spent on diamonds.
Wedding itself: We booked a wedding at the register, in our old town house. It was on a Friday, which is the most expensive weekday. But we did that to be more convenient for the family. Monday morning is the cheapest, but it is not a nice day, I think.
Photos: Our witness who is a professional photographer offered to take our wedding photos on forehand. He asked once of his colleagues to take photos during the wedding. We got the photobook as a present from him and his wife who was the other witness.
Hair: I paid for the hairdresser to get my hair done nicely.
Flowers: When buying flowers, I didn't mention the word wedding. I just asked for a small bouquet. That cost almost nothing. I had a small bunch of flowers to carry for very cheap. If you mention the word "wedding" everything you order will multiply by 5 or 10.
Transport: For transport we used normal taxies. My brother was smart when he got married. He borrowed a nice open car from a friend of my mother's. It had only place for 2 people, so he drove himself. He washed it and put flowers on it and it looked very nice.
Dinner: We booked a table in a pub very close to the city hall where we got married. The have good food and we paid for a 3 course meal for the guests.
Wedding night: We booked a room at a very nice hotel. Normally we stay at my mother's house and we didn't want to do it this special night. There we not many hotels to choose from.
Information afterwards: We made cards to inform the rest of the people we knew. We printed them on white carton on our own printer and added a picture. I'm sure you can find a smart and cheap way to inform everyone. We did this before facebook existed.
I don't know how much we spent, but is could have been a lot more if we would have sponsored a dinner at a restaurant for the whole extended family. The way we did it though, doesn't generate many presents. I am sure you will be able to do things a lot more cheaply than we did.
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If you want to be married, just go to the courthouse and get married. If you want a wedding, I guess that's a different story.
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Weddings (with a capital W) are horrendous. Don't do it. Ours was super-cheap and we loved it.
Just don't have:
Flowers
Hired musicians
Decorations
Open bar
People you only invited out of a sense of obligation
A big white dress
Catered food
Bridesmaids
Professional makeup
...the list goes on.
Admittedly we didn't have many guests, but ours was a few hundred quid. I got married in a day dress and we had champagne and sandwiches in the garden afterwards. My grandmother got snap-happy and everyone had a camera phone these days. My mother baked a cake. We have a friend who played the organ. Job done. Marriage achieved. Honestly, just say no to everything.
What you did sounds pretty much perfect! Shame none of my family have a big garden, but the village hall might od the job. I might be tempted by some decorations though! ;)
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yeah, my wife and i had a cheap wedding. did most on this list but did it differently. it was fun to piecemeal it together and have friends help out in different ways.
Weddings (with a capital W) are horrendous. Don't do it. Ours was super-cheap and we loved it.
Just don't have:
Flowers or pick wild ones or hit up a friend with a garden
Hired musicians had a friend dj
Decorationsdiy a couple. we spray painted used wine bottles
Open barmake your own alcohol. wine kits are cheap, we threw some cedar chips in and it was delish
People you only invited out of a sense of obligation
A big white dress
Catered foodhad a local restaurant just do a simple buffet
Bridesmaids
Professional makeup
...the list goes on.
Admittedly we didn't have many guests, but ours was a few hundred quid. I got married in a day dress and we had champagne and sandwiches in the garden afterwards. My grandmother got snap-happy and everyone had a camera phone these days. My mother baked a cake. We have a friend who played the organ. Job done. Marriage achieved. Honestly, just say no to everything.
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I'd say funerals (at least in the US) are right up there with weddings as the ultimate anti-mustachianism. Probably even worse.
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We were in the same situation as you are in 2002. It is still nice to get married and be able to call your other half your spouse. It gives a mental security that your OH really chose you. So, yes, go for it.
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Sounds like you very much did things your way, and sounds like a lovely day. Not telling family might be a good idea for us, especially as some of the boyfriend's aunts and uncles cheekily invited THEMSELVES to his brother's wedding, despite them wanting to keep things small!
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yeah, my wife and i had a cheap wedding. did most on this list but did it differently. it was fun to piecemeal it together and have friends help out in different ways.
Weddings (with a capital W) are horrendous. Don't do it. Ours was super-cheap and we loved it.
Just don't have:
Flowers or pick wild ones or hit up a friend with a garden
Hired musicians had a friend dj
Decorationsdiy a couple. we spray painted used wine bottles
Open barmake your own alcohol. wine kits are cheap, we threw some cedar chips in and it was delish
People you only invited out of a sense of obligation
A big white dress
Catered foodhad a local restaurant just do a simple buffet
Bridesmaids
Professional makeup
...the list goes on.
Admittedly we didn't have many guests, but ours was a few hundred quid. I got married in a day dress and we had champagne and sandwiches in the garden afterwards. My grandmother got snap-happy and everyone had a camera phone these days. My mother baked a cake. We have a friend who played the organ. Job done. Marriage achieved. Honestly, just say no to everything.
If we do go for it we would do at least some of these things. I like the idea of having friends and close family involved, it would make it more fun i think.
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
That is probably what we will do if we do go ahead, but we couldn't have a party at our house so would need to hire some sort of venue for the party, and I can see costs quickly getting out of hand!
