Guilted into an expensive vacay!

[WannabeFrugalRN]

Got guilted into going on an expensive vacay with family to Hawaii, package deal. Now the pressure to upgrade and $175/hr to swim with dolphins, etc… UGH!!

[Cassie]

When we vacation with others we split up during the day & do our own thing. NOt everyone wants to do the same stuff. At nite we all have dinner & hang out to discuss the day.   Occasionally everyone wants to do the same thing but not usually.

[MsPeacock]

+1 on the not everyone has to do everything together plan. Just say something like "We'll catch you at 2pm by the pool!" and then mosey on w/ whatever other thing you want to do. There will be plenty of family time even if you skip the dolphin event.   Hawaii is gorgeous - and depending on where you are staying - has fantastic beaches and good people watching and just generally fabulous weather all year around.

Which island will you be on? What are of that island will you be staying in?

[Daisy]

I may run into this problem soon. I have two single friends that are turning 50 later this year and next year, with their birthdays 4 months apart and each one wants their own "destination birthday trip".

One lives in Europe and wants to come to the US (not to the city where we live) because she came to her senses and thought asking everyone to fly to Europe would be too expensive.

The other lives in the same city as me in the US but wants to go to Europe on her destination trip.

The problem isn't so much signing up for the trip. The problem is, as you say, that then they will try to upgrade everything on the trip and tag it as their destination dream trip for their big birthday milestone so it will be hard to say no to anything. I could probably afford it all, but I actually have plans to FIRE very soon and to spend more frugally and get more out of a trip than they would. I'm sure I could spend three times the amount of time on a trip for the same cost than anything they would plan because I prefer the slow travel rather than the glitzy travel. They are quite the spendypants. Two single childless high-earning women turning 50 who can't retire...should say something.

EDIT: Forgot to add a demotivational link (since I got addicted to that site today and all of my posts must include a new poster). I have travelled with them like this before, but it doesn't mean I have to continue to. And the trips in the past weren't that extravagant...I'm just worried they will turn this one into one because it's their birthday and all...

[Goldielocks]

Got guilted into going on an expensive vacay with family to Hawaii, package deal. Now the pressure to upgrade and $175/hr to swim with dolphins, etc… UGH!!

If Dolphins are at resort, don't swim with them. You can watch from the deck and share a drink after. Way too much $ for he experience.

[partgypsy]

Our parents in law treated us to a really nice vacation at Atlantis (in Bahamas). My MIL every year swims with the dolphins. Honestly being on this nice of a vacation, you don't need the "extras". If your family wants you to be part of the dolphin experience just explain it is not "your thing" and you can always watch and cheer them from a distance. We also met up for a number of meals.

Hawaii has been one of my dream destinations since around 6th grade (that, Greece, and Costa Rica), but as I now live on east coast, doubt I'll make my way there. Enjoy it! Depending on what Island or Islands you are visiting, I would read up on it; there are many unusual and beautiful beaches and locales.  If you are a LOST fanatic you can try to visit some of the places used in filming. The lower elevations have many introduced exotic species of plants, while if you go up the mountains you will be able to glimpse species of birds, insects and plants that are native to the Island.

[chasesfish]

Got guilted into going on an expensive vacay with family to Hawaii, package deal. Now the pressure to upgrade and $175/hr to swim with dolphins, etc… UGH!!

Hawaii is one of the greatest places in the world to me.  After the flight there and figuring out lodging, the rest of the vacation is VERY inexpensive (provided you make your own food).  Great hiking and public beaches, what else could you need!  They have Costco on every island now which helps keep grocery prices down.  I would NOT paying $175 to swim with dolphins, you can snorkel in great areas for free on almost every island.

What island are you staying on? 

[OldDogNewTrick]

Do a bit of research on how dolphins are treated at these 'attractions' and everyone might change their mind about participating. :-(

[I'm a red panda]

Do a bit of research on how dolphins are treated at these 'attractions' and everyone might change their mind about participating. :-(

It depends where you go- I don't know particulars about Hawaii. There are a few places (Roatan comes to mind) where the dolphins are penned in with a one way gate (to prevent predators from entering) and can leave as they please. If they leave and come back, a human has to let them back in.  I know once Anthony's Key Resort let all their dolphins out in preparation for a hurricane. When the storm was over and the dolphins returned, a number brought friends back with them.  I guess it's an easy job to entertain humans for food.

