Graduation presents!!!

[warmastoast]

UGHH!

I've just been phoned by a friend whose son will be graduating high school with mine in a few weeks.  She asked me what we were buying our son for a graduation present. I was completely floored. Her son is going on vacation to Europe with ours for 3 weeks - inter-railing,hostels etc. and both families have contributed significant $ towards the cost.  This is our present to our son, an experience he will remember for the rest of his life and yet this other mum is saying that she wants to buy her son "something" to mark his high school graduation.  She has no idea what to buy and says she doesn't want to buy him a car like a lot of other families do.

Oh dear god,  I am so unbelievably sick of all this consumerism.   Originally, we had talked about sharing a small graduation party for the 2 boys at our house since we are immigrants to the USA and we have no close relatives within 5k miles.  Now, I don't want to share this party,  I don't want our son to feel left out because he isn't getting another present on top of the vacation.  I've told her that I think the vacation is more than sufficient.  Values, peeps, values.

[MrsPete]

Here's what we did for our children:

High school graduation:  We hosted a nice lunch at a restaurant for our immediate family, grandparents and aunts/uncles.  We gave the graduate money to use for necessary dorm room items. 

College graduation:  We again hosted a nice lunch, and we gave the graduate a frame for the diploma. 

[o2bfree]

Wow, I got NOTHING for my high school graduation. My folks were well-off, too. For university graduation, they took me and the rest of the family out to dinner at a nice restaurant. That's it. No trip, no car, no money. Oh, and I paid my own way through university.

I guess things were a little different 20-30 years ago, there wasn't as much pressure to be so extravagant for special occasions.  But damn, sometimes when I think about it, I get kinda ticked off. My folks weren't much into celebrating family victories or being close in other ways, and they paid the price later in a lack of familial connection with me, my brother, and his daughter.

I think the vacation is plenty for a graduation gift. If you're feeling guilty, and can and want to get him something else, maybe get him some nice VTSAX instead of a car.

[ptobest]

Wow, when I graduated from high school I got dinner at an Italian restaurant and a pair of rollerblades! That vacation sounds like a great gift to me.

[Fomerly known as something]

I got a graduation party, (with gifts from other people) and then they paid some $ toward me going to college.  I wouldn't expect any "present" from them.  Even the trip they are going on would be more than I'd expect.

[BlueHouse]

For college, I went to dinner with my mom. She let me keep all the leftovers.

My sister gave me a mint mont blanc pen.

ETA:  I remember that meal very well.  We went to a small portuguese restaurant near where I went to school.  My mom just wanted to be with me, and made the trek to my college town on her own.  At dinner, I had Arroz con Pollo.  I don't remember what she ordered -- I only remember that she made sure to order something I liked because she knew I planned to eat my leftovers and hers for the next week.  (I was so broke, but so was she!)

I think the travel is a huge gift and something your son will remember forever.  Congratulations!

[Knapptyme]

I hope everyone can read this and do likewise for graduation gifts. We heard it from someone, somewhere ten years ago and only do it now. (I just read over that and am convincing myself that I may be leading into some scheme; I'm not.)

1. Get them some blank, inexpensive card. Write some greeting in there about whatever, but with it include instructions to send you a letter from wherever there are in the next year (college, a job, new city, traveling the world during a gap year) with an address that you can write them back. (Feel free to tell them you'll send a care package if you'd like to divulge that information ahead of time.) We include a self-addressed, stamped envelope for them to make it even easier.

2. If they write you about life and thus give you an address to send a package, you go and get some practical food treats and whatever else, and send it to them. No, you don't give them cash (we sometimes include a gift card). No, you don't send them junk or some consumer sucka garbage. You send them whatever you want or think they'll like. Plus, you keep the connection you have to this student open.

3. If they don't ever write you, your sunk cost is maybe $1. If they lost the self-addressed envelope, they lost that opportunity and are one lesson closer to maybe being responsible.

Like I said, we've done this with about a 70% success rate. We hear back from them again and that it's one of their favorite graduation gifts because of the added personal touch and the delayed gratification. It may cost more to send the package than you'd originally intended to spend, but the overall cost evens out with the slackers who never write.

[MsPeacock]

My kids are getting the money I saved for their college tuition as their high school graduation gift. I plan to host a party of some sort. Otherwise, no. I mean, they are each getting something like 100k towards college from me, which seems like a more than adequate gift. Anything else would be small and symbolic (e.g. a frame for the degree, etc.). I like Knapptyme's suggestion of the card and sending a package later (although I imagine I'll be sending stuff to my kids in college anyhow).

I think I got a vacuum cleaner for high school graduation because I was already out on my own. Nothing for college, and nothing for grad school graduation.