Why do you feel compelled to pay for a party for others just so they can cheer you?
Do you really have so many "friends" or are they really "acquaintances"? Are you doing this "wedding" for you or for them?
Men get married, women have weddings. The marketing is just as good as DeBeers.
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Weddings (with a capital W) are horrendous. Don't do it. Ours was super-cheap and we loved it.
Just don't have:
Flowers
Hired musicians
Decorations
Open bar
People you only invited out of a sense of obligation
A big white dress
Catered food
Bridesmaids
Professional makeup
...the list goes on.
Admittedly we didn't have many guests, but ours was a few hundred quid. I got married in a day dress and we had champagne and sandwiches in the garden afterwards. My grandmother got snap-happy and everyone had a camera phone these days. My mother baked a cake. We have a friend who played the organ. Job done. Marriage achieved. Honestly, just say no to everything.
What you did sounds pretty much perfect! Shame none of my family have a big garden, but the village hall might od the job. I might be tempted by some decorations though! ;)
Also, ask for no presents but ask people to bring a dish or a bottle to the party. Wedding presents are also bullshit, especially as so few people who get married these days are setting up a household for the first time. Remember: just say no. We also didn't have a honeymoon. It's basically just a holiday and we couldn't afford one/didn't feel we had to have one just because we got married. We just went home afterwards.
I do feel very strongly about wedding crap. A fancy wedding does not a successful marriage make, and there is no reason to do wedding stuff just because you are "supposed to". It is a public declaration, so it's not just all about you, it is about the people you've invited to witness it, but you are under no obligation to provide them with a four-course sit-down meal or endless glasses of wine.
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
That is probably what we will do if we do go ahead, but we couldn't have a party at our house so would need to hire some sort of venue for the party, and I can see costs quickly getting out of hand!
Why do you feel compelled to pay for a party for others just so they can cheer you?
Do you really have so many "friends" or are they really "acquaintances"? Are you doing this "wedding" for you or for them?
Men get married, women have weddings. The marketing is just as good as DeBeers.
I think it isn't so much that they can cheer us, as either way we will have the actual marriage ceremony at a register office with just a few people, likely <10. A party after would be to celebrate, and I guess an excuse to get the people we love altogether, same as any celebration party, e.g. a birthday. It is a valid point though as to who the party would actually be FOR. I can think of about 50 people I would actually want there, about 20 close friends that we both like and spend a lot of time with, and a few close family from each side: Parents, siblings, a couple of Aunts/uncles that are very close.
We definitely won't be lining the pockets of DeBeers, I really don't get the point of diamonds!
There is no way I want to play princess, I don't buy into the Hollywood dream and don't expect some fantasy proposal or anything silly like that. I hope that if we do go for a wedding it will be for both of us and he will enjoy it as much as me.
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For any given level of celebration, the number of people will have a huge impact on the price. We actually had a pretty fancy reception: champagne brunch cruise. But there were only six of us.
If we had gotten married before we moved, we would have wanted our friends and if you invite friends, you should invite family...luckily, we only got engaged about a month before hubby moved, so there wasn't time to plan all that.
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We had a very cheap wedding - register office, no rings, party back at ours, food provided, bring your own booze - and even that was more than DH and I would have had if it had been left to us. It's a second marriage for both of us and we'd both done The Full Meringue first time round. However, our children, and possibly our parents, would have killed us if we hadn't provided a little bit of an occasion.
It was great fun, and a decade on we remain very, very married.
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Not married yet, but we probably won't make much of a fuss about it. Probably will do a courthouse "wedding" and then shortly afterwards use it as an excuse to throw a small party or two (maybe one for friends then one for family). Gifts are bullshit, so we will not be wanting any. Then maybe a "honeymoon" on credit card points.
Like anything, it can be very inexpensive if you're smart and careful, expensive if you just go through the "you're supposed to" motions, and expensive beyond belief if you're stupid about it.
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Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
There is nothing necessary about a wedding so your answer is clear.
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Just like any other financial aspect of life, you can spend what you want to spend (or not spend) on a wedding. Figure out your budget. Evaluate your values and determine which things you really "need" (friends and family, yes; fancy clothes, no; good food, yes; fancy decorations, no; videography, yes; etc.). Then figure out how to make those things fit within your budget--and maybe sacrifice some of them if needed.
And never let anyone tell you something is "tacky."
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Just like any other financial aspect of life, you can spend what you want to spend (or not spend) on a wedding. Figure out your budget. Evaluate your values and determine which things you really "need" (friends and family, yes; fancy clothes, no; good food, yes; fancy decorations, no; videography, yes; etc.). Then figure out how to make those things fit within your budget--and maybe sacrifice some of them if needed.
And never let anyone tell you something is "tacky."
Yes I can see setting a budget and actually sticking to it would be the best way to minimise spending. Good idea to make a priority list, there are definitely some aspects that I would definitely want, and others that don't bother me at all.
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Go to the register’s office and get married. Have a party after if you want.
That is probably what we will do if we do go ahead, but we couldn't have a party at our house so would need to hire some sort of venue for the party, and I can see costs quickly getting out of hand!
Why do you feel compelled to pay for a party for others just so they can cheer you?
