Getting to FU -- why am I finding it hard to quit?

[ohana]

I think I've reached FU status!

I recently moved to an isolated area so my husband could take a good job.  The great news is that he really likes his job, and is paid a reasonable if not princely sum.  I joked that I was going to "pretire" when we moved here, but that only lasted 6 weeks.  I found a job very quickly, not in my field, but one I thought was good enough to keep me busy and bring me a little extra cash.  That was only 9 months ago.  But I'm finding myself unhappy at work and feeling like I only bring half of myself to the job every day. 

The big problem is my boss (no surprise there).  He is the most personable guy who can entertain you for days with great stories.  But he can't manage his way out of a paperbag.  He's unreliable (literally does not show up when he has agreed to help with a vital operation), incompetent, disengaged, and in some cases might pose a safety hazard to our staff and clients.  I feel like I've really impacted our business for the better in my time here (many, many people have made a point of telling me this), but I am always wondering if I'm stepping on someone's toes.  The leadership vacuum puts me in a position where I feel like I have to step in when I see a problem (and there were tons when I got here).  Recently I was at another site in our company and talking to their manager.  He said "we all know your real job is babysitting your boss".  That really hit me; yes, that's what I do.

My boss is quickly nearing retirement.  In my very first week he asked if I wanted his job.  I told him to ask me in a couple of months.  He hasn't done that, but has simply told people that I'm taking over for him.  I don't want his job.  An important consideration is that we employ several people in this isolated community, so I feel like their jobs depend on me. 

I think I'm ready to quit.  We have plenty of FU money, and although there are no jobs suitable to my training and education, I have a plan B that I think will replace at least some of my income while challenging me intellectually and physically.  Mr Ohana is in support of my walking away.  But I'm dreading it!  I guess I hate being thought of as a quitter, and I worry what will happen to my colleagues.  Their morale was so low when I got here and I have seen improvement and hopefulness amongst them over the past few month.  It doesn't help that this is a small, isolated place, so I pretty much live with my coworkers.

Okay, Mustachians -- why is it so hard for me to walk away?  I need some super Mustache Powers to be sent my way! 

[scottish]

If your boss is leaving, does this remove the big problem?

I think you're having trouble leaving because you've accomplished a lot.   You've made a positive difference in the life of your coworkers and you've substantially improved the business.    Would taking over his job allow you to build momentum and continue to improve things?   Accomplishment is a great feeling.

[Laura33]

Well, if you are always worrying about stepping on someone's toes, to the point where you want to quit, how about not worrying so much and just doing the job as you think it needs to be done?  What's the worst that can happen -- they fire you?  Ok. 

FWIW, I have no problem with you declaring FIRE because you are ready to gallivant off into your non-working future.  But it sounds like the little voice inside your head is trying to tell you something.  I'd at least advocate figuring out what it's trying to say first, so you can look back with no regrets.  Maybe that's "I'll just do this job like it needs to be done, and if they fire me, so be it."  Or maybe it is training up one of those other people you feel responsible for so you don't feel like you left them holding the bag.  Or maybe it's something else entirely -- you're the only one who can say what the real issue is that's holding you back.

[DoubleDown]

Clearly your boss is ready to go and has already mentally checked out. He even literally asked you if you want his job! I don't know if this reduces your stress, but there is 0% chance you will "step on his toes." Trust me, it's clear he'd be grateful if you just took over everything and relieved him of the problem (either by taking his job or just handling stuff every day so he doesn't have to). Does this make your decision any easier?

One alternative would be to quit if you were not in this to become the manager of the whole place. Another option would be to take over his job and insist on all the pay and benefits that would come with it. Or ask for even more than your boss is getting, since you will clearly be more engaged and better at it than he is. Have you considered this, or is the additional wealth just not important to you?

[valsecito]

The big problem is my boss (no surprise there).  [...]"we all know your real job is babysitting your boss".

My boss is quickly nearing retirement.  In my very first week he asked if I wanted his job.  I told him to ask me in a couple of months.  He hasn't done that, but has simply told people that I'm taking over for him.  I don't want his job.  An important consideration is that we employ several people in this isolated community, so I feel like their jobs depend on me. 

You might take this as an invitation to manage the change from a bad manager to a good one (not you!):
* Get absolute clarity on when the current manager is retiring.
* Take over temporarily.
* Erase yourself from the picture as soon as possible.
* Leave the organisation in better shape than before.
* Get a clear mandate, ample pay, plus gratitude in your tightly-knit community for all of the above.

[DebtFreeinPhilly]

^^ This is spot on ^^

I second asking to be the interim manager with a defined end date. Think of it twofold:

1) You train the new manager and leave your co-workers in good hands
2) It forces you to have a defined FIRE date

Clear, decisive goals are easier to accomplish than vague, nondescript ones.

[ohana]

So I FU'd.  I gave my notice but made it clear I want to make the transition as easy as possible for my coworkers, and throughout the month of August they should call me if they need help with the grunt work.  That'll give a cushion until they can hire someone (it's state government, so it'll take months).  The next day my boss came in to work using a walker . . . .  I did not feel guilty at all.

So now what?  Well, I've decided to start a little business in custom marine canvas!  I already do it for fun and I've arranged for a little formal training for some things I don't know how to do.  All this work is custom, so it pays really well.  And I already have a bunch of the equipment I need.  I'm excited!  "Cover Up Canvas and Cushions" is what I'm thinking.  Or "Bulldog Canvas and Cushions", since this is Georgia and that might appeal to customers.

Thanks to everyone at MMM who has made me FI so I could FU.  Save yer durn pennies (and hundreds) and be free.

Ohana

[FiguringItOut]

So I FU'd.  I gave my notice but made it clear I want to make the transition as easy as possible for my coworkers, and throughout the month of August they should call me if they need help with the grunt work.  That'll give a cushion until they can hire someone (it's state government, so it'll take months).  The next day my boss came in to work using a walker . . . .  I did not feel guilty at all.

So now what?  Well, I've decided to start a little business in custom marine canvas!  I already do it for fun and I've arranged for a little formal training for some things I don't know how to do.  All this work is custom, so it pays really well.  And I already have a bunch of the equipment I need.  I'm excited!  "Cover Up Canvas and Cushions" is what I'm thinking.  Or "Bulldog Canvas and Cushions", since this is Georgia and that might appeal to customers.

Thanks to everyone at MMM who has made me FI so I could FU.  Save yer durn pennies (and hundreds) and be free.

Ohana

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[DebtFreeinPhilly]

CONGRATULATIONS OHANA!!

That's awesome that you were able to FU and on your own terms. I really like the "Cover Up Canvas" name too.

[Dicey]

Great story!