BTW, they aren't straight up getting the money - it will be used only towards tuition out of accounts that I control.

[Fish Sweet]

Depends on what your son is doing after high school grad.  Now, I think a gift on top of a wonderful vacation is really unnecessary, and you should feel fully empowered to respond to this fellow mom with a smile and something like, "Oh, I think it's fine.  I'm sure they'll be very happy with the vacation." 

And if your son has additional Feelings about not receiving yet another gift like his friend, well... to be honest, that's going to happen anyway over the course of his and any other mustachian child's life.  "Why didn't I receive as many presents at Xmas as Meaghan, Mommy?"  "Can I buy that $300 toy that breaks after 2 uses?  Everyone else in my class has one!!"  Shower him with your love, write him a touching and heartfelt letter expressing your pride and affection for him, remember what really matters is how much you care for him (and not giving in to consumerism to show your love.)

But if he's going into college, or moving out on his own, I think it's very much worth buying him some college-usable or home goods, like a vacuum, some pots and pants, a good set of knives, and sending him off just a bit more prepared into the world.  Bonus points if it's something useful he grew up with.  My mother gave me a pot and a knife when I graduated college and moved into my own apartment, and they remind me of home (and of her) every time I cook.

[Raenia]

The vacation is more than enough of a gift, I don't get why people make such a big deal about huge graduation gifts.

When I graduated high school, my parents threw a simple backyard party for a few of my friends, and my mom got me a nice necklace (not super expensive, but unique) that I still wear.  From other people, I got far too many copies of "Oh the Places You'll Go" and some money that went toward my college books.

I do like Knappytyme's suggestion, as well.  Gonna have to keep that one in mind for the future - got some younger relatives graduating soon.

[ubermom4]

It sounds like your friend has issues with giving too much to the kids. When I graduated from college, my parents came to my graduation and took me out to dinner.

Fast forward, our family is in teenager mode now with many graduates. My kids and other kids (nieces, nephews, family friend kids, etc.) receive a couple of potentially thought provoking books and cash ($100?).

For children (yes, they look grown but their brains are not fully functioning yet) this age, the best 'gift' is to learn to find and keep work that pays money. They learn innumerable lessons from the rejection and the unfair bosses, etc. Instead of giving our kids spending money for college, we put money in ROTH IRAs for them. Hope this helps you to find peace in our crazy society.

[Spiffsome]

I think my family went out to dinner after my high school graduation.

[SilveradoBojangles]

I don't think I got anything for high school graduation. Maybe some flowers? I was expected to graduate high school, there was no fan fare. For college graduation my mom gave me her old car, and I was thrilled!

The trip sounds awesome. Your kid doesn't need anything else.

[yuka]

When I graduated high school in 2011, my uncle took me on a week-long hiking trip in Utah. Thinking back, it was utterly extravagant, but he was making a lot of money at the time and probably wanted to share his love of national park vacations.

For college graduation in 2015, my parents and two of my brothers spent two nights in a hotel. We rented a 25' sailboat for a day, and they took us out to some meals.

Also, they let me use space in the back of their van to help move my stuff out of my dorm...

When I finished grad school, it was across the country and my parents couldn't make it.

When I recently graduated from a shorter school for my job, I told my parents that it was the first time I felt like the graduation was an achievement, and I really hoped they could make it. They came, took my wife and I out to lunch, and brought us a 25lb. bag of oats, along with several containers of chia seeds and some granola, from the discount grocery store back home.

The bag of oats was pretty awesome. I haven't had to buy the overpriced quaker oats at the store in months! So I guess I'm in favor of graduation presents after all.

[NV Teacher]

I went out to dinner with my parents.  That was a big deal for us since I'm from a family of ten and my parents didn't make much money.  When my youngest brother graduated all he wanted was to be able to go night fishing at the lake and skip curfew.  Came home early the next morning tired with a big catch of lake trout.  Happiest kid I had ever seen.

[o2bfree]

Oh, now I do recall something my parents gave me for high school graduation. They unknowingly supplied me with a bota bag full of vodka for my senior party.

[cj25]

Along these same lines, I am invited to my best friends son's HS graduation party.  Do I need to give him a gift?  She & I have been friends for over 30 years, so he's more like a nephew that just a friend's son.

[inline five]

We went to Maui that summer. I remember the vacation. My wife and I just went back a few weeks ago and we visited the same spots I went as a teenager. I snorkeled every day for hours there back then, and this time too! I remember trips but never remember the gifts I get. OP you are doing the right thing.

[High Income Parent]

I always give "The Millionaire Next Door" by Stanley as a graduation present.