You'd have to research the place VERY carefully to determine how they treat their animals though.  Most places I would never dream of swimming with dolphins.


But if others are doing it, and you don't want to- it's very easy to just say no, and meet up later.

[CrisAdams]

If swimming with the dolphins is not on your list of "must do" on your vacation, then I would tell my friends to go on ahead and we will meet for dinner or drinks later on so that we could share our experiences of the day.  I try to plan ahead and allot a daily cash allowance so I know what I can and can't afford---and I also budget for activities ahead of time so that I get to my "must do" during my vacation.

[RunHappy]

I went to Hawaii in November and at first wanted to do the $175/hr with the dolphins but when I got there and watched others do it, I realized you only get about 1/2 of that time with them, because safety, instruction, and dolphin show.  So I saved my $175.

One tip.  At the resort they will rent you snorkels by the 1/2 hour and they are grossly expensive.  I recommend either buying some cheap ones at home and bringing them with you or buying them off-resort when you get there with the plan of either discarding them, gifting them to another resort member, or bringing them home with you.

[Mr. Frugalwoods]

When we've gone on joint vacations before (including Hawaii) having some activities that we knew the other party wouldn't (or couldn't) do made these sorts of conversations easier.

For example, we're huge hikers so when we went to Kauai with my in-laws we made it clear that we'd be spending several days doing strenuous hiking.  It just so happened that those days where the same ones as the in-laws had booked some spendy tours.  They couldn't do the hiking anyway... so it made for a guilt free separation.

Though honestly, if you don't want to go at all, I'd just tell them.  Life's too short to cling to expectations of others.

[hunniebun]

Hawaii is amazing and I think that travel is always money well spent. And I completely understand the pressure to sign up for the 'big' activities. They want everyone to share in the memory, but it is okay to say No Thanks!  Just focus on what you want to do rather than what you don't want to do. ie. We'd rather spend time on the beach, or snorkeling or XYZ.   Hawaii has so many awesome things to do...mostly free because the nature provides the show for you!!! 

[James]

Funny thing about learning to say "no", it seems really hard at first, and awkward, and you feel like it will always be that way. But then you start saying "no", and it actually works out just fine. And then they start expecting no, so it stops being awkward. And then you say "yes" once in a while and everyone is surprised and appreciates it more. That has been our experience with our relatives anyway.


So just bite the bullet and start saying no. You can usually change your mind after a few days if needed, but let that first answer to most invites to expensive things be an automatic no, and pretty soon it won't be awkward or guilty anymore.

[gt7152b]

Do a bit of research on how dolphins are treated at these 'attractions' and everyone might change their mind about participating. :-(

+1. Watch "The Cove" documentary for a good perspective on this. Flipper didn't care about being a TV star and none of his brethren want to be caged up and forced to swim with rich people.

[WannabeFrugalRN]

i quickly did answer with a NO to the dolfin swim, the response was "what, are ya going to stay in your room all week?" then stated that I would rather go for a hike or walk along the beach. Thanks for the responses, I needed to vent!! Going to the big island at Hilton Waikoloa, enough spent there!! Will definitely research some of the free or low cost things to do.

[WannabeFrugalRN]

good idea about bringing my own snorkels, will def do that

[Daisy]

i quickly did answer with a NO to the dolfin swim, the response was "what, are ya going to stay in your room all week?" then stated that I would rather go for a hike or walk along the beach. Thanks for the responses, I needed to vent!! Going to the big island at Hilton Waikoloa, enough spent there!! Will definitely research some of the free or low cost things to do.

Yes, because those are the only two things one can do in a place like Hawaii: swim with dolphins or stay in your room all week. I can't think of one other thing to go to Hawaii for. Maybe that's why I've never been...