Do you really have so many "friends" or are they really "acquaintances"? Are you doing this "wedding" for you or for them?
Men get married, women have weddings. The marketing is just as good as DeBeers.
I think it isn't so much that they can cheer us, as either way we will have the actual marriage ceremony at a register office with just a few people, likely <10. A party after would be to celebrate, and I guess an excuse to get the people we love altogether, same as any celebration party, e.g. a birthday. It is a valid point though as to who the party would actually be FOR. I can think of about 50 people I would actually want there, about 20 close friends that we both like and spend a lot of time with, and a few close family from each side: Parents, siblings, a couple of Aunts/uncles that are very close.
We definitely won't be lining the pockets of DeBeers, I really don't get the point of diamonds!
There is no way I want to play princess, I don't buy into the Hollywood dream and don't expect some fantasy proposal or anything silly like that. I hope that if we do go for a wedding it will be for both of us and he will enjoy it as much as me.
Instead of gifts, I think all the others should just chip in and pay for the party. THEY should be celebrating YOU. (Or commiserating as the case may be :)
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I'd book the registry office, then I'd hire a room at a nice pub / community venue.
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I've had this discussion with my SO recently, we arrived at the fact that we both don't care to be the center of attention. Its a giant waste of money for just one day. Instead we've decided to budget for a small party with our friends to celebrate, we will cover food and they'll have to get a hotel room if they'd like to stay over night for the party.
For the actual marriage we've opted for a Justice of the Peace at the town hall with just the two of us.
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Also, ask for no presents but ask people to bring a dish or a bottle to the party. Wedding presents are also bullshit, especially as so few people who get married these days are setting up a household for the first time. Remember: just say no.
This is exactly what we did. But the societal expectation to provide wedding gifts is so strong that people sent us money afterward anyway.
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We limited the people at ours by having a destination wedding. We went on an Alaskan cruise, which became our honeymoon too, and we had 19 people at the wedding, our immediate family, and our best friends. We had a really great time, and had a lot of time to spend with everyone unlike a typical wedding where you get to shake everyone's hand and talk for 10 seconds.
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I'm going to go the opposite direction of most of the comments. Your wedding is the only time you'll have everyone you love in the same room and its magical.
We just had our wedding 3 weeks ago. It was the first time our families met and might be the only time as they both live different places and us in a third place. Friends from college were mingling with friends from our current and last cities and it was so awesome.
Yeah it was expensive. We had 100 guests with dinner and open bar. We spent 23k. This is with many dyi projects but some splurges.
Open bar was important for us and actually not a huge cost overall but still a splurge. If we were having a party, we wanted a good party. I just posted our final budget on my blog, we're in the US but look if you want: http://affluentfrugal.blogspot.com/2017/09/our-wedding-budget.html?m=1
Did it delay our plans to buy rental #2? Yep. We talked about that a lot but we are still glad we did it. And we still have plenty of cash in the bank.
The bottom line: if it's important to you, do it. If not, save the cash. From what you said, it's not that important but damn i really enjoyed mine.
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Also, ask for no presents but ask people to bring a dish or a bottle to the party. Wedding presents are also bullshit, especially as so few people who get married these days are setting up a household for the first time. Remember: just say no.
This is exactly what we did. But the societal expectation to provide wedding gifts is so strong that people sent us money afterward anyway.
We asked for no presents from friends (but didn't ask them to bring anything else instead) but still got a few. They were sweet, personal things, though, rather than miscellaneous toasters. And about five of our friends went in on one expensive luxury house item which we loved. So we only got a couple of things. One couple we know did give us a card with cash in it (as well as a book) which we were a bit uncomfortable with, but thankfully they got married the next year so we kept the physical notes and gave them back to them! Circle of life achieved.
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Also, ask for no presents but ask people to bring a dish or a bottle to the party. Wedding presents are also bullshit, especially as so few people who get married these days are setting up a household for the first time. Remember: just say no.
This is exactly what we did. But the societal expectation to provide wedding gifts is so strong that people sent us money afterward anyway.
Indeed. We has a surprise wedding, but my mother still thought we needed presents. She asked what we wanted and I told her we wanted 2 down sleeping bags (light weight). She bought those for us, the type we wanted, as we still use them a lot. That has been a very good present.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
Obviously a wedding is a want. You can get married without one. Please make sure you love one another. Here is the definition.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8 financial convenience and the ability to call your boyfriend by another title isn't the proper foundation for a marriage. Not saying it won't work, you've already been together a long time. Just food for thought. Blessings to you both
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Thank you everyone for your input, really interesting to hear different perspectives. I'll keep you updated on what we decide to do!
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I got married a year ago (almost exactly one year ago in a few days!)
Here's what we did:
Ceremony:
-Had the local ski hill haul all our guests to the top: $400
-All decorations scavenged from local gardens
-Officiated by a close friend
Extras in-laws paid for:
-Guy playing guitar as guests loaded and unloaded
-Catered champagne toast (I hesitate to think what this cost).
Reception:
-Rented local venue within bike riding distance for $300
-Bought approximately $800 in pizza from them
-They served up about $250 of beer we bought elsewhere
-Cider and donuts for the kids: $100
-$1000 for band. We really like this band. It was worth getting married just to make them play our favorite songs over and over and over again until midnight when we looked up and nearly everybody but our closest friends were gone.
