My dad retired two years before my mom.
He spends each day hobby farming, gardening, house repairing/renovating. He takes a nap most days, and makes my mom dinner most days. He gets up early, has breakfast with my mom, and if he needs the car for the day he will drive her to work. Otherwise he usually just bikes places. My dad is the ultimate mustachian and he's never heard of MMM! :)
My mom is working longer because a) she worked part time for many years and feels she should bring in more money to make it more "fair". b) She doesn't have as many hobbies/interests/friends as my dad does, so I think retirement will be more of a shock to her system.
Honestly? At this point, I think you should read "How to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I'm reading it right now and picking up some really great tips for winning people over. Some quick tips:
- Start by stating known facts, lay out the things you can both agree on: i.e. "You love your job, and I'm straining under the pressure of mine." - "If I had more time, I could make more meals and do more housework, making us both happier." etc.
- Get her on a train of saying yes, and then end with the big question: i.e. "You love me, right?" - "You feel happier when I'm happier, right?" "Do you think we have enough money right now?" etc. and then "Do you think it might be a good idea for me to retire?"
The book is full of good methods. Check it out maybe.
OR - could you quit academia, and as a safety net tell her you'll work as a bartender/dog-walker/newspaper boy if you're in need of some work? Are there any jobs that you see as desirable? Something to keep your schedule regular and your wife appeased?
Good luck! Remind yourself that you're lucky to have this problem instead of "omg retirement is not an option for the next 50 years!!!!"