[Goldielocks]

i quickly did answer with a NO to the dolfin swim, the response was "what, are ya going to stay in your room all week?" then stated that I would rather go for a hike or walk along the beach. Thanks for the responses, I needed to vent!! Going to the big island at Hilton Waikoloa, enough spent there!! Will definitely research some of the free or low cost things to do.

I hope you are staying at one of the condos -- at least you can eat anything you like, and at a price that is reasonable (in your own kitchen.)  AND most of the condos at that location are spectacular, if a bit of a walk / shuttle to the beach.   We ended up for 2 nights at one of the rooms and I had forgotten how much the Hilton charges for every. little. thing.   local calls, can of soda, even internet...

[partgypsy]

i quickly did answer with a NO to the dolfin swim, the response was "what, are ya going to stay in your room all week?" then stated that I would rather go for a hike or walk along the beach. Thanks for the responses, I needed to vent!! Going to the big island at Hilton Waikoloa, enough spent there!! Will definitely research some of the free or low cost things to do.

Yes, because those are the only two things one can do in a place like Hawaii: swim with dolphins or stay in your room all week. I can't think of one other thing to go to Hawaii for. Maybe that's why I've never been...

: )

[LiveLean]

I went to Hawaii in November and at first wanted to do the $175/hr with the dolphins but when I got there and watched others do it, I realized you only get about 1/2 of that time with them, because safety, instruction, and dolphin show.  So I saved my $175.

I have never paid to swim with dolphins. But I go stand-up paddleboarding at least 2x a week and see them just about every time. They like to swim alongside and "race" me. Some are a little more playful and try to knock me off my board.

Buy a paddleboard. Much better value.

[Josiecat]

I would say no to swimming with dolphins too.  Not my thing. 

[Allen]

Hey going to take opposite view here.  Yes being frugal is great but so are experiences.  The expensive part is getting and staying in hawaii, since you are committed to that either way, I will say that a snorkeling experience we had with sea turtles, fish, dolphins, etc was amazing and I'm so glad to have experienced it.

This might be a situation to live it up a little.  I think if you get 80-90% of your life locked down and optimized then occasional splurges won't really break the plan.

[Sid Hoffman]

Hey going to take opposite view here.  Yes being frugal is great but so are experiences.  The expensive part is getting and staying in hawaii, since you are committed to that either way, I will say that a snorkeling experience we had with sea turtles, fish, dolphins, etc was amazing and I'm so glad to have experienced it.

This might be a situation to live it up a little.  I think if you get 80-90% of your life locked down and optimized then occasional splurges won't really break the plan.

Yeah it's that fine line between living and saving.  If all you ever do is save for the future and never enjoy anything in the present, then is that really any better than people who live a balanced life of working & enjoying, then retiring later in life than the saver who never does anything in life beyond mere existence?  I save pretty aggressively myself, but I still treated myself to a week vacation at the ocean last year and plan one or more trips this year.  They maybe account for 5-10% of my annual spending but if I had to look at the alternative - no vacations for the next 12 years - I'd rather work an extra year or two and enjoy continuing to adventure in far off places once or twice a year along the way.

[E_Monkey]

We swam with dolphins and got the impression that the dolphins thought we were all idiots. After all, the trainers had us going through the same amount of contortions... But the people didn't get any fish for their efforts!

Have you really researched the dolphin experience? Ours was at a day resort with all kinds of activities. We found that if we booked a certain way, we got a manatee experience for no extra charge. Later, we agreed that feeding the manatee lettuce had been the best part of the dolphin experience.

[Janie]

Funny thing about learning to say "no", it seems really hard at first, and awkward, and you feel like it will always be that way. But then you start saying "no", and it actually works out just fine. And then they start expecting no, so it stops being awkward. And then you say "yes" once in a while and everyone is surprised and appreciates it more. That has been our experience with our relatives anyway.


So just bite the bullet and start saying no. You can usually change your mind after a few days if needed, but let that first answer to most invites to expensive things be an automatic no, and pretty soon it won't be awkward or guilty anymore.

Good advice here. Ultimately, it's your decision whether to go on vacation and what to do once there. The choices are your responsibility, so no point harboring resentment.

[G-dog]

  Life's too short to cling to expectations of others.

Whoa - lightbulb moment!