-We got a bit of a discount on the band as the venue has it's own PA system and had hosted them before.
What I'd do different:
-Not fall down in the parking lot and nearly separate my shoulder. Yes, the party was that good. :D
The entire process was a bit of shitshow from beginning to end with lots of people trying to "help", but just roll with it. Don't commit to any expenses you aren't passionate about. Just get to the "I do" part eventually and whatever else happens just makes great stories later.
Good luck with the "no gifts thing". We tried, we even directly threatened guests that we reserved the right to send them home with an equal amount of crap by weight or volume from our house. No dice, about 50% of guests still gave something. We finally finished the damn thank you notes maybe a month ago. I hope they got the message. :D
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
Obviously a wedding is a want. You can get married without one. Please make sure you love one another. Here is the definition.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8 financial convenience and the ability to call your boyfriend by another title isn't the proper foundation for a marriage. Not saying it won't work, you've already been together a long time. Just food for thought. Blessings to you both
Perhaps my original post was a bit flippant: Rest assured, we definitely love each other! As I said, we have been together for over 13 years, and as far as we are concerned we are married in all but the name (live together, shared finances etc.).
And not that it matters, but we will be having a civil ceremony, we don't believe that the christian definition of marriage is the only one, and we certainly wouldn't be getting married if it was only possible to do it as a religious ceremony!
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I got married a year ago (almost exactly one year ago in a few days!)
Here's what we did:
Ceremony:
-Had the local ski hill haul all our guests to the top: $400
-All decorations scavenged from local gardens
-Officiated by a close friend
Extras in-laws paid for:
-Guy playing guitar as guests loaded and unloaded
-Catered champagne toast (I hesitate to think what this cost).
Reception:
-Rented local venue within bike riding distance for $300
-Bought approximately $800 in pizza from them
-They served up about $250 of beer we bought elsewhere
-Cider and donuts for the kids: $100
-$1000 for band. We really like this band. It was worth getting married just to make them play our favorite songs over and over and over again until midnight when we looked up and nearly everybody but our closest friends were gone.
-We got a bit of a discount on the band as the venue has it's own PA system and had hosted them before.
What I'd do different:
-Not fall down in the parking lot and nearly separate my shoulder. Yes, the party was that good. :D
The entire process was a bit of shitshow from beginning to end with lots of people trying to "help", but just roll with it. Don't commit to any expenses you aren't passionate about. Just get to the "I do" part eventually and whatever else happens just makes great stories later.
Good luck with the "no gifts thing". We tried, we even directly threatened guests that we reserved the right to send them home with an equal amount of crap by weight or volume from our house. No dice, about 50% of guests still gave something. We finally finished the damn thank you notes maybe a month ago. I hope they got the message. :D
That sounds like a lot of fun, although not the falling over bit!
Here in the UK it seems to be pretty normal to just give cash as gifts which is fine with us if people absolutely insist on giving us presents ;)
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I've been to three bargain weddings, they were awesome in different ways:
One was an all-in reception deal off Groupon or similar (have you seen those "Get married for £2017 in 2017 offers? - like that but cheaper). Maybe 75 people, out of season and slightly remote. A lot of the things on the "you do not need" list were home made or absent.
One was a register office, champagne reception and dinner, maybe 20 people.
The last one was in a register office and then village hall, and all the food and drink was brought by the guests. Over a hundred guests, felt like a big deal. Dresses were nice, regular dresses, rather than Wedding Dresses. A lot of guests chipped in their specialist skills (cake making, music, flowers etc). It felt like a proper old-style village affair.
All the couples are just as married as the ones that spent a fortune, but they cut down in different ways: Winter; small; DIY.
All of the wedding were 100% suited to the couples involved: it is such a waste when someone who doesn't like being the centre of attention ends up hiding from their own giant party or someone who is a mile from the disney princess ends up with a giant white dress, in a castle, making vows to a deity they don't believe in.
Also, the two that used register offices found REALLY PRETTY register offices, with grounds that you can use for photos. I think this was a big plus point.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
Obviously a wedding is a want. You can get married without one. Please make sure you love one another. Here is the definition.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8 financial convenience and the ability to call your boyfriend by another title isn't the proper foundation for a marriage. Not saying it won't work, you've already been together a long time. Just food for thought. Blessings to you both
Perhaps my original post was a bit flippant: Rest assured, we definitely love each other! As I said, we have been together for over 13 years, and as far as we are concerned we are married in all but the name (live together, shared finances etc.).
And not that it matters, but we will be having a civil ceremony, we don't believe that the christian definition of marriage is the only one, and we certainly wouldn't be getting married if it was only possible to do it as a religious ceremony!
We didn't get married in a religious ceremony either. We got married in Tahoe at a Minister in A Box type venue. Being together 13 years, I suspected you both loved one another and it just wasn't mentioned in the post. I am excited for you both ~! Best of luck
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
Obviously a wedding is a want. You can get married without one. Please make sure you love one another. Here is the definition.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8 financial convenience and the ability to call your boyfriend by another title isn't the proper foundation for a marriage. Not saying it won't work, you've already been together a long time. Just food for thought. Blessings to you both
Perhaps my original post was a bit flippant: Rest assured, we definitely love each other! As I said, we have been together for over 13 years, and as far as we are concerned we are married in all but the name (live together, shared finances etc.).
And not that it matters, but we will be having a civil ceremony, we don't believe that the christian definition of marriage is the only one, and we certainly wouldn't be getting married if it was only possible to do it as a religious ceremony!
We didn't get married in a religious ceremony either. We got married in Tahoe at a Minister in A Box type venue. Being together 13 years, I suspected you both loved one another and it just wasn't mentioned in the post. I am excited for you both ~! Best of luck
I agree - mazel tov to you both. I'm sure you love each other deeply after so many years together. The traditionalist naysayers also came out in force when we got married as I was several months pregnant (planned) when we decided to tie the knot. We even had people make jokes about shot gun weddings. Anyway, 2 kids and 10 years later we're both very happy and some of the people who made the shot gun wedding jokes are divorced now.
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We had a backyard wedding and a lunch reception at a restaurant. Friends of ours had a backyard wedding followed by a potluck pool party.
I don't want my frugality to remove the ability to have celebrations or host parties for family and friends. For me the end game is to make money less important, not sacrifice stuff that really matters to save a little. That said, modern weddings are 100% out of control. You don't have to spend thousands on a dress and buy a suit and have a planner and pro photographer and all that crap.
Courthouse + Nice clothes + Party at someone's house after= recipe for success!
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My wife and I had a decent size wedding when we were young - over 25 years ago. After having experienced and learned a few things, we wish we would have just gone to the justice of the peace with a couple of friends, bought simple silver bands, and took a honeymoon we could afford that we would have enjoyed probably more - something local a few hours away, driven by car would have been just fine. Now that we are old fogies and have discovered what is important of us, we would have rather had that money invested with all those years to grow. We don't wear fancy clothes any more - unless it's a very very good reason to justify a social costume, neither of us wear the expensive bands/ring we bought - now in storage saved for the kids although they can sell if they like and buy some very nice stock - we'll let them choose. The most important thing is your physical health, the health of your finances, and your lover for each other. My wife keeps saying "I wish we would have had a simple wedding like Carrie and Mr Big" on Sex and The City - I did not see that one but she can't stop referring to it every time she comes across an expensive trinket we now wish were stock.
Those around you should love you and support you for the choices that are right for you. The social trappings wind up being pictures and trinkets in a closet collecting dust that could have been your freedom much sooner!
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Granted it was a second marriage for both of us, but we got married in a state park in jeans and matching t-shirts and had our reception at the nearby shelter house with a sheet cake and sandwiches. No need for anything fancy except that is what society has taught most brides they "need".
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
Obviously a wedding is a want. You can get married without one. Please make sure you love one another. Here is the definition.
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Corinthians+13:4-8 financial convenience and the ability to call your boyfriend by another title isn't the proper foundation for a marriage. Not saying it won't work, you've already been together a long time. Just food for thought. Blessings to you both
Marriages don't have to be based in love, and historically often have not. They are legal partnerships.
And a wedding is not the same thing as a wedding reception. A wedding can be extremely cheap. A girl in my office literally put a post it note on her door that said "BRB- getting married" one day at lunch. They spent the cost of gas to the courthouse and the paperwork filing fee.
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A girl in my office literally put a post it note on her door that said "BRB- getting married" one day at lunch. They spent the cost of gas to the courthouse and the paperwork filing fee.
If by girl you mean grown adult woman, that is awesome; if by girl you mean child, that is horrifying.
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A girl in my office literally put a post it note on her door that said "BRB- getting married" one day at lunch. They spent the cost of gas to the courthouse and the paperwork filing fee.
If by girl you mean grown adult woman, that is awesome; if by girl you mean child, that is horrifying.
Grown woman, nearly 40. Sorry, "girl" and "guy" are pretty common in the vernacular here. It would be weird to say "woman" or "man" in that sentence.
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And a wedding is not the same thing as a wedding reception. A wedding can be extremely cheap. A girl in my office literally put a post it note on her door that said "BRB- getting married" one day at lunch. They spent the cost of gas to the courthouse and the paperwork filing fee.
Yep, my wedding was $10+license fee. Celebration was somewhat more.
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Your wedding is about you and your significant other, not everyone else. Your family and close friends will understand if you don't want a celebration.
My wife and I got married by a justice of the peace. It was just the two of us, no friends or family. We sent an email and asked people to not send any gifts but if they really felt like they wanted to buy us a gift, we asked them to make a donation to a charitable organization and provided the links for three different charities in the email. One was a human cause, one animal and one environmental.
If you do want a wedding, I'm sure you can put something together really nice for a few hundred bucks. The smaller, intimate weddings have been some of our favorites that we've attended over the years.
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My wedding was a few hundred. We had a minister meet us at a really nice park in Boulder. Had a few friends meet us there.
Wife's dresses was used for $80. Then we had a nice reception at our house afterwards. Friends paid for most of the food and drinks.
When you don't have money you don't spend a lot. I have never thought about spending $5k on a wedding.
Don't go to the court house. Spend a $100 and have a minister or someone who can legally marry you meet you some place special.
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Yes, it's anti-mustachianism especially if you can't afford it. You can always do a bigger wedding later on.
For example, my parents only got married legally at first. It wasn't until I was 10 yrs old that they did a big church wedding. My siblings and I were part of their wedding party :-)
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As someone who was married in a small ceremony with a few witnesses at a JOP (and then later divorced) I will add...
You BOTH have to be totally on board with going that route. If you elope, you should prepare for it to cause hurt and damage with your close friends and family. Mine were terribly hurt and my sister didn't speak to me for over a year. I don't know that you will have the same experience, but you should consider the possibility.
To me, a wedding is about much more than a legal marriage. A wedding is a chance to publicly vow your allegiance and love to this person till death do you part, and it is also a chance for your community (whoever they may be) to gather in support of your commitment. A wedding may be about something different than that for you, I don't know.
Now, none of that means that it needs to be a lavish gala of an event, or even an off the chain party. My cousin got married in a community garden in NYC with about 15 close friends and family present, and later they all went and had dinner at a local restaurant. It wasn't terribly expensive and she didn't even wear white.
Current partner/baby daddy and I plan to get married in our (future) backyard with some beer, BBQ, flowers from the farmer's market, and an iPod. We won't spend much, but we will spend money. It's so important to us to have our families and close friends with us when we say our vows.
I'm not writing this intending to dissuade you from going the JOP/eloping route if that's truly what both of you want in your hearts. But seriously, don't elope for no reason other than you don't want to spend a little money. This is a decision that should put people, family, community, and relationships above money, at least within reason.
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We just got married last year.
It's easy to get carried away. I still think we did *very* well, though for the size and such. And people continue to tell us it was the best wedding they have ever been to.
We had about 100 people. I think we spent ~2500 in all, and that was with some extras that we really didn't need. Probably close to 1500 of that was a DJ and Photographer.
Thoughts and recommendations:
- Buy a cheap dress. There is nothing inferior about them. My wife found her favorite at a true bridal store (David's), for 100 bucks on clearance.
- You don't need to buy flowers. Grow them. My mother grew most of ours, and we snagged a few from around the neighborhood friends. We just sat down together the day before and assembled. It's not a lot of work, for a lot of gain.
- The DJ isn't really necessary. My wife insisted for the announcements and to keep things flowing. I'd just grab an iPod and a trusted friend with good speakers. Our DJ didn't even end up doing a great job
- We took *way* too long taking fancy pictures. A photographer can be nice for memories, but keep it simple
- You do not need a 5 course meal. We had a pig roast from a local friend, cost a few hundred with sides. It easily fed everyone. In fact, it made planning massively easier. We simply had plenty of food, so we actually were telling people who were wavering on the RSVP to just come if they could - no RSVP required - because we didn't really care about specific counts for food and such.
- Open bar as a venue is expensive. We just bought 3 kegs - 1 good beer, 1 cheap beer, 1 alternative (hard cider, in this case). We walked around the liquor store and bought a few random bottles of red and white vine, and some mixers, and threw them out for consumption. Was only a couple hundred dollars.
- Don't overlook cheap venues. My grandparents have some lake property, so we used that. Simple enough. I'm betting you could find a friend or family with a nice spot, or use a public place.
- Depending on your expectations, you also don't need to over dress. My wife had a traditional gown, but I just wore a nice button up and shorts from Kohls for like 30 dollars. No tux rental required.
- You don't need to hire and pay an officiant. I asked one of my friends to do it - he was honored and it was cheaper, and meant more. There is a way to get them official easily in most states, or you can just make the ceremony legal later at town hall.
- Don't overpay for rings. I bought my wife nice rings, but still not overly expensive. They are Palladium and Moissonite. Not a single person can tell it's not a diamond. I bought a cheap carbon fiber ring, as I didn't intend to wear it. Incidentally, my wife lost her wedding band on her wedding day, so I'm also glad that wasn't super expensive to replace.
Enlist family and friends to help, and think outside the box. There are so many norms with weddings that just don't need to be. Even in this thread there are so many binary statements (you don't need flowers! You don't need a DJ!). Think in gradients - grow your own, use your own music, leave some instruments out for people to just have fun playing, etc.
We probably could have done the 100 people for 1200-1500 if we shaved a few things out like the DJ, without really compromising on any quality.
It's a great celebration. As the guy, its not something I've thought about intensively, but I'm glad we took the time. It meant a lot to us, and my wife brings our wedding up in nearly every conversation still a year later.
Good luck!
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DH and I just celebrated our fifth anniversary. Eloping was the best idea ever!
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One deal we made was that if we regretted not having had a big wedding we'd have a massive wedding-themed anniversary party one day. We have yet to feel the need.
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One deal we made was that if we regretted not having had a big wedding we'd have a massive wedding-themed anniversary party one day. We have yet to feel the need.
GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!
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As someone who was married in a small ceremony with a few witnesses at a JOP (and then later divorced) I will add...
You BOTH have to be totally on board with going that route. If you elope, you should prepare for it to cause hurt and damage with your close friends and family. Mine were terribly hurt and my sister didn't speak to me for over a year. I don't know that you will have the same experience, but you should consider the possibility.
...
I know people are different, but any family member who would truncate a relationship with me because they didn't like my wedding isn't a family member I need to have an ongoing relationship with.
If the price of breaking off the relationship is that low, the relationship is already broken.
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As someone who was married in a small ceremony with a few witnesses at a JOP (and then later divorced) I will add...
You BOTH have to be totally on board with going that route. If you elope, you should prepare for it to cause hurt and damage with your close friends and family. Mine were terribly hurt and my sister didn't speak to me for over a year. I don't know that you will have the same experience, but you should consider the possibility.
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I know people are different, but any family member who would truncate a relationship with me because they didn't like my wedding isn't a family member I need to have an ongoing relationship with.
If the price of breaking off the relationship is that low, the relationship is already broken.
It's not that she didn't like my wedding, its that we got married without her (or any family) in attendance. That was the source of the hurt feelings. She would have been happy to show up at the courthouse and go to a bar afterwards. It's completely understandable. Please don't read into words that weren't written.
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As someone who was married in a small ceremony with a few witnesses at a JOP (and then later divorced) I will add...
You BOTH have to be totally on board with going that route. If you elope, you should prepare for it to cause hurt and damage with your close friends and family. Mine were terribly hurt and my sister didn't speak to me for over a year. I don't know that you will have the same experience, but you should consider the possibility.
...
I know people are different, but any family member who would truncate a relationship with me because they didn't like my wedding isn't a family member I need to have an ongoing relationship with.
If the price of breaking off the relationship is that low, the relationship is already broken.
It's not that she didn't like my wedding, its that we got married without her (or any family) in attendance. That was the source of the hurt feelings. She would have been happy to show up at the courthouse and go to a bar afterwards. It's completely understandable. Please don't read into words that weren't written.
Please observe forum rules.
Please don't chide people who are trying to help.
Please don't blame others if your words did not convey your actual meaning.
Please know I interpreted your words in much the same way as Pw/F and had a nearly identical response.
FWIW, when we got engaged, my sister informed me that no matter where or when we got married, she was going to stand up for me. Since she was still bald from cancer treatment, it was an easy decision to make the two-hour drive to the courthouse in her town. The presence of my brother, my sister and her family made the day special. We pulled it off on same-day notice, spent very little money, created wonderful memories, and are living happily ever after.
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Hey newgirl.
I'm sorry your sister did that, it must have been hard for you.
I stand by my point. I don't think it's reasonable to cut off ties with someone because they chose to elope. If someone did that to me I'd take it as a sign that the relationship just wasn't that strong. Someone who demands that level of control in my life is someone that I can live without. I disagree that a family member's desire to be attend should overrule a partnership's desire to get married in a way that they choose. IMO, the only wedding you get to make rules about is your own.
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My niece is planning on getting married in a couple of years. For the sheer fun of it, we started talking about what she would like her wedding to look like. I was delighted with her vision - a rustic barn, mismatched china and silverware scavenged from yard sales, handmade decorations, a potluck dinner with her favourite dishes cooked by various relatives - super casual and laidback and most importantly, she agrees it is not something she wants to spend a lot of money on. The rustic barn might be the most expensive part of this so she might end up compromising on that.
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I'm still a ways of from getting married, but I had this idea lately...wonder if anyone's done it before.
I've been totally enthralled with the idea of having no wedding (or a very small one), and instead using the money to build a water well in Africa or other developing area. Also, putting all wedding gifts to the cause and asking guests to donate to the well project. It costs about $10,000 to do, which isn't that much in comparison to the extravagant weddings going on these days. Also, any contributions from guests are tax deductible :D
Ugh, I love this idea on so many levels. Like, it's a literal and symbolic representation of love. A renewable source of water that lasts a lifetime, and is a basic human need.
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One deal we made was that if we regretted not having had a big wedding we'd have a massive wedding-themed anniversary party one day. We have yet to feel the need.
This is awesome!
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Hey newgirl.
I'm sorry your sister did that, it must have been hard for you.
I stand by my point. I don't think it's reasonable to cut off ties with someone because they chose to elope. If someone did that to me I'd take it as a sign that the relationship just wasn't that strong. Someone who demands that level of control in my life is someone that I can live without. I disagree that a family member's desire to be attend should overrule a partnership's desire to get married in a way that they choose. IMO, the only wedding you get to make rules about is your own.
I think you get some say if you're paying for a wedding (your child's, for instance). But still not your wedding, so you can't be a tyrant about it.
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Hey newgirl.
I'm sorry your sister did that, it must have been hard for you.
I stand by my point. I don't think it's reasonable to cut off ties with someone because they chose to elope. If someone did that to me I'd take it as a sign that the relationship just wasn't that strong. Someone who demands that level of control in my life is someone that I can live without. I disagree that a family member's desire to be attend should overrule a partnership's desire to get married in a way that they choose. IMO, the only wedding you get to make rules about is your own.
I am with newgirl on this one. Maybe not to the point of obviously stating "cutting ties", but in reality just stopping with the invites and showing up for them without making a big show of it. Not being invited to a wedding (especially a first wedding) is a huge sign that you just are not that important to the couple, and that your own perception of the relationship needs to be re-evaluated when you are excluded from a wedding invite.
I have been excluded from cousins' weddings (even when we live in the same city). I am 3-10 years older than all of them, and have hosted quite a few family christmases, easter dinners for them and the whole family, have gone as an adult to sporting events of theirs as they grew up (not often, but a few times), have had them stay with me for a weekend when they were competing close to me, celebrated their graduations with them (gift, helped the host by preparing food), helped move furniture, etc. Oh, and of course they attended my wedding. To not be invited in return by a few of them shouts very loudly that my idea of family is not their idea of family, and that I am not in their mind-set... at all.
Time to face up to the writing on the wall and realize that my relationship is actually with my Aunts and Uncles, who are 25 years older than me, than with my cousins, even if that was not what I thought previously.
In a way, not getting the wedding invite was helpful for me to face reality, even if it burns a bit still. Onward to newer and better relationships.
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I'm still a ways of from getting married, but I had this idea lately...wonder if anyone's done it before.
I've been totally enthralled with the idea of having no wedding (or a very small one), and instead using the money to build a water well in Africa or other developing area. Also, putting all wedding gifts to the cause and asking guests to donate to the well project. It costs about $10,000 to do, which isn't that much in comparison to the extravagant weddings going on these days. Also, any contributions from guests DH and I are tax deductible :D
Ugh, I love this idea on so many levels. Like, it's a literal and symbolic representation of love. A renewable source of water that lasts a lifetime, and is a basic human need.
I like all of it except the part about asking guests to donate to it. Just hold a wedding and don't specify or suggest how guests should gift. You can still announce it at the wedding what cash gifts will be used for, if you like. Or you could keep it as a personal symbol between just the two of you.
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One deal we made was that if we regretted not having had a big wedding we'd have a massive wedding-themed anniversary party one day. We have yet to feel the need.
GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!!
One deal we made was that if we regretted not having had a big wedding we'd have a massive wedding-themed anniversary party one day. We have yet to feel the need.
This is awesome!
I would recommend this to absolutely everyone. Maybe you will have your massive themed party to celebrate your first (or seventeenth) anniversary. Odds on it will never be that important and you'll have saved yourself a massive headache and a lot of money. There is no downside - either you get what you wanted or you realise you didn't want it.
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My boyfriend and I have been together for about 13 years, and having just turned 30, we are starting to feel like we would like to get married. We aren’t religious and don’t want to have children, so haven’t really been that bothered in the past, but I really want to be able to call him my husband instead of my boyfriend! ;P It will also make things a little easier from a legal perspective, e.g if we buy a house.
The trouble is, now we are really getting stuck into saving properly, I’m not sure we can bring ourselves to spend lots of money on the wedding! Is it really possible to do a wedding cheaply? I just found out that my brother- and sister-in-law who I thought did it super-cheaply spent £5000, which seems like a massive amount of money to me (half my net worth)! Should we just get married and not bother with the party? Will we make ourselves into social pariahs if we don’t invite everyone who has invited us to their weddings?
Do you consider a wedding a need or a want?
I had to come back and track this post down using the search bar, I can recall it so well because me and my wife were in your situation recently. We are in our early 30s, not religious at all, and looking to save money while still having a great time with our closest friends and family.
We wound up doing everything we wanted for ~2,000$, which included our private marriage with a JP (150$), and a dinner for 30 people with open bar (beer and wine) at a local restaurant with several trays of appetizers (all 1400$ including tip). We did all the decorations ourselves, including flowers (~150$ from flowers.com), the white "wedding dress" from amazon which wasn't specifically marked as such (~70$), guest board and gifts (~50$ - we bottled hot sauce and herbs from our garden in tiny jars), and an over-night stay in a nearby hotel suite from a 3rd party booking site (100$). Rather than do a wedding cake, we had ~50 cupcakes ordered from a bakery down the street with cream filling (~80$) which we picked up the night before in preparation for the dinner.
We did the private marriage with a JP at a park down the road from where we live the week before our celebration dinner, which was great due to the convenience. The following week we hosted the celebration, and set the venue up between 3-4pm before guests began to arrive. The flowers, cupcakes, gift and party favor tables, etc were extremely easy to unpack since we had plenty of time to organize in advance. It saved us a ton of money. I let everyone know that I'd be attending in a simple collared shirt so that dress code wasn't an issue for those guests who don't have a suit. Like us, our friends are not religious and they appreciated the straight-forward, time saving and unorthodox approach we took. Thanks to the generosity of our guests we recouped approximately half the cost of the entire wedding in gifts!
After we finished our meal we took the party to the nearby hotel where we had invited our guests to book a room and join us for a night of drinking and debauchery to celebrate.
Edit: I forgot to mention the rings! We got a pair of Titanium rings on Amazon for 8 dollars each. It matches her engagement ring nicely, and looks OK on me.
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Good work Digital Dogma, sounds like you had a great time! We’ve decided to hold off for now, just isn’t high on the priority list whilst we are saving to move out and for the future. I’m sure we’ll get there at